r/sexualassault

I had a swimming teacher growing up and I always wondered if I overthink his behavior or was it always an accident and not intentional. I had a swimming costume which wasn't of a good material and absorbed too much water which is why he offered to give me a new one. He let my mom know he was getting me a new one and took me with him. It was a dark storeroom with nobody around and he made me take my clothes off. I was barely 4 or 5 . I usually didn't wear underwear beneath the swim suit but that day luckily I was wearing one. I don't remember if he had me take them off too.

I remember not being very comfortable and hesitating but he kept insisting so i did it anyways as I was too young to disobey. I'm not sure if he was simply assisting me or was it unnecessarily boundary crossing. At times he would also touch me under water and excuse it saying he couldn't see below . No other coach did that but him. He was my grandfather's friend too and knew my family very well.

I shared it with a very trusted teacher of mine but didn't ask him if he actually abused me rather I directly said that. Which is why I feel guilty if I turn out to be wrong . What if he's not a bad person but just somebody who didn't know what he was doing and didn't have any intention ? What if I'm just trying to find out problems in my life related to this to make it sound like i had a difficult life?

I don't know why these thoughts come to my mind or if it's just me

TLDR: my sister wants to invite our brother that sexually abused me to her wedding, despite knowing about the abuse and that I have been no contact with him for a year and a half. Am I wrong for giving her an ultimatum?

My sister and I have recently come into a disagreement regarding her wedding. She wants to invite my brother who sexually assaulted me several times throughout childhood even though she knows I have been no contact with him for a year and a half now.

To give some backstory, I came out about the abuse after 15+ years of keeping it to myself in November 2024. After initially confessing it to my husband, sister, and parents, my brother essentially denied it ever happening and says “he doesn’t remember” that happening. I find this hard to believe due to the nature, circumstance, and repetition of the abuse. He has even made strange analogies comparing himself to Job from the Bible. Saying that he feels like everything is being taken away from him and that the devil is trying to ruin his life. This is obviously invalidating to me because he is comparing himself to an innocent figure in the Bible that lost everything he loved and owned.

Since then, my family of origin has been in disarray. I have been no contact with my brother and have essentially chosen to remove myself and my family from any situation in which we may have to interact(family holidays, birthdays, etc.) My parents and sister still have a relationship with him, he even still lives on my parent’s property. This has obviously made visiting my parents and extended family extremely difficult and has ostracized me from the family.

Throughout the time of navigating this, my family has been anything but understanding. For one, my mom has never once brought it up to me to ask how I’m doing and even when I initially told my parents about it, she refused to talk to me and made my dad do all the communication regarding all of this. She has then proceeded to continue life as normal as if I didn’t just drop this bomb of information on her and she doesn’t understand my distance. She continually talks about him and brings him up in conversation with me. She has even suggested that we all (myself, kids, husband, sister, brother, and parents) all take a family skiing trip and stay in a cabin together. I have confronted her several times about this and nothing has changed. I finally had to have a come to Jesus moment with her, where she then tried to act like she “didn’t know I wanted her to ask how I was doing” and then ghosted me for almost a month. We then broke this spell of not communicating on Easter of this year where we had a phone call that didn’t address anything and just skipped back to “normal” conversation. Furthermore, throughout the time of not talking, she kept randomly love bombing me by sending things for my kids, like clothes and Easter items. I decided to just let it go and not bring it up again for the time being.

Everything was again seeming somewhat cordial until we found out that my sister is now planning to get married this summer. Her and her fiancé are planning a fast engagement and wedding. Initially, I was super excited for her and we immediately jumped into wedding planning, however, I soon became riddled with anxiety on if she was planning to invite our brother. She knows that we are no contact, but again she still has a relationship with him. I brought it up to her several times where she basically just blew me off until it all came to a head one night over text messages. Essentially in the messages we discussed that I would not feel comfortable having him there and having myself or my kids around him. To say her reaction was awful is an understatement.

Of course I am trying to have some understanding for her because I know it’s her wedding day and it should be all about her, but that still doesn’t negate my experience. In the messages she victim blamed me, told me that I’m making her feel horrible for even getting married, threatened to not even have a wedding anymore and that it would be my fault, and said “you can’t really expect me to not invite MY BROTHER to my wedding. He’s still my family and I want him there” and “I know you’re hurt, but you also knew I would get married one day.” She said I am not being supportive or understanding of her at all and excused his actions because this happened when we were kids and the rest of his life shouldn’t be ruined because of something that happened when we were children.

