r/depression_partners

I have had depression almost all my life. There is a lot of traumatic history that I am not going into.

For the last 6-7 years, I had been noticing a depressive episode that would last 3-4 months, and I would slowly bounce back after making some life changes.

However, around the last months of 2024, I started to get in a bad position, so much so that I finally had to start medication in January, 2025. At the time I started meds, I was 9 months into a relationship with my girlfriend (I am a lesbian. I am 28 right now, she is 34. We live together.). She was extremely supportive in my medication journey, and I know in my bones how much she had to adjust and understand, even when it was tough for her, just so I could start getting better.

Slight context: by this time, I was neither out to my family nor did they know about my depression. My partner and I were working together in some capacity (she is an entrepreneur, and I had also quit my job and started my agency in 2024), and when I was starting to fall into the episode, she had to take a lot of professional hits, which led to some major fights that strongly led to me snowballing further south. One of such fights led to me having a seizure, and a lot of them led to me shutting down to the extent of passing out due to panic attacks. It was after my seizure that she understood the gravity of the situation and started getting more careful regarding helping me wit, which led her to get me get meds.

Things just got worse when I suddenly injured my ankle in June 2025, and consequently had to go to my parents' house in my hometown to heal myself (logistical reasons). By this time, I was also out to my parents who had readily accepted me, but were having a very tough time getting their heads around the fact, and had decided that my partner is the ultimate villian, and it was because of her that I got so depressed to begin with. Not going to lie, a part of me thought so too, but that isn't entirely true. I also think that my depression was another reason that my parents readily accepted me, because I was so damn suicidal and just an utter mess.

I was at my parents', also contemplating our relationship, when, around August 2025, it got so bad that I couldn't work. I was in a position where I could either work or live and try to get better. Both my father and my partner said that they'll be okay supporting me, but the thing is, at that point, nobody knew what that meant - not me, not my father, not my partner.

Skipping over 100s of unacceptable things I did over the depressive episode after letting go of all my work, because that will make this post book-long. But just to mention a few: Got high and disappeared in a foreign country (substances are legal in that country) while on a family vacation; called my partner so many names over the months that I am surprised she has any sense of confidence left, etc.

My parents and partner were not the best as per what I needed, but I know they did their best, and that is all that matters now that I am better. I am only better because no matter what manner, they were there and they got me the kind of help, and swallowed so many tears and fears to help me get better.

It had gone to a place where I begged everyone to help me somehow because I wasn't sure if I could hold on to life for even one more hour. Also really thought I needed to get admitted to a psychiatric facility because I just could not get myself to do anything other than think about how depressed I was and how much I wanted to d*e.

The kind of trauma that that episode has left on me is unbeatable. I cannot seem to get out of the fear of falling back inot it.

Anyway, I moved back with my partner around November 2025. She was paying all the rent, bills - everything. All I could do was stay in bed and cry, and sometimes get my ass up. In this duration, we were also forced to change our rental house, which meant another financial liability on my partner when I wasn't earning.

Somehow, I started getting better around January 2026 (ironically, AFTER I stopped my meds). Since then, I have been really focusing on my health - both physical and mental. I have started to get back on trying to get work. Spent months cold emailing trying to get clients, now I am started applying for jobs too, because honestly, doesn;t matter what my career looks like right now - I need to start making money - it has been over 9 months since I have.

Now, since my partner was financially and emotionally supporting me, she has not been able to take care of herself. Her health has taken a hit, and she isn;t able to invest on it. I, on the other hand, she says, get all the help I need, because I go to my hometown frequently and get my checkups there. She, on the other hand, has to work so much that she cannot even get herself ot her hometown and her parents' place to gte any kind of support.

Money has real;ly been a stressor for the two of us, but mostly her, because she is the one earning right now. If she falters or gets sick, we're both done - and she takes that very seriously.

Spent months cold emailing trying to get clients, now I have started applying for jobs too, because honestly, it doesn't matter what my career looks like right now - I need to start making money - it has been over 9 months since I have.

My partner says that lately, all I care about is my routine, my health, my thoughts, my everything, and I don't support and care about her at all. And even if I did, it is all for show, because if I truly cared for her, I'd be consistent in showing it. She also says that I have completely gone silent and the romance is dead, and I agree that I have gone aloof that way.

My parents have gone through a lot of health issues in this duration as well because of how much they worried about me. My father, I can see clearly, is also depressed, and I feel a alot of it has to do with the sh*t I pulled off when I was depressed, and we can all see my mother's blood pressure issues going out of hand, and I know it's because of the added stress.

Over the last few months, my partner has been so stressed about money, that she has given me multiple ultimatums to start paying my share. She also had to borrow a lot of money from her family, and that is extremely hurtful - also the fcat that her parents have gotten into financial trouble supporting her (mostly because she is supporting me).

