I [32m] think I’m over dependent on my wife [33f]
Little bit of back story - we have been married for 4 years and friends for almost 15. We have 2 children and an overall really great relationship.
Recently she was diagnosed with ADHD and has been taking medication to help with some issues. She has never felt more clear headed. This has also caused some behavioral changes, she’s more mute. She’s less emotive with me, less affectionate. She has this world of things she’s dealing with. Shes also getting therapy for past SA trauma.
She is my best friend and I’m doing my best to support her in this new time of learning about her self and dealing with all these new things. Before becoming medicated she was a certain kind of way the entire time I’ve known her. Now she’s still the same person but the differences compared to before are a little stark.
Now I’m a very emotional man, I lead with my heart. I feel deeply and my love language is physical touch. Her touch recharges me, I’m a romantic, I crave her. To me she is the most enchanting woman I’ve ever met.
I understand all she is going through and I am so happy that she has found some peace in her head. I truly want her to live to her fullest self and become what she wants without being held back.
My issue now is that I find myself feeling so starved. I know she loves me, she tells me all the time. I recently looked into over dependence on your partner and I think I fit into that bracket. I feel as though without her I am less. I seek approval, I fear separation and it stifles me to try and grow as my own individual person. She’s doing so much growing right now I almost feel like I need to change to…. Keep up?
I feel as though she’s my responsibility, I can’t visualize life without her in it. I feel the constant need to try and fix everything immediately. I’m recently constantly searching for that look in the eyes moments of passion and touching.
I think another thing is she was dependent on me for a lot of things. I was the only positive person to come into her life in the way I did in a long time. I think a part of me is missing that codependency. I know it’s unhealthy and I am trying work through all this with her.
She is well on her way to becoming more independent in life. She doesn’t need to lean on me for validation or reassurance anymore, while I still do.
I guess I’m just looking for some ideas or opinions on a path I can start to become less dependent on her for my needs. Or transform those needs? In the end I’m just trying to be the best friend and partner I can be. But I’m still struggling with all this. I feel guilty that my issues are interfering with her progress. I used to be the level headed one and now I feel like the needy child.
Also just want to note that we talk all the time, rarely fight and communicate very well. I’m the one who has a hard time getting it out when I’m feeling not so confident in myself.
Thank you for reading.