u/Extension-Storm-7307

im a straight man and I was homophobic for a lot of my life. i don’t want to upset anybody or get banned from here but I still sort of am but I don’t talk about it. I’m 17 and when I was 15 and 16 I was raped multiple times by boys and when they were doing it I developed an attraction to them but I don’t want to be bisexual or gay or anything. I have also been raped by women and girls but I got over it but I haven’t gotten over getting raped by boys because you know. I don’t talk to or see my rapists anymore, who 2 of them I knew from people from my old school and 1 was a stranger. but I can’t get over it.

i‘m not trying to come off as a bigot but I just don’t want to be bisexual

I got raped 10 months ago by a boy, who was a stranger. he beat me up then raped me. I recall his small 3 inch dick inside me. it felt good but I didn’t like it and he kissed me with tongue. I then sort of recall walking home and getting in the shower which I don’t do that often so it stuck in my memory. i must have cleaned the little bit of cum out of me and the cum down my inner thigh because I recall him finishing there. he also ripped off the some of the plaster tape I use to cover where I had slit my skin. I self harm a lot.

I then slept by my heater for the rest of the night. I didn’t remember the next 3 weeks. I don’t think I did anything or spoke to anyone. and no one noticed anything was wrong because I don’t speak to anyone anyway. and it took me 5 months to speak to my ‘friends’ again

I can’t even remember lots of last year .

fuck I’m a weak bitch

I’m a straight guy but sometimes i find myself attracted to men, I one time had a crush on my male friend. I’ve been like this since I was born and sometimes had crushes on male cartoon characters when I was younger. I’m now 17 and I don’t think it’s a phase.

I don’t think it’s bisexuality and I call myself straight because I would never date a man or do anything sexual with a man (again) and would only have a traditional marriage with a woman.

what is this called because I’m not bisexual. I’d also never openly use an lgbtq label but I just want to know if this is called anything…like I’m 99.99 percent straight