I think I am doing okay, I am pulling myself up, I am trying to make things better, and I HAVE made a ton of progress, but it has been slow.

Since January, I have gotten off my depression and anxiety meds, stayed active enough to have lost about 7 kgs (15 lbs), I cannot remember the last time I shut down at the slightest inconvenience and succumbed to bed, I am trying my best to get some gigs or a job, etc. But I cannot solve everything overnight, right?

It pains my heart to know that this depressive episode has not just been traumatic for me, but also for all the people who have loved and supported me. I try not to focus too much about it, but honestly - the more I try to just get better so that I can make things betetr for them as well - the more I keep getting told that I don't care and that their relaities have been so tough (I am sure that whatever I've said here abvout their struggles is majorly under-representing it), and all I care about is myself.

But, if I don't care about myself right now, I risk falling back into the abyss, and isn't that going to make it worse for everyone? Also, I refuse to go down that path again.

I have, on several occasions, tried to break up with my partner, because I thought that she'll be better off handling her own expenses, and maybe I can move back to my parents' and try to build myself up together. It will not be ideal at all, and may get me in a worse situation, because there's a lot of trauma in that house, but I guess it's better than just dying. But my partner keeps telling me that I have to pick myself up and fight with and for her (and I REALLY am, but maybe just not enough), and that I don't get to act as an entitled ungrateful princess after having played such a big part in her being in this situation, even if it was her choice to keep supporting and choosing me.

It may come across as my partner or my parents are not the best people, and you know what - they're not perfect, but they have done their best, but they've all reached their breaking point, and honestly, I get it. It's not like I have not be the ultimate b*tch to them in so many ways - both when I was down, and also now. For example, the last fight my partner and I had, I slammed the door extremely hard and broke a charm she cherished that was hanging on the door.

I see where they are coming from. I can easily say that they're all asses and are being insensitive and inconsiderate - and honestly, a couple of months back, I would've done that. But I know betetr now, and I don't want to be so ungrateful that the very people who helped me out (even if it wasn't perfect), I kick them in the face.

So, my question is: how do I start fixing all of this? I cannot get a job or score a client TODAY. It's not in my hands after I've put in the work. I am unable to find the softness in me that my partner saw before this shit went down. I feel that part of me is dead, and while I want to get it back, I cannot do that right now.

I feel so guilty for having gotten sick, and I don't know what to do. I keep feeling like I am victimizing myself. It's been SO MANY months, and I'm still using my depressive episode as an 'excuse' to not being able to fix everything. I feel like maybe I am just beinga crybaby and not taking responsibility enough for my healing and hence, giving back to the people who helped me out. But at the same time, a part of me knows that I am NOT victimizing myself, and thinking that I am using the episode as an excuse, still I'm being so extremely hard on myself. I don't know what to do.

Thank you, if you have read this far. I truly appreciate it.

My bf has been struggling with anxiety and depression pretty badly for about a year and a half now. And 90% of the time I know I’m there for him and helping however I can and doing the right things. But the other 10% of the time I slip up. I let my emotions get in the way and I get upset at him for things that I need to have patience for and things I usually have patience for.

Examples:
I got mad at him for having a big pile of dishes in his room, he’s usually good about it but when he is super anxious and depressed he has a difficult time with it. Same with laundry. Again, probably 99% of the time I don’t get upset about this bc I know it’s hard and I just do it for him or leave it for when he feels he can do it bc some days he feels good enough to do them.

He forgot to invite me to a big family lunch today. He forgot to invite me because he just wasn’t thinking about it because all he’s been trying to focus on in the past 3 days is controlling his breathing. He told me late last night but I committed to something that was too late to get out of but had he told me literally yesterday early afternoon, it would’ve been a non-issue and I would’ve been at lunch. He’s done this a couple times but this is the first time I missed it and I’m sad I didn’t get to see some of his family that I hadn’t seen in a while.

He made us late to a family dinner for my family because he fell asleep and had to shower and then came in an old t shirt. Again, he was just in a bad headspace and he felt super super bad about it. I was upset at him at first but calmed down really really fast bc I know it’s bc of how he’s doing mentally.

There’s more but these are recent examples. I know I shouldn’t be upset, he is truly down in the dumps. And I promise I have so much patience for him 90% of the time but that 10% I accidentally get upset and then it makes him feel worse and it’s like I’m pushing him further into a hole for a moment.

Any tips on how to deal with this? How to be more patient? I don’t feel like I’ve had a bf since he got into mental place. And I’m not upset at all that he’s doing bad mentally, it’s just a human reaction I guess? I miss him and miss dates and having fun together etc. but I have NEVER told him that bc none of this is in his control and he’s truly trying everything to get better. Info - we’ve been together 5 years and we’re 27.