I then proceeded to set a firm boundary that it’s fine if she wants to invite him, but that my husband, kids, and I would then not be there. She said that I always put her in the middle of everything and that I shouldn’t assume what it’s like to be her. While I can agree that it’s difficult to be “in the middle”, for her to compare that to the abuse that I endured for years feels so dismissive, invalidating, and shows that she doesn’t understand the true scope of how sexual trauma sticks with you. Furthermore, she said that nobody in the family knows how to confront me about anything and that I make this situation impossible for anyone to navigate. This once again has made me feel ostracized and like the black sheep of the family. Also, she mentioned how she doesn’t want to deal with the questions from extended family about why one of us wouldn’t be at her wedding. She said she would try to work around us both being there and we wouldn’t have to interact at all.

I can’t trust that this would be the case even if my sister and parents addressed my brother about not confronting me about anything. Since being no contact, he has mailed me a strange printed photo album book full of photos of him and my children after I made it VERY clear that I feel he is not a safe person for my kids to be around. He also showed up after dark to the cabin I was staying at on my parents property during a weekend I had tried to come down to visit with my parents even after my dad had told him I would be there and not to go down to the cabin for the weekend. Luckily, my dad was still down there talking with me on the deck when he pulled up. He told me to go inside the cabin and then handled the situation himself. I feel that my brother has proven he can’t be trusted with respecting people’s boundaries even when asked by multiple people to do so.

Of course this isn’t a detailed description of all the situations and nuances that come with this, but it is a general summary. We are now at a stalemate after I went into a detailed explanation of the abuse I endured. After having to relive all the trauma to truly explain it to her because simply saying “he molested and abused be throughout childhood” wasn’t enough, she then asked insensitive follow up questions like “I thought this only happened one time. Do our parents know all the details?, etc.”

To wrap this all up, I am feeling very misunderstood, disrespected, and disappointed. I don’t understand why I am being blamed for making her feel horrible, making everything difficult, and ruining her wedding day when I am not the one that created this situation. Nobody wants to put the blame where it should justly be, which is on my brother. He chose this, not me, not my parents, and not my sister, but my husband and I are the only ones that seem to grasp that. At this point, I don’t know what to do because now she is saying she just won’t invite him, but it feels like it’s done begrudgingly and not out of love and understanding. I don’t want to attend the wedding or her upcoming graduation in May until I receive a genuine apology. Am I justified in my feelings? Should I still attend the wedding? Should I be apart of the wedding party? Am I wrong for giving her an ultimatum?

Over 20 years ago, my swim coach molested me when I was 13 and he was 36, on a family vacation. He was a close family "friend" and "pillar of the community."

I told my mom several days later when we got home cuz I didn't wanna make trouble on the vacation.

She didn't call the police, and did tell my step dad, but he now says she never told him. I saw and heard him tell her, but whatever. My mom continued sending my brother to practices with the swim coach, and surfing day trips.

But, the loser got prostate cancer 🎉 and ended up dying a year later. My step dad, who was a physician at the time, sat by his side while he lay dying and suffering, in my step dad's words.

The whole family attended his funeral, but I was allowed to stay home. I was in disbelief and so hurt that they even went.

My mom came home with red, tear stained cheeks. I remember clear as day asking her, "Why are you crying?"

"It's sad," she replied.

Never to get an apology from anyone, I still deeply struggle with this lack of unity and support I received during this time from my family.

Any time I express challenge with that to them now, they get mad at me and make excuses.

My mom said "you dont understand," as her explanation as to why she went to the funeral.

Yesterday, my now ex-step dad reached out to me about a very short, vague Facebook post I made stating I am struggling with stuff from my childhood. He continued to say he never knew what Coach xx did to me, but even if he did, he wouldve still gone to his funeral because he's a doctor and that makes it different.

So God forbid, my children ever were molested by anyone as young teens, I wouldnt attend that molesters funeral.

But question, what would you do, if God forbid, you were in the situation of my parents? Would you attend? Thanks.

it’ll be 10 years ago this summer

it’s just all consuming most of the time. I think about my rapist and look him up online just to torture myself and look at his face. I guess it makes it feel more real. because he drugged me, the memories of being raped are blurry and I can’t see his face. I just remember the feeling of being trapped and unable to stop what was happening, I couldn’t move.

