I [23F] don‘t know wether I should stay with my boyfriend [27M], please help
Hey, I have no one to openly talk to about this, hopefully you have some advice! I am a 23 year old bi woman who has been in a relationship with my 27 year old boyfriend since I was 18. It is my first relationship and I literally moved out of my parents house at 18 and moved in with him when we were still strangers because we started out as college roommates, still living together in 2026. I am constantly very confused about wether to stay with him or not and I am unsure if it is because of my relationship anxiety or my sexuality or maybe because we are not romantically meant to be, but I am also very scared of potentially losing my soulmate as it is very hard for me to click with someone as we have. We get along great and I feel really comfortable around him most of the time, he listens to what I say and mostly tries to make changes when I say that something is bothering me. He is very smart and funny and kind and genuinely cares about social justice, womens rights and so on, these are all very important traits in a partner for me. At this point our lives are so intertwined that I don‘t know how it would even be without him, and I feel this hollow sadness when I think about it. But there are also some issues, for example that our „bedtime“ life is a constant problem (at least for me). In the four+ years we have been together we have often talked about the fact that I am feeling undesirable to him since our „bedtime“ has died down from multiple times a week to sometimes once a month or even two months even though we sleep in the same bed and see each other every day. When I bring this up, he always says that he is really confused, there is no problem on his part, he was just busy but really wants me and then we have „bedtime“ a few times and the cycle continues, this has happened many many times, I even told him that I never want to pressure him into anything and we can just not have „bedtime“ but he always denies that he doesn‘t want it. He has also only gone down on me like three times during our entire relationship which I said at the beginning of our relationship was very important to me, but when I bring it up he says that he really wants to and just never got around to it and I genuinely believe he believes that. There are a few topics like these where he really does not mean anything bad but where I get so frustrated about having to talk about it again and again. Another issue like this is that he often is late and makes me wait, but I can attribute that to his ADHD. At parties, when I would love to sneak away with my romantic partner or at least spend some time together, he usually spends the whole times talking to his friends, sometimes when we have a house party we are never in the same room all night, which also gives me platonic friend vibes at best. I am also starting to get a little bit impatient because since we have started dating, he has had to finish his bachelors degree, which is still not finished at 27 and we can never go on vacation together or do other things that you need money for, which is something my family is very worried about. I don‘t care about money when I am with someone I love but I care about him having a stable situation where he can pay his rent, bills and possibly some fun expenses or potentially someday even afford to have children with me. I will be graduating as a doctor in two years so we generally don‘t need to worry a lottt about money but in my country I will not be earning enough to pay everything for a family, which we want eventually. I am also really attracted to women to the point that I am somewhere on the line between bi and lesbian, but I really don‘t want to loose my soulmate, I just don‘t know wether he is my best friend or boyfriend. On some days I can really see myself marrying him and having children with him, I think he could be a great father and husband since he is very kind and gentle and has experience with children and cares about sharing housework and everything seems so clear to me, but on other days I don‘t know if I see him as anything more than a really good best friend. I talked to him about this three weeks ago because I thought that open communication is best in partners and he was devastated, did not see it coming and said that he would try to give me more affection and I was scared of throwing away someone who I love so much so we stayed together. I also just started on Sertraline for my anxiety 3 months ago so I am really worried that my lack of emotion for him could be coming from that, but in every other way it has only helped me so much. He really means a lot to me!