r/inlaws

For context: in laws live far enough away to warrant flying to visit us and they stay at our home when they do. They need to be hosted and do not cook/clean/tidy or help in any way. My parents live a short drive away and will cook/clean/do laundry.

Recently told both sets of parents about boundaries given the birth of our newborn is soon. My parents were fine with the boundaries (the usual don’t kiss baby, don’t come over when sick) and we don’t want extended visits for a few weeks. Popping by for a short while is fine.

In laws obviously cannot pop by for a short while and now refuse to speak to us because they wanted to fly in before my due date, stay with us for a few weeks before and after baby is born. Then when the baby is 3 weeks old they’re going on a 5 week vacation! They’re saying it’s not fair they won’t get to see the baby (nothing about helping us or seeing us, only focused on the baby).

Funny thing is, I was planning on having them come to stay when the baby was 3/4 weeks old and hosting them, but they went ahead and booked a vacation. I thought it would be common sense that you wouldn’t expect new parents of a brand new baby to want to host you in their house and that coming when the baby was a few weeks old would be better. I didn’t think to say to them that I planned to have them come when we had settled, so I never expected them to book a 5 week vacation when their first grandchild has only just been born.

They’re incredibly selfish people who are textbook narcissists if that adds anything to the scenario. Anyway, I’m not going back on my boundaries but I feel for my husband who is super offended at their behaviour. Anybody have advice on how he can move on from this? Or advice in general?

My bf and I been living together 2 years now and been together about 5. Ever since we moved in together mil keeps asking when are we having a baby. I know it’s pretty common and maybe normal but it bothers me. The reason bc we are not married…. Shouldn’t she be saying when is the wedding first or am I overthinking that??? She’s asked me about baby names, gender everything but she’s never asked anything related to a wedding. Nor have I ever heard her tell him when is he proposing ALTHOUGH I figure that’s something that she wouldn’t mention in front of me right… I guess it’s just annoying how lil she knows me bc I wouldn’t have a baby without a ring first but at least my bf knows that for a fact.

I have a one year old son, and i've been extra careful with making sure he is not exposed to different chemicals and plastics etc. My husband's parents have visited twice since then. They basically live off of my father in law's pension which I don't know how much that is but they don't have much money. However they are both heavy smokers. My husband insists it's not that bad.Because his mother only smokes 2 to 3 times a day. They've stayed at a condo twice since they've been here. My husband says they can't afford to come back and visit because it's too expensive. I really don't want them staying here with the smoke. My husband was fine with it but now that the baby's older, he thinks that it's fine. I'm willing to save up and pay for them to stay if I must, but my husband thinks i'm being ridiculous for not letting them stay. Also they don't stay days or weeks its months. What would you do in this situation?

I am getting married next year and have been with my fiancé for about 5 years. My FH has two older sisters who are very close with their mother. Over the past year, I’ve felt very closed off from the side of the family, mainly because of the sisters and mother.

Here’s the backstory: we went on a family trip last year. Throughout this trip, FMIL (very Type A) was stressed out making sure everything went to plan. She yelled at me in front of everyone twice for not sticking to her schedule. This was embarrassing, and my FH shook it off as just “that’s how she is.”

The sisters and their husbands did not really want to talk to my FH and me during this trip - they only talked amongst themselves and FMIL. Every time I tried to ask questions or join the conversation, it got quiet and the conversation would end. It felt like being in middle school. I was not included in many group photos, even with the girls. This all felt exhausting, especially since my family would never act this way with significant others.

During the holidays, my FH’s parents traveled near my parents’ home to see my FH’s grandparents. They’ve met my family several times and get along well (or so I thought). I suggested to my FH that we should all get lunch together or we could have them over for a thanksgiving luncheon as we were newly engaged. When he told FMIL, she shot down the idea and said that would be “exhausting” because our family is “a lot” to be around… this was hurtful, and it spoke volumes of her attitude/feelings toward my family and me. She invited only me over (not my parents) for their thanksgiving.