I think about the night and the events that led to it often, and I think about who I could have been if it didn’t happen. and I think about how I wish I could have reported what happened. but it took me 6 years to finally accept it even happened..I started talk therapy and EMDR for this about 4 years ago, and it’s helped in ways. but it never goes away.

I told my mom what happened the morning after I was raped, she asked if I was sure I just don’t remember saying yes? it made me question the whole experience

I’ve had troubles accepting it’s real, but when it hits me that it’s real, it feels awful.

idk why I wrote this it’s a lot of just rambling.

I guess I wanna see if anyone can relate..

I know technically speaking it’s not my fault. I know the reasons why it’s not my fault. But I can’t stop thinking about it like it is my fault.

Why didn’t I say no? Why didn’t I fight? So many whys and I’ll never truly know. All I know is that I trusted and loved that man with my life and he betrayed me.

I never cared if I was putting myself at risk as long as no one else was but I never understood the severity of the pain id been putting myself through until now

I need to come here for some support right now because I feel very on edge. I recently started sertraline, and although I’m aware that one of the main side effects when starting it is increased anxiety, I’ve found myself feeling anxious about some very self-destructive patterns in my life that I hadn’t really acknowledged before.

I am a victim of rape, which happened almost a year ago, and I also had an attempt to end my life that resulted in me being hospitalised and diagnosed with depression. Since then, I’ve been trying to get back on my feet.

Given the nature of my rape and other past sexual assault experiences, I think I looked for some kind of hope in the kink community. I believed that if I met the right person someone trauma-informed they might be able to help me revisit my trauma but this time with a sense of control.

I was on a website called FetLife, and in December I started speaking to a man. The age gap was huge I’m 19 and he was 50. Even though I showed my friends and they told me it was dangerous, it genuinely just felt exciting and on edge at the time. However, I’ve realised that when I’m in a hypersexual state, I can be very vulnerable. I ended up exchanging photos with him and going along with whatever fantasies he wanted me to portray.

It’s only since starting sertraline that I’ve realised how dangerous this situation actually was. I decided not to meet him and blocked him.

Unfortunately, this pattern has happened many times since the rape. The way I’d describe the feeling is that I just can’t stop. I’ve met up with multiple random men before him, often much older (40+), in places I don’t know, and I’ve put myself in situations where they’ve tried to act out their sexual fantasies on me. Once I’m in those situations, I feel like I have no way out—especially since I often don’t have money for train tickets or a way to leave.

I’m really worried this is becoming something serious, and I feel like I’ve recently had a massive wake-up call. The most concerning part is that I didn’t fully realise how dangerous these situations were at the time. I’ve put my life at risk so many times, and in the moment I feel almost like I’m on a high and really smart and that everyone else around me is wrong.

I don’t know if any of this could be classed as mania.

im a straight man and I was homophobic for a lot of my life. i don’t want to upset anybody or get banned from here but I still sort of am but I don’t talk about it. I’m 17 and when I was 15 and 16 I was raped multiple times by boys and when they were doing it I developed an attraction to them but I don’t want to be bisexual or gay or anything. I have also been raped by women and girls but I got over it but I haven’t gotten over getting raped by boys because you know. I don’t talk to or see my rapists anymore, who 2 of them I knew from people from my old school and 1 was a stranger. but I can’t get over it.

i‘m not trying to come off as a bigot but I just don’t want to be bisexual

Me and my girlfriend are both 18 years old and have been dating for a little over a year now. She has always expressed the fact that she never had a father growing up and that it’s affected her life a lot growing up. She lived with her grandparents and had a lot of unrestricted access to the internet which caused her to constantly seek older men online. She also had a huge porn addiction from a young age that she had been struggling with. When she was an early teenager she met up with an older guy she met online and he took her to a hotel and engaged in sexual activity with her which although she consented to then was illegal and sexual abuse on his part. My girlfriend also suffers a lot with bad body image and constantly feeling ugly or disgusting. She also identified as a boy and expressed herself as being a transgender boy from a young age up until her mid teens. She expressed that she was very hyper sexual as a child and would have rape fantasies and sexually role play online.

