r/sexadvise

i had a wet dream whcih was my first time ever ejeculating in my life and i'm really nervous about it, how often will it happen, i dont masterbate at all because it scares me

51F. 25+ years married

How are you dealing with sexual fantasies in a relationship where sex isn’t prioritized from the husband? I’ve always had fantasies about two men and myself but lately I’ve found that this is overwhelmingly taking over my thoughts. I find myself reading books specifically relating to this scenario. I have always wanted to do this but usually if we are actively engaging is sex on a regular basis I’m able to keep this down deep inside. Unfortunately, I’ve almost convinced myself that I deserve this at least once in my life.

I’m not sure if mentally or physically want to have an affair, it just seems the longer we go without being intimate the more that I’m becoming obsessed with these thoughts. I know that fantasy and reality are not exactly equal.

How often do you think a lack of sexual contact starts to lead people into sexual obsessions?

I’m sure many people have struggled with similar issues, but how often do these start to mentally become justified in a way where you are seriously considering looking outside the relationship to scratch an itch?

It’s like scolding a child when I bring up sex or lack of it. Immediately he becomes defensive like I’m getting on to him for not putting out. The truth is the he doesn’t seem to take it the way it’s meant when I bring it up. A few years ago, ED happened but the MD prescribed medication & that is no longer an issue if he chooses to take it. It’s almost like he is offended when I mention that we are not intimate often enough, I regret that years ago I didn’t prioritize sex the same way I should have because it was assumed we would always have it.

I’m a south asian med student F24 and I’m really stressed and have always dreamed of getting pounded I’m about to go over there soon but IM really nervous I met him on a swinger app any advice?

So we have been in a 4 years relationship and 3 of those were long distance. We were really sweet and cute most of the times when we were in different cities.

She moved to my city over a year ago.

At first we just hung around..i kissed her and she kissed me, we both were real happy.

Im sorry if i seem a bit noob but i like to go slow and so does she.

Then we got a bit more intimate with time. We kiss each here and there on the body… give each other hickeys

Just for the context that i have kissed her boobs and almost every part of her body. But i have never take off my pants, just the shirt.

Now my real wondering starts here that as a guy I need/want sex so bad but i haven’t initiated it even a bit. By the way she lets me finger her and she enjoys it and explain it as most blessfull feeling ever. This is because this is her first time being in a physical relationship. And mine too😭.

So we have a great thing going on but i dont know what to say or ask to be able to get her consent. Cuz she never says no to any thing physical we do. She’s a bit worried about bleeding too and suddenly asks me to see if she bleeding while im fingering her but she never is. But this has happened 3-4 times.

Summary is TO GET THE REAL ANSWER OF HOWWWWW and WHATTTT TO DO

Do you use lube during PIV sex? Is it something you have to have or just something you enjoy? What situations is lube necessary for PIV sex? Curious as to if my wife and I should be using it more often. She doesn’t have any issues with getting wet or staying wet, but sometimes lube helps with longer sessions and keeps her from being sore afterwards.

He (M40) works from 2am comes home around 12pm and then runs for an hour everyday. Hes always too exhausted to have sex with me and when we do I can tell he’s not fully into it cause he just wants to go to sleep or relax but he has no problem with laying there and receiving oral sex from me but I don’t get anything in return cause he falls asleep right after. Do I just accept this or what? It makes me feel like shit that he never wants to be intimate with me or pleasure me

Ladies does it excite you as much to have forbidden sex. If it’s someone who’s in a relationship or if it’s somewhere you’re not supposed to. Maybe somewhere public or at work. How exciting or how much of a turn on is that for you?

I am 40 years old, I have two children, and a husband who is distracted by the internet. I believe I am an absolutely beautiful woman. I like my plus-size body, which for years has carried and supported my family, kept my children healthy, and made my husband happy. For several years now, sex with my husband has declined a lot in quality. He does not focus, and I find myself searching for new adventures. I want to be the center of attention.

I watch gangbang porn because, in my mind, I have the fantasy of being penetrated by several men who are focused only on my pleasure. I feel a very strong sexual force inside me. I watch porn, but sometimes it bores me. What really turns me on is being the center of attention...being watched while I masturbate, being watched as I climax, being desired. My husband casually says that I am ‘frigid,’ but he has never really decided to explore me. I do not want to cheat on him. I only want to fantasize about adventures, about feeling desired. I would probably like to share photos or videos of myself, but the internet is a horrible place for that, and I do not want to just release them carelessly. I am not interested in money, but the idea of people asking me for things and giving me something in return excites me. Is this normal? What should I do? I feel a lot of guilt for writing this here. I know there are people here who only want naked pictures to collect or masturbate to, and I do not want that. I am looking for connection, for erotic tension. I truly miss that

Hi. As the title says, I really don’t know what to do, and I’m hoping to get advice from people with more experience.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years. The first 6 months were long distance. In the beginning, we used to have sex 3 times a day, which I know isn’t realistic long term, especially because we weren’t seeing each other all the time. After around 4 months, it naturally decreased to 2–3 times a week, which felt more normal.

