u/Ok_Tone_3706

My fiance works with plenty of female coworkers. He had one in particular he was very close with. When we got engaged I said “what married man Snapchats and texts all the time with the opposite sex” - he said he understood and would tone it down. I guess this was me expressing my boundaries in regards to the opposite sex.

Fast forward, I noticed a new woman’s name I’ve never heard of before as his number 1 Snapchat bff. He said she’s just my friend (coworker). Next day I asked if they text. He said no. Come to find out he lied and deleted the texts. He was able to recover them. They spoke mainly of work but also spoke of personal things. They spoke frequently but not like it was 24/7 or deep conversations/ paragraphs or anything, at least not on the texts.

Per the texts, He would ask to call her occasionally, sent her bday money (nothing super high in $ amount), asked to call her one day for girl advice after we got in a fight, they spoke all day at work on teams (she works in a different office hence the teams) - apparently he deleted their teams messages too so I have no idea what they spoke about on there. I feel like that’s where they were more deep but I’ll never know the full extent of their messages.

I feel betrayed by the secrecy, frequency in communication and their closeness. Would you end a relationship over this? He states he hid it because he didn’t want to cause a fight over nothing. He said my insecurity with his other female coworkers is why he hid this. I never saw anything romantic or sexual in the texts. But idk what they spoke about on teams, on phone or on Snapchat.

He has since deleted her on Snapchat but they still talk at work. Ik a lot of married couples who are in their 80s + look awesome and inspiring but people always say “I wonder how many times they had to forgive eachother” I wonder if this could be a blimp in the road and we can work on this or if I would be a fool to stay. Any older marriages that overcame something similar

My fiance works with plenty of female coworkers. He had one in particular he was very close with. When we got engaged I said “what married man Snapchats and texts all the time with the opposite sex” - he said he understood and would tone it down. I guess this was me expressing my boundaries in regards to the opposite sex.

Fast forward, I noticed a woman’s name I’ve never heard of before as his number 1 Snapchat bff. He said she’s just my friend (coworker). Next day I asked if they text. He said no. Come to find out he lied and deleted the texts. He was able to recover them. They spoke mainly of work but also spoke of personal things. They spoke frequently but not like it was 24/7 or deep conversations/ paragraphs or anything.

Per the texts, He would ask to call her occasionally, sent her bday money (nothing super high in $ amount), asked to call her one day for girl advice after we got in a fight, they spoke all day at work on teams (she works in a different office hence the teams) - apparently he deleted their teams messages too so I have no idea what they spoke about.

TL;dr I feel betrayed by the secrecy, frequency in communication and their closeness. Would you end a relationship over this? He states he hid it because he didn’t want to cause a fight over nothing. He said my insecurity with his other female coworkers is why he hid this. I never saw anything romantic or sexual in the texts.

To be clear I don’t mind if he has female friends but having a female bff where you talk all day everyday on multiple platforms doesn’t sit right with me for my boundaries. I know everyone is different.

Would you be mad if your spouse gave their opposite sex coworker money for their bday? Something not extreme like 20 dollars? I found out my fiance did that and not sure how I feel about it.

I didn’t even know about this girl. The only reason I discovered her is because I glanced over at his phone and saw they were snap besties. I asked to read their texts and there’s nothing sexual or romantic but they spoke pretty frequently all day everyday. Mainly about work but other stuff too. This almost feels relationship ending to me.

They seem to be close friends but I’m feeling betrayed he didn’t tell me about her and is giving her money for her bday??

He sent Apple Pay so it’s not like he gave her a card at work. She works in another state so he was obviously thinking of her and just sent money