All of this was a shock to me, because my girlfriend is a very attractive girl who has many of the same interests as me. She also comes off as very girly and bubbly, and is very affectionate constantly. During the first half of our relationship things were great, and the sex was good. It was usually me initiating it because she was still shy around me. Unfortunately I was immature when I was younger and ended up cheating on her with another girl who I had no interest in at all, but wasn’t thinking at the time. I texted her a DM on a video she had posted saying sexual stuff, and my girlfriend ended up seeing it. She cried a lot and sh her wrists. My girlfriend has been dealing with sh since she was in 6th grade, and we have been working hard to keep her clean now. We ended up rebuilding our relationship, but my girlfriend would still frequently cry and go on rants about how much she hated herself and felt so hideous, and couldn’t believe my love for her was true and that I would cheat again. I constantly comforted her at first, because I knew it was my fault and would do anything to reassure her that I wouldn’t do it again. After a while it got very tiring, and if something were to trigger her she would go quiet and If I asked what was wrong she would say nothing was wrong yet I could tell she was upset. She’d become suddenly standoffish and the complete opposite of her joyful bubbly self, and would even kiss me differently as if she were being forced to do so. This constantly annoyed me because I knew something was wrong. I’d reassure her and tell her I only love her, but she wouldn’t take me seriously at all. Months had gone by and she still had the mindset that I was gonna hurt and cheat on her, so she’d constantly cry all night and I didn’t know what to do. Eventually I learned to read her and know if something triggered her, and the exact words to tell her so she’d be alright. She eventually began to trust me again making our relationship stronger than ever, and as the honeymoon phase ended we began to become comfortable in our relationship.

My girlfriend is very clingy and attached to me and always claims that I am her favorite person. She claims that my mood affects her mood and that without me she’s unstable. Since we’re only 18 we don’t live together, but see each other as often as possible. She’s still in high school while I’m in college, but we see each other very frequently. When she’s with me she’s extremely happy and I enjoy her company, but when it’s time for her to go home she has a complete breakdown and will start crying. She stays over my house for days spending the night and only usually goes home, so she can go to school. If we’re not together and If we’re not at school or work we’re on FaceTime, so she’s always talking to me. My girlfriend also likes to refer to me as her daddy which I leave up to her daddy issues, and I’m okay with the title. I love taking care and nurturing my girlfriend, so I don’t mind her reliance on me as a parental like figure, but I know this is just a trauma response.

Recently we went out on a date and came home together, and got pretty drunk. We are very intimate with each other, so while drunk we were having sex which is usual for us. Mid way through though, she starts crying and saying “you’re my daddy, you can’t fuck me it’s rape”. We say a lot of things while in the moment such as her calling me daddy and mentioning breeding which is total fine for me if it makes her happy and pleasures her so I kept going, but she wouldn’t stop crying. She cried the entire night and I tried asking what was wrong and trying to help, but she would only keep crying so I stopped immediately and put her to bed because I didn’t want to continue if it was hurting her.

When I told her what had happened the next day she seemed embarrassed, and ashamed but I was wondering why she had said it and was crying. She said she didn’t know why she said it but was embarrassed that she had. I reassured her that it wasn’t embarrassing, and that I only want to make her happy. This lead me to question what exactly has she been through to make her this way. She has a lot of fantasies about me controlling her and forcing her to do things. During intimacy she mentions how she enjoys being choked and slapped which I can do for her as long as she’s happy, but I know isn’t necessarily normal. She also has a bad habit of not telling me when she’s in pain during intimacy, and I have to constantly ask if it hurts despite the fact she always says no yet has told me afterwards that it hurt. I constantly tell her to just tell me but she says “it’s okay because you’re my daddy.” I wonder if she faced some sort of assault that led her to want to recreate the abuse during intimacy, but I don’t want to jump to any conclusions.

My girlfriend still faces a lot of issues that raises ideas of trauma such as constant crying over topics such as hating herself and urges to cut her wrists. She still has triggers that make her cry such as if she sees pretty girls online she’ll get sad thinking I’d like those girls, but I reassure her that she’s the only girl I see and want. She has a lot of black and white thinking when she’s sad and won’t believe anything I say, and only believes the thoughts she has like I’m a monster who wants to cheat on her which I don’t. There’s not a whole lot I can say to help her as it was my fault for cheating so I provide constant reassurance. She also has a few bipolar like traits, and her only emotions are either extreme happiness or extreme depression. If she’s with me she’s constantly happy and wants to do anything for me as if her job is to constantly please me, and she’ll even randomly give me blowjobs. When she has to go home or away from me she’ll start crying and saying she doesn’t want to go, and when she’s home her depressive thoughts come back and all of a sudden she hates herself and gets suicidal thoughts and strong urges to cut. It’s as if her entire will to live disappears when she’s not with me, suddenly her life is meaningless and she’ll constantly cry.