But even during long distance, I started noticing things that bothered me. One time I visited him for a week, we had sex the first day, and then for several days after that he showed no interest at all, even when I started signaling. I eventually asked him, “Are you not that interested in having sex anymore?” and he said he was interested and didn’t understand why I asked. Almost as if he naturally expects to not have to show interest or anything for me to do the sex.

Over time, I started feeling like he was selfish in bed. In the beginning, he really seemed to try hard to impress me, but later it felt like he didn’t think he had to anymore. Almost like once he had “won me over,” he became more entitled and stopped putting in effort.

The reason I say that is because of things like this: one time we had checked into a hotel room, and he was just sitting on his phone. He told me to get changed because we were going out again, so I did. He was lying on the bed, still on his phone, and didn’t even look up at me once. I got absolutely no impression that he wanted intimacy. But then he made a comment like, “Fine, no sex then I guess,” which sat very wrong with me. It felt entitled and weird.

Another issue is that he barely does anything to me during sex. He has never touched my private parts. He mostly just has sex with me, and around 80% of the time I’m the one initiating and having to take the lead. Sometimes it honestly feels like I’m doing something I shouldn’t be doing, because he just lies there and barely moves while I’m the one making everything happen.

Fast forward to now: we’ve been together 1.5 years, and in the last 3 months I’ve been rejected 3 times. We now have sex maybe 2 times a month, and most of the time I’m still the one initiating. I brought it up recently and asked, “Why don’t you want to be intimate anymore?” He said, “I’m just tired.” I said, “But are you really too tired for sex 3 weeks in a row?” and he said maybe it’s because he works and I’ve been doing home office lately, so he’s more tired than me.

I then asked him if it had anything to do with me gaining 4 kilos. He said he hadn’t even noticed that I’d gained weight. He stroked my back and we fell asleep, but inside I felt really sad.

Also, the few times we do have sex now, he often pulls me on top of him, which honestly makes me feel like he’s just being lazy. One time I tried to do the same to him and said seductively, “I want you on top of me,” and he refused to move and said he was tired.

What confuses me is that I don’t necessarily feel like our relationship is cracked. He flirts with me by slapping my butt, kisses me, cuddles me, and is affectionate in general, but never in a way to move it to sexual. I also take care of myself, have good hygiene, and get compliments wherever I go by people.

I guess I just don’t know how to interpret this. Advice is much needed.

So for context, me (17F) and my bf (16M) have been together for nearly 8 months. This is both our first long term relationship, and it’s also the first relationship were we both have kissed people, we had our first kiss with each other. I really like him, and he really likes me too. I don’t doubt he likes me. At the start of the relationship he didn’t like, initiate any touch? Like no hugs, no hand holding and no kissing. He only started to do that after I’ve done it first, I’ve also told him that if i wasn’t okay with anything I would tell him and expect him to do the same.

Ever since we reached a stage where we got over the shy part of just kissing, things have been going very good. We make out and give hickeys, but that’s it really. Even the making out part took kinda a long time for us to get comfortable, we only started doing that around month 4. I know every relationship is different and it’s perfectly fine that we take things slow.

I think I was also expecting him to jump at any change to kiss or touch, seeing as he is a teenage boy. But before I gave the green light, which btw was me literally telling him ‘you know ur allowed to kiss me right? I’m ur gf, u don’t even have to ask, please kiss me’ he wasn’t pushing for anything. Once again I know this is good. But I couldn’t mind him touching, he hadn’t even grabbed a boob (but that might be my fault, once we were cuddling, he pushed my top to scratch my back and once I got off him my top didn’t fall down so I flashed him my whole chest. I didn’t react the best, as I face planted my bed cuddling my blanket just saying ‘noooo’ and ‘what did u see? Was it bad?’ My poor bf just tried to comfort me by saying he didn’t see, ofc he saw, he said that my boobs don’t look bad and that they look ‘healthy, u don’t seem to have cancer.’ After that whole flash incident one of my friends informed my bf that I cried about it, I did kinda clarify with my bf that I cried later on out of embarrassment.) So yeah, his hands have not been anywhere near my boobs, but he does on occasion grab my bum.