Ps. Not a post on how to get him better mentally, it’s a post for how I can handle it better. So encouragement about meds, therapy etc aren’t needed because that’s all being taken care of

I don’t even know how to explain what life is like watching someone you love slowly disappear into a constant state of mental pain that nobody seems able to stop.

He’s my partner of 10 years. I live with this every day. And honestly, I think people massively underestimate what severe depression, nervous system shutdown and long-term mental distress actually looks like behind closed doors.

Most mornings start before he’s even out of bed.

It’s not laziness. It’s not “not wanting to get up”. It’s like waking up and immediately feeling trapped inside another day you already know you don’t have the energy to survive. He’ll lie there not wanting to move, but sleeping longer makes him feel worse too, so eventually he has to almost rip himself out of bed while already overwhelmed, angry and exhausted before the day has even started.

And that’s the part people don’t see.

Sometimes he wakes up already wanting to scream or smash something because his whole body feels wrong. Not dramatic wrong. Deep nervous system wrong. Like his brain and body are rejecting existence itself. And in those moments I can feel how much he hates being alive inside that feeling.

People always say “go for a walk”, “do breathing exercises”, “talk about your feelings”, but they don’t understand how deep this goes. When your nervous system has basically been stuck in survival mode for years, those things can feel insultingly small compared to the size of the pain.

And the anger… that’s the hardest part.

He gets angry because he’s trapped. Angry because nothing helps. Angry because he feels abandoned by the NHS after years of trying to get help. Angry because every medication either numbed him, caused side effects, made him worse, or just did nothing. Diazepam. Quetiapine. Amitriptyline. Therapy. CBT. EMDR. CBD. Weed. Supplements. Endless conversations. Endless appointments. Nothing has actually given him his life back.

Sometimes he gets angry at me or the people around him because part of him feels like we’re forcing him to stay here and keep experiencing this pain every day. I know he doesn’t truly mean it in the way it sounds, but when someone is drowning mentally for years, everything starts feeling like pressure, expectations, noise, demands.

And afterwards the guilt destroys him.

That’s what people don’t understand about anger mixed with severe depression and shutdown. Underneath the anger is usually shame, fear and desperation. He knows it hurts the people around him. He knows I end up carrying a lot emotionally. And when he calms down he’ll say he feels guilty all the time because he thinks he’s becoming someone he doesn’t want to be.

He’s told me he’s scared of himself sometimes because when the anger takes over it feels bigger than him, like he loses control of where to put all the pain. And honestly, from my side, that’s terrifying too because I can see he isn’t some evil or violent person. I can literally see someone whose nervous system has been overloaded for so long that it’s breaking down under the weight of it.

And then there’s me.

I know I annoy him sometimes. I know I can wind him up without meaning to. I know sometimes he looks at me like “why can’t you just make this stop”. And the horrible thing is… I can’t.

I care about him more than anything in the world, but love doesn’t magically regulate someone’s nervous system or remove years of trauma, depression, chronic stress and hopelessness. Sometimes I sit there trying to calm him down and I can literally see it not touching the sides. Like his brain is somewhere so dark that my words can’t even reach him anymore.

That’s the part that destroys me.

Watching someone you love desperately want relief but be terrified of everything at the same time. He wants something to work so badly he’s even looked into microdosing mushrooms because normal treatment hasn’t helped, but he’s scared too. Scared of making things worse. Scared of losing control. Scared because at this point every “solution” feels like another gamble.

People see mental health as sadness. What I see is someone fighting his own brain every single day while trying to survive inside a body that never feels safe or calm.

And the worst part is he’s still here having to wake up and repeat this same loop over and over again while services pass him around, misunderstand him, medicate him, or leave him waiting for help that never really comes.

I genuinely don’t think people understand how traumatic it is to live like this long term. It started when we were 20, got really bad in 2023 and declined since. we haven’t go to live our lives. We’re stuck in limbo. Both don’t work, have nothing for ourselves and mourn what could have been. This is mental torture for both of us.

Fiancee and me have been together for almost 7 years. For the last couple years he's been struggling more and more with depression. Jobs were never right, the complete job field was never fulfilling, family doesn't care as much as he'd like. Friendships went very shallow after moving away for the last couple years. Never been officially diagnosed however, because he refuses therapy or counseling. He says the pessimistic mood is only because of this or that. If he is able to change this or that, symptoms will go away. He has me that's enough etc.

I know if he refuses to seek help, I am not in the position to "fix" him. I read many books, held countless conversations with Claude on what to do. But it all seems pointless. His mother is a little open to support him, but has physical struggles on her own. They are in contact regularly but whenever she asks about his mental health he brushes it off, everything's fine.

It's just so tiring that it feels like we're treading on the same spot since months. I know I can't cure anything really but I can't seem to accept that. I'm just scared that this is what our life will be like forever or that he gets worse.

How do you deal with this?

