r/relationshipadvice

We’ve [41F] [39M] been married 12 years, things were great for a long time. Two kids later, we’ve had some rocky patches but have came through the other side up until recently. The last few years I’ve felt a distance developing between us, I’ve spoken to her about it multiple times and talked about ways to reignite our marriage but nothing seems to work. More recently she was become very hostile if the subject is ever brought up which makes me just become avoidant and distant. We’ve tried counselling and all the standard “fixes” but nothing seems to work. As things got worse, our fights got worse and we’ve both raised the idea of divorce at least once. The thing is, for better or worse, I do still love her, I want to fix this but I just don’t think I can.

Through all of this, our sex life has unsurprisingly suffered. At this point we haven’t slept together in a couple months and the distance seems to only be increasing. She’s made requests that I be more “affectionate without expectation” which I have really been working on. In response to the last few moves I tried to make, she told me she felt “unsafe”, not physically but in our relationship. I’m unsure what this means and have asked her how to make her feel safe. She said I need to work on my communication and affection and maybe, sometime in the future she would feel comfortable with intimacy again.

I’m fully aware that there’s 2 sides to every story and she may see this all slightly differently but in my opinion, I feel like I’m really trying. I find myself feeling down quite often but I try to not let it bleed through although I’m sure at times it does. I feel like she’s putting the onus mostly in me to fix this marriage. It feels like a “do these tricks and I’ll give you a treat” scenario with a constantly moving target. I’m honestly looking for advice, critical or not as it’s really messing with my head. Thanks Reddit!

My bf was in a relationship long ago that was not appropriate, he was 29 and the girl was 16. I believe it was totally consensual but the girl ended up reporting him later on and saying that he was abusive and groomed her into it. He knows it was wrong but swears that he was not abusive and if anything she seems like she is very manipulative. They have a child and I believe she is just trying to play this card to get what she wants. He told me about this right away when we started dating but I have learned a little more detail and obviously there is another side to the story even though I don’t think it’s reliable. I have no reason not to trust him or anything now. Our relationship is amazing. He is an awesome dad. But the fact that it happened at all is not great. Advice for how I should be handling it? Leave the past in the past?

Apart from a few pecks and hugs, for the past 3 weeks to a month she has just really stopped wanting to do anything more with me. I’ve asked her a couple of times if she’s okay and if I’ve done anything wrong as we’ve always been fairly intimate (for the past 1.5 years we’ve been together), she has always said that it has nothing to do with and that she’s fine, just not in the mood. I understand it’s not always the time but it’s unlike her to go so long without wanting to do anything more.

I simply want to know what she might be feeling from anyone who’s experienced something similar on either end. Any knowledge/advice is more than welcome.

Thank you 🫶

I’m not sure how to describe this. We took a break because things were not looking up. His mental health was truly affecting me.

He wasn’t making a change for himself. It’s just so incredibly hard right now and I’m lonely but I’m not alone if that makes sense. I saw him today and I couldn’t get a read if he was making changes, but he still felt like the same person in good ways and bad ways. He is so gentle and kind with kids, helps me financially. He promised to go to therapy and since then, has and has mentioned it is helping how he looks at his emotions. But then he still isn’t taking care of himself. Just today, he literally had a throw up stain in his car because he just “didn’t want to clean it yet” or some excuse for that and it’s been there for a while. And I tried to talk to him about things that do matter to me like his job or his medical benefits. He doesn’t even know what he has he just “picked it” as he says. It’s not that I want someone to have everything in life 100% together but I want to see someone at least putting in the extra effort for themselves. And if I’m thinking of a future with him and a family, it doesn’t give a feeling that I’ll be safe and probably will struggle in several ways. And not a struggle we would do together I imagine it’ll be me trying to figure out all the planning while he just continues to say “I’m here for you”—the only validation I really get are just words.

I think I just need to talk to him about how I feel but it’s just only words of reassurance which makes my mind only want to believe him. I just can’t tell from the difference if he is really trying or if he is just telling me what I want to hear.