I’m not sure what’s entirely wrong with her, but she’s my baby and I’m willing to do anything for her I just want her to get help and learn to be okay with sadness and that she doesn’t have to always be so sad because I’m dedicated to making her happy. I just don’t want her to spiral and get stuck in her depressive state again, and wish she relied less on me to dictate her behavior and emotions.

im 14, and he was 17 it happened over the summer i just need someone to talk to ): i just wanna feel better

A couple of months ago, in December, my friend contacted me saying that they had found a video of me performing certain explicit acts on reddit. I reached out to my ex partner who had recorded the video and realised that he had gotten hacked into and some of his other videos too had gotten leaked. It has been circulating ever since. Since December about 4 more people I know have seen the video and it gets more and more humiliating each time. I have reported whatever links I have found to StopNCii and Cybercrime in India but I don't seem to find any solution to it. Sure, some website links have gotten taken down but it keeps spreading and causing me a lot of anxiety. I wish I knew a sure way to get rid of it completely. Unfortunately I am not financially well off to pay anyone for the kind of professional work it takes to take these sort of things down. Neither do I personally know anyone who does this work and could do it for free for me. If there's anyone out there who could help me with taking the video down it would be really helpful. Or if there are any tips on what I can do in such a situation please let me know. Thank you.

Does anyone feel that way? I was groomed and sa'd by older guys and women. And somehow I do attract to them. Idk. What should I do. Anyone have a same problem?

So last wednesday, I ran into my middle school English teacher at a debate competition I was participating in. He was a kind and friendly teacher, from what I remember. He didn't say much during our encounter.

The contest ended around 8 pm., and he offered to give me a ride home, which I accepted.During the drive, he kept commenting on how much I had grown and joked that he would flirt with me if he didn't already know me.

He mentioned I had a big chest and butt for my age and that I seemed very mature. Even though I didn't say anything I liked what he said.

A few days later, he called me, saying he got my number from my old classmates still at the school. He asked to meet again in a more private and comfortable setting.

I didn't say much, just told him no and hung up. He didn't call again, but even though I refused, I kinda like the idea. I do know that I attract older guys. So is it wrong to feel that way? Is it wrong to attract older guys? And how do I stop that.?

I (18f) went to my friends house to hangout with some friends from class. About 2 months ago me and one of the guys, (17m) went on a date. Shortly after he stopped talking to me.

I was sitting on the couch and he sits next to me, I lean against him thinking he wanted to start talking again. He started grabbing my boob, I didn't do anything to stop it. Before we left I had leaned against a table, he then grabbed my ass. I didn't stop him that time either, n the moment I didn't necessarily mind it, I just thought it was a bit strange.

The next day during class he didn't speak to me. He hasn't spoken to me in a week and I feel disgusted in myself that I let this happen and didn't do anything to stop it.

Hey guys this my first time ever posting so please be kind I (F20) was going out to see a guy I study in the same class with, with my friend (F20) we were kind of on a double date with him and his friends and it would be a shame to call it a date even. First of all, we me and my friend had to go on a 20 minute taxi drive to go meet him in another city, when we arrived he pushed his friend towards my friend and decided to walk by my side, normal but kind of weird, second of all we walked for almost 40 minutes where he forcibly held my hand , forcibly took a selfie of us and also tried to choke me (?) yes it was weird to me too and kind of a red flag but i laughed it off so I don’t start sh!t (bad idea) then he got a call from his dad saying he needed him to do something , so he left and I stayed with his friend and my friend we were talking and his friend starting dropping hints about him not being a good person also a liar and a cheater too, i took those thing into consideration we walked for 2 hours nonstop until we reached the bus stop we were planning on leaving because it was 7 pm and we hadn’t eating since 2 pm but his friend insisted we stay and wait for him to return to say our goodbyes i texted the guy on the phone and said :” its late we’re hungry and tired where r u come fast so we can say goodbye and leave” he replied and told me he was close we WAITED OUTSIDE FOR 2 more hours and I literally caught a cold, when he showed up he had borrowed the car from his dad and decided to drive us, before I tell you what happens next a little background check we both come from a 99% muslim country when even a guy and girl standing next to each other would draw looks and whispers and a guy and girl going on a date or showing affection in public would be considered public indecency and would be punished by law, so we decided to be stupid and let him drive us home it was 9 pm then, we were starving and cold and sleepy, he drove us half the way and stopped the car and told me to get off so he can say something to me then he suddenly grabbed be my head and decided to forcefully kiss me i told him no 20 times (yes i counted it was traumatizing) i even pushed slapped and bit him it was horrible he then forcibly used his tongue to push my lips apart thats when i screamed and told him to f off he then opened the door pushed me into the car closed it and started driving like a mad man even his friend told him to stop because the rode was full of cars when we finally arrived he opened the door for me prayed me out and tried to kiss me this time in front of my friend whom pushed him away and told him to f off he then slapped and hit her so I slapped him and we left in a hurry so he can’t follow us (when he forcibly tried to kiss me the first time, his friend told him to stop my friend couldn’t open the car door to help).