Usually a reader, first time poster. I am a parter (28F) of my depressed boyfriend (27M). Together 8 years, lived together 4. I am certainly in the same burnout stage of many of these posts; we just came out of a very hard family medical situation with another family member and I feel like I have been holding a lot of our household pieces together to give him space to deal with his mental health.

That being said, I have reached my breaking point and I am hiring a once a month $150 house cleaning. I’m wondering if anyone has experience/ thoughts because truly there is nothing worse than carrying emotional weight all week and almost crying over the shower glass being stained/ baseboards being dusty. I’m really hoping to have some relief in this department.

Also, I’m a caregiver for my grandma as well 3 nights a week. So the caregiver burnout is real. Trying to just keep my head up…

I love my boyfriend so much and the first three months of our relationship was amazing. The first time I met him I was in awe of his intelligence and beauty and he vowed that night that he would marry me. On our first date he asked me out and could barely speak because he was so entranced by me. I have never felt so loved by anyone in my life. He brought me to meet all his family and friends very early on and he met all of mine, all going very well. We are from the same area but go to colleges in different cities so once every week one of us would take the 2 hour train to the other’s respective city. He showered me with love, affection, gifts and planned so many fun dates for us. Whenever I was upset or worried, a short phone call with him was enough to make me happy again. I have never felt so close or connected with anyone in the world before.

About three months into our relationship, my boyfriend was hitting with crippling clinical depression which forced him to drop out of medical school. I tried to do all I could to make him feel better and I spent every second I wasn’t in college with him. He told me I helped him so much and gave him the courage to tell other people about his problems and to eventually seek treatment.

Around this time, my boyfriend started to tell me how he felt insecure and disgusted by my sexual history. He was a virgin when he met me and I was far from that. He became obsessed with my body count (7) and sent me endless instagram reels about how this number means I can never form true bonds and was more likely to cheat. I would receive a string of texts in the early hours of the morning about how my past disgusted him and made him want to die. He asked me many questions about my past which made me extremely uncomfortable and very upset. He later told me it was one of the reasons he self harmed.

While we would still spend a lot of time together and made a lot of good memories, it was often tainted by his sudden mood swing which would sometimes involve criticism of me. For example, he often brought up things i said many months ago and used it against me. One time he refused to talk to me because I put on fake eyelashes which he did not like. He wouldn’t talk to me again until I took them off. Through all this time he would tell me I am the most beautiful girl in the world and the love of his life and the most amazing person he knows. He told me I was the only thing keeping him alive almost everyday and that he would kill himself without me.

He attempted suicide around 5 months into our relationship. He was soon after admitted to a psychiatric hospital. The week before he was admitted to hospital I spent almost all the week at his house. If I tried to go home to my parents he would start hysterically crying and refuse to speak to me. When I eventually went home he would text me that he didn’t love me and didn’t want to see me again, and then come back a few hours later and apologise and say that he loves me so much.

He had very sparing use of his phone in the hospital, but when he did and he knew I was going out with my friends he would tell me that if I drank he would kill himself or accuse me of cheating. He would always apologise later.

I am best friends with my parents so I tell them all my feelings. He told me he was uncomfortable with me speaking about our problems with my parents and promise me not to tell them anything because they would grow to resent him. If I mentioned ever that I said something about our issues to my parents he would get extremely pissed with me. This made me feel very isolated. I refrained from speaking about him to my therapist because he said she would want me to break up with him.

On my visits to see him in hospital, we would always have such a good time together and I feel so loved by him. He wanted me to register to sign marriage papers with him so he would have something to live for. I have always wanted a big wedding which we cannot afford now and feel far too young for marriage now, but I agreed to do it but said I didn't have enough money now, just to make him happy.

Last weekend, I went out drinking with my friends and sent him a picture of my dress. He told me it was disrespectful to wear that and a form of micro cheating. Then he brought up an “inappropriate“ skirt I wore months ago. When I told him I was drinking, he told me to “fuck off” and “never come near him again”. I turned off my phone for the rest of the night. He self harmed by breaking his nose. He always says he knows he is horrible and manipulative to me.

The next day, with a lot of convincing from my parents, I told him I needed a temporary break because the relationship was not viable in the long term if we continued this way. He told me he didn’t think he’d be able to survive without me and that he was going to kill himself. I immediately rang his family who I have stayed in contact with since to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself.

It has been about a week since I spoke to him last and I have felt so calm and relaxed. I know he has sent me many texts but I am refusing to read them. I feel so evil and guilty for abandoning him now when he has such poor mental health. I love him so much but I feel better now, even if I know I will feel lonely later. He is my best friend so I don’t want to leave him. I really see myself marrying him and having children with him, as long as his mental health improves. None of the awful things he does now happened when he was in good health.

What should I do?

TL;DR my boyfriend is mentally ill and treats me badly now, but treated me perfectly before. Should I stay with him?

