I don't know what I looking for...
I am 40 years old, I have two children, and a husband who is distracted by the internet. I believe I am an absolutely beautiful woman. I like my plus-size body, which for years has carried and supported my family, kept my children healthy, and made my husband happy. For several years now, sex with my husband has declined a lot in quality. He does not focus, and I find myself searching for new adventures. I want to be the center of attention.
I watch gangbang porn because, in my mind, I have the fantasy of being penetrated by several men who are focused only on my pleasure. I feel a very strong sexual force inside me. I watch porn, but sometimes it bores me. What really turns me on is being the center of attention...being watched while I masturbate, being watched as I climax, being desired. My husband casually says that I am ‘frigid,’ but he has never really decided to explore me. I do not want to cheat on him. I only want to fantasize about adventures, about feeling desired. I would probably like to share photos or videos of myself, but the internet is a horrible place for that, and I do not want to just release them carelessly. I am not interested in money, but the idea of people asking me for things and giving me something in return excites me. Is this normal? What should I do? I feel a lot of guilt for writing this here. I know there are people here who only want naked pictures to collect or masturbate to, and I do not want that. I am looking for connection, for erotic tension. I truly miss that