When i got home, i told him that what he did was horrible and he wouldn’t dream of me again. I screenshoted the conversation of me describing exactly what happened and him admitting it and apologizing so I can show it to our school or the cops but my guy friend told me that my parents would literally be called the second I tell the cops and if I tried to warn the school they would open an investigation that can jeopardize both our lives in the future and I would be an ah to myself for ruining my future over a dumb mf but I really don’t know what to do please help.

(Warning: scary)

I have a memory from when i was maybe 4 or 5 where i was lying on my stomach on my bed in the dark and i was touched in some sort of way that i cant remember. The memory ends there and i cant make sense of it but ive always had a feeling in the back of my mind that i was sa’d but i cant prove it or pull more from the memory. My mum also said shed never have let that happen. Also i like get uncomfortable about anything sexual and even though ive had crushes ive just wanted to be friends like just not interested in that stuff. Im 17 so compared to my friends sometimes i feel a bit embarrassed.

tw for COCSA/ SA involving minors

i was raped twice and sexually assaulted for months/years by some friends i had as a child, and it has been affecting my current sex life

i have been assaulted many times. most of the time i would play along with it out of fear of losing those who were doing it, which were at the time my closest friends. in the beginning of it i would say no and physically back away from them, later on i began just taking it and genuinely participating in it although i did not want to. i learned that going along with people when they acted like this would make everything easier for me, they would like me more and i wouldn’t lose them as a friend. i was also bullied a lot as a child so keeping friends was very important to me. this made me incredibly hypersexual which i’m not proud of, i would sometimes try to initiate the behavior because i eventually started associating sex and sexual acts with love. i got so addicted to chasing the feeling of being loved i would do anything to get it, especially because i was abused at home and didn’t really feel much of it from my parents. but eventually a lot of those thoughts went away. the last time i was ever assaulted i was a older than the other times (i was 8-9 for the other times & 11 for the final) so i was a little smarter. it was horrifying, one of my assaulters who had been already touching me when we were younger did it again after so long of not doing it, it completely broke my trust in her. it was the first time i had genuinely stood my ground against her and told her no multiple times even went as to lengths to push her off me while this still went on for multiple hours. i felt completely helpless, knowing that my begging didn’t stop anything it made me fall right back into a harmful “sex = love” hypersexual mindset after so long and it was even more harmful and never went away. i also want to add i don’t blame nor have hate for either of these girls, they were probably going through something and one of them i know for a fact was being assaulted by her older brother which definitely led her to act like this.

it has been years since then and i am now in my first relationship where i have sex, its taken me admittedly longer than a lot of my friends to have sex and was a virgin (outside of the rape) up until a few months ago. the person i am dating is someone i genuinely trust and have known for years, they are the sweetest and most understanding person. i know she would never do anything to hurt me, she knows about my SA and is very careful with me, always asks for my consent and would never do something i didn’t 100% agree to. but i am still always worried if i don’t do sexual things for them, they will hate me or be disappointed in me. i have brought this up with her and she has reassured me multiple times that that is not the case, and i never have to do anything i don’t want to. but i can’t help but feel like that no matter what she says. i always feel the need to do stuff with my girlfriend even if i don’t want to and if i don’t i will feel useless and hated. but also, if i go too long without sex i feel like my girlfriend doesn’t love me and that i’m not useful to her anymore. so it’s just a lose lose no matter what. i never had these problems before because i hadn’t had sex, but now a wound has reopened and it’s really hard to deal with.

please, if anyone has advice on how to fix my relationship with sex that would be so helpful. i can’t speak to my therapist about this because i am a minor and she would tell my parents, the last thing i need right now is my parents pressing about my trauma and even potentially texting the kid’s parent’s, or even worse, not believing me (my parents are friends with those parents so i wouldn’t be surprised if they sided with them). i feel so alone and like i can’t talk to anyone about how this truly feels because no one would understand. i would love to hear some nice words </3 sorry if this is long i just needed to get it off my chest