Around this time, I requested to follow FSIL’s husband on social media. A week later, I saw that he deleted my follow request. I asked my FH about this, and he said that FSIL’s husband is bad at social media and it was probably a mistake. I don’t believe this since he’s active and posts frequently.

Around Christmas, my FH and I flew across the country to see his side of the family. While I went in optimistic and excited to see everyone, it was unfortunately the same vibe as it was when we all traveled together. No one wanted to chat or reciprocate conversation. At dinner the conversation frequently shifted to negative topics, like pet peeves and making fun of people for their looks/weight/how they spend money, which was off-putting. I left that time together not feeling great, and it’s since only gotten worse.

FMIL recently sent me a list of everything she’d like at our wedding, including invites for 10 of her friends we’ve never met and a wine list that we NEED to have for their group. FSILs do not visit us or reach out whenever they’re in town. Their social media family posts don’t include me in them, and they don’t like my posts either.

I don’t feel welcomed by their family. Their dynamic constantly makes me feel left out. No matter how hard I try to be cordial and friendly, I feel like I’m not fitting in. I’m well-adjusted and mature, so I don’t understand. It feels really lonely. I’ve talked to FH about this, and he agrees it’s not great and that he’d try to be a better liaison.

Every time I think about them, I feel icky and just not excited about being in a family unit with them. I know you marry your husband and not his family, but their exclusive behavior has felt hurtful. I’m not sure what to do.

*tagged NSFW for mentions of child sexual assault*

so, i’m going to try to keep this as short as i can. so sorry for the length of the post. i’ve been having issues with my mother in law since my daughter’s birth and i’ve noticed some red flags with her and my father in law. so far it hasn’t mattered, because hubby and i agreed on boundaries that we have and will continue to follow. however, i’m at an odd bridge that i’m not sure how to cross. the 2 things i see as most relevant info here are:

1. MIL has crossed some minor boundaries at times and has been restricted in her access to my daughter (D, 1.5yrs old). to this day, when she sees D she will use manipulative language “i haven’t seen you in forever/do you remember me/i know i’m such a stranger” when she’s seen D within the past 2 weeks because we have family hangouts and/or supervised visits on close to a weekly basis. i have told her to stop with these comments. she also over involves herself, and tends to show possessiveness over D. D is the only grandchild out of 7 that she doesn’t babysit unsupervised due to past things that have happened but we make sure she still gets plenty of time with her. she gets very jealous when she hears about my mom or family spending time with D even though it’s actually less often than she gets, AND it’s also usually supervised.

2. FIL has also crossed boundaries and has even further restricted access. due to an issue where he exposed my husband to sexual content as a child and used to walk in on him showering, FIL is never alone with D. now, it’s supposedly in the past (but i don’t care!!) and MIL most likely does NOT know that this happened. but there are things such as him and MIL bathing some of the other grandkids together (so cousins aged 2-4 naked in the bath together) while the entire family is present, and letting them run out in front of all of us naked after bath, which makes me uncomfortable.

the problem at hand: my husband and i are going on a trip for the first time since before we had D and my mother is watching her. MIL found out about the trip and is now telling my husband “i need to have her over for a sleepover” which is not happening for a few reasons, but mainly due to FIL’s history. it also bothers me that because my mom is getting a “sleepover” MIL feels entitled to one because she gets jealous and thinks it’s unfair for my mom to get more access than her. this is also hilarious because my mom sees D around once a month which is way less often than F&MIL see her. i have no problem with saying no to this request, but i know when she continues to press this she’s going to ask us why. we don’t know what to do because we’re pretty sure she has no idea about FIL’s past issues and i don’t feel that it’s my place to open that 10 year old can of worms. how do we go about telling her no? should we just refuse to explain even if she presses? outside of her boundary issues, she alone hasn’t really done anything that’s worth not allowing an overnight. but we won’t allow it because we have no way of knowing if D will be left alone with FIL and that’s the first and foremost concern.

My husband and I have been together for more than a decade.

