r/Christianmarriage

Sometimes men view sex in terms of visual connection, fun, and thrills. Sometimes women view sex in terms of emotional intimacy. But, sometimes a woman wants sex for excitement, and a man wants sex for connection. The point is, it is important to think about how your spouse thinks.

Second, sometimes a husbands self-image is formed by his ability to shine in the bedroom. Sometimes a wife's self-image is formed by how interested he is in her.

It is highly important to be positive in the bedroom. Don't allow sin to lower your interest. Don't allow anything to destroy that time.

1 Corinthians 7:3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.”

One of the top ten reasons people refuse sex is mismatched desire. One person is highly interested, and the other is stressed, overworked, in pain, or 22 other problems.

One solution is to schedule time for intimacy.

Other solutions with Dr Patricia:

“Take the time to sit down, or lie down, or lie on top of each other, and talk about what you do enjoy. Communicate with each other what you really desire and enjoy, and work together to help each other get what they desire. Second, sex, love and acceptance are often so intertwined, rejecting sex can sometimes be mistaken as a rejection of the person. Take care to avoid that. Dr Patricia recommends saying something like, “I really love you, but today I don’t feel like full-blown intercourse. How about we try something else today, but on another day . . .”

Finally, you may love or hate these solutions, but the point is to keep trying to lovingly solve the problem. Keep praying about it.

Working on solving this problem is good for marriages.

Hey. I am a 32M. I have only been on one date many years ago.

I feel like it is time for me to give up. I tried single ministries. I tried online dating apps. I tried to ask friends to help me… they never did. My pastors want me to continue going to the church but there is no one single. I visit third spaces regularly and have a good reputation, but nothing has come out of it.

I was praying over one woman and felt like God was giving me peace over her. This never happened before. I recently found out she moved away, and she won’t message me back. One time paying, it even felt like God was telling me that He will give me someone soon. Now I don’t know if that will come true.

I am lonely. I can’t deal with this. I always wanted a family and kids but now I think it isn’t meant for me. I can’t get rid of the desire. However, I no longer see why I should keep on trying.

Should I just give up? What should I do? I really want to be with someone, but it seems impossible.

when is enough? husband has no control on his anger when it comes to destroying items. he damages things constantly in fights and lately, he has damaged my two monitors. early in our marriage, he destroyed our wedding gift completely. this level of anger feels unsustainable and we do not have kids. when is enough?? I brought up separation with him if he doesn’t fix his act in a year and continued to rage and blame me for everything. I don’t know anymore. I don’t have a job and I am relying on this man to provide it was a mistake leaving my old job and I feel trapped. also he curses me out and calls me names like ‘dumbass’. our last argument was because I hurt his feelings bringing up financials before Our date. he Told me his and went in a separate room refusing to hear me out on as to why. Then it escalated when I didn’t want to tell him when he demands that I tell him right away why. I left the room saying I don’t want to because I can see him upset but he follows me to the other room and starts breaking items. I feel so fed up and I feel abused and I don’t know because he says im verbally abusive when all I wanted to do was let him know why I don’t agree in the financials but he continues to let his anger out on me.

It has been going on like that for the past year and a half or so. At first it was her who would talk separation when we were doing the therapy, but at times I do question aloud our relationship too...

I did tell her that it would be best to continue with couple counselling because we do see some results, we joke around more and work somewhat better together ( when not arguing, which is the main issue ! )...

Also some issues with traumas from the past together. She simply cannot let go from the past. I have made amends as it relates to our tempestuous past relationship and my straying. I have been truly faithful the past 15 years of so, of a 25 years marriage. It was emotional unfaithfulness to be clear.

She conceded that yes, there has been some good moments in the last few months.

I am Christian, but she is not. I am New Born.

Please help. I am tired of having to do the convincing all the time. I really did put in the hard work.

Sorry if this post gets long...

