r/boyfriends

I have been with my boyfriend for a few years now, recently moved in together last fall and recently I’ve noticed that he has very little to no patience with me. It was his house that I moved into so from the beginning I wanted to be considerate and learn how he likes to live while also at the same time trying to make it feel like my home too and I’ve yet to finally get to a point to where I feel completely safe and comfortable existing in his space if that makes sense.

I think he definitely deals with a little OCD/anxiety related emotions, which I understand but it’s really taking a toll on my peace of mind. For example, he tends to find fault with how I do things and will continually make snappy comments. Last night it was with how I closed his car door (saying it was too hard), the other day I left the remote for the ceiling fan on the bed instead of the nightstand, or when I put his towel away he was annoyed it was facing one side and not the other. He even commented the other day about what burner I was using on the stove and there are plenty other situations so I’m feeling a bit beat down. I try hard to adapt to his way of living but there’s always something else that he seems annoyed that I don’t already do. I want to bring it up to him (which I have a little already) more in depth, but I’m afraid that I’m being too dramatic about it all. But at the same time I do feel like I’m walking on eggshells afraid to fully exist thinking he’s gonna find something else I’m doing wrong. Another part of me is feeling super insecure because my brain is telling me that he’s just not into me anymore which leads to him having less patience and more annoyance with me?

TLDR: my boyfriend always finds things I’m doing wrong and approaches me with frustration even over small problems, leaving me feeling slightly controlled and like I have to walk on eggshells at home

Ok context this is my first post so I’m new

Me (14f) has been dating my boyfriend (14m) have been dating for a few months and he is my first real relationship tho I have had a few “middle school boyfriends” before. He has never dated anyone. We dated last year but it was very middle school and I broke up with him over summer because of some family issues and we just didn’t talk that often or hang out due to the fact that we can’t drive and at the time I didn’t really know him that well. I told him that I still wanted to be friends but the whole beginning of the year he just acted sad and it was very noticeable.

Fast forward to the beginning of the second semester- we started talking more often and he seemed to get more comfortable around me. We reconnected and started dating again. I actually got to know him as a person and I really think that I loved him. We live in a small town and a lot of people just stay in town, including him, but I play on a travel soccer team and a travel softball team and I am very social and have a lot of outside connections and am very good at communicating with people. He kind of just stays at home which never really bothered me but I’m a very busy person and we don’t get to hang out often. he is more quiet and I am more outgoing, but a lot of people said that we even each other out.

But I never really realized how socially awkward he is. Talking to people is something I really enjoy doing and he is very awkward around people he doesn’t know and doesn’t talk to adults very well when I find talking to adults the same as talking to anybody else.

I also just realized how immature he is when I’m not around I had had people tell me that he is immature, though I didn’t believe them but now I believe he acts differently when I’m not around

He often says how his whole life revolves around me how he loves me more than anything and he would do anything for me. I love him too, but I want him to have other things in his life. I have a lot going on in my life and I can’t give 100% of my attention. I recently went on a cruise for spring break with my best friend which made me realize that while we were dating, I put all of my effort into him because that’s what he was doing to me and I lost connection with a lot of my friends and missed out on a lot of things that were happening. He is also expressed a lot of jealousy about some guy friends that I have. And I don’t even know the full extent because I have a lot of guy friends outside of school too. He also has expressed how he will never have full confidence around me, and I always make him nervous. I don’t want to make him nervous. I want him to have confidence around me. I kinda just feel like us breaking up and getting back together is toxic and we just shouldn’t be together but I think he is kind of obsessed with me and has expressed a lot of signs of depression and I’m scared he might hurt himself if I break up with him because he hinted at it a few times.

We also go to a small school where the world would get around fast and his older brother is a substitute teacher at our school and our parents are both involved in the district and it might just be a lot of drama

I just really don’t know what to do because I haven’t talked to him since Friday afternoon over text where he said we needed to talk more before we decide on needing space from each other because I told him I wanted space. But I just feel like we are taking more away from each other‘s lives than adding to each other’s lives.

Sorry about the lack of punctuation. I have to see him tomorrow first period and I just need some advice.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 10 months now. We met in highschol and we had undeniable chemistry but were just friends, since I had a boyfriend at the time. I never liked my ex and was just in the relationship because I wanted a bf ( terrible ik). After we broke up i would yearn for my current boyfriend but he had a girlfriend. We didn’t talk for two years then he texted me and we rekindled. When we started talking I was talking to a guy at the time which ended because he called me a bitxh.