Not the longest relationship.
Not the oldest or most experienced voice here either.

But 4 years of one of the most beautiful loves, ended in a gradual, lonely breakup.

First year of college. Love at first sight. She was charismatic, beautiful, smart, kind, empathetic. I fell hard and I fell fast.

Became her best friend. Got close. Spent every moment I could by her side.

Once she felt safe, the walls came down. Secrets, trauma, the weight she carried.
She trusted me with all of it, and I held it close. Protected her. Became her caretaker, her boyfriend, her everything.

When anxiety gripped her, I dropped everything to be by her side.
Helped her fall asleep at night. That was the part I loved most.
Became her warm blanket on cold winter mornings.

And before we knew it, I had made her dependent on me.
Before I realized it, I had become her dad.

Before we could realized, she was starting to losing friends.
And so was I.

We were inseparable from each other while completely cut off from everyone else.

She carried her childhood wounds. I carried my own. Not feeling good enough for her, insecurities tied me down.
I kept her close so I could always be there, protect her from anything and anyone who might hurt her.

Gradually, I became her walking cane, while I slowly drained myself empty.

To manage her ego, I let go of mine.
To manage her anger, I let go of mine.
To build up her confidence, I tore what I had.
To teach her how to lead, I stopped leading.
To teach her how to say no, I became the first person she would try and say no to.

She learned to set boundaries.

Before I ever did.

I snuck out of my strict household for her therapist appointments. Looked out for her despite my own deadlines. Studied at her pace despite my own exams.

The handholding only got deeper.

I thought I was being selfless. I thought this was love.

She saw it becoming dependency.

"Work on yourself."
"Learn to set boundaries."
"Turn your back on me when I hurt you."

I ate my pride every time she hurt me, because I told myself she needed me more than I needed myself.

I kept breaking. Kept sacrificing. Kept swallowing everything down.

Until the day she said she wanted to end it.

Because she didn't wanna hurt me anymore.

She saw how much it was costing me. Asked for time. Space. To grow into someone who could give back, not just take and take. She wanted to fix her own broken faucet, fill her own bucket, so she'd finally have something to offer.

Four years of undergraduation. The most beautiful years of my life so far.

But it breaks my heart that my college sweetheart, the girl with the adjacent roll number, right next to mine, won't be standing beside me at graduation like I always pictured.

If you're reading this because you love someone with depression, I need you to hear this.

Your sacrifices mean nothing if they break you more than they help.

Depression is a battle for both of you, but you can't be the only one fighting. You need to trust that they will reach for you when things go wrong. But you also need the physical, mental, and emotional strength to actually hold them when they do.

The truth is, people with depression can only truly help themselves. And while they're doing that work, you're left alone trying to support both of you.

Work on yourself before you work on them.

Have parts of your day that don't include your partner. Real time, not just clock time. The gym. Your work. Time alone. Reading. Walking. Whatever fills your cup. Be a person outside of your relationship.

Because when they finally turn to you for that hug after a hard day, you need to be strong enough to hold them.

You can't pour from an empty cup.

Don't lose yourself trying to save someone else.

Take care of yourselves. You matter too.

I’m a 55 m and have been alone for a few years, and I’ve tried to just find anyone, and everything seems to be scams Am I the only one finding this?

Okay so, first time posting and english is not my first language so I'm sorry for any mistakes, I just don't know what to do, and I needed to vent somewhere, I found this sub and I'm glad to know I'm not alone...

So, I'm tired. I've been in a long-distance relationship for 9 years with someone who has depression and suicidal tendencies. He (26M) and I(26F) met online through mutual friends when we were both minors, and we started dating when we were 16. From the beginning, I knew he had severe depression, but as a stubborn teen I thought I could handle it, but over the years it has become overwhelming due to a lack of psychological treatment, and has only worsened.

I know my situation is stupid because I could always end it, block his number, and move on with my life (or so my friends tell me when I talk about this), but I genuinely love this person, and that's why I feel so guilty for resenting him for so many things I've had to sacrifice for him (Things that I don't mention, but trust me everytime he does something for me, he tells me how much he sacrifices for me). I left my friends because he didn't like them, I distanced myself from my family because their opinions about him angered me... I did too many things and changed too many parts of myself just for him to be happy.

I answer messages 24/7, but that's not good enough because he thinks I'm too busy with college and don't dedicate enough time to him, and I know that maybe that is true, but I just feel so stuck when we are together, we have online dates, and I always try my best to come out with ideas for online dates to be fun, but he never wants to do anything! Nothing I suggest apeals to him and we end up doing the same boring thing, just watching a series or something he likes.

Lately I've been trying to go out more, to spend time with friends or family, to do fun stuff I enjoy, but he always ends up sad or telling me double sided things when I do.

