i was assaulted when i was 17 and i feel like ill never get over it
it’ll be 10 years ago this summer
it’s just all consuming most of the time. I think about my rapist and look him up online just to torture myself and look at his face. I guess it makes it feel more real. because he drugged me, the memories of being raped are blurry and I can’t see his face. I just remember the feeling of being trapped and unable to stop what was happening, I couldn’t move.
I think about the night and the events that led to it often, and I think about who I could have been if it didn’t happen. and I think about how I wish I could have reported what happened. but it took me 6 years to finally accept it even happened..I started talk therapy and EMDR for this about 4 years ago, and it’s helped in ways. but it never goes away.
I told my mom what happened the morning after I was raped, she asked if I was sure I just don’t remember saying yes? it made me question the whole experience
I’ve had troubles accepting it’s real, but when it hits me that it’s real, it feels awful.
idk why I wrote this it’s a lot of just rambling.
I guess I wanna see if anyone can relate..