He also just turned 16, which is the age of consent. But I’ve been thinking of taking things further even before he turned 16, I haven’t told him this tho. He also does have a stash of condoms which his mom bought, but they were bought at the start of the relationship as a joke. His mom and my mom both ask us sex questions, so it became habit for me and my bf to joke about the sex conversations. We have started joking about ‘straight teeth’ which Ik sounds painful, but it’s just a joke but I think it’s important because before we started being comfortable giving each other hickeys we joked about hickeys. I also went out and bought condoms, I didn’t tell him this and the condoms are hidden in my room, I bought them months ago just in case.

I’ve also not indicated anything more than kissing, my hands have not touched any part of him in a sexual way before.

The point is, I’m too shy to ask my bf about sex. And I don’t think I’m ready for full sex, I don’t think I’ll be comfortable with him seeing me fully naked and I don’t like the way my kitty looks (girls with outies will understand). I know my bf isn’t going to judge me, but I’m not on the skinner side, he doesn’t seem to mind as his played with my tummy fat and even given me tummy messages to tickle me. I’ll be comfortable with sucking him off, how do I bring this up to him when we only laugh about sex and that sort of stuff? Also I’ve felt him be hard around me before, and never bought this up so I’m pretty sure he does have some sort of want?

long story

My husband went to hang out with a friend we’ve both known for over 13 year’s he’s hung out with him multiple times. My husband was gone all night normal when he goes out. I wake up around 7am to 10+ texts saying to come get him asap followed by a I am already here call. I asked him what happened he said our friend tried to make a move on him. He said they were drinking the roommates went to sleep and things got weird. our friend who is introverted and stand offish normally tried to seduce my husban? My gut is telling me there’s more to this stor. My husband says he tried to rub his inner thigh and he grabbed his hand and twisted it back saying wtf are you doing. To which our friend replied I thought we were doing something i bought you booze and picked you up and tried to have my husband smell something called poppers? My husband is quite intoxicated while telling me this and says he told him what about his family and he’s married…. At this point I don’t know if I should throw up or be angry maybe both. I wanted to call our so called friend for the story he said no to leave it alone he’s never hanging out with him again. Is my husband GAY ??? I’m truly disgusted we’ve been together 12 years.

Ok, lately I’ve been obsessed with a sinful fantasy. I know it’s wrong, I wouldn’t do it in real life. I’m in my early fifties, looking back I’ve never been able to completely shake this 100%. I’m constantly thinking about what it would be like to have had intimate relations with two men at once.

In an effort to not create a post that becomes sinful or violates the rules of the subreddit. While being a Christian have you ever struggled with this type of fantasy, one that you know is wrong but still doesn’t seem to just go away. Please only reply with a Yes/No answer, I’m not looking to justify this but rather understand if a large percentage of Christian people also struggle with one specific challenge in their walk.

I’ve been going on some dates with this new guy and he’s been pretty passive. It took me awhile to even realize that he was interested and even to this day idk if he finds me attractive. Anyways we’ve been on a handful of dates that have seemingly gone well I’ve met his friends and we have good conversations. Things haven’t escalated much physically and the only thing I’ve come up with is maybe he’s trying to take things slow.

Mind you he gives off F boy vibes but irl he’s passive, doesn’t seem as confident as his online persona, and isn’t very physical in terms of touching (maybe that’s not his love language)

Anyways I’ve noticed that he keeps updating his dating profile which in theory he’s always super busy and I didn’t think he even had time to date anyone else, but is he taking me seriously if he keeps updating his dating profile or are things not going as well as I thought?

So, I’ve recently really been into edging before sex. It makes the orgasm way more powerful. The problem is sometimes I am so pent up I cum very quickly. But it’s almost a habit I’ve made at this point.. any tips on still doing this but maybe a different method? I love how like it makes me just this savage animal during sex haha

Ps (I’m male)

My boyfriends love language is physical touch and he very heavily relies on sex. Lately (In particularly after child birth) my labido has been shit and I just can't seem to want to get myself in the mood to have sex or to even solo play. This is affecting our relationship as he's not getting his love language and sex is feeling like a chore to keep him happy. He wants me to try more but I don't know how to get my labido back up to try or how to give him that level of love language without it being sex (cuddles and stuff just aren't enough for him). Any advice would be helpful!

Me and my bf (21M) got together about 2 months ago and it’s been great. This is my first relationship, and pretty much all of my sexual firsts have been with him as well.