Over the last 5 years, he’s been dealing with aging parents and very difficult siblings. It seems that the more his parents age( one requires 24h care at home), the more his mom and his siblings become unreasonable. Initially, I thought it was just a minor family disagreement, and I didn’t want to get involved. However, it seems that the more years go by, the more his family feud is affecting his overall health, including mental health, physical health and even sex drive.

I even thought his testosterone was declining. However, we went to South East Asia for a couple of months and found that his testosterone levels were completely normal. While being in South East Asia, he looked happy and even regained his libido. Unfortunately, we had to come back to the West and stayed with his parents who live close to the airport to recover from jet lag and attend a series of nearby appointments. Since we’ve been back to his family, his depression and anxiety are now back to the roof.

I’d like to specify that his family has always been cordial to me. However, they have been making very poor decisions and playing the guilt game on things that have nothing to do with him. I like to see families united and always found that it was immoral to ask a partner/spouse to distance themselves from relatives. However, he’s reached such a low point that it’s now getting more and more difficult not to get involved. I’m just not sure what to say or what to do without bringing more division. His dying father is about to celebrate his birthday and his family don’t hesitate to play dirty games with my husband even during celebrations. Understandably, he doesn’t want to miss what could potentially be his dad’s last birthday, but I’m dreading how this could affect him.

Have you ever been in a similar situation? How would/did you deal with this?

…the exact same name as your kid? Because I’m annoyed. My son is named after my deceased dad. He’s 10 years old. My SIL (husband’s sister) just gave birth and announced her baby’s name and it’s my son’s same name. Same, exact, name.

Listen, I know I don’t own the rights to this name. I know she can name her baby whatever she wants. I’m just asking if you would be annoyed too?

I’m on a family trip with my husband’s family and I am SUFFERING.

First of all, my father-in-law makes his kids (including me) call him “jefe.”

This man is the most miserable, pouty, attention-seeking person I have ever met. He needs constant praise for existing, and if he doesn’t get it, he ruins the vibe for everyone.

Let me paint the picture.

My husband and I were looking at basketball playoff tickets (my team vs his team). I literally told my husband to check with his dad first so he wouldn’t feel left out. His dad says “I’ll see.”

Next morning: he buys TWO expensive tickets for him and my husband and goes “oh I didn’t think about getting one for you.”

???

Then offers to give me HIS ticket like he’s some kind of martyr. Sir I am not taking your guilt ticket. Now I’m left out AND you get to look like Father of the Year. Incredible work.

So I go buy my own ticket like a normal person. Don’t get to experience this with my husband. Extremely frustrating that he tends to forget his son isn’t just his son anymore and leaves me out of things. Especially when WE were trying to involve him in OUR plans🫠

Now let’s talk about the car rides from hell.

We are in Boston for my husband running the Boston marathon. This man drives like he has a death wish, is screaming at everyone over literally nothing (music, directions, breathing wrong probably), and then tells US to relax when we react to almost dying in the car. At one point he’s been yelling nonstop, my husband gets excited about something, and he suddenly screams:

“WE WILL NOT BE YELLING IN THE CAR”

I mutter “that’s crazy” under my breath because ??? be so serious ??? and then he goes dead silent and pouts the rest of the ride like a toddler.

AND THEN. After a drive where he was screaming the entire time, we get out of the car and he goes to my sister in law:

“what the f*** is wrong with those two???”

SIR????

Also he keeps pulling the “I paid for this trip” card while simultaneously making the trip unbearable. I would literally rather go into debt for this trip than deal with this energy. (Which we wouldn’t have. We could’ve easily paid for this trip ourselves)

The wildest part? My husband just gets yelled at and then immediately goes back to being buddy buddy with him like nothing happened. Meanwhile me and his sister are standing there like we just survived a psychological experiment

Also my MIL is the best person ever. The most patient, kind woman. I have ZERO complaints about her other than putting up with his shit! He constantly screams at her and everyone just writes it off as “that’s Jefe”. Nothing about this family makes sense to me.

It makes me sad that my husband has accomplished this AWESOME once in a lifetime thing and this trip will be remembered for the 4 day Jefe tantrum 2026. Trying to not let him ruin this for my husband.