While my current bf and I were talking I told him from the beginning that I would only consider a future if he were Christian and don’t want to lead him on if he doesn’t believe in God (just my standards wouldn’t try to convert someone against their will). We kept talking and he asked me to be his girlfriend and ignored my request. I told him it wouldn’t work then he had a crazy encounter with God and followed Jesus on his own will while we weren’t together.

I have terrible anxiety and think o have relationship ocd, so I’m always overthinking if we will work out, if I love him, and all the small things he does. He is definitely more affectionate than I am but I just don’t know how to know whether to stay in the relationship.

Hey! So me (23F) and my bf (23M) has been together for 2 years now. I can say that I absolutely trust him, but on the other hand, I am really afraid of cheating, because my parents got divorced (bc of cheating) and my previous bf also did this to me.

So the thing is that I saw on my boyfriends phone that he has texted a girl, and that message was at the top. No, I wasn’t checking my bf’s phone without asking, he was just using it and I saw it. That girl is one of his friends, they know each other before we got together, but they arent best friends at all, they are just from the same friend group. And you know, when we were in this friend group, I always felt that something was off, like if the girl liked my bf. I dont know if it is true, I just had that feeling. There are other girls in the group but I never felt that for them.

And yeah, I dont know if that would be weird if I asked my bf if they are talking to each other, personally I think that it doesn’t fit in a relationship when you talk to other girls daily. If they would know each other since childhood for eg. that would be ok if they were talking, but that’s not the case. And I just don’t understand why they are talking if they aren’t that really good friends, they are just from the same friend group really.

So my question is that am I insane, or that would be a totally normal question for my bf, if they are talking regularly?

Thanks for reading this!

Hi me F(21) and my bf (21) have been in a relationship for about 10 months and have known each other since middle school. He always had a crush on me and after many years I reciprocated and we are now happily together. He is extremely loving and caring, always wants to see me, is very kind and gentle with his words, always compliments me and seems to always put me first. The problem I have with him is that he always offers to pay for things but never actually does. For example I told him that I can't go out much this month since I'm a bit low on Budget (I study in uni, he works a full time job) and he said "I never said you have to pay for things, you just have to come with me and enjoy your meals" which is a very nice ting to say, but I always end up having to pay at least for myself if not for both. Last night I was with my friends and he was with his and told me he was coming to pick me up so we could be together. We went to have dinner and he told the cashier to put it all together but the guy didn't do he ended up only paying for his part. A friend told him "why didn't you pay for her" and he said "well I asked but he automatically splitted it" to which I said "you could have just put your phone next to the machine twice" . I didn't mean this in any offensive way but again, of you offer to pay for me and then don't it's a bit weird. After that he brought me to the bowling with his friends and although I didn't want to play, I did. He said "oh I'll pay for you" I said "are u sure and ok with that?" And he said "of course" but only pulled out of his wallet his part T_T . I was so confused, luckly I had money with me...again for the second time in the same day, after telling him multiple times I was short. He does this extremely often and by often I mean like 3 times a week. Last week he offered me sushi and it was 50 in total, but he didn't pay for the next 3 dinners which were like the double (100 €)and I felt a bit scammed since yes you want to look nice and generous but I have to pay it all back (and more) on the next occasion. What should I do? Should I tell him next time? Money is a very delicate topic for me, I tend to not discuss it and never ever go out if I know I can't afford it, but yesterday I didn't predict the bowling and dinner

Last night, my boyfriend just ended things out of nowhere, no explanation, no real conversation, just a few words and then he was gone, and I’m still sitting here trying to make sense of it. One minute everything felt normal, and the next I was left questioning everything..like what I did wrong or if any of it even meant the same to him. It hurts more because there’s no closure, just silence where answers should be, and I keep replaying everything in my head hoping I missed something, but I didn’t. I guess sometimes people leave without giving you the reasons you deserve, and all you can really do is feel it, even if it doesn’t make sense yet.

Ive lived with my boyfriend for just over a year. I moved into his house because he owns and I lived with a roommate. Moving in with him meant leaving city life for the burbs (which I’ve never really been a fan of). I’m only 10ish mins from the city but where we are is deff not walkable and his house is small (2bed/1bath) one room is our bedroom and the other is his office so I don’t really have a space for me.

I have a lot of local friends and a really active social life. I am super active, have an active job, go to the gym 5 times a week, play pickleball, volleyball, go on walks etc. He is similar but works from home, doesn’t have many local friends, and only plays pickleball and volleyball with me because I ask him to. If he didn’t I think he’d honestly only leave the house for the gym and to walk our 2 dogs. (I’ve tried encouraging him to sign up for sports leagues without me or attend pick up games of soccer, etc)

He doesn't come from a family that values having a comfortable and clean living space so the first few months of living together meant me having to show him how to clean, when to clean, how to declutter, etc. and that was a source of contention for us for a while.

