I posted like a week ago about my situation with my boyfriend. For a little context, he is going through a rough time and he’s been distant and not really present in the relationship.
Every time we see each other he seems so out of it and so sad. I’m trying my best to be strong but to be honest i’ve been feeling so anxious and stressed, i feel like i’m going into a dark place that i haven’t been in a while. Sometimes i think it would just be better if i choose myself instead of trying to be the strong one.
He also sometimes tells me that he’s just not in the mood to come to my house, but today he’s going to his friends house to distract himself. It makes me feel like i will never be the person he seeks when he’s at his lowest or the one he feels comfortable with.
Im tired and i don’t know what to do anymore.
u/nabi_0308
So my boyfriend (20M) an I (22F), have been dating for 10 months and it’s me first ever relationship.
At the beginning i was the one that talked about having mental health issues, i been struggling for years with ocd, and i made it clear for him. After a while he opened up about his own issues and told me that he had depression, and that sometimes it comes and goes but that it was nothing to worry about.
About 3 months ago we had a little talk about how i felt when we were together and he was on his phone for to long, i told him that it made me feel lonely and like he didn’t liked me anymore, he then told me that sometimes it was because of his depression and that it was his way of distracting himself from it. I offered him different ways that could also make me feel like i wasn’t being ignored, like playing board games or watching a show together and we started doing things like that.
But 1 month ago he started to pull away from the relationship, he was less present and started to take longer to answer my texts, and then something happened, he got sick and had to stay in the hospital for some days, and ever since then it’s gotten worse, he is so sad all the time, with no motivation and always tired. He stopped coming almost every day to my house like he used to, and when he does, he always comes late and leaves early, or he’s not really in the mood for anything, he doesn’t want to receive or give any physical contact, he’s lost in his phone, and i’m here again feeling lost and lonely.
It’s been a while since my ocd was this bad, but lately i’m so obsessed with the thoughts “what if he’s not in love anymore” “what if i made a mistake” “what if we are not supposed to be together” “should i breakup with him”, and it’s in my mind every single day.
Last week we had a deep talk about this, i told him how this situation was causing me so much stress and how it was making me feel. He also told me somethings that made me really worried. And after a long talk we came up with two options, either we try to find a middle ground were we both feel seen, were i can give him space but he can also give me time. Or we take a break and work on ourselves so that we can comeback together being better.
I told him that i didn’t want a break, that i was willing to do the first, and he told me that we was also willing to do so.
But even though i do want that i’m finding exhausting, because right now he’s the one whose having it worse, so i feel like i’m the one whose has to be more present, careful, or the one that has to put more effort
Yesterday he came and he was again so out of it and even if i try to not show him that it hurts, it does, i hate seeing him like that, and i want to help but i don’t know what to do. I feel so lost and disconnected from him.