r/AdultSelfHarm

I've been debating going into therapy for a number of reasons. I had tried psychiatry before, but considering what my issues are, I don't think being medicated is enough for me. However, there's a list of reasons as to why I've continued to put it off and one of them is being honest about self harm. I've done it off and on since I was 11 years old. I've been doing this for 13 years. Even when I wasn't actively doing it the way I preferred, I was replacing it with another harmful coping mechanism that was hurting me. I've replaced it with a handful of things, but I always end up relapsing. I might go a few months, half a year, a full year without doing what I want. A year seems to be my limit. And I'm constantly doing it in the ways that are more "acceptable" that replace it. So, in general, I'm rarely clean of harming myself in some way.

I'm concerned about being honest with them though. It's non suicidal self injury. It's superficial, nothing that is going to end my life, and that isn't the goal anyway. And my concern about bringing it up is being involuntarily committed. That is probably my number one fear. It's not the judgement, or possibly not being believed about abuse, or judgement about the abuse or how it's warped my brain. Am I concerned about those things? Sure. Are they my biggest fear? Not even close. It's being involuntarily committed.

And it feels like if I can't be honest and talk about this, there's almost no point in going at all. It's such a major part of... everything leading me into needing therapy. But there's a chance that my biggest fear would happen if I was honest.

I know little to nothing about what would have to be said or done to get to the point of being committed. And what little I've read about it hasn't reassured me much. I don't know if it's worth the risk because I know if it did happen, that would be it. I'd never consider opening up or seeking help again.

If I talk about it and admit it, how do professionals typically handle the conversation?

I'm too lazy to cut but I keep planning relapses in my head and fantasizing about it... even when I have relapsed recently it's just scratching or hitting. In a weird way I think fantasizing about it stabilizes me, even if I don't stay unstable long enough to follow through or just don't want to deal with the aftermath.

And I've been fighting with my brain that no, I don't get to cut "as a little birthday treat" 🙃🫠

Has anyone else ever accidentally broken a bone during a self harming episode? I cannot find anyone else talking about this online, so, I figured I'd give it a shot here I guess to see if I'm not the only one?...

I am autistic (I wonder if this has anything to do with it?) and used to primarily cut and burn myself (beginning in childhood), but as I've become an adult and now have a better support system around me - I've felt too guilty using those prior methods, as they leave lasting marks and it upsets people who care for me.

I used to hit myself as a kid or hit things when super overwhelmed and upset, so, I started doing that again as an adult instead of other ways I used to self harm. This has caused serious bruising and my wrists have had (temporary) hematoma afterwards, but I didn't think it was that bad compared to what I used to do...

That is, until I accidentally just broke my hand bone the other day during an episode of feeling extremely overwhelmed and wanting to hurt myself for any sort of release.

I did it like how I always do and didn't even realize I broke anything until later on, when I realized my pinky was not staying with the rest of my fingers and I was unable to move it back. I went to the hospital the next day, as I didn't want to wait in the ER on a Sunday.

They showed me the X-rays and pointed out where it's broken, putting my hand/wrist in a brace for the next 6 weeks. I have a therapist, but idek how I'm going to tell her without sounding crazy.

Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this before? I've had serious injuries that's obviously needed medical attention (with permanent tendon damage in my arms from the other forms of self harm), but this wasn't something that seemed all that serious to me until I realized I broke something :/

Apologies if this is long-winded, I just figured I'd try to see if I'm not completely alone in this :')

I prefer the sting after cutting rather than the pain in the moment. I actually don’t really like the pain during it, but the pain that lingers after I really enjoy. Especially when it’s sore after a few days. Is this weird?

Hi! I just wanted to pop on here to celebrate that I’ve been SH free for about 10 years now!

It’s been extremely challenging but I’ve managed to do it & I know that you guys can too.

I hope that my milestone can be of inspiration to you guys & know that I’m rooting for you!

I stopped taking my meds because they were giving me bad dreams again and I can’t get a good nights sleep but I started getting the urge again and so now I have a huge mark on my leg. I forgot I didn’t even realize I have a race this week and now everyone will see it I’m such an idiot. I’d stopped for so long but I couldn’t take it anymore and didn’t even think about it and now it’s so noticeable what am I going to do. The race was supposed to be a good day it’s the reason I needed good sleep and now I don’t know if I can even wear the outfit I bought because it’s so noticeable I hate it. No one ever sees but now they will why did I do it

And it still doesn't feel like enough. I am going to Ukraine in a couple of days but can't beat the feeling that I can do it "one more time".

I can't, because it will probably land me in the hospital a fourth time and obviously I will be in no shape to travel.

I've had three blood transfusions and hundreds of stitches. I almost died twice. I still have severe anemia and feel horrible most of the time.

Still I really want to do it tonight. I want to do it so badly. I want to feel the life poor out of me, I want the pain, I want it so much. I don't know if I can stop myself. I don't if I want to

So i brought my uh altoid can i have all my sh stuff in to my boyfriend house when i was staying the night am i fucked uo for brining it

Because i couldn't leave it at home i didn't do anything

Just couldnt bare though being away from it and i just feel messed uo am i?

TW(?)