My partner and I have been together for just over 2 years, although the last 8 months has been rocky.

Marriage was always the goal except that has been massively delayed and now I’m not sure if he’ll be ready anytime soon. I’m more than ready and we’re both in our 40s so time is not on our side.

He’s been married before and carries a lot of trauma from that relationship. I discovered early on that his attachment style is disorganised/FA, so there are periods where he becomes avoidant and struggles to communicate poperly. He shuts down basically.

This has been a huge problem over the last 2 months where I'll say something and he'll go quiet for over a week and it’s really upsetting. We’re in our third quiet period now and I’ve decided I’m not going to be the one to rescue him from his silence this time, and just leave him to come back when he’s ready.

The conversation that led to him shutting down was about us/our future and I expressed how difficult I was finding it dealing with him pulling me in and then pushing me away all the time. He acknowledges what he does and said that he knows it’s difficult for me, but in those moments he’d want there to be an understanding where I stay by his side and be there for him/us.

I've been doing that but I have to stop because it causes me too much pain. He’s admitted he’s scared of getting hurt and letting someone get close again (being vulnerable) and I 100% see that. He craves closeness and when everything is going good he's the perfect partner but when it comes to serious matters or he feels like he's let me down then he runs away.

I have always seen him as my kingdom spouse and can't see that changing anytime soon. I love him deeply and want to support him anyway I can, but it's becoming difficult to not hurt myself in the process. He says he's working on it but in the last 8 months things have gradually got worse, not better.

I said before we get married he would need to do the work and he said he is. He was in therapy but I think his sessions have ended now so I'm not sure specifically what he's doing, but i’m not seeing the fruit of it yet. I would love him to go back to therapy but he needs to make that decision for himself, I haven't mentioned it yet.

He's the first man I can say I have loved in a 1 Corinthians 13 kind of way and I would love to continue that but I struggle these days. I know a Godly relationship doesn't equal smooth sailing but I also know we’re not called to tolerate everything. He says he never wants to hurt me and feels bad when he does but the fact that it keeps happening I can't ignore it.

I guess i’m posting to see if anybody has been in a similar situation, and what they did about it, or if you just have any advice. Would love to hear from men and women and if you have a disorganised/FA attachment style even better!

We dated for 4 months, and it was an immediate “I just met my spouse” situation. He told me he got on his knees in tears and thanked God for bringing me to him.

He is 5 years post-divorce (her infidelity). He quickly integrated me into his family, church and community where I was very well received and the community was fully supported and invested in the success of our relationship. His family adored me, as did his church leaders and peers. His friends were all incredibly supportive and happy for him that we were dating. Everyone was in agreement that we were headed towards marriage, it was common knowledge and a common topic of prayer. His mother told me she sees me as “the epitome of grace and kindness,” and that her “entire family sees me as beauty, grace, and love.”

We discussed getting engaged in the spring (around this time). He wanted to get married sooner, but I suggested we wait at least 3 months to really get to know each other. He began to withdraw after about 2 months of dating, and eventually broke up with me because he “wasn’t 100% certain,” and “he just wanted it to take off.” He also said he feels like failing me and that he has a gut wrenching feeling he’s not the right man for me and he can’t be who I need him to be. He said “I can’t sign up for the next 60 years, what if I’m not the right man for you?” And “I’m so afraid you’ll wake up in 5 years in this little town and realize you hate it and have made the wrong decision.” He is full of fear and shame.

The breakup was brutal. We never argued at all, just had a few serious discussions about the direction of the relationship after he began to withdraw. He dropped the breakup on me after a really great 2 weeks together. He was seriously conflicted, visibly struggling with his love for me vs his fear of failing and “making the wrong choice” and “failing at marriage again.” He “just didn’t have peace.” He said he believes he is meant to be alone and that God is preparing him for something big. He also said he will absolutely not be dating “unless God picks him up and puts him right in front of someone.” He also told me he realized he hasn’t processed his divorce.