I’m also pregnant, which makes this 1000x more overstimulating, and I’m one minor inconvenience away from telling “jefe” exactly what I think of him😇

Anyway I have 1.5 days left. Pray for me.

My husband’s dad is passive aggressive, critical, and condescending. After a situation that really hurt me and broke trust a year ago he has been increasingly asking my husband to see our daughter who’s 1. Our relationship was good before the incident but I think it may only have been good because I basically went along with whatever my husband’s family wanted. When I voiced my hurt about feeling overstepped/pressured, his dad flipped it around on me to be my fault for “not letting people know what I’m thinking” and not setting boundaries beforehand.

My daughter was born at 1 lb 10 oz and spent a long time in the NICU and it was very traumatizing. I also almost died from eclampsia/HELLP/DIC and his family never asked how I was doing afterwards and instead pressured me to see their naturopath instead of my doctor when my liver enzymes were still in the 700s upon coming home. My condition progressed so quickly from preeclampsia to near death that I was asked to sign a paper that would allow my health records to be part of a study for medical research and I thought hell yes, if I can be a part of something that helps prevent or delay this from happening to someone else that would be a silver lining in all of this. When I told my FIL of this he condescendingly said “and how much did you get paid for that.” It was as if I was a fool for doing so for free, because with them nothing should ever be for someone else’s benefit unless you get something out of it.

There has been sooooo many little jabs over the last year and I honestly can’t tell if he’s just an asshole or if he’s saying those things to push me over the edge. My daughter wore a helmet for 7 months. We were recommended a third one but at that point her head shape looked no different than any other one year old. We already paid 2700 out of pocket for the second one and the third wouldn’t be covered by insurance either so I just trusted that the slight flatness would round out more as she gets older. My FIL always pries into knowing when her next doctor’s appointment is and anything else medical that she’s gone through. When I said we weren’t going to go through with a third one he said “and how’d that conversation go. You just said ‘I like her head being shaped like this?’ It was at her birthday party so I didn’t want to cause a scene but it felt like another dig. When he was holding my daughter she reached for me and he said “don’t look at mama” and turned her away.

The party was at our house and we had everyone stay downstairs and my FIL made up an excuse to go upstairs where our bedroom is and I’m pretty sure he was scoping everything out to make sure it was fit for HIS granddaughter. What if we had sex toys or underwear on the floor or something?? I think it’s common sense to stay out of people’s bedrooms if they don’t say it’s okay but my FIL has no concept of boundaries. He went in our basement too to “look for our cat” and was down there for about 10 minutes. It’s just weird and I know he’s secretly judging everything and looking through stuff.

Anyways, his presence causes me a massive amount of anxiety and I’ve told my husband this. He says he understands and he’s going to set boundaries but apparently his dad is going around telling people that my husband only sets boundaries because I’m whispering things in his ear and manipulating him. He’s been asking my husband to bring our baby over to his house to babysit alone while my husband takes me on a date. It’s to the point where I am constantly thinking about my relationship with my in laws and I feel like it’s my fault that we can’t all be a happy family. That’s how they frame it, that I’m the one in the way of them just being happy together. I feel like maybe I am just being difficult? I was a very easy going person for a while but after so many subtle jabs and blame shifting I can’t trust these people anymore. I am 30 and just want to focus on my family and not pleasing my in laws.

My SIL has to always one up me or prove she’s stronger, smarter etc. I withdrew from her in past which escalated in us ignoring each other and we had to clear the air. She apologised. Now, looks like she’s picking up the exact same habits- digs, demeaning comments like “you’re probably too weak to slap hard in this game” or her speaking in Spanish the whole time at a family gathering where she’s the relative with the best English and her boyfriend is British so no reason to speak Spanish around me when my Spanish is basic.

My question here is- from experience, what has to happen for this to stop? There have been conversations with my husband and her and then me 1-1 with her. When will this change?

My MIL has 2 houses in different states. When finding out my due date she said she will be coming home earlier that month this way she is here to help with the baby. I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t have her help with my first child. This feels very invasive for me. My husband is not even close to her. I’m the one she contacts because he never answers. I don’t like the fact that someone will be around when I’m feeling like shit. I want to enjoy my first few weeks without someone sitting here watching. Visiting is fine. But the way she made it seem was she was going to come by everyday. How do you politely tell your MIL that you don’t want their help?