I try to be super productive and active, and he sleeps in on the weekends unless I plan something or wake him up.

Lately we’ve been working on trying to make our backyard somewhere I can hang out and it’s taking quite a bit of yard work which he’s been doing the bulk of but complaining about a lot and because he wakes up at 815 to roll out of bed walk the dogs, and log into work at 830, works from home M-F, i feel like this yard work shouldn't come with as many complaints as it does.

i just get so turned off by his lack of initiative, discipline, and low activity level.

My boyfriend and I have been together 7 months as of now. About a month into the relationship, he told me he has phimosis, which I hadn’t noticed before since we hadn’t had sex yet. We only started being intimate around two months in, with things like handjobs and oral, and it was a bit difficult at first. I have more experience, while he was anxious and inexperienced, and because of his condition I accidentally hurt him a few times before understanding what worked for him.

He has surgery scheduled for July (I’m writing this in April), but the main issue we’re having doesn’t seem directly related to that. When we try to have sex, he just can’t maintain an erection long enough. At the beginning, he couldn’t even get fully hard for other forms of intimacy, but over time we improved and he’s been able to finish a few times with oral.

The problem is that for the past four months, whenever we try to actually have sex, he loses his erection right when it’s time to put on a condom. Even if he manages to put it on, he isn’t hard enough for penetration. I don’t think it’s a condom size issue he’s tried different ones and says they feel fine.

I honestly don’t know if this is physical (maybe related to phimosis or something else he hasn’t checked), or psychological, like performance anxiety. What’s really getting to me is that this has been going on for months, and I’ve started wondering if he’s just not attracted to me. I’m not really his usual type physically (I'm the first big girl he ever liked), and that’s been in the back of my mind.

He also has a relatively low libido i think. He says he only masturbates about once a week or less while I think for males it's more common to do so like 3x a week or more.

We’ve argued about this a lot because I end up feeling unwanted, while he feels embarrassed and pressured. I don’t know how to support him beyond just being patient. Things have improved in some ways —he’s more comfortable now and less anxious during other forms of intimacy— but when it comes to actual sex, we’re still stuck.

I love him and don’t want to leave, but I really don’t know what to do or what to suggest anymore.

My boyfriend 20M and I 21F have been together for almost 6 years. Will be 6 years the 13th of may, and I have no idea where to even begin on what to get him. Someone please help.

I swear my heart actually dropped when he said it, like everything just went quiet for a second. He wouldn’t even look at me at first, just kept rubbing his hands together like he was trying to erase what he was about to say, and then he finally blurted out that he got his girl best friend pregnant. I remember just staring at him, waiting for him to laugh or say it was a joke, but he didn’t..he just looked scared and guilty and… real. And the worst part is, I wasn’t even surprised in that dramatic way you see in movies, it was more like this slow, sinking feeling, like maybe I ignored things I shouldn’t have. I didn’t yell, I didn’t cry right away, I just felt… empty, like everything we had just cracked in half right in front of me.

My bf and I [18F] and [18M] dating for 7 months and he seems to have trouble finishing with him either not finishing at all or me getting tired out because its taking too long. I have blowjobs and handjobs aswell but i can never tell if hes enjoying it. So im w how do I fix this or am i doing something wrong

I'm 25 F but feel like I've been having a mid life crisis!!!

I'm in NY and both my siblings moved down south to South Carolina and Florida and now my parents are beginning to wonder if they should move too and leave me here alone.

I have a bf of 3 years that is supposed to be taking over his family business in NY (we both live with our parents). He makes good money and has been working up to save enough to afford a place for us. The problem is NY is only getting more and more expensive to live in and the winters are BRUTAL! Hence why most of my family is moving (even my relatives). I struggle with severe depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. The small, boring, expensive town we live in is shit and I've been so tired of it. I visit both my siblings every year and find that I feel way less depressed down south and in a better mood. I LOVE the weather, the beach, and just being OUTSIDE. It's like it brings me a dose of serotonin every time. Then once I go back home I get into a WAVE of depression.