Well, it’s been 9 weeks since we broke up. I immediately went no contact to focus on my healing. I faced my grief head on and have been drawing closer to God through my pain, and he has absolutely taken me out of the pit of grief and I am so grateful. But something told me a couple days ago to look at the live streams from his church. I picked one from March 29 (exactly 6 weeks after our breakup), and lo and behold, his father got up in front of the entire congregation (where I had been attending just 6 weeks prior, the same (small town, rural) congregation that had been praying for our future just 6 weeks prior, and announced that his son is engaged to married to (a women I’ve never heard of) and they will be married “soon.” He said he was told only 2 days before the announcement.

The announcement was shaky, he didn’t say a word about the woman other than her name, and he implored the church to pray for his son. He then prayed, and his prayer was about the strife in the world and didn’t mention marriage once.

I am so confused and hurt, obviously. This is emotional whiplash and seems incredibly reckless and desperate, even panicked. From my lens, he is unable to sit in emotional discomfort and grief, and his shame is so loud that he has to fix it quickly and in the most extreme way. And to make it public so people are forced to support him.

I guess I’m asking, how does the greater church community view rebound relationships and hasty engagements/ marriages? Is there actually public support here, or is his father’s announcement a plea for prayerful intervention? Does this union have the markers of something “God ordained”? Or is this the opposite of the fruits of the spirit (patience, self control)? I’m worried about the emotional destruction this will potentially cause for him, his new bride, his and her family. Not to mention the emotional damage my family and I have suffered.

Thanks for any insight.

Venting here, but let's read your advice.

I don't know why, but I was suddenly open to the idea of resetting our Drought Timer this week. We are currently sitting at 105 days with no offers from my low libido wife (LLW) in about seven-weeks. I was paying attention to the calendar and LLW and I were aligning on a WFH Friday (without kids at home, she doesn't work Fridays) for the first time in several weeks. I was throwing out bids during the week and while she was not receptive/communicative, when is she ever?

I went to the trouble of shaving/grooming top and bottom and pulling together all the various accoutrements (condom, lube, toys), ready to go. I haven't watched porn or masturbated in a while and even with how busy LLW always says she is, I was really, REALLY expecting something to happen today.

Going into the bathroom this morning and seeing traces of blood in the toilet was a gut punch. I actually started to get teary. Seeing a pair of period pants in the sink later confirmed things.

One-hundred-and-five days plus another 10 or so (our usual period-pause) and we are getting close to four months without any meaningful physical intimacy.

I'm putting on a brave face, but I'm furious and utterly crushed. It was all a covert contract, I know that, and it's not my wife's fault when she gets her period, but it's just another nail in the coffin of our dead bedroom.

FML.

A few weeks ago me and my husband went for a vacation. During our vacation, there was a moment when 2 girls were walking in front of us. They were wearing very short skirts, almost showing their butts, I could even see the lines. I noticed that my husband kept looking at them even after they had crossed to the other side of the street. I asked him to stop, but I still felt uncomfortable and disrespected.

Another day, we passed some girls who looked like host girls, wearing sexy outfits. I noticed my husband didn’t see them at first, but he asked me, “What are they wearing? Is it bunny clothes? Is it too revealing?”

I tried not to talk about it at that moment because I didn’t want to ruin our vacation. So after the trip, I brought it up. I told him that I felt uncomfortable when he stared at women for that long.

So he answered,

Him : that's not a problem, I was focusing on why they wore those clothes. Maybe you might think I was looking at their body. I don't feel like I did anything wrong here even if you blame me. Even if it was Jhon or Marie (elder) or Tom or anyone else. <names are not real names>, My thoughts were pure. it doesn't matter if you believe me or not, I think I respected myself. I do understand what you are afraid of and what you might think, but those are your thoughts on it and I don't agree with what you are thinking.

Me : I understand you didn't intend anything wrong. I'm not trying to accuse you.