Im at a bit of a cross roads as of recently and need some advice, we’ve been together for 2 years and my bf still hasn’t told me he loves me. He’s a very loving person and has told me in the past that his last girl was the love of his life and how he’ll never love someone like that again (they were together for 7 years). I watch him daily telling the rest of the world he loves them, including his female and male friends, even going as far as to tell me he’d do anything for them. But when I tell him I love him he says “thank you I appreciate that” at first I thought he was just waiting for the right time but at this point I’m not to sure. I’ve brought it up to him before and he made it clear he only says “i love you” when he really means it and we’re just not ready for that yet. I don’t know if I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who can’t commit to loving me after 2 years together every single day. I’m starting to worry that he’s using me as a sort of stepping stone, I mean I’ve been with him through some of the hardest parts of his life and I’ve been right there the whole time. He’s even recently gotten dependent on me to do things for him on the daily to the point where he stopped asking and just started expecting; I have no issue doing any of this, but I’m now worried that he’s using me to take care of his mess well he secretly looks for the real love of his life. I love him with all of my heart and I really don’t want to end our relationship, but I can’t help this sinking feeling that I’m right and he’s just using me to get his life together so he can be perfect for someone else. I really need some guidance on what to do right now, Id hate for it to end like this but I feel very under appreciated and un-loved and he just can’t seem to understand that.

How can I save this without hurting myself anymore? How to stop feeling so strongly about 3 stupid words?

I [23F] have a guy [24M] best friend and we expressed our feelings for each other a few months back, however, he’s not in the space for a relationship and I completely understand that. But I recently told him I might start dating again just so he doesn’t think I’m waiting for him (i don’t want him to resent me if I do) and he was very emotional about that comment. Ever since then he’s been more distant, but that was not my intention at all. I asked him if he was upset about it and he said no and that i should live my life. But i want him in it. I know I’m very avoidant and I do self-sabotage a lot. But I want to explain myself further to him because I do care a lot about him and would like to further our relationship. Do you think it would be best if I did talk to him more about it?

I feel like we’ve all been there but I’ve struggled with it in the past. There are plenty of scenarios you can plug in here that all apply. From being out on a date night and she has quite a bit more to drink than you, or coming home from a girls night, or you pick her up from a function she had a lot to drink at.

The same scenarios can apply to either partner.

Most of the time these scenarios have happened when I’m either really tired or I’m just not in a super energetic and fun mood. Unfortunately, when my girlfriend is buzzed up like this she’s almost always energetic and wanting to be fun and I feel like I’m just a major mood killer because I don’t match with her. It even turned into a drunk fight one night.

What kind of advice do you guys have when in those kinds of scenarios? I hate that I’m not able to match her energy and it’s not like it’s always 3am when this happens so there’s lots of time together afterward, and the fact that she’s pretty buzzed up makes any negative reactions from me really amplified to her.

I [23F] have a guy [24M] best friend and we expressed our feelings for each other a few months back, however, he’s not in the space for a relationship and I completely understand that. But I recently told him I might start dating again just so he doesn’t think I’m waiting for him (i don’t want him to resent me if I do) and he was very emotional about that comment. Ever since then he’s been more distant, but that was not my intention at all. I asked him if he was upset about it and he said no and that i should live my life. But i want him in it. I know I’m very avoidant and I do self-sabotage a lot. But I want to explain myself further to him because I do care a lot about him and would like to further our relationship. Do you think it would be best if I did talk to him more about it?

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 5 years. We live about 1.5 hours apart and see eachother about 1-2 times every 2 weeks. We don’t talk over the phone too much but we text every day. I have two important conversations I want to have with her regarding our near and distant future - nothing bad happened but these are important convos to have at this stage in our relationship. I want them to be in-person.

She works about 10-11 hours per day and then on top of that has to take care of her mother and sister emotionally and financially + other family issues so she already has a ton on her plate and she has expressed how stressed she is.

I feel that even bringing up one of these convos right now would add even more pressure to her life - let alone two conversations.

They are both important, especially to me but I don’t want to make her life even more difficult right now. They are also both very sensitive topics. The topic of conversations are consistently in my mind and are beginning to stress me out.

I’d like some perspective from a stranger, since I am in the thick of it and my mind spins.

Thank you in advance.

I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now. We met when we were 16 and started dating at 17 during our junior year of high school. So we are both 19.

