Future in laws exclude me and FH is not helping
I am getting married next year and have been with my fiancé for about 5 years. My FH has two older sisters who are very close with their mother. Over the past year, I’ve felt very closed off from the side of the family, mainly because of the sisters and mother.
Here’s the backstory: we went on a family trip last year. Throughout this trip, FMIL (very Type A) was stressed out making sure everything went to plan. She yelled at me in front of everyone twice for not sticking to her schedule. This was embarrassing, and my FH shook it off as just “that’s how she is.”
The sisters and their husbands did not really want to talk to my FH and me during this trip - they only talked amongst themselves and FMIL. Every time I tried to ask questions or join the conversation, it got quiet and the conversation would end. It felt like being in middle school. I was not included in many group photos, even with the girls. This all felt exhausting, especially since my family would never act this way with significant others.
During the holidays, my FH’s parents traveled near my parents’ home to see my FH’s grandparents. They’ve met my family several times and get along well (or so I thought). I suggested to my FH that we should all get lunch together or we could have them over for a thanksgiving luncheon as we were newly engaged. When he told FMIL, she shot down the idea and said that would be “exhausting” because our family is “a lot” to be around… this was hurtful, and it spoke volumes of her attitude/feelings toward my family and me. She invited only me over (not my parents) for their thanksgiving.
Around this time, I requested to follow FSIL’s husband on social media. A week later, I saw that he deleted my follow request. I asked my FH about this, and he said that FSIL’s husband is bad at social media and it was probably a mistake. I don’t believe this since he’s active and posts frequently.
Around Christmas, my FH and I flew across the country to see his side of the family. While I went in optimistic and excited to see everyone, it was unfortunately the same vibe as it was when we all traveled together. No one wanted to chat or reciprocate conversation. At dinner the conversation frequently shifted to negative topics, like pet peeves and making fun of people for their looks/weight/how they spend money, which was off-putting. I left that time together not feeling great, and it’s since only gotten worse.
FMIL recently sent me a list of everything she’d like at our wedding, including invites for 10 of her friends we’ve never met and a wine list that we NEED to have for their group. FSILs do not visit us or reach out whenever they’re in town. Their social media family posts don’t include me in them, and they don’t like my posts either.
I don’t feel welcomed by their family. Their dynamic constantly makes me feel left out. No matter how hard I try to be cordial and friendly, I feel like I’m not fitting in. I’m well-adjusted and mature, so I don’t understand. It feels really lonely. I’ve talked to FH about this, and he agrees it’s not great and that he’d try to be a better liaison.
Every time I think about them, I feel icky and just not excited about being in a family unit with them. I know you marry your husband and not his family, but their exclusive behavior has felt hurtful. I’m not sure what to do.