u/Small_Escape_2794

I’m an attractive woman in my 20s, but after some traumas and feeling used in situationships, I stopped enjoying sex. And I developed a huge fear of young, attractive men, because I know they have multiple options and the chances of them using my body just as a place to finish, without actually loving me or committing, are very high.

Sex with these guys is awful. They don’t care if you orgasm or if they are actually pleasing you… as long as they cum, they’re satisfied and move on. And I can’t relax with these guys. Even worse when, the first time, they ask to cum in your mouth so they don’t even have to deal with cleaning their own mess (which they themselves find gross, but expect you to swallow). For me, it’s a nightmare to casually date these young attractive men because they literally treat us like a disposable toy they want to use to finish, without putting in any effort.

I used to live in this constant cycle of disappointment. But everything changed when I created an OF. Because yes, I was still being used there, but this time not for free. If they want nudes or attention, they send hundreds or thousands of dollars. They usually compliment you a lot because they are already bored with their marriage, so they see you as the “unattainable” dream young girl and do everything they can to please you. Of course, they are still assholes, but at least these ones are helping you grow in life and not completely wasting your time and energy.

One day I decided to date a guy I met on my page. He was 30 years older than me, but he was an attractive, romantic, kind, very rich and sexy American. A dream DILF. He became obsessed with me… and ended up being the best boyfriend I ever had. He would send me flowers and chocolates every day. And during sex, this man would never finish without making sure I had orgasmed multiple times.

But one day, after 5 years together, he died. He took his own life when his company went through a legal case.

I spent a long time grieving… but recently I tried going out again with guys in their 20s and I felt terrible, like I was going back to hell.

Unfortunately, my parents always taught me that I should have high standards and look for promising men, so I decided to go out with playboys who live in my high-end neighborhood.

And also because I was sure that broke men would only be with me out of interest, trying to take advantage of my OnlyFans money, which has reached a high level. And it's not wrong, but I don’t find it sexy or attractive to be the provider in a relationship with a man.

So I tried going out with some playboys around here. But honestly… sex with these guys doesn’t even come close to what I had with that man.

They don’t care about creating good moments and they give off such an immature vibe. And they think that just because they are good-looking they can simply show up and expect sex without making any effort. They are not romantic, not interesting, they don’t even know how to have intelligent conversations.

So now, when I go out with attractive men my age, I feel sad because I know they will never be like the 50-year-old man I was with before.

When I slept with these guys, I just wanted it to end quickly because I couldn’t feel any pleasure. Because there is no connection, no trust, no passion. For me, reaching orgasm isn’t just physical… it’s psychological too. And I think I became somewhat demisexual. And that sucks, because nowadays to find a boyfriend you first have to hook up or keep things casual to see if the person wants to stay in your life or fall in love, and I hate that.

Anyway… I hate, hate, hate modern life. It’s exactly like it’s portrayed in Sex and the City. I hate having to keep sleeping with assholes that I barely know without even enjoying it, just to find someone or figure out if they actually want me. I hate having to give oral to guys I don’t love just because they are athletic and attractive. I would much rather be with an older man with wrinkles who treats me like a queen and with real love, than with these fake idiots who don’t even try to be minimally interesting in a woman’s life.

But at the same time… these older men are usually already married and hard to find, so it’s complicated.

Anyway… I feel lost. I hate situationships with all my heart. I hate this hookup culture. I hate having to deal with other people’s bodily fluids without even being in love. For me it’s disgusting and emotionally very painful, to the point where I feel like crying during it or just waiting for them to finish so I can end it. Going on dates has become torture. But at the same time, I’m scared of ending up alone for not even trying or not leaving the house.

Yep. I'm an attractive woman on my 20s but after a few traumas and feeling used about situationships I stopped enjoyed sex. And I developed a crazy fear of young attractive guys, because I know they have multiple options of women and the chances of them using my body just as a deposit of cum without actually loving me or committing are very high.

Sex with these guys is also awful. They don't care if you cum or if they are pleasing you... as long as they cum they will just be satisfied and move on. And I can't actually chill with these guys.

I used to live in a constant heart-break having situationships with guys of my age. But everything changed when I created an Onlyfans. Because yes, I was being used now, but not for free. If they want nudes, they send hundreds of dollars. If they want attention, they send thousands. They give you a lot of compliments because they are already bored with their marriage so they see you as the unavailable girl of their dreams and do everything they can to please you. Ofc, they are also assholes, but these ones are actually helping you a lot to grow in life and not wasting your time.

One day I decided to date a guy that I found on my page. He was 30 years older than me but he was attractive, romantic, kind, very rich and sexy. Like a dream DILF. He became obssessed with me, and turns out he was the best boyfriend I could ever have. He used to send me flowers and chocolates everyday. And during sex... these man would never move on without being sure I came multiple times to him. For him it was more important if I would cum than if he would cum. And he was always doing the most romantic surprises for me. I had the best relationship with this man.

But one day he died. He committed su1c1 de when his company went through a huge lawsuit that would destroy his whole career.

I spent a long time grieving... but now I recently tried to go out with 20 something guys again and I just feel so bad. Unfortunately my parents always taught me that I should have high standards and look for promising guys, so I decided to go out with playboys that live in my fancy neighborhood. Because poor guys would only be with me if they could take advantage of my OF money and that is not sexy for me. But yuck... sex with those dudes is not nearly good as it was with that man.

There are no good moments and they give out such an immature vibe. And they think that only because they are handsome they can just appear and expect sex without doing any effort. They are not romantic, they are not interesting. So now when I go out in dates with them I feel sad because I know they will never be like the man I was with before. And when I had sex with them I just wanted it to end soon because I couldn't feel any % of pleasure. Because for me its also psychologic... I think I became somehow demisexual and that sucks because now in order to find a boyfriend you need to hook up first and I hate it.

Anyway... I hate modern life. It's exactly how it is pictured on Sex and the City. I hate that I have to keep fucking assholes without actually enjoying it in order to find someone or to find out if they really want me. I hate having to suck cocks of guys that I'm not in love with only because they look hot.

So I've been developing a pattern of only having feelings for guys that are way older than me. But at the same time these guys are usually married already so its hard.

Anyway... I feel lost. I hate situationships with the bottom of my heart. I hate hookup culture. I hate having to touch other peoples fluids without even being in love. For me it's gross and its emotionally so painful to do it to the point of me wanting to cry while doing this or cheering for it to stop asap.