Always the villain, never the wife
For context, I am married to the black sheep who uses low contact as a boundary. For years I pushed for a relationship due our two children. After awhile, I realized my hubby was protecting his built family from his family of origin. He was married before me, and they treated her poorly as well. The relationship has literally been death by 1000 cuts. I also struggle with coping strategies and due to my own issues with my own family, wish that sometimes I handled situations better vs biting my tongue or overreacting. I'm am NC with my inlaws. My two kiddos are allowed to have access but to DH's discretion - if he finds something amiss, he will end it. Anyway we usually get along with this method but every couple of years, my inlaws reach out to my spouse to complain about me. I am villianized about the status of the relationships between everyone, despite some of their own poor choices. DH has stood up for me relentlessly and it even makes him pull back more.
We recently had a family milestone that jnsil found out about and asked if she could attend. DH agreed and it was civil. After the event, jnsil reached out to hubby to say she hoped I wasn't upset she Invited herself. Dh is mad because she faked wanting connection to make the milestone about herself & villianized me. DH wants to meet 1:1 to clear the air but we both also feel that jnsil is being a flying monkey and has already made up her mind. Would this be a waste of time? We talked about me meeting her but neither of us think that is a good idea as it will be me on trial. Anyone else still villianized even when spouse stands up to his family?