Hello, I am trying to figure out if I may have been sexually abused or molested as a child. I am a 29 y/o female. I have been afraid of men since childhood. I totally avoided dating or getting close to males until age 23. Even hugging or making eye contact with my own male family members made me uncomfortable a lot of times. I can remember experiencing dissociation and having trouble recognizing myself in a mirror from as young as 5 or 6, as well as having anxiety. Also experienced existential dread/sadness around holidays and guilt around receiving gifts or attention. At age 5 or 6 I started sleeping in my own room. That ended pretty quickly and I started sleeping on the floor of my mom's bedroom on a sleeping bag. I did that, by choice, every night until 8th or 9th grade. I can't remember why, I just remember being terrified to sleep in my own room as well as having nightmares and seeing things in the dark that weren't there. Flash forward to when I started dating at 23, I always had difficulty with touching the men I dated. I had no issues with them touching me, but the idea of touching them (specifically on the penis) gave me anxiety and much discomfort. This has worsened after being raped by one of the men I dated. I didn't date for 5 years and had little to no interest in sex. I now have a boyfriend of 2 months and we engage in intimacy and he is aware of a lot of my trauma and very understanding and patient when I start to dissociate. He checks on me and wants to make sure we take a break when I need to. I trust him and feel safe and comfortable with him. But I am still scared of touching his penis with my hands (or mouth, but also part of the rape was oral so it's related to that). Could this (along with the other things I mentioned) be a sign of childhood sexual abuse? I know I have repressed memories in the past: I didn't remember until a few years ago I had found a dead body as a child. I have been trying to heal from sexual and several other types of trauma and been in therapy for about a year. I appreciate any insight or advice anyone is able to give. Thanks

Graphic sexual descriptions ahead, not sure if that needs a warning

I (F19) just left a very abusive relationship. He (M19) would get mad at me for everything under the sun and tell me there was no way to make it up to him. Then he’d be like, “Well, there is one way…” For context, he had a raging foot fetish. We were long distance, so if we weren’t together in person, I would have to more or less act like I was giving a footjob on camera? Like I’d have to pretend to have his dick between my feet and be jerking him off… or if it was one of the times we were in person it was the same idea of “well if you can make me cum I guess I can forgive you.” If I tried to say no for any reason, I’d be told something along the lines of, “Well, don’t you think you owe it to me?”He’d also regularly try to pressure me into nudes or intercourse in person (no, I did not ever have penetrative sex with him). I know this counts as like coercion because it was a situation of “well, either I do this or he goes back to yelling at and threatening me” but is this assault? At least the in person aspects of it? I was never really doing it because I wanted to but more because I felt like I had to. I’ve been assaulted before so I thought it would be easier for me to figure this out but I’m not really sure. I just want some closure :/

I posted the original story in r/twohottakes and it’s on my page but for a quick summary, I met a guy on bumble from a state I was planning to move back to end of this summer (no longer am) and drove down there to go to a work event of his with him. When I arrived at his house he forced himself on me and assaulted me. I guilted myself because I never gave a direct no but instead just froze and then lied my way out of hanging out with him and left.

After that, the following Monday, 2.5 days later, I made a call to the local pd in his state and made a report which lead to making a report with my PD and spending 8 hours in the ER doing a rape kit. Then more phone interviews, every screenshot possible, my phone info, etc.

I just now while at work got a call from the PD local to the guy asking for me to turn in my phone to my local PD for a day or two so they can get the data. I said I wasn’t sure about it as I need my phone for work and can’t really keep taking time off but ended up saying I guess I can when the officer explained it a few more times. He then said he needed to call around and see which stations near me could do it and hung up. I promptly sobbed right after.

I’ve been crying every couple of days since reporting it because I feel so empty and overwhelmed and I just want to move on. Sometimes I even wish I said nothing at all but now I want to drop it completely because it’s done nothing but become my life. I also can’t be around men alone or on a dating app because I’m so worried, more so I’ll just be used again and keep getting just the overwhelm feeling when thinking on what if a new Guy tries the same thing? Or if a guy friend does? Though I will say too, and I’m sure this is my brain trying to make reason with it, it’s not the worst I’ve experienced. But it is the only one that’s gone this far as for reporting.