I don't really know where to start this off so I'll lay out our current situation. He works all the time so we don't really have time to do anything. He starts work at 6-7am and gets home at around 7pm. He comes over after work and all we really do is lay down and have sex.

Our relationship wasn't always like this, though. This past summer was pretty fun, we went out every weekend, he bought me flowers every week and we were just at a better place than where we are now. We have been stuck in our current routine for about 5-6 months as of right now.

I have constantly voiced my opinions and feelings to him, and I have told him numerous times that I want to go out even if it is just to eat or get something to drink and walk around somewhere. I have constantly told him that I want to be told to get ready and he'll pick me up at said time and to not always be asked what I want to do. I want to be able to be feminine and not have to tell him what to do all the time. He promises to try but we always end up at my house not doing anything because he never has money and when he does he always spends it on subscriptions or buying food for himself.

I don't want to sound like a spoiled brat or anything, but it couldn't hurt him to plan something once in a while and take me out for dinner or take me to a carnival or plan a date. I don't want something extravagant just something thoughtful but he never has money.

I have constantly voiced my opinions and feelings to him, and I have told him numerous times that I want to go out even if it is just to eat or get something to drink and walk around somewhere. I have constantly told him that I want to be told to get ready and he'll pick me up at said time and to not always be asked what I want to do. I want to be able to be feminine and not have to tell him what to do all the time. He promises to try but we always end up at my house not doing anything because he never has money and when he does he always spends it on subscriptions or buying food for himself.

I don't want to sound like a spoiled brat or anything, but it couldn't hurt him to plan something once in a while and take me out for dinner or take me to a carnival or plan a date. I don't want something extravagant just something thoughtful but he never has money. He makes good money too; he makes 1k a week.

I have really grown to love this boy, and I try to be understanding, but it’s hard when I am begging for things that should be a given in a relationship, especially out of high school.

I also want to emphasize that my issue isn't only about his lack of money: it is his lack of effort. I constantly have to remind him to do things for me. He also always seems to have excuses ready for whenever I bring anything up. I could really use some advice, thank you!

Hi, i’m my boyfriend’s [21] first girlfriend [F19], and ive been with him for 6 months. I’m 182cms tall & 55kgs. I’ve never felt this insecure about my body in a relationship. I constantly find myself comparing my body to others girls online. I used to be able to wear “revealing” clothes before meeting him but now find myself unable to do so without feeling like a “slut”.

It started with him making comments about my legs, how theres a stubble, which ive told him i can’t get a closer shave without having irritation which he answered back with “there’s many other ways to fix that”. I was already a bit hurt but that was nothing compared to what i’ve heard from him during these past 6 months.

I’ve unfortunately never heard a good comment from him. “When are your boobs going to get big again?” which he knows is before my period. He often brings up the fact that my ass is boney, spikey. Once we were at a family gathering and he whispered in my ear how my thighs look child bearing when i’m sitting down. I asked “so do they not look child bearing when i’m standing up?” which he didnt really say much to. I have a thigh gap, I do have a thin figure so i just feel like im not what he likes.

Once I was at the gym, and I told him how this girl was at this machine for awhile, and what other muscle group I should do. In which he recommended “butt muscles”, and i asked him why and he simply said because i should work on it. I instantly felt unmotivated as i already have been obviously trying to improve my legs & glutes.

During sex, i brought up the idea of him holding my boobs because he doesn’t really touch them but i feel like i’m forcing him to. like he doesnt actually want to since he doesn’t do it willingly, ever.

We did anal for the first time recently, it went great, he felt great. but most recently, during vaginal penetration, he told me how he doesnt feel anything, which turned me off. It was a position that prior, he liked. (me being on top of him). Hes expressed how anal feels better for him because it’s tight while my vagina isnt that tight.

He opened up about having access to porn from a very young age and how it affected his brain during high school. Told me how he’d hear from girls at school about having uni boobs, and how I don’t have one. and was openly describing my boobs vs what they were talking about(like idk what to tell him lol)

From the beginning, hes been wanting to try crazy things in bed (from porn) which most haven’t worked out for us.