And for once I just would like to tell him that I'm tired of living in my phone and staying in my room.

He also has already attempted suicide four times, and suffers from depressive episodes that prevent him from holding down a job or going to school, I've been trying to be supportive and help him get into college, but something always happens and he ends up losing another year, wich at the beggining was okay, but now, I'm just starting to get worried. And I know it's not his fault, that he doesn't do these things willingly, but I honestly can't see a future with him anymore, at least not one where I am happy.

I've considered ending the relationship, but he says he's coming to visit me next year...and he swears that this year he will study...but he also said something I'm deeply afraid of, and is that he say that life is so shity that probably his next depressive episode is going to be the one where he kills himself. And right now I just feel so guilty for ever considering leaving, because I love him, and I know I couldn't live with myself if he ever hurted himself because of me.

Now, I myself feel so sad and desperate, I just, feel so hopeless and scared to the point of anxiety thinking that he could take his own life, and I know saying that is selfish because I can only imagine what's going thru his head, and I feel so bad for feeling bad when he is having it worse.

Still I just, really wish for once I could just relax and actually live my life without the constant phone ringing and texting, without the crisis, the crying, the constant reasurance.

I just want him to be okay, to be happy, but I don't know how to make him happy.

Anyway, I feel like I have a lot of other things in my chest, but for now, I just needed to get this out.

I don’t really know how to start this, but my partner has been extremely suicidal the last few weeks. Hopelessness, repeatedly telling me their life will never improve, it’s always going to be awful, all that sort of thing. They were also insistent that they were going to end their life, and would only give me the courtesy of letting me know, then doing it.

We don’t life together, and are maybe a 30-40 minute drive away, so it isn’t like I could rush to help them if anything happened and they make sure to remind me of that.

They have tried help before, but suffer from an extremely mentally and verbally abusive family and household they are unable to leave at the moment, and have experienced sexual abuse as a younger teenager, which also is a major issue for them.

I’m finding it literally impossible to continue the relationship, my hair is falling out from stress, I’m losing focus in other areas of my life and I am finding little to no happiness in anything anymore, as well as lost sleep.

How do I navigate this? I cannot continue the relationship like this but I couldn’t possibly end it because that could be the last straw and end in them committing suicide.

please help me

My husband’s depression has been a focal point of our household for around a year. It comes and goes and he says is mostly situational (he is extremely unhappy with work) but it puts this huge layer of doom and gloom over our entire household. If it were just me I could try to muddle through but our son can visibly tell when Dad is sad, shut down and disengaged. I don’t know how to keep being the happy one for him and covering for his Dad’s emotional disconnection. I also am really tired of not getting support. I go to therapy and do a lot in my community and have a great personal and professional life with a lot I am really proud of, yet this major aspect of our family is the underlying thread that’s a constant presence.

I’m recognizing that this is not a temporary thing. He will not seek help and becomes incredibly agitated if I bring it up. When he is good, he recognizes how unhealthy it is but I have a hard time expressing to him what it’s doing to our family without it seeming like “poor me, you’re depressed” you know?

If you’ve dealt with this long term and supported a partner for years and years, how have you managed to care for them, yourself and your family?

My wife (married 4 years, together 10 years) has been struggling with severe depression for months and I honestly feel completely broken right now.

She was hospitalized for a while and since coming home things have felt more and more distant between us. I tried to support her in every way I could. I told her I would move anywhere with her, support any life decision she wants to make, give her space, reduce pressure, anything.

What makes this especially confusing is that shortly before discharge things actually seemed better between us. During the weekends she was allowed home, she felt much more emotionally accessible and physically close. We even slept together again. She seemed genuinely happy to see me every time. She could barely wait to finally be discharged and often really did not want to go back to the clinic on Sundays.

That is why this sudden emotional distance feels so hard to understand for me.

Yesterday she told me that my presence at home does not feel good for her anymore. She said she wants to feel free, be able to live wherever she wants and do whatever she wants. She even mentioned wanting her own apartment.

At the same time she also says she does not want to hurt me, that she is “not okay,” that she cannot think further than the next few hours and that she feels like she is destroying me. She says she does not want to make promises she cannot keep.

I genuinely cannot tell anymore whether this is depression speaking, emotional overwhelm, loss of feelings, or the actual end of our marriage.

I love her deeply. I would have stayed through all of this. But I am also exhausted beyond words. I spent months trying to be stable, patient and supportive while slowly falling apart myself.

Right now I’m staying with friends because being home became too painful after our conversation. I woke up crying this morning and honestly feel terrified of losing both my wife and the life we built together.

Has anyone experienced something similar where a depressed partner suddenly wanted freedom, distance or separation after seeming much closer shortly before? Did things become clearer with time once the crisis stabilized? Or was this ultimately the beginning of the end?

I know nobody here can tell me the future. I just feel very alone right now.