I'm just telling you that when it happens, it makes me feel \*uncomfortable and disrespected\* at the same time. Even if your intention is pure, I still feel that way. So i dont like you stare opposite sex that long tho.

I just need you to be a bit more mindful of it. If you are wondering about something like that, i think you can wonder but dont have to keep continue staring them for the certain duration.

Him: Thank you, how about you tell me ''okay babe you can stop staring at them'' after 5 seconds if I keep looking. Most likely I'm just in my head thinking. I don't want to feel caged as well, so that's why I don't like it when I don't have any bad intentions.

Me : I’m not trying to control you. I just want to feel respected. When you keep looking at other women, it makes me uncomfortable, and I don’t want to be the one who has to tell you to stop. I need you to be aware of it yourself, not because I’m policing you, but because you care about how it affects me.

Him : that's how it makes me feel when I have to think too much about my actions. it makes me feel like I don't have freedom. and I become less connected emotionally. I become more like a calculator. you will need to do something on your part (he wants me to always asked him to stop staring). I can try to be mindful but you will also have to do what you can. I will not deal with any angry wife from this because you didn't want to be a ''police''. if you don't try to help then don't mention anything about it. you are throwing all the responsibility on me and justifying you can be angry whenever you want because I'm not respecting you

Now, most of the time when I bring up about his behaviours that hurts me, the focus shifts, and he gets upset at me instead. I mostly just hear his defenses.

Do I really have to tell him to stop staring every time after 5 seconds? Isn’t his behavior his own responsibility? What about when I’m not around? I feel like my feelings are being minimized.

Would you be mad if your spouse gave their opposite sex coworker money for their bday? Something not extreme like 20 dollars? I found out my fiance did that and not sure how I feel about it.

I didn’t even know about this girl. The only reason I discovered her is because I glanced over at his phone and saw they were snap besties. I asked to read their texts and there’s nothing sexual or romantic but they spoke pretty frequently all day everyday. Mainly about work but other stuff too. This almost feels relationship ending to me.

They seem to be close friends but I’m feeling betrayed he didn’t tell me about her and is giving her money for her bday??

He sent Apple Pay so it’s not like he gave her a card at work. She works in another state so he was obviously thinking of her and just sent money

For context, my wife and I have a baby less than a year old. I love being a Dad, and I do want to have more kids. My wife has been super blessed that postpartum she has zero health issues. She’s already talking about having another baby ASAP and after I asked if she was serious she said she yes.

For a bit more context, our sex life was poop all five years of our marriage prior to when we decided to try for a baby. She has some serious body image issues, purity culture baggage, zero sex ed, and probably health problems as well that left us having sex like once a month. After two years of me tryin to facilitate addressing these issues, I gave up. Marriage isn’t all about sex, and while I’m not happy about our sex life, I’m happy about our marriage otherwise.

Anyway, we had sex for the first time since the baby and after she orgasmed she made it for about 5 minutes of pillow princess PIV before telling me that she’s just too tired to continue. I get it, it’s been nearly a year and a half since we have had any kind of sexual intimacy so she’s probably not prepared. The thing is though, this has taken me back to square one on my lack of contentment in our sex life. This was the way sex played out years before we had a kid, and I can’t stand the idea of the rest of my life being this way.

We’re in our twenties still and I’m just unwilling to concede having a dead bedroom. When she brought getting pregnant again this morning I just flat out said that we need to have a serious conversation about our sex life first. She said I’m making sex transactional, but I have no idea what she’s talking about.

I just don’t get where she’s coming from at all. Like, did I get married just to have sex? No, but I wouldn’t have gotten married if I knew that sex would be like this. Anyway she once again stonewalled my suggestion that we (or she) see a sex therapist. I want more kids but with this massive chunk of the intimacy our marriage could have just missing, I’m not going to do that. What do I even do from here?