I understand his curiosity and honesty, but I feel like im being judged and evaluated during intimacy and when i’m naked. I’ve told him and he’s apologized, but i don’t feel wanted, liked. I don’t feel like I am what he wants in a body.

I don’t know what to do anymore, he said he’ll be more careful with the comments he makes which i appreciate but, doesn’t erase the way he once saw me or my body. He’s openly called me insecure AFTER apologizing, but hasn’t really given me the reassurance not to be. I’ve been kinda depressed about this for a while so anything will help, even if i’m not being reasonable, let me know, thank you.

I (34F) have been with my husband (40M) for nearly 14 years and we’ve been married 3.5 years. Until recently, we have always had a good, solid relationship which has been fun and affectionate. We have never fought or argued. I’ll admit that I was pushing him to propose at 10 years but he did so of his own choice and ever since has talked about our wedding and marriage fondly. However, over the past year or so, my husbands personality has changed. He is no longer fun and adventurous like he used to be and is instead grumpy, distant and is out late most evenings doing hobbies, he is also regularly at the gym during the day. A year after we married (around 3 years ago) he got made redundant from a business he had ended up directing. He had a pay out which was around a year’s salary. Whilst daunting, he was happy for the move and I supported him through this as he had a plan going forward and he had never been happy whilst working for the company. The idea was he was going to set up his own business and renovate the house we had bought together and renovate and sell another house he had bought before we were married. He has done a lot of work on our house together but it has been up together for almost 2 years now. Instead, he since has got addicted to buying scrap cars, some of which he will fix and sell or use himself, which has made him some income, but our beautiful garden has been turned into a scrap yard of the cars that haven’t moved (much to my annoyance and that of the neighbours). I’ll admit that i have complained about it to him as it has caused me a lot of stress. I have never stopped him doing it though and just let it go. He has done minimal work to the original house he needed to sell. We have a large mortgage on our house together which is now about to jump to a huge amount each month (possibly an extra £800 a month) which I cannot afford by myself. He doesn’t want to work for anyone else but he has no idea what business he wants to do. He is nearly out of savings. This added financial stress has made me worry in recent months. I have a full time job but am currently on maternity leave. I had our baby around 5 months ago following 1.5 years of IVF. During my pregnancy the shift in his personality seemed to happen and that is when he started going out all the time. He is a great Dad when he is here but nothing has changed in him going out, even when I was struggling in the early days with a newborn. When I brought up the figures for our upcoming mortgage payments recently, he has now dropped the bombshell that he isn’t happy (though apparently its not me) and he is questioning our relationship. He says he isn’t cheating. Whilst I knew his personality had changed, I never thought there was a risk to us and it has blindsided me. I worry that he has underlying health issues causing this. My heart is breaking at the thought of him leaving me and our baby.

This is a really weird situation for me. I'm not the most confident or charismatic guy, but I've been in a couple relationships and had some short term things but with this girl I've been seeing the past 4 months I can't seem to get comfortable.

To give some context, I got out of a four year relationship about eight months ago. This girl I'm seeing now I actually knew from some time ago. We used to be super close in grade school and early high school but around grade 10 we slowly drifted apart, and i hadn't spoken to her since then.

We reconnected and hit it off and we've been seeing each other pretty consistently since then. After a couple months I asked her to be my girlfriend and she told me that she wasn't ready, but wanted to work towards that and just take it slow. Honestly, that was probably a good decision because as I mentioned, l still can't seem to be fully comfortable around her.

I don't know what it is. I think it stems from the fact that I'm really happy with her. Maybe I think I'm gonna mess it up and so l analyze everything I do and get in my head when I'm with her instead of just being present in the moment and enjoy enjoying it. I'm just so scared and worried that I fucked it all up, I saw her tonight and she kind of called me out for it. I told her she still makes me a little nervous and she said I looked closed off and brought me closer to her, and I hugged her and kissed her. But I just felt so awkward.

I really want to fix this because I don't wanna lose her and make her feel like I'm a nervous wreck or I'm not completely confident myself. And maybe I'm not 100%, but I know there's something going on. That's making me feel this way.

Little bit of back story - we have been married for 4 years and friends for almost 15. We have 2 children and an overall really great relationship.

