I want to stop pursuing my case, I don’t know what to do anymore
I posted the original story in r/twohottakes and it’s on my page but for a quick summary, I met a guy on bumble from a state I was planning to move back to end of this summer (no longer am) and drove down there to go to a work event of his with him. When I arrived at his house he forced himself on me and assaulted me. I guilted myself because I never gave a direct no but instead just froze and then lied my way out of hanging out with him and left.
After that, the following Monday, 2.5 days later, I made a call to the local pd in his state and made a report which lead to making a report with my PD and spending 8 hours in the ER doing a rape kit. Then more phone interviews, every screenshot possible, my phone info, etc.
I just now while at work got a call from the PD local to the guy asking for me to turn in my phone to my local PD for a day or two so they can get the data. I said I wasn’t sure about it as I need my phone for work and can’t really keep taking time off but ended up saying I guess I can when the officer explained it a few more times. He then said he needed to call around and see which stations near me could do it and hung up. I promptly sobbed right after.
I’ve been crying every couple of days since reporting it because I feel so empty and overwhelmed and I just want to move on. Sometimes I even wish I said nothing at all but now I want to drop it completely because it’s done nothing but become my life. I also can’t be around men alone or on a dating app because I’m so worried, more so I’ll just be used again and keep getting just the overwhelm feeling when thinking on what if a new Guy tries the same thing? Or if a guy friend does? Though I will say too, and I’m sure this is my brain trying to make reason with it, it’s not the worst I’ve experienced. But it is the only one that’s gone this far as for reporting.
I feel selfish and like I wasted time if I try to drop it, if they let me. But I also feel like I’m again no satisfaction or resolve from anything especially because come to find out this guy has a record and they haven’t done anything, and they seem like they’re grasping at straws with my case too as it’s looking like a he said she said situation. I want to be done, I want to breathe, and I want to move on. Yes I know it could happen to someone else and I possibly could be what stops him but I’m tired of suffering myself so someone else doesn’t have to, as terrible as that sounds. All I’ve ever done was fix men and mother them for them to find someone else after or been the one to put out everyone else’s fires. What do I do here?