This is a very selfish post. I’ve been with my husband for about 10 years. He’s struggled with depression, bipolar, OCD, and BPD. His family, my family, and some of our friends know about his struggles. And they always say how lucky he is to have me. And they always just ask how he’s doing first before they ask me about me.

I’m just tired of feeling invisible. Basically my whole life revolves around him. I am the sole provider (he lost his job in December because his company shut down and he’s “too depressed and overwhelmed” to look for a new job) and constantly try to make things perfect for him.

I’m so exhausted. I know this is probably word vomit but I am just so jealous of people in relationships with mentally steady people.

I love him so so much, I really do. And it breaks my heart what he goes through. But I feel like I just get slipped through the cracks.

2 months ago her planned new career fell through and she had a bad falling out with some housemates and she said it changed her, ever since she’s been struggling. She said since she’s been feeling empty, broken, depressed and feeling nothingness in life and is going through anhedonia.

This isn’t about me taking from her, it’s about me knowing and wanting that it’s MY turn to be the giver in the relationship, to ride these waves and be an anchor.

She broke up with me a couple of days ago because she said she feels guilty and is saving me from future heartbreak because she doesn’t know how long she will feel this way. She said I’m perfect, deserve better and that she really likes me, but she feels she’s not being a good girlfriend and seems to think that I’ll be very hurt by the way she’s acting, when I don’t feel that way at all.

The thing is - she hasn’t treated me badly at all, it’s like her mind is telling her she’s been horrible to me when she hasn’t one bit. This moment has totally messed up her vision. The only thing that hurts me is that she’s making decisions through her depression and is willing to break it off with me under the assumption I don’t really know what I want when I say I want to stay.

I told her I want to ride these waves with her, that I’m the most committed and patient man, and that relationships are full of ups and downs and it’s moments like this that make couples so strong.

I know I can’t control how she thinks or break through her depression, but regardless of this, how do I make her see clearly enough that I want to stick by her the entire way and that she’s not going to break my heart by being temporarily down?

I could not mean it any more when I say she is the woman for me and is not hurting me like she thinks she has been. It’s like her anhedonia is self destructing her and her vision is blurred when it comes to these assumptions.

She’s worth it, what can I do? What can I say to her to allow her to know that I really do want to be here and that life is too short for me not to want to stick by her side through this horrible moment?

We used to be an active family, we talked about our values and tried to make sure the way we were living and raising our kids align with that, and not slip into the 'every day habits of convenience just to survive busy modern life' trap. Family, health, and community were our values and that's how we wanted to raise our kids. We used to go hiking up mountains most weekends with our girls, go to the beach, bush walks etc. He used to go to the gym and was super fit, strong, looked good, would win little gym comps and stuff like that, and the girls grew up around that environment and mentality. Around other healthy, active people and families. We both work full time, we earn a decent amount. The girls are primary school age now. We have no massive financial issues, our girls are healthy and thriving at school social and academically. Everything changed maybe 1.5 yrs ago when he stopped going to gym.

About half a year ago he started on ADHD meds after lots of research, soul- searching and going through diagnosis. It started because of his habit of ruminating, hyper-fixating, over thinking to the point of paralysis, stuff like that. He is terrible at time management and is constantly late, like always. Can literally never be on time.

Anyway, none of these things were huge issues, but I understood that if he thought this was affecting his work or general self-esteem than yeah, sure he should try and see what works to improve it. Worth mentioning though, that before he started on the meds, he has been non-active with gym and generally in a slump of unhealthy-ness for over a year. Not eating, not having a good sleep routine, not exercising. So when he started on the journey of diagnosis and meds, I kept saying, why don't you try eating better/ sleeping better/ exercising again? And he'd just get angry and snap my head off saying I didn't understand etc. It got to the point where I just couldn't talk to him about. I gave up arguing about it and he got on the meds. I was just hoping that it would fix it and he'd get back to normal, and how we used to be.

It didn't. It didn't fix anything. He's still not exercising, not eating, not sleeping. He's so anxious about work that apparently he drives there and has to sit ten minutes before going in. He constantly leaves to work late, and of course sitting in the car makes him later. He's now in trouble at work because obviously his work ethic looks bad. He blames everything on his ADHD.

Our girls 8 and 10. One of them is super sporty bubbly and used to do every sport. Soccer, gymnastics, ice skating, martial arts, swimming. Now? Nothing. Does no sports. I can see how having the person that used to be a role model for a healthy and active person, who is sleeps on the couch, is balding because he pulls his hair out, is wasting away because he doesn't eat, is changing her. The older one was always less active, more into reading and fashion but she loved the outdoors and being in nature. Now she's just like him and is inside all day, on screens.