Recently she was diagnosed with ADHD and has been taking medication to help with some issues. She has never felt more clear headed. This has also caused some behavioral changes, she’s more mute. She’s less emotive with me, less affectionate. She has this world of things she’s dealing with. Shes also getting therapy for past SA trauma.

She is my best friend and I’m doing my best to support her in this new time of learning about her self and dealing with all these new things. Before becoming medicated she was a certain kind of way the entire time I’ve known her. Now she’s still the same person but the differences compared to before are a little stark.

Now I’m a very emotional man, I lead with my heart. I feel deeply and my love language is physical touch. Her touch recharges me, I’m a romantic, I crave her. To me she is the most enchanting woman I’ve ever met.

I understand all she is going through and I am so happy that she has found some peace in her head. I truly want her to live to her fullest self and become what she wants without being held back.

My issue now is that I find myself feeling so starved. I know she loves me, she tells me all the time. I recently looked into over dependence on your partner and I think I fit into that bracket. I feel as though without her I am less. I seek approval, I fear separation and it stifles me to try and grow as my own individual person. She’s doing so much growing right now I almost feel like I need to change to…. Keep up?

I feel as though she’s my responsibility, I can’t visualize life without her in it. I feel the constant need to try and fix everything immediately. I’m recently constantly searching for that look in the eyes moments of passion and touching.

I think another thing is she was dependent on me for a lot of things. I was the only positive person to come into her life in the way I did in a long time. I think a part of me is missing that codependency. I know it’s unhealthy and I am trying work through all this with her.

She is well on her way to becoming more independent in life. She doesn’t need to lean on me for validation or reassurance anymore, while I still do.

I guess I’m just looking for some ideas or opinions on a path I can start to become less dependent on her for my needs. Or transform those needs? In the end I’m just trying to be the best friend and partner I can be. But I’m still struggling with all this. I feel guilty that my issues are interfering with her progress. I used to be the level headed one and now I feel like the needy child.

Also just want to note that we talk all the time, rarely fight and communicate very well. I’m the one who has a hard time getting it out when I’m feeling not so confident in myself.

Thank you for reading.

Of course there’s been ups and downs in any relationship but i’d say what rlly did it is when i found out he cheated on me while i was pregnant. I gave birth about 6 months ago and i found out he cheated about one month before i gave birth. A little backstory he’s in the military and is stationed somewhere else found out he’d been cheating on me throughout my whole pregnancy. Also we’d been engaged before i was pregnant and once he found out i was pregnant he rlly pushed for us to go ahead and get married (i always wanted a long engagement). But we ended up getting married in my 2nd trimester but remember all while he’s rlly pushing for a marriage he’s cheating on me. Ik it’s a lot sooo in my third trimester i move to his mothers house bc i was living by myself so we’d thought it’d be better so she can help with the baby.No his mom didn’t no he was cheating and is also like my best friend and is/was on my side she’s was very disappointed in him and yeah. She told me when it happened that i should just save my money (i stopped working when i moved) and leave when i feel secure. So yeah but after a lot of conversation and a lot of apologizing and a lot of agreements put in place we decided it to try and work it out. But honestly i feel lost and empty in this relationship. I can’t ever trust him again nothing will ever be the same im always on edge and i just feel this build up of resentment more and more everyday. But i still have some love for him also i don’t want my child to live in a broken home. Idk it doesn’t feel like id every not feel and underlying hate and resentment for him. For ruining my first and only pregnancy for pushing for a marriage knowing he wasn’t being faithful to me for pushing for me to and having me move my whole life. Idk i just feel like i didn’t deserve this to happen to me and i just feel stuck .

This is an online relationship. I think she's been playing with me for the last few months. A while back when we got back together (we were together a while before but split up but we talked and she was with someone else named "Owen". Remember that name for later. but decided to split up with them because she said "He reminded me of you" and wanted to get back together about 2 days later)

She said she had lived nearby but miraculously she said she was moving back to mandan (Where she lived beforehand) which was weird but I didn't pay it much mind. A while after she left for awhile (no text or calls) and her "brother" who never talks on the phone and just texts (according to her he had done something that makes him unable to talk on the phone which is weird. He can't talk but can text?) saying she was in the hospital her lung collapsed. He was telling me she wasn't doing well and was knocked out. Awhile after she randomly gets on the phone for a while. After that she got out of the hospital ordinarily fast (within the same night-next morning).