I (29F) and my husband (35M) have been together since 2020. This is a long, ongoing family dynamic involving my father-in-law that has escalated over years into repeated boundary violations, control issues, and accusations. I need outside perspective because at this point I feel completely drained.

For Context: My father-in-law has a very abrasive and controlling personality, with a long-standing enmeshed relationship with my husband. There is a younger son as well, but my husband has always been his primary focus. Their relationship has had multiple ruptures over the years even before I was in the picture.

My mother-in-law often tries to mediate or smooth things over, but privately she has sometimes admitted she does not agree with his behavior. However, she tends to rationalize or de-escalate him because when she does not, he becomes extremely difficult to live with and emotionally dominates the household. This has been described even in past family situations as him “terrorizing the house” until things are appeased.

Braise for impact, this is a long one

I made a little timeline of events !

2020–2021: early relationship

We met and started dating in 2020 while living in Europe as expats. In 2021, my father-in-law first met me and immediately expressed doubt about our relationship, saying he wasn’t sure I would be the one my husband would marry.

March 2022: Dominican Republic trip

My husband had a 10-day work vacation window (we worked for the same employer in different roles, and housing was part of our contract).

He spent the first ~5 days in the Dominican Republic on a work trip where my father-in-law joined him alone. After that, my husband was supposed to continue his remaining vacation with me in Rome.

My father-in-law pushed hard for my husband to cancel Rome and instead extend time with him in the US.

My husband did not cancel our plans.

Afterwards, my father-in-law accused me of being “jealous of their trip” and claimed I was influencing my husband against him.

August 2022: Azores / France / Switzerland overlap

We all traveled together to the Azores (me, husband, mother-in-law, father-in-law). During this trip, my father-in-law told my husband (not me) that he should “reconsider” our relationship.

Afterwards: • mother-in-law returned to the US • father-in-law stayed in our apartment in France for ~5 days • then went on a father-son trip with my husband to Switzerland while I stayed behind

While staying in our home in France, he: • questioned whether I “needed to stay there” in the apartment • referred to the space as “too busy” • made repeated comments implying I was an inconvenience in my own home • created tension around me being present at all

At dinner, he told me I should pay because I “don’t pay rent,” despite the fact that neither of us paid rent (our housing was provided through both of our work contracts in different roles under the same employer). When I pointed this out, it escalated into awkward tension rather than acknowledgment.

At one point, when I was referred to as an “in-law,” he said:

“Excuse me, I am not your in-law yet.”

There were multiple socially dismissive moments throughout his stay, including exclusionary behavior and undermining comments.

In Switzerland, my husband later told me he continued pushing a narrative that I was not right for him and that my husband should reconsider the relationship.

September 2022: post-trip phone call

After Switzerland, he told my husband: • he “liked me but thought I was jealous of trips” • he had “never seen me behave normally in family dynamics”

When my husband confronted him about earlier comments, he denied everything and became angry.

October 2022: civil partnership discussions

During discussions about legal planning, he accused me of manipulating my husband and later implied I was “seducing him with sex.” When I asked him to speak directly rather than make assumptions, he interpreted it as me threatening him.

December 2022: Venezuela emergency

I was stuck in Venezuela due to a family emergency.

During this time, he told my husband:

“This is the perfect time for you to leave her.”

2023: engagement + wedding

We got engaged in February 2023.

Around the same time, my mother was diagnosed with cancer (multiple myeloma), and we decided on a simple wedding in May 2023.

My father-in-law initially agreed but later said he might not attend and repeatedly criticized timing.

Six weeks before the wedding, my husband’s grandmother passed away. Due to work, my husband could not attend the funeral.

My father-in-law heavily blamed him and framed it as choosing me over family.

At the wedding: • he told guests he “didn’t know it was a wedding” • implied he had been “deceived” • congratulated my husband but walked past me without acknowledging me

2024: escalation + private confrontation

During a visit in France, things escalated significantly.