I don't get it. This is the opposite of how I want to live and how I wanted our family to be. The meds aren't helping. I have nothing against people taking meds if they need to. But wouldn't it have been better for him to do the obvious solution first like exercise, sleep and eat? He had blood tests recently to see if he was deficient in anything and he was low on zinc.

Every time I talk to him about it he blows up. Shouts, throws things, cries. Says I'm not supportive. I really don't know how long I can do this for.

I feel horrible for saying all of this, but I have no one else to turn to for help. I have been in a relationship with my fiance for three years. He is 23, and I am 22. Our wedding is scheduled for October. I started to notice my partner growing physically distant from me at the beginning of this year. He barely kisses me, doesn't partake in touching me very much, and our sex life has come to a complete halt. He has no interest in any of it. This lack of physical touch kills me. Touch is my love language through and through, but it "scares him." Prior to this year, everything was fine. Now, he feels as if I am too good for him, hence his reluctancy to touch me. I feel so unloved. I can't handle it. I have been doing so much research into helping him (I paid for months of couples counceling, found him a private therapist, and just recently have been buying him self help books). Nothing works. He no-shows with the therapists or cancels, so he can never get in with them when he is having episodes. I am just so tired. I am miserable. What do i do?

Me (M29) and my wife (F30) have been together for about 4 years now and when we started dating she did warn me about her anxiety and depression before we got any deeper into the relationship and I agreed to stay. For 3 1/2 years I've seen her struggle with her anxiety but it was manageable. Now that we are married the last 4 months she's been in a bad depressive episode and I am the only one that is seeing it all. She refuses to let anyone else know. This episode of depression is hard and I am coming to the realization that I have given up a life that I imagined. I will have to go to family/friend functions by myself, cook, clean, take care of the pets by myself.  Due to how much I have to take care of her I no longer want kids, because that would add to the Chaos. I’ve been the strong one trying to hold it together and trying to convince her to go to therapy, but at what point do I give up. She is finally seeing her pcp to see if she can get new meds, but I am now terrified that I made the wrong choice to stick with her. I love her with all my heart (both our families get along and are like 1 big family), but it has only been 4 months of this episode and going a whole lifetime like this I can’t think too far in the future anymore, because of all the uncertainty. I am at a loss of how long I should try to make this work and how long I can sustain being the strong one in the relationship.  

I posted like a week ago about my situation with my boyfriend. For a little context, he is going through a rough time and he’s been distant and not really present in the relationship.
Every time we see each other he seems so out of it and so sad. I’m trying my best to be strong but to be honest i’ve been feeling so anxious and stressed, i feel like i’m going into a dark place that i haven’t been in a while. Sometimes i think it would just be better if i choose myself instead of trying to be the strong one.
He also sometimes tells me that he’s just not in the mood to come to my house, but today he’s going to his friends house to distract himself. It makes me feel like i will never be the person he seeks when he’s at his lowest or the one he feels comfortable with.
Im tired and i don’t know what to do anymore.

I (23F) have been with my boyfriend (23M) for 7 years, but we’ve actually known each other since we were 12 and were best friends before dating. This is part of why this situation feels emotionally impossible for me.

For years, I felt like I was never truly a priority in the relationship. I had to basically beg for us to officially date. There were periods where he barely texted me (sometimes once a week). When I had surgery, he didn’t come see me because it would be “awkward” with my parents. He forgot my birthday before. He never really integrated me into his life properly and even after 7 years, his parents never officially knew we were dating.

At the same time, I genuinely love him and we also had good moments together. He’s not an evil person. He can be sweet, funny and emotionally deep sometimes. But the relationship has always felt emotionally inconsistent and lonely for me.

Recently, I started emotionally detaching because I realized I don’t want this relationship for my future anymore. I feel anxious when I think about seeing him. I’m exhausted. I feel more like an emotional caretaker than a girlfriend.

But then everything got more complicated.

Over the last weeks he started acting very strange. Isolating himself, not answering friends for months, sounding emotionally exhausted. One of his best friends even contacted me worried about him. I later found out his home situation is much worse than I knew: he says his father is awful and his mother is an alcoholic.

I stay away from home during the week because of university, and now he suddenly wants to come stay with me there because he says he can’t handle being at home. He says being with me is the only thing making him move forward lately. But I’m scared that if I let him stay with me, I’ll become his entire emotional support system and it will make leaving even harder.

The thing is: if I somehow knew for certain he wouldn’t hurt himself, I think I would end the relationship right now. And that realization makes me feel horrible.

I feel guilty because he’s clearly struggling and part of me wants to help him and protect him, especially because I still care deeply about him as a person and as someone who has been in my life since childhood.

But another part of me feels resentful because when I needed him emotionally throughout the years, he often wasn’t there for me. I spent years feeling unwanted, hidden and emotionally alone in this relationship. And now that he’s falling apart, I suddenly matter intensely.

I genuinely don’t know what the right thing to do is anymore.