u/RoseKaKe

So I’m at the point where I’ve got a cyst, and thankful also a small hole fairly high above my anus. Every 4 months or so it gets kind of sore and then after a few weeks I get some pink fluid drainage and the pain goes away. This has been the case for about two years, so things are stable, but I know that it’s gonna be a much easier surgery/recovery if I get a cleft lift before symptoms get worse. That said, financially it would be way less stressful to wait a bit longer until I’m out of school. Anybody here have a similar with prolonged intermittent symptoms have experience to share?

For context, my wife and I have a baby less than a year old. I love being a Dad, and I do want to have more kids. My wife has been super blessed that postpartum she has zero health issues. She’s already talking about having another baby ASAP and after I asked if she was serious she said she yes.

For a bit more context, our sex life was poop all five years of our marriage prior to when we decided to try for a baby. She has some serious body image issues, purity culture baggage, zero sex ed, and probably health problems as well that left us having sex like once a month. After two years of me tryin to facilitate addressing these issues, I gave up. Marriage isn’t all about sex, and while I’m not happy about our sex life, I’m happy about our marriage otherwise.

Anyway, we had sex for the first time since the baby and after she orgasmed she made it for about 5 minutes of pillow princess PIV before telling me that she’s just too tired to continue. I get it, it’s been nearly a year and a half since we have had any kind of sexual intimacy so she’s probably not prepared. The thing is though, this has taken me back to square one on my lack of contentment in our sex life. This was the way sex played out years before we had a kid, and I can’t stand the idea of the rest of my life being this way.

We’re in our twenties still and I’m just unwilling to concede having a dead bedroom. When she brought getting pregnant again this morning I just flat out said that we need to have a serious conversation about our sex life first. She said I’m making sex transactional, but I have no idea what she’s talking about.

I just don’t get where she’s coming from at all. Like, did I get married just to have sex? No, but I wouldn’t have gotten married if I knew that sex would be like this. Anyway she once again stonewalled my suggestion that we (or she) see a sex therapist. I want more kids but with this massive chunk of the intimacy our marriage could have just missing, I’m not going to do that. What do I even do from here?