Afterwards: • he unfollowed me on Instagram • posted passive-aggressive content on Facebook • told my husband I did not like them

The stated reason became that I had not posted him on my Instagram stories during their visit.

When my husband confronted him, he reframed it as exclusion.

My husband then brought up something he had said privately to me during the visit. My father-in-law denied the conversation ever happened entirely.

From that point: • he insisted I was lying • demanded acknowledgment of wrongdoing from me • refused to resolve inconsistencies • escalated into a pattern of denial and blame-shifting

2025: move to the US + breakdown of contact

When we moved to the United States, he stated he did not want to see us due to “the situation” and the “outcome” of everything.

Trail Day (July 2025)

My mother-in-law organized a family hike for visiting relatives during Fourth of July weekend.

That morning, while we were getting ready, she told us my father-in-law said we should not come because he was “not resolved.”

My husband responded that if he had an issue, he could stay home, but excluding everyone else made no sense.

We went anyway.

At the hike: • he did not greet us • avoided interaction entirely • spent the event visibly disengaged • created tension that other family members noticed

Afterwards: • he tried to message my husband like nothing happened • my husband told him it was unacceptable • he responded by again referencing alleged “lies” about a family friend (who, when asked, had no idea what we were talking about)

A week later, my husband went no contact and blocked him.

My father-in-law then emailed, partially apologizing but also saying he felt “uncomfortable around me” due to me “blowing things out of proportion,” while claiming he would “try” to move forward.

Post-Trail Day / current stance

In October 2025 he found out that I was pregnant, the first thing he proceeded to do was to question wether it was a surprise or not (it was but we said was a happy surprise) and all he said was “I don’t see how this can be a surprise… weren’t you using birth control?” To my husband. Couple of days later he said to my husband he was trying to get to a better place with me but “not there yet” since there was “too much baggage”… a week later we told MIL we were having a girl and ever since she has been making sure I’m included in family gatherings, and trying to be nice with me. He remains cold and distant but at least he says hello.

Current situation

-He is now intermittently engaging but remains cold and avoidant

Current issue (ongoing)

Recently, he re-opened conflict around our baby’s name, insisting: • it is “not normal” to choose a name before birth • it conflicts with tradition • questioning my husband repeatedly about who does this • dismissing explanations even when previously settled

At this point I genuinely don’t know if I’m overreacting or if this is as unhealthy as it feels after years of escalation.

WIBTA for wanting very low contact and complete emotional distance from him moving forward?

My husband, who has always had an uncomfortable contentious relationship with his father recently caught his father having an affair through seeing a suspicious text message. My mother-in-law is an elderly Chinese woman who is completely subservient and he has admitted to cheating on her with a younger, more glamorous Asian woman for to over 10 years, as well as giving her upwards of 100 thousand dollars of their retirement savings for sex. over the course of their 30 year marriage my father-in-law has managed to isolate my mother-in-law from her entire family, as he has been unkind and judgmental of all four of her siblings families, and they consider him to be a creep and a narcissist. My husband wants nothing to do with his father as he feels that this is his last straw with him. However, my mother-in-law has chosen to forgive him, and is trying to force my husband into forgiving his father as well. I am torn because if we cut off my father-in-law, it will essentially make it impossible for my mother-in-law to have a relationship with our two young kids as my father-in-law does not let her drive and he thinks it’s unfair for her to see the grandkids and not him. Part of me thinks my husband should let it go in order to keep the peace with his mom, but part of me understands that he is too hurt and too disgusted. Does anyone have any advice?