Thanks all for your encouragement to retake the assessment after a number of years.

No surprises, just confirmation. My tank is full. Following are the primary ways my wife keeps it full.

Primary: Physical Touch (93%). NOTE: It includes a LOT more than sex. The sex is great but the hugs, kisses, and other touches throughout the day are also immensely meaningful to me.

Secondary: Quality Time (68%). I am happy doing anything, or nothing, as long as it's with her.

Secondary: Words of Affirmation (58%). Some of the sweetest, most touching things she's ever done for me is writing a short, sweet note expressing her love for me.

Having been happily married for 40 years, we know what makes each other tick. Part of that knowledge, and our success, came from taking the 5 Love Languages assessment 16 years ago.

Has the 5 Love Languages helped anyone else?

I'm planning to leave my emotionally abusive husband. We were not legally married. We were together three years. We had a ceremony and took vows before God and I truly feel in my heart that we were married. I've told him that I need to leave because he's unwilling to work on these things that are hurting me and my child. He's mean when he's angry and he's angry a lot of the time he's telling me now that when I leave, he will not care if I am dead or alive whether I get in a car crash or explode in a terrorist attack that it'll be like a vanished and I will no longer exist. There is no chance at reconciliation. But I truly feel I need to go. was I truly married to him? Was this marriage real? I don't feel I'm breaking our covenant if this is how he treats me. God wouldn't want to be be belittled and put down and yelled at... right. Was it even real. My husband would never treat me this way.. a true Husband would care if I was dead.. is there anything that I need to do like pray to God to release me from this or am I biblically OK to go and not be bound to him anymore...

I understand that forgiveness is sometimes a process, but how do you rebuild trust with a spouse you catch lying. I definitely hit a crossroad with what to do when my spouse (who lives separately from me.. but we are trying to come together after he sells the house), lied to me but only confessed he lied after he was caught. We had trust issues before I caught him recently lying. The painful thing about it was that I was ready to close my case with my attorney. I fasted and prayed and spent days telling the Lord my concerns.

If the Lord has done any work so far it’s been to draw me closer to himself during this separation from my husband and almost divorce.

I am now just seeing a little more love come from my husband, who ironically broke his knee at the very same moment I caught him in a lie. Maybe the Lord has allowed his broken knee to happen in order to start a process of healing in his heart. I’m not she

I got married thinking we would grow together spiritually. I thought my husband would be the priest of our family, spiritually protecting me. But instead he has violated our marriage through infidelity and lust for at least a year. He’s blaming me. He was caught cheating and because he refused to talk about it, I told him to leave. He did. Now he’s spreading lies about me around the church we once attended together, without saying he cheated. I honestly want revenge! The more I try to forgive him, I’m setback by yet another lie he has told on me.

I want to do as God requires me, which is to forgive him. I’m finding it so hard to not tell people that he’s a cheater and a lusting liar who is addicted porn!

Have any of you had to recover from something similar? What did you or are you doing? How is it working out for you?

I set a boundary that I won't live with someone who has an active addiction and is not getting help for it. So my husband and I are living apart for now. He's had two months since he left to get into treatment. I'm giving him another week but after that week I told myself I would consider divorce. I don't want to get divorced though. I think I need to focus on myself and healing and let him focus on himself. And we'll just live apart for now.

Does anyone have advice on staying in an unsatisfying marriage with someone who has alcohol use disorder?

Me and my husband have been married 2 years. The hard part is, when I’m pregnant or newly breastfeeding I have zero sex drive. If a negative sex drive is possible then that would pretty much describe me during that state. I don’t like to cuddle much and kissing is almost repulsive to me. It’s the strangest thing. It has to be hormonal. I had a high sex drive and then fell pregnant right after getting married. I told my husband I want to space our next children further apart so I can get my hormone levels back. I got pregnant again at 7 months postpartum.