About 2-4 days later she was apparently in the hospital again for "Cutting her stomach open" and the stomach acid and everything came out. Her brother texted me just like last time saying "They said she's not gonna make it" telling me all of those traumatic things that I wasn't prepared for. and yet again she randomly wakes up coughing and trying to speak and later on sounds fine. Apparently she got her stomach stitched and is basically fine. She's also being shady because she claimed she gave her discord account to her brother to match with his GF even though her brother said he doesn't date people anymore because of something that happened + It's the female part of the matching pfp. That's a little bit weird isn't it? And the claim changed to "I'm just wearing it because it looked cute and Im not matching with anyone except you" and yesterday she sent me this entire text of why she's been dry recently here's the text

"the reason I haven’t been answering a ton lately or completely ignoring you isn't because of you, or because I’m falling out of love or anything related to that. ( the discord thing i did redownload it and just used the pfp bc I thought it was cute i aint matching with nobody unless you wanna match ) but anyway, i wanted to just say it’s because of everything thats going on around me right now, I feel disconnected from myself as if someone else is controlling me, ive pushed people away again, im doing unnecessary drugs that make me feel shitty after like an hour or so, im drinking, and everything is crumbling around me. I keep trying to push you away to because of how im distancing myself from others unintentionally. I lost my niece, I lost my service cat, I am gonna have to go back into school which we both know how I am around people, my grades are dropping, i can’t see my father, my stomach has been hurting and killing me. and I haven’t ate for almost two days because of this. im unintentionally ignoring my family as well, I haven’t even had the amount of energy to shower. it got to the point I had to crawl to my living room because of lack of so much water I could barley walk. ive been having consistent nightmares, and sleep paralysis, and now I just physically cant sleep at all, my room is a disaster. and overall it’s just a lot, and now it’s just gotten to the point I just want to lay down constantly and do nothing. I don’t want to not talk to you, but anytime I look at my phone my eyes and head hurts and I wanna sleep constantly. I wish I could communicate this better with you so you understood better but right now this is best I could do. im sorry. you don’t have to worry about it i plan to actually do something but right now it’s just a shit show and im sorry im hurting you in the process."

I'm not saying everything she says is a lie but there's just too many inconsistenties and coincidences

And the name Owen popped up today on a call with her and her younger brother.

Well this is kind of a different situation. I was dating this guy. Let’s call him H… H and I were on and off together. So back in January, I downloaded Tinder and got this really hot guys number. Let’s call him S

S and I were talking but not serious.

H and I get back together… throughout the time S is messaging me, but I am not messaging him back

Well, it turns out my job signed up for an event and we had a booth for one week.

And I see S.. and he sees me and he messages me saying was that you and I said no

It was Monday to Monday this booth and apparently S also has a booth

But I’m also in a relationship with H so out throughout the week, I was running away and hiding from S and I didn’t think about it.

But H decided it was time to be off again the last day of our event

So after our event, I hung out with S..

And then the next week, H says I’m done completely

So I focussed my time on S

We hang out one more time as I so we only hungout twice

S is in the military and he got really distant one day and I asked him what was wrong and he said I’m being posted somewhere else. In three months so I don’t want to get any more attached so I can’t talk to you anymore.

And now I feel terrible because this guy has been wanting to hang out since January.., and I was hiding from him at our event… but I was in a relationship with someone else.. I feel like I wasted my time because H is terrible

I know I don’t know what to think like at one hand. I’m happy that I didn’t cheat on H but the other hand I feel like I should’ve just called it off with H and went out with S and I would’ve been way more happy

So I dislike giving oral and handjobs i think relating to past experiences but my bf enjoys it and I feel bad that I can’t give him that. He never pressures me into doing it but it’s clear it’s something he wants and he’s very patient with me and communication is great. Usually if i am a bit tipsy I have no issue with it at all and I am more than eager to do it but that’s not often and I don’t want the only times I do it to rely on me having a few drinks.

so has anyone hated giving oral then suddenly loved it? I want to try and give him more in our relationship as he quite enjoys giving and I want to reciprocate that as well. Any advice welcome!!

