u/ThrowRA_significant1

For context: in laws live far enough away to warrant flying to visit us and they stay at our home when they do. They need to be hosted and do not cook/clean/tidy or help in any way. My parents live a short drive away and will cook/clean/do laundry.

Recently told both sets of parents about boundaries given the birth of our newborn is soon. My parents were fine with the boundaries (the usual don’t kiss baby, don’t come over when sick) and we don’t want extended visits for a few weeks. Popping by for a short while is fine.

In laws obviously cannot pop by for a short while and now refuse to speak to us because they wanted to fly in before my due date, stay with us for a few weeks before and after baby is born. Then when the baby is 3 weeks old they’re going on a 5 week vacation! They’re saying it’s not fair they won’t get to see the baby (nothing about helping us or seeing us, only focused on the baby).

Funny thing is, I was planning on having them come to stay when the baby was 3/4 weeks old and hosting them, but they went ahead and booked a vacation. I thought it would be common sense that you wouldn’t expect new parents of a brand new baby to want to host you in their house and that coming when the baby was a few weeks old would be better. I didn’t think to say to them that I planned to have them come when we had settled, so I never expected them to book a 5 week vacation when their first grandchild has only just been born.

They’re incredibly selfish people who are textbook narcissists if that adds anything to the scenario. Anyway, I’m not going back on my boundaries but I feel for my husband who is super offended at their behaviour. Anybody have advice on how he can move on from this? Or advice in general?

For some context: we live in Scotland and in laws live in southern England and the drive from our house to theirs is not something you do in a day, or to pop by for an hour. If they visit they stay at our house. My parents live a 45 min drive away.

We recently had a conversation with my parents about not having visitors for the first few weeks after baby is born, and my parents are totally supportive and have said they are there when we need them, will drop food off on the doorstep, clean, take our dog for a walk etc anything we need/want just let them know and they will give us space. I would like to have them visit for an hour or so because my mum will stock my fridge, clean house top to bottom and do all the laundry because she’s brilliant. She’s not a sit on the sofa cuddling baby visitor.

Had the same conversation with his parents and they hit the roof. Said it was completely unfair they won’t get to see their grandchild in the hospital (which uncovered their plan of coming to stay before the due date until after baby was born.) Unfair that my parents will get to see the baby but they won’t. Here’s the real kicker, they’ve booked two international holidays totalling 5 weeks of travel for when the baby would be 3 weeks old!! They expect to see baby when it suits them and then swan off on their fancy 5* holidays when the going gets tough and we’re sleep deprived and would actually need the help! Now they won’t speak to us (I couldn’t give a toss).

Husband is so offended, they ruined our experience of buying our first house, they started arguments on our wedding day and now this. I don’t really need advice on how to handle them, I’m sticking to my guns and I know I’m in my right to not host visitors with a newborn baby, especially hosting people who don’t so much as put their tea cup in the sink when they visit. I’d more like advice for my husband, has anyone dealt with this and have some advice on how to move on from it?