My [21F] boyfriend [25M] can't get it up for sex.
My boyfriend and I have been together 7 months as of now. About a month into the relationship, he told me he has phimosis, which I hadn’t noticed before since we hadn’t had sex yet. We only started being intimate around two months in, with things like handjobs and oral, and it was a bit difficult at first. I have more experience, while he was anxious and inexperienced, and because of his condition I accidentally hurt him a few times before understanding what worked for him.
He has surgery scheduled for July (I’m writing this in April), but the main issue we’re having doesn’t seem directly related to that. When we try to have sex, he just can’t maintain an erection long enough. At the beginning, he couldn’t even get fully hard for other forms of intimacy, but over time we improved and he’s been able to finish a few times with oral.
The problem is that for the past four months, whenever we try to actually have sex, he loses his erection right when it’s time to put on a condom. Even if he manages to put it on, he isn’t hard enough for penetration. I don’t think it’s a condom size issue he’s tried different ones and says they feel fine.
I honestly don’t know if this is physical (maybe related to phimosis or something else he hasn’t checked), or psychological, like performance anxiety. What’s really getting to me is that this has been going on for months, and I’ve started wondering if he’s just not attracted to me. I’m not really his usual type physically (I'm the first big girl he ever liked), and that’s been in the back of my mind.
He also has a relatively low libido i think. He says he only masturbates about once a week or less while I think for males it's more common to do so like 3x a week or more.
We’ve argued about this a lot because I end up feeling unwanted, while he feels embarrassed and pressured. I don’t know how to support him beyond just being patient. Things have improved in some ways —he’s more comfortable now and less anxious during other forms of intimacy— but when it comes to actual sex, we’re still stuck.
I love him and don’t want to leave, but I really don’t know what to do or what to suggest anymore.