Background info

TLDR I am struggling to adjust after my in laws got divorced. Feel like I need to do better. But part of me feels like the whole situation just sucks and I’m stuck in the middle of it through no fault of my own

\- after divorce, both remarried within two years

\- I struggle and it’s complicated that my children have four grandparents on the one side of the family, and there is always pressure to try and visit them all

\- I struggle that my husband says the divorce was from his parents and not mine so it shouldn’t be my problem so much

\- I struggle that the new step parent doesn’t seem to care much about my spouse (their step child) or me (step child in law)

\- I struggle that holidays are infinitely more complicated and get jealous when I hear about my friends who married into families without divorce

\- I struggle and feel blindsided because this all happened after married my husband

\- I struggled because my husband has super high expectations about me being super friendly with my everyone on his side even though they don’t really seem to like me

\- I struggle because I’ll have to deal with this my whole life because I married my husband

\- I hate it how I have even more in law visits to my house for extended stays since both sets want to visit. Most people only have to deal with one set of in laws

Life is complicated enough, and having four in law parents has been absolutely terribly ever since the split

And I’m also anxious that the people actually going through the divorce have it harder, so I just need to be tougher or something

I’m also in my 40s and feel guilty that this all bugs me so much. Tons of people have divorced parents, so why can’t I tolerate it more

Felt good to type all of this out. Appreciate th support everyone!

Maybe I should go to therapy to talk through all of this

My husband and I are expecting our first baby, a girl, and we have already chosen her name: Olivia Claire.

For context, my husband’s family is American Jewish and I am Venezuelan Catholic. We are not raising our child in a strictly religious framework on either side. We plan to expose her to both cultures and holidays, but not baptise or raise her within formal religious structures because we want her to choose later.

We shared the baby name with his parents early on when we found out the gender in November. My mother-in-law reacted positively and said it was a beautiful name. My father-in-law also initially said it was a beautiful name. He was aware of the name from the beginning.

In January, my father-in-law brought up the fact that we had chosen the name before birth. He said he had never heard of that in his life.

He said things like: • “I’ve never heard that in my life” • “We did not choose your husband’s name until after he was born” • It must be a cultural thing from “those countries over there”

My husband responded that plenty of people choose names before birth and that it is normal in our experience.

My father-in-law pushed back and insisted it was not normal and seemed very fixed on his view based on his personal experience.

That conversation ended there and the name was not changed.

Around Passover, my mother made small gifts for the baby, including teddy bear candles with hearts and a card with the baby’s name.

I sent a photo to my mother-in-law and the family group. My father-in-law did not respond in the group but privately texted my husband saying that Claire is spelled C-L-A-R-E, referring to his mother’s name.

My husband acknowledged he knew and explained that we were using the spelling Claire with an I because we preferred it, while still honoring her.

My father-in-law questioned why we would spell it that way if the intention was to honor his mother.

My husband repeated that we still consider it honoring her but we preferred the spelling.

He responded that he was surprised but it was fine.

Today my father-in-law brought up the baby name topic again with my husband.

He started by saying that naming a baby before birth is not normal. My husband responded that plenty of people do it, and that it is very common in our experience.

My father-in-law then said that in Jewish tradition, babies are named after they are born. My husband was genuinely unaware of this and said “really?” and my father-in-law even showed him something on his phone as reference.

My husband responded calmly and said that even if that is a tradition in some contexts, many people still choose or decide on names before birth or during pregnancy.

My father-in-law then repeated that he has never seen that before and does not know anyone who does that, and said again that it is not normal.

He then pushed further and asked my husband directly things like: • “Who do you know that does that?” • “Which friends?” • “Are you sure?”

My husband started giving real examples of couples we personally know who had chosen or known their baby names before birth. My father-in-law challenged each example, asking specifically whether they knew the name before birth.

My husband confirmed that yes, in some cases they did.

Even after this, my father-in-law still came back to the same conclusion that it is “still not normal” based on his experience, despite the examples given.

The conversation didn’t become heated, but it felt like a loop where even when evidence or examples were provided, the conclusion did not change.

Sorry for how long this post is, I just need to vent.

I think what is really getting to me is not even just the baby name conversation itself, but the pattern behind it. My father-in-law has always had a very intense dynamic with my husband. It has felt very involved and sometimes controlling for a long time, even before we got engaged.

There has also been tension between him and me from early on, although it has softened a bit over time. Still, moments like this make me feel like certain themes keep repeating, especially around my husband making decisions and them being questioned or challenged.