I'm worried that for my own happiness and mental health, it would be better for me to maybe move down south and start a new. My boyfriend has no desire to move because of his family business and the fact that he would be making more money in NY compared to down south. We have talked about this matter multiple times and he has said that if I would be happier moving then he won't stop me BUT he would never move. He has said that he likes the winter and the area we live in and wouldn't like the heat down south. His compromise was that if he we're to take over the business and can afford to, he would get us a vacation home down south that I could visit and be with my family, or that he's perfectly fine with me visiting them whenever I want. BUT this would be something VERY down the line.

Something I just want to add for content is that we struggle to even have time for each other. My bf works mon-sat 6am to 5pm and only has Sundays off. Every time he's off I ask to go out and do things together but he complains and says he wants the day off to rest. It always hurts when it feels like he barely has time for me in his busy schedule. He's constantly over worked. His entire personality is him depressed and exhausted from work. Because he works in a family business he's constantly getting attacked by his father who is always pushing him to be better. All of this effects him AND our relationship constantly!

We both love each other and he does a lot to take care of me and I'm not hoping for this relationship to have an end. I want to be able to get married and settle down in a few years. Part of me feels like I would feel so much better if I did move down south and part of me feels like I would be fine going back and forth from NY to down south to visit my family every year. My Bf does bring me a lot of happiness as well when we find time to be together. I just don't know what to do or think anymore and I'm so scared over this. Has anyone gone through something similar? I'm I just self sabotaging my own happiness?

Not for the weak lol

What do you mean you’re gonna run on 3 hours of sleep, then go play magic starting at 9 pm and can easily end after midnight

Thankfully apart from magic and soda he has no other vices but yeah the man is in deep. A year and a half and im still coming to understanding HOW deep

,,,

Okay so I 14F have been dating my boyfriend 14M for almost a month. Everything has been going well and I do really like him. The problem is that his mom doesn’t allow him to date. I talked with him about telling his mom now rather than later because it’s only going to get a worse reaction later on. What I’m worried about is that his mom will ban me from seeing him at school or something. He doesn’t have the best relationship with his mother either.. I don’t know if I did the right thing for asking him to tell her or I should’ve just kept quiet. Any advice? I really don’t want to lose him. ☹️

me (18F) and my boyfriend (18M) have been dating for 10 months. i love him but we argue way too much, like at least once a week we have some sort of disagreement. he has changed a lot as a person since we first started dating but 10 months isn’t that long and we still have problems. not always, but like it is mostly with stuff he does. he always apologises and has changed in some ways but not enough, and i hold too much resentment towards him and hate how i act towards him because of it, even when he’s not doing anything wrong.

basically im like being mean to him unnecessarily at this point, i guess to get back at him for things he’s done to me in the past that i never truely forgave him for. it’s toxic for both of us.

anyway it’s both of our first relationships, so i’ve never known how to or had to experience a breakup. doesn’t help that i don’t want to do it at all, and we work together — this is a big part of why it will be so difficult to experience. i also wish i could stay friends with him even though that would be way too hard, but i just don’t even know how to go about this and i don’t really have any people in my life to talk to about it either.

someone please help me as to how to go about this. should i go talk with him somewhere and say something along the lines of “we argue too much in our relationship” and maybe propose that we take a break away from eachother to see if we feel happier? i don’t even know what to do so please give any advice as to how to approach this situation 😭

I (23F) and my boyfriend (21M) have been together for 1 year and have moved in together.

For context I have been dancing since I was 3 years old, so for 20 years now and have been a part of a ballet company for 4 years. I also work 2 very physical jobs, ABA therapy 8:00am-2:30pm and dance teacher 3:00pm-8:45pm M-F.

I’ve been working on this ballet performance since January, (it’s now April) and it so happens to be my last ever ballet performance, I have decided to take a break from ballet due to being over worked and losing the love of preforming.

We train every Saturday 8:00am-4:30pm

It is performance week, on the last Saturday rehearsal before being at the theater all week, my shin was swollen and my leg started going numb.

I talked to the Dr that helps the dancers in the company and she told me she had to completely shut me down, concerned of a stress fracture.

The Next morning I get an email from my Director that I am pulled from the show due to my potential injury, that she needs to give the other dancers time to learn my parts. Immediately I am heartbroken, i have worked so hard on the ballet overcoming a lot of mental blocks due to being overworked and not loving what I’m doing anymore, on top of this being my last ever performance.

The next morning (Monday) my dog falls ill and I have to take her to the vet. Turns out she had an infection in her uterus and needed antibiotics immediately and surgery the next morning. She ended up spending three nights at the vet. All that time I spent that time worried about how to pay the vet bills and have to pay rent in two weeks just trying to figure something out.

