My bf [M21] won't take accountability for making me [F19] insecure about my body and ruining my self image.
Hi, i’m my boyfriend’s [M21] first girlfriend [F19], and ive been with him for 6 months. I’m 182cms tall & 55kgs. I’ve never felt this insecure about my body in a relationship. I constantly find myself comparing my body to others girls online. I used to be able to wear “revealing” clothes before meeting him but now find myself unable to do so without feeling like a “slut”.
It started with him making comments about my legs, how theres a stubble, which ive told him i can’t get a closer shave without having irritation which he answered back with “there’s many other ways to fix that”. I was already a bit hurt but that was nothing compared to what i’ve heard from him during these past 6 months.
I’ve unfortunately never heard a good comment from him. “When are your boobs going to get big again?” which he knows is before my period. He often brings up the fact that my ass is boney, spikey. Once we were at a family gathering and he whispered in my ear how my thighs look child bearing when i’m sitting down. I asked “so do they not look child bearing when i’m standing up?” which he didnt really say much to. I have a thigh gap, I do have a thin figure so i just feel like im not what he likes.
Once I was at the gym, and I told him how this girl was at this machine for awhile, and what other muscle group I should do. In which he recommended “butt muscles”, and i asked him why and he simply said because i should work on it. I instantly felt unmotivated as i already have been obviously trying to improve my legs & glutes.
During sex, i brought up the idea of him holding my boobs because he doesn’t really touch them but i feel like i’m forcing him to. like he doesnt actually want to since he doesn’t do it willingly, ever.
We did anal for the first time recently, it went great, he felt great. but most recently, during v* penetration, he told me how he doesnt feel anything, which turned me off. It was a position that prior, he liked. (me being on top of him). Hes expressed how anal feels better for him because it’s tight while my v* isnt that tight.
He told me how he’d hear from girls at school about having uni boobs, and how I don’t have one. and was openly describing my boobs vs what they were talking about(good or bad, the comparison made me uncomfy nd just confused)
He opened up about having access to porn from a very young age and how it affected his brain during high school.
From the beginning, hes been wanting to try crazy things in bed (from porn) which most haven’t worked out for us.
I understand his curiosity and honesty, but I feel like im being judged and evaluated during intimacy and when i’m naked. I’ve told him and he’s apologized, but i don’t feel wanted, liked. I don’t feel like I am what he wants in a body.
I don’t know what to do anymore, he said he’ll be more careful with the comments he makes which i appreciate but, doesn’t erase the way he once saw me or my body. He’s openly called me insecure AFTER apologizing, but hasn’t really given me the reassurance not to be. I’ve been kinda depressed about this for a while so anything will help, even if i’m not being reasonable, let me know, thank you.