Right now it’s mainly due to morning sickness. I’m coming out of the first trimester with our second child and have been really struggling the past 6 weeks with nausea, vomiting and extreme fatigue. My husband’s breath was a trigger (he’s prone to halitosis) but I didn’t tell him this.

I did let my husband know that I have been struggling with intimacy desires due to pregnancy but still want him to initiate and be open with me but I’m worried he’s taking it personally. He got very quiet after I mentioned it. With my last pregnancy I didn’t tell him what was going on and would just grin and bear it. Hated sex and had some really bad pelvic pain afterwards along with the usual low libido symptoms but I never said anything. I’d lie and say kissing just tickled when it was actually the smell of his breath that would be making me flinch. Before, the things like being sweaty during sex or bad breath wouldn’t bother me but with my current hormones it’s ALL I can think about.

Any advice for navigating this season of life? Hoping it clears. I never want to deny my husband but feel the change in my drive is becoming so obvious. I try my best to be energetic and helpful around the house when he gets home so I feel like he doesn’t always get the picture that I have already thrown up 3x that day and have a migraine. It’s also balancing the need to be honest without hurting his feelings and not making him feel like I don’t desire him. I am still very attracted to him. Physical intimacy is just hard for me right now. I don’t deny him but getting excited and putting on a show is hard. Most of the time I just want to lay there. I have no interest in wild positions or experimenting right now.

My husband does try hard to pleasure me in the bedroom. He’s not selfish. The techniques that usually work don’t have the same effect on me while pregnant. I’d rather just hurry up, finish and be done.

Hi all! After a long distance relationship for a year (we have seen each other every two weeks and highly prioritized this), my fiance proposed to me recently. We are both absolutely thrilled, and so excited for the next phase of life. Truthfully, as a couple slightly older than many in Christian circles, we are pretty ready to be married. This is where the struggle comes in... We would really love to celebrate with family and friends, that is the dream; however with multiple other family events and weddings, surgeries scheduled, and aging grandparents, I am starting to realize planning a true wedding this year will be extremely difficult.

As we've been long distance I will need to make a move part way across the country and get a new job. In order to be able to move on and truthfully start our life together, we are considering 'elopement' (with parents/grandparents present, and our pastor marrying us), and then planning a wedding next year.

I'm concerned how this would be perceived though by other Christian friends and family. I know that it would be right before God, but struggling with the idea of keeping it a secret. I know many friends and family may be disappointed if they did know, but I would still love to plan a wedding and have them all there 🥹

Any thoughts/advice would be appreciated. My fiance and I are truly ready to start our lives together and be able to move forward, but it is feeling really difficult right now.

I really love them, and I appreciate the way they show up for me: the conversations, the accountability and just being there. I definitely kind of regret oversharing the conversation that I had with this guy with my friends.

I met a man on a Christian dating app. I was initially attracted to him, and his profile seemed solid, well rounded. He messaged me first, but our text convos on the app felt kind of lackluster. Pretty quickly, I realized I might not be what he’s looking for as he named a specific quality he wanted in a woman of God, and while I’ve been growing in that area since rededicating my life to Christ, I’m still on that journey. So I wished him well and prayed he’d find someone who was a better fit. Then, unexpectedly, he gave me his number and asked me to call him.

Our first phone call ended up lasting about four hours, and honestly, it was really good! He shared a lot about how he came to know the Lord and opened up about his past. I shared a bit of my own story too, though more on the surface (as I always feel the need to be guarded) He’s been through a lot… past relationships, a divorce, a child and while some of the things he mentioned were a little off putting, I didn’t want to judge him for his past. I respect his honesty and what he’s overcome.

After that conversation, I realized I didn’t see him as a romantic partner, but I did feel like I could be there for him as a sister in Christ. When I shared all this with some of my close friends, they encouraged me to stop talking to him. I think they’re coming from a place of protection. I’ve never been in a relationship, I don’t have much dating experience, and I don’t really have close friendships with men. So I think they’re worried I could develop feelings and end up in something complicated, especially given some of the patterns he’s shared from his recent past.