All while working 8:00am-2:30pm and then having to go to the theatre 3:15pm-10:00pm. Due to my contract I have to be at every rehearsal this week.

We had three shows Friday morning, having to be at the theater 7:00am-1:00pm and then working 4:30pm-7:00pm.

I am mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. Any time I confided in my boyfriend, telling him that I’m not okay right now, that I’m just having a bad week. His reply is always “you never have a good weeks” or “you’re always tired what is new”.

I just needed him to be there for me in that moment and he wasn’t. Making me feel bad for even complaining about how hard this week has been for me.

Tonight (Friday, the night before one of the big shows) he crossed a boundary I had set while I was sleeping, although it’s a minor things to me it’s huge due to some childhood trauma.

I got a little mad at him, snapping at him for crossing the boundary I set. On top of being upset about my week and this situation, I told him he wasn’t there for me when I needed him, to which he replied “it’s just the girl who cried wolf, how am I supposed to know what is serious and what’s not”.

All I needed was somewhere to support me, and help me through this week. Maybe I should have dealt with my problems on my own, not relying on him to be there for me and to help me through some of the heart break I’m having this week. He was just the one person I needed and him being my boyfriend I expected him to be that person.

Am I overreacting for getting mad at him for not being there for me?

me & my boyfr just recently got back together after 2 years. we’ve been super honest with each other about everything we’ve done. though he’s done more & been “around” more then i have. just about every girl he went to school with he’s sent nudes to & had nudes sent back to him. he basically has a past with everyone. i see 90% of these people on a day to day basis because it’s such a small town. i feel terribly embarrassed being in public with him knowing everyone has seen his (yk) & has some type of past with him. i can’t shake how embarrassing it is. he’s no longer that kinda person & he does everything in his power to make me comfortable if i am not with something but i’ve still been struggling. any advice?

Hi, I’m [25F] and my boyfriend [24M] in relationship for 6 years. I may been over him since year 4, something happened and forgave him for it. But I didn’t get over it. Year 4 when he started his controlling behaviour, become more disrespectful after the situation. Controlling behaviour is too much for me, doesn’t like me going out. Constant wants to be so involved in my social life. 5 years into our relationship we had our first child, after having this child made me realized I’m not compatible with him. He is a man baby, his mom enables his behaviour. I have to constant give him instructions to take care of his child or do anything. Honestly, I spend most of the time taking care of the child. For the 4 months he stayed home after I gave birth, barely helped with the child. He prioritized sleep, being on his phone, playing video games or going out. I don’t get that freedom, I been lacking sleep for over 6 months since I gave birth. He also, makes excuses why he doesn’t like me to step out to go get groceries or do anything. I couldn’t even go therapy alone.

Not only that he has been invading my privacy for 6 years we been together, I can’t have my phone to myself. He used unlocked my phone, read or messaged my friends back. He reads my messages between people, he loves to say “it’s because I have trust issues.” He doesn’t allow me on his phone, he freaks out when I even touch it. Also, I can’t stand his mom at all or family most of time. I rather keep my distance for mental wellbeing. Some of his family members I like, but others I rather stay away because they are so problematic.

I think I’m at the end, I need some advice.

i [22F] have been on and off with my boyfriend [23M] for about a year. we met on a dating app and we really kicked it off, we have such similar interests and similar personalities so it was bound to happen. i fell in love with him very soon after and everything was going good for the first 6 months (kinda lol.) a month into our relationship he lost his job which i understood at first because stuff happens and i tried to help him as much as i could. i would buy food, pay for gas, and would sometimes pay for dates. for context, i work a full time job and have had this job for our whole relationship, and i work constantly so of course after 4 months of him sitting at home jobless i kinda felt like he didn’t really care to get his stuff together, especially after telling me constantly how much he wants us to get our own place and that he wants a family down the line. he constantly gave me false promises when i wouldn’t even ask, saying he’ll do this and that and after a while i just started loosing feelings but i didnt feel like it was something i should break it off for. since then, he’s gotten fired from 4 jobs and im starting to think he’s the problem. i tried to be supportive for so long but he just doesn’t take anything serious. i understand we are young and we have so much life to live but a few months ago i just moved into my own place and it’s really hard to do this all alone in this economy especially living off a minimum wage job. he knows this and just tries to tell me i can still do everything on my own, i want to go to school but i can’t go to school because i wouldn’t be able to work full time and school full time. i obviously don’t want him to support me, but after months of him saying that’s what he WANTS to do without me even asking for that, it makes me very frustrated. am i selfish for feeling this way after everything he’s promised me?