Wife “wondering what’s out there?”
I’m M (33) and my wife is (28) - we have been in relationship for 8 years and married 4.5 years.
For the first 3 years my brother in law moved in (22) with us and it was really suffocating for me. We didn’t have the privacy we wanted and she refused to make him move out. I tried to make him move out by getting him jobs but he never initiated the act (rent free btw) - we had a fair bit of heated arguments over him over the years
Eventually he moved out when their parents asked him to comeback to their house.
After that things were different, different in good way, till I started to feel she was really off. This went on for a while till one day she walked in and said she had cheated twice, she said since the first fight over his brother she wondered if there is better option out there. She said “I have changed and now have different needs and I can find people who answer them better”.
I was so shocked, I couldn’t bring myself to even say anything let alone shouting. I’m generally a very gentle and caring person. I do all house work (about 80%) on top of working full time. I used to clean after her brother too but enough was enough. We wanted to have kids, so we saved a lot of money on top of buying house, anytime I wanted to spend some money for us she would refuse it immediately “save for kids” - now she comes and say “i wasn’t ready to have kids” - naturally I started blaming her brother being the third wheel and cause of us growing apart. She also spends a lot of time with her friends.
Where I work, is a very large office but it’s very restrictive as we work in lab, she works in a role that is more involved with people so she found a lot of friends. Sometimes she would spend the entire week hanging out with these friends and even if I asked to go out she would say “there isn’t much time, one of my girls is having a family drama and need my help”. There was/ is always reasons like that. I felt like I was always the third. 1. Work and friends 2. Brother 3.me.
I am not good at talking and I have a small circle of friends. I’m into gaming and such but I also like drinking, going trip, shopping however says “you aren’t that fun” - she calls this “me being honest” -
Eventually she said she had already talked to lawyer about separation but wanted to go through a phase of therapy and give this a try.
ATM her mood is full of mixed signals. There are days that she says “all the nice things u do are too much for me” - when I dial back “I like those things, do it agian” she said. We went to trip to her bday and it was so much fun, we were sensual agian, held hands, slept together. Shopped and went to show but once we back. After a session with her therapist “you don’t make me happy, it’s so so” - then the following week the cute things started “morning hun” - giving kisses when I leave. Or surprisingly reporting me her exact whereabouts and eta of arriving homes and who is she with.
I feel so broken honestly…. I still love her but idk what I’m suppose to do. My therapist says “it’s normal” - but to me it isn’t….