My recent ex is engaged within 6 weeks of our breakup
We dated for 4 months, and it was an immediate “I just met my spouse” situation. He told me he got on his knees in tears and thanked God for bringing me to him.
He is 5 years post-divorce (her infidelity). He quickly integrated me into his family, church and community where I was very well received and the community was fully supported and invested in the success of our relationship. His family adored me, as did his church leaders and peers. His friends were all incredibly supportive and happy for him that we were dating. Everyone was in agreement that we were headed towards marriage, it was common knowledge and a common topic of prayer. His mother told me she sees me as “the epitome of grace and kindness,” and that her “entire family sees me as beauty, grace, and love.”
We discussed getting engaged in the spring (around this time). He wanted to get married sooner, but I suggested we wait at least 3 months to really get to know each other. He began to withdraw after about 2 months of dating, and eventually broke up with me because he “wasn’t 100% certain,” and “he just wanted it to take off.” He also said he feels like failing me and that he has a gut wrenching feeling he’s not the right man for me and he can’t be who I need him to be. He said “I can’t sign up for the next 60 years, what if I’m not the right man for you?” And “I’m so afraid you’ll wake up in 5 years in this little town and realize you hate it and have made the wrong decision.” He is full of fear and shame.
The breakup was brutal. We never argued at all, just had a few serious discussions about the direction of the relationship after he began to withdraw. He dropped the breakup on me after a really great 2 weeks together. He was seriously conflicted, visibly struggling with his love for me vs his fear of failing and “making the wrong choice” and “failing at marriage again.” He “just didn’t have peace.” He said he believes he is meant to be alone and that God is preparing him for something big. He also said he will absolutely not be dating “unless God picks him up and puts him right in front of someone.” He also told me he realized he hasn’t processed his divorce.
Well, it’s been 9 weeks since we broke up. I immediately went no contact to focus on my healing. I faced my grief head on and have been drawing closer to God through my pain, and he has absolutely taken me out of the pit of grief and I am so grateful. But something told me a couple days ago to look at the live streams from his church. I picked one from March 29 (exactly 6 weeks after our breakup), and lo and behold, his father got up in front of the entire congregation (where I had been attending just 6 weeks prior, the same (small town, rural) congregation that had been praying for our future just 6 weeks prior, and announced that his son is engaged to married to (a women I’ve never heard of) and they will be married “soon.” He said he was told only 2 days before the announcement.
The announcement was shaky, he didn’t say a word about the woman other than her name, and he implored the church to pray for his son. He then prayed, and his prayer was about the strife in the world and didn’t mention marriage once.
I am so confused and hurt, obviously. This is emotional whiplash and seems incredibly reckless and desperate, even panicked. From my lens, he is unable to sit in emotional discomfort and grief, and his shame is so loud that he has to fix it quickly and in the most extreme way. And to make it public so people are forced to support him.
I guess I’m asking, how does the greater church community view rebound relationships and hasty engagements/ marriages? Is there actually public support here, or is his father’s announcement a plea for prayerful intervention? Does this union have the markers of something “God ordained”? Or is this the opposite of the fruits of the spirit (patience, self control)? I’m worried about the emotional destruction this will potentially cause for him, his new bride, his and her family. Not to mention the emotional damage my family and I have suffered.
Thanks for any insight.