Hey, I have no one to openly talk to about this, hopefully you have some advice! I am a 23 year old bi woman who has been in a relationship with my 27 year old boyfriend since I was 18. It is my first relationship and I literally moved out of my parents house at 18 and moved in with him when we were still strangers because we started out as college roommates, still living together in 2026. I am constantly very confused about wether to stay with him or not and I am unsure if it is because of my relationship anxiety or my sexuality or maybe because we are not romantically meant to be, but I am also very scared of potentially losing my soulmate as it is very hard for me to click with someone as we have. We get along great and I feel really comfortable around him most of the time, he listens to what I say and mostly tries to make changes when I say that something is bothering me. He is very smart and funny and kind and genuinely cares about social justice, womens rights and so on, these are all very important traits in a partner for me. At this point our lives are so intertwined that I don‘t know how it would even be without him, and I feel this hollow sadness when I think about it. But there are also some issues, for example that our „bedtime“ life is a constant problem (at least for me). In the four+ years we have been together we have often talked about the fact that I am feeling undesirable to him since our „bedtime“ has died down from multiple times a week to sometimes once a month or even two months even though we sleep in the same bed and see each other every day. When I bring this up, he always says that he is really confused, there is no problem on his part, he was just busy but really wants me and then we have „bedtime“ a few times and the cycle continues, this has happened many many times, I even told him that I never want to pressure him into anything and we can just not have „bedtime“ but he always denies that he doesn‘t want it. He has also only gone down on me like three times during our entire relationship which I said at the beginning of our relationship was very important to me, but when I bring it up he says that he really wants to and just never got around to it and I genuinely believe he believes that. There are a few topics like these where he really does not mean anything bad but where I get so frustrated about having to talk about it again and again. Another issue like this is that he often is late and makes me wait, but I can attribute that to his ADHD. At parties, when I would love to sneak away with my romantic partner or at least spend some time together, he usually spends the whole times talking to his friends, sometimes when we have a house party we are never in the same room all night, which also gives me platonic friend vibes at best. I am also starting to get a little bit impatient because since we have started dating, he has had to finish his bachelors degree, which is still not finished at 27 and we can never go on vacation together or do other things that you need money for, which is something my family is very worried about. I don‘t care about money when I am with someone I love but I care about him having a stable situation where he can pay his rent, bills and possibly some fun expenses or potentially someday even afford to have children with me. I will be graduating as a doctor in two years so we generally don‘t need to worry a lottt about money but in my country I will not be earning enough to pay everything for a family, which we want eventually. I am also really attracted to women to the point that I am somewhere on the line between bi and lesbian, but I really don‘t want to loose my soulmate, I just don‘t know wether he is my best friend or boyfriend. On some days I can really see myself marrying him and having children with him, I think he could be a great father and husband since he is very kind and gentle and has experience with children and cares about sharing housework and everything seems so clear to me, but on other days I don‘t know if I see him as anything more than a really good best friend. I talked to him about this three weeks ago because I thought that open communication is best in partners and he was devastated, did not see it coming and said that he would try to give me more affection and I was scared of throwing away someone who I love so much so we stayed together. I also just started on Sertraline for my anxiety 3 months ago so I am really worried that my lack of emotion for him could be coming from that, but in every other way it has only helped me so much. He really means a lot to me!

Hi reddit! Burner cause he uses reddit aswell. To be concise; my boyfriend keeps getting into entirely avoidable fights with his family, and I’m not sure what to do about it.

Context:

My bf, lives with his mom and brother. A good example of this is that he got upset with his mother (divorced) for having a man over two nights in a row. He said that it’s annoying that he’s coming over often. I, his boyfriend come over to their house almost every other weekend to spend the night because I live 5 hours away.

His mother got upset because, she pays all the bills and she’s allowed to live her own life. At the start of the argument (I was on facetime) i sent him a text saying “hey; might not be worth the argument at the moment - just my input, do what you feel like, love you”.

His mother is now not okay with me driving down to see him this weekend because of him being disrespectful. What do?