I told him when we first got together that I had never orgasmed, even by myself. He’s very caring and puts my pleasure first, but has not been able to make me finish because I always get overstimulated and ask him to stop.

Recently, I’ve been experimenting with a vibrator and have been able to orgasm, but have discovered that I squirt. Every single time. This honestly feels kinda gross and it makes clean up such a pain.

I’m not even sure if I should tell him - it feels embarrassing to be honest. But I feel like now that I know this, it’ll make orgasming with him twice as unlikely since I have a mental block around it. But my orgasms are kind of weak and underwhelming anyways - so I don’t really care whether I finish but he really wants to make me come.

Can anyone who also squirts please provide some advice around getting over this shame? Advice on how to navigate this situation with my BF would be appreciated as well.

I’m an attractive woman in my 20s, but after some traumas and feeling used in situationships, I stopped enjoying sex. And I developed a huge fear of young, attractive men, because I know they have multiple options and the chances of them using my body just as a place to finish, without actually loving me or committing, are very high.

Sex with these guys is awful. They don’t care if you orgasm or if they are actually pleasing you… as long as they cum, they’re satisfied and move on. And I can’t relax with these guys. Even worse when, the first time, they ask to cum in your mouth so they don’t even have to deal with cleaning their own mess (which they themselves find gross, but expect you to swallow). For me, it’s a nightmare to casually date these young attractive men because they literally treat us like a disposable toy they want to use to finish, without putting in any effort.

I used to live in this constant cycle of disappointment. But everything changed when I created an OF. Because yes, I was still being used there, but this time not for free. If they want nudes or attention, they send hundreds or thousands of dollars. They usually compliment you a lot because they are already bored with their marriage, so they see you as the “unattainable” dream young girl and do everything they can to please you. Of course, they are still assholes, but at least these ones are helping you grow in life and not completely wasting your time and energy.

One day I decided to date a guy I met on my page. He was 30 years older than me, but he was an attractive, romantic, kind, very rich and sexy American. A dream DILF. He became obsessed with me… and ended up being the best boyfriend I ever had. He would send me flowers and chocolates every day. And during sex, this man would never finish without making sure I had orgasmed multiple times.

But one day, after 5 years together, he died. He took his own life when his company went through a legal case.

I spent a long time grieving… but recently I tried going out again with guys in their 20s and I felt terrible, like I was going back to hell.

Unfortunately, my parents always taught me that I should have high standards and look for promising men, so I decided to go out with playboys who live in my high-end neighborhood.

And also because I was sure that broke men would only be with me out of interest, trying to take advantage of my OnlyFans money, which has reached a high level. And it's not wrong, but I don’t find it sexy or attractive to be the provider in a relationship with a man.

So I tried going out with some playboys around here. But honestly… sex with these guys doesn’t even come close to what I had with that man.

They don’t care about creating good moments and they give off such an immature vibe. And they think that just because they are good-looking they can simply show up and expect sex without making any effort. They are not romantic, not interesting, they don’t even know how to have intelligent conversations.

So now, when I go out with attractive men my age, I feel sad because I know they will never be like the 50-year-old man I was with before.

When I slept with these guys, I just wanted it to end quickly because I couldn’t feel any pleasure. Because there is no connection, no trust, no passion. For me, reaching orgasm isn’t just physical… it’s psychological too. And I think I became somewhat demisexual. And that sucks, because nowadays to find a boyfriend you first have to hook up or keep things casual to see if the person wants to stay in your life or fall in love, and I hate that.

Anyway… I hate, hate, hate modern life. It’s exactly like it’s portrayed in Sex and the City. I hate having to keep sleeping with assholes that I barely know without even enjoying it, just to find someone or figure out if they actually want me. I hate having to give oral to guys I don’t love just because they are athletic and attractive. I would much rather be with an older man with wrinkles who treats me like a queen and with real love, than with these fake idiots who don’t even try to be minimally interesting in a woman’s life.

But at the same time… these older men are usually already married and hard to find, so it’s complicated.

Anyway… I feel lost. I hate situationships with all my heart. I hate this hookup culture. I hate having to deal with other people’s bodily fluids without even being in love. For me it’s disgusting and emotionally very painful, to the point where I feel like crying during it or just waiting for them to finish so I can end it. Going on dates has become torture. But at the same time, I’m scared of ending up alone for not even trying or not leaving the house.

Me and my boyfriend are teenagers but I’m not gonna say how old, we’ve been talking about doing sexual things but I just don’t know when is a good time. We’ve only been dating for a couple months I’m just scared to be judged for doing stuff too early.