It’s been a few of weeks now, and we’ve spoken a lot via text and long phone calls. I do enjoy our conversations(quite fruitful) but I don’t like him romantically. One of my dealbreakers is dating someone with kid(s), so that already settles that for me. I’ve also been intentional about not talking too, too often because I don’t want to unintentionally develop feelings (especially since I find him physically attractive and his love for God is evident)

He hasn’t explicitly said he’s interested in me romantically, he’s just said he enjoys talking to me and that I can call him anytime. He also mentioned he’s no longer on the dating apps, which I thought was interesting. I genuinely want to be his friend, and I’m going to keep praying for him and for wisdom in this situation. I just feel a little conflicted because I don’t feel comfortable telling my friends that I’m still talking to him. I know they’re not trying to control me…they just don’t want me to get pulled into something that could be hard to untangle later.

been thinking a lot lately about the traditional family setup. It seems like a lot of guys my age (Gen Z / Millennial) have a strong conviction about being the sole provider so their wives can stay home, especially once kids are in the picture. Millennials particularly are known for student loan debts, and degrees that aren't really helping in some cases. As for Gen Z and A, I don't know what they're dealing with after the news about college being more risk than not.

But looking at home prices and just the cost of living right now... it feels like you'd need to be making crazy money to not be totally house poor.

For the guys here who are actually doing this:
how’s it actually going?
Are you guys finding it doable, or is the financial stress way higher than you expected?

Just trying to get a bead on what's going and if this is still a realistic goal for most of us or if the 2026 market has basically made it impossible without a massive salary.

I ask because I'm concerned with the amount of young marrieds still considering a home and a kid without considering the state of play we're at. But I could be wrong. Maybe you have parents paying for things? If so please say so. It's not a bad thing. Fathers are biblically told to leave an inheritance for their children.

EDIT:
I'm looking for FIRSTHAND accounts from people who are married AND are Millenial age or younger. Please do not comment unless you fit that category.

EDIT 2:
Please include if you entered the marriage with student loans. I'm noticing a lot of folk who got married without sudent loans are able to make the dream happen. Either no college debt by not going to college or if it was paid for by family or scholarships or a combination of things.

Edit 3: Thanks for all of the bold ones who answered with your life stories. And those who shared what they could as well. I really appreciate it.

I am seeing professionals about this but the office has been backed up so I wanted to just see if anyone else has experienced something similar and what they have done in response… while I wait.

I have a major negative physical reaction to stress. Yes, this is true of the average human but it is as though my body is in a hyper-empathic response mode. I have always experienced such deep emotion that it often spills over into the physical.

My husband and I were both working in stress 2 years ago, 6 months into that job we moved and my body crashed. I have mentally healed and moved back to a peaceful place but my husband is still/back in a stressful situation.

Recently, I started having unusual reproductive cycle issues/pain. Found something that relieved the issue… long story short: I just came home from a short trip to find my husband VERY stressed about machine malfunction (for work) and as I felt his tension rise, my stomach started cramping. - I believe it was a stress response.

What, if anything, has helped you to not share your spouse’s stress to an unhealthy level?

Unfortunately, despite my best efforts, there is little to nothing I can do to alleviate his stress. So I am trying to find ways to protect my body from that instead.

Edit: That did not capture my thoughts well.

I understand the reasons why he is under stress, always ask to help and support where I can, and do not actively think about it throughout my day. However, when he is sharing about the stress he is under OR I witness it, even as I pray through it - my body often has a negative/painful reaction. From a bigger picture, my doctors agree that a season of personal stress triggered a lot of what I am experiencing… now, I am starting to think that despite my own mental healing, my husband’s continued/traded stress is (one of the things) hindering my ability to heal physically. Not his fault. Yet, a factor all the same.