Right now I just feel frustrated and a bit stuck in it. I am not even sure if I am overreacting or if this is just what happens with family dynamics sometimes. I just needed to get it out and see how others would interpret it.

What do you guys think?

I’m noticing a weird pattern of every time I post a picture of me or my fiance posts me they react or cause problems. They go weeks with 0 communication but then I post we get a phone call from MIL or SIL about SIL’s wedding.

- I posted a pic of myself on instagram of myself at my friends wedding because I genuinely liked my dress and I got likes and compliments from his cousins. I don’t have MIL or SIL on social media then he gets a call from SIL’s fiance family to invite him to her destination wedding. It’s funny because they also gave us our own password snd log in to have access! They want to select certain guests for their wedding. Also her wedding was rushed to be before mine after we sent save the date.

- After the save the date drama and how she rushed hers to be before even though we told her our date 6 months before she booked hers. My fiance posted me for my birthday then immediately she calls the same night to check on him. Im confused because they don’t talk to him for days LOL then any social media activity then they call.

- My fiance sends the RSVP and website for our wedding in the group chat with his cousins, his sister decides to leave the group chat days after for work reasons then his mom calls and asks him to do the same. I told my fiance don’t leave group chats… this is weird

- When we first got engaged because his mom didn’t like me and his sister as well because I wasn’t too friendly or a people pleaser like his exs basically every time he posted me, his mom would cry panic and call. Also she threatened family members if they follow me she would cut them off.

I’m trying to understand if Im crazy or if these are coincidence? My last post at my friend’s wedding was just me dressed up and he made a joke about us being next to get married then they invite us to the wedding they have been hiding details from us. My fiance laughs about it and he keeps saying “ Don’t hide or stop posting for anyone”.

For context, I am married to the black sheep who uses low contact as a boundary. For years I pushed for a relationship due our two children. After awhile, I realized my hubby was protecting his built family from his family of origin. He was married before me, and they treated her poorly as well. The relationship has literally been death by 1000 cuts. I also struggle with coping strategies and due to my own issues with my own family, wish that sometimes I handled situations better vs biting my tongue or overreacting. I'm am NC with my inlaws. My two kiddos are allowed to have access but to DH's discretion - if he finds something amiss, he will end it. Anyway we usually get along with this method but every couple of years, my inlaws reach out to my spouse to complain about me. I am villianized about the status of the relationships between everyone, despite some of their own poor choices. DH has stood up for me relentlessly and it even makes him pull back more.

We recently had a family milestone that jnsil found out about and asked if she could attend. DH agreed and it was civil. After the event, jnsil reached out to hubby to say she hoped I wasn't upset she Invited herself. Dh is mad because she faked wanting connection to make the milestone about herself & villianized me. DH wants to meet 1:1 to clear the air but we both also feel that jnsil is being a flying monkey and has already made up her mind. Would this be a waste of time? We talked about me meeting her but neither of us think that is a good idea as it will be me on trial. Anyone else still villianized even when spouse stands up to his family?

My child was assaulted by their own cousin not to long ago, they are the same age, 9. Mom to cousin who did the assault reassured my child they did the right thing by telling someone. Mom to cousin still doesn’t know what to do with her own child in this situation. However, MIL has set foot into this situation and is calling my husband and telling him we NEED to confront this NOW, we NEED to talk to the cousin who assaulted my child sooner or later. HOW DARE we make the aunt and cousin feel tortured by us staying home and away from the house to let our child HEAL. Telling my husband he HATES said child because he said he wasn’t ready to see them yet, I’m not ready to see them either neither is OUR CHILD. When he told his mom that our child is flinching and not themselves yet his mom said “they are 9, they don’t understand what happened” WHO THE HELL SAYS THAT! My husband told his mom NO. She is not taking it for an answer. I’m so angry that MIL would say all of this, and to me it feels like she doesn’t give 2 💩’s about our child (her other grandchild mind you!!) in this situation.

Wtf do I do?? We have not seen them since this happened and it’s so obvious MIL is wanting all of it fixed ASAP to make her life and the cousin who did this life easier.