My partner has attempted over 6 times this last mouth and I'm trying so hard to keep him sane

Its horrific to watch him go up and down and say he wants to 💀, it's taken its tole on me and I picked up sh again to handle it, I just feel like I could lose him at any moment and I'd never really know (we live in different states at the moment and his parents hate me) God what do I do at this point, i know I can't give him a will to live but i love him so much it hurts:((

I know, dramatic. But I want to do it. I already cut myself tonight, because I’m struggling with what I guess one could call body dysmorphia. Maybe. I’m not sure-it’s not a trans thing, it’s a sexual assault thing. The thoughts and the feeling of being touched will not go away. So I cut to distract myself but it’s so so temporary. I just want to stab my stupid leg. I won’t but I can’t stop fantasizing about it.

I hate being alive. I hate being me.

I need some advice on which addiction I should quit first. I believe I’ve asked something similar to this before, but i’m trying to quite smoking currently, but I’ve gotten back into self harm. Both make me feel guilty, because my friends and family look down on me for smoking, but the cutting feels just as guilty for me. People just think it’s weird around me. Thoughts would be appreciated.

I've been wanting to do swimming for years now, but always been too scared. But I'm finally pushing myself and have my first swimming lesson on Thursday.

However this will be the first time where anyone will be seeing most of my scars...I don't know what to expect or what I should do if someone says something ://

I wear t-shirts and shorts in summer n such, but even then the shorts are long and I only really wear them at home. I'm just nervous about people seeing, and I feel guilty that other people will have to see that - especially not so nice words... :/

Tho my upcoming lesson is the only reason I haven't self harmed this week!! so I guess that's a win

i, f32, am a solo parent to the most amazing little boy… but his dad is almost completely out of the picture, he lives in another state and is starting an entirely new family that my son feels no part of. he was not invited to their wedding, his dad forgets to call him, forgot about his surgery he just had, it’s heartbreaking to watch as a mother. my son has expressed to me he no longer wants to visit his dad so i’ve been speaking to countless attorneys to protect my little ones mental health meanwhile mine is absolutely deteriorating.

i feel so alone carrying the weight of working multiple jobs so my child never feels we’re a single income home. there is no coparent around to help or give me an occasional break to just be myself and do something for me. i have no family and i just feel like i can’t breathe. i don’t want to live i’m so tired but i couldn’t do that to my boy so here i am, in my 30s, cutting myself… i don’t even know why, i just have this urge to, to see the cuts and feel the pain…

i don’t even really know why i’m posting this, i just feel so alone, like there’s two hands around my throat at all times and i can’t escape it.

I'm not sure what to do. My partner of over a year has been in the hospital for 4, almost 5 days with unexplained severe pain. I was the one who brought her in to the ER and have been by her side for the majority of this.

After the second day, I broke down. One of the worst break downs I've had since I was a young teenager. Screaming and crying and hitting my head on the steering wheel of my car in the parking lot.

I got home and cut myself. I feel so ashamed but I keep doing it every night. I think it's me seeking control over something right now.

I know she's going to see it sooner or later, I know I should tell her before she does. I don't want to tell her while she's in the hospital but I don't know if I'll get a chance to before she spots it.

I don't know what to do.

Well... I haven't broken down yet, but it's coming. I just know it is. The high of self-harm is something I cannot achieve doing anything else. I write, I draw, I read, I distract over and over again. But the urge just doesn't go away. The only reason I resist is because I know when I start, I'm not going to stop for months again. And someone will find out. I won't be able to swim in the summer at my pool, and people will find out why then. Because I am terrible at keeping secrets when I'm pressed on things.

It's just... Ugh. When you're like this, you think about every reason you should just do it now Because I just know I'll cave eventually...

Well stuff went downhill after the dr appointment I had a few days ago and long story short I am now in the emergency department with sh. Stressed out of my mind but we'll see how it goes.

Anyone else have a weird indulgence in others seeing your scars, but only if they’re healed?

I don’t want to share self harm with anyone until it’s been long enough that they won’t start worrying or trying to get me to talk about it. Like I need the emotional moment to pass before I can let someone see. Once they’re healed it almost feels like a badge of honor, but someone seeing them before they’ve healed just feels embarrassing and vulnerable. I gatekeep them while they’re healing.

Conversely, I don’t like for people to see my really old scars, the ones on my arms that I did as a teen before I realized I needed to be better at placing them inconspicuously. I can control now whether people see the newer ones because they are only on my hips. I honestly think those are pretty, and if people are seeing them that means we are close enough to be seeing each other that way, or that I’m showing off my body i.e. bikini.

It all just comes back to control, controlling how vulnerable I appear to be and controlling how people will respond. I often reach for connection after I cut, but I don’t share them like I often did when I was younger. It’s too vulnerable when it’s fresh. Anyone else?

I think about it when I’m breaking down about it when I’m having a good day, I think about it when I’m high, I think about it when Im drunk. I feel fucking ridiculous. Is it like PTSD where they tell you that the flashbacks never stop you just get used to it? I haven’t cut, but my habits are resurfacing in different ways. I’m fighting to the point of bruising. I’ve even broken skin lightly or I slam my fist to my hands go numb. And all I can think about is how fucking stupid I look. It’s embarrassing to do and it’s even more embarrassing having to share that with my partner. Idek what the fuck I’m looking for posting this. Can’t really talk to a friend because the last time I tried to seek support from friends, the whole group abandoned me and said that I was trying to manipulate them. So now I don’t not wanna share anything with anyone you’ve been with some of my long-term friends said they’d always be here for me. I’m always the common denominator.

what happens if you would ingest 4g seroquel? Or js a high dose, anyone with experience?