I feel selfish and like I wasted time if I try to drop it, if they let me. But I also feel like I’m again no satisfaction or resolve from anything especially because come to find out this guy has a record and they haven’t done anything, and they seem like they’re grasping at straws with my case too as it’s looking like a he said she said situation. I want to be done, I want to breathe, and I want to move on. Yes I know it could happen to someone else and I possibly could be what stops him but I’m tired of suffering myself so someone else doesn’t have to, as terrible as that sounds. All I’ve ever done was fix men and mother them for them to find someone else after or been the one to put out everyone else’s fires. What do I do here?

I was assaulted by my tattoo artist, and now I have to look at their work on my body every day.

That’s the part people don’t really understand. It’s not just something that happened and ended. It didn’t stay in that room. It followed me home. It’s in the mirror. It’s in photos. It’s there when I’m just trying to exist normally.

People compliment the tattoo sometimes, and I don’t even know how to respond. Because to them it’s just art, but to me it’s tied to someone who crossed a line I can’t undo. There’s no separating it completely, no matter how much I try.

Some days I can ignore it. Other days it hits me out of nowhere and I feel stuck in it again. It’s exhausting having something permanent linked to a moment I didn’t choose.

I keep trying to take that control back, telling myself it’s my body and not theirs. But it’s not a switch I can flip. It’s something I have to work through over and over.

I don’t really have a clean way to wrap this up. Just that this is what it looks like for me right now and I can’t stop remembering it because it’s stuck on my body.

I’m 17(female) and I’ve been talking to and hanging out with a guy (also 17) for a couple months. He’s very sweet but there are some times I just feel disrespected by the way he treats me. Over the weekend, I wanted to hangout with him and I even begged my dad to let me go to his house. Of course my dad said no at first but he ended up changing his mind, but his parents had to be home. So I was like bettt and I went over there around 5ish. When I got there he asked me if I wanted to get high. And I was like ehh do u think ima be geeked by the time I get home and he was like “idk” so I say nah it’s ok. After i decided to help him sort some things in his room and once we were done he was like ima tell my mom we are going to pick up food. We eneded up smoking tg, which I didn’t mind I decided to do it. But here’s when things kinda go south, we drive back to his place and he showers. During this time I’m just scrolling on TikTok high asf while on his bed. After that we start kissing and he begins take off his shorts and I do the same. But before we even did anything more I said I wanted to use protection and I told him to grab a condom. He then proceeded to say “bru why you don’t need one I’ll pull out”.. keep in mind I’m always always advocating to use condoms and but he says it’s uncomfortable and can’t seem to get hard with one on. We tried using the condom but his shi kept dying and he started saying how it’s so uncomfortable.Anways after he said that I said that he had to respect my choice and how protection makes me feel better because I get paranoid about those typa things. He agreed and told me to come here and we ended up kissing and then we proceeded to have intercourse. I’m not sure how to feel because yes I consented to sex but ONLY with protection. Another thing that kinda alarmed me was he tried going down on me and I kept trying to move my legs and he would hold them down ig to show that like he wanted to yk but I would keep moving and getting on top of him so he wouldn’t do it.This happened maybe a couple of times. A few moments later I’m laying down on my phone texting my brother about something and bro starts eating me out from the back with out my consent. I didn’t realize what he was doing until I felt his tongue down yk. I quickly got up and was like I don’t like that. The next day I tell my friend what happened and she said it was lowk sa but I’m not sure. I feel like I let it happen. I reached out to hotlines for sa support and asked what they thought and they said I didn’t consent and he ignored my boundaries, but my step mom and teacher said it’s not sa because I didn’t say stop or try to physically fight him off. My step mom said that it seemed like it was consensual but “I just wanted protection” and then said “I’m sure you enjoyed It” she later came in my room and apologized because she didn’t realize the severity of the situation. I’m just so confused because the adults I talk to invalidate what I say. The only person who understood me was my friend. I’m not sure what to do because I like the guy a lot ik that sounds stupid but maybe it was a mistake. Since then he has apologized and expressed how bad he feels. He texted me saying”i rlly wasn’t thinking that much into it yesterday, i really do love and respect you a lot, i want you to trust me too, I feel really bad I wouldn’t want to ever do smth u didn’t want to do idk im sorry abt but I made a mistake and im sorry”. After my teacher told me it wasn’t Sa at school I began feeling bad because maybe I was overreacting and how my situation doesn’t fit the criteria of sa..I ended up apologizing to him and he kept expressing how sorry he was and how he doesn’t mean any harm. Every time I see him now it makes me nauseous and I feel like it’s going to continue to bother me. Sorry this post is really long.