r/nocontact

I’m 25, graduated ~7 months ago from a top 10 university with a distinction (MSc in Design). I wanted to go into UI/UX, but I still don’t have a job.

Around the time my course was ending, I started dating someone (22). We clicked really well (at least from my perspective). Things moved fast—we started living together about a month in. It was my first time living with a partner.

We never had major fights. We disagreed sometimes, but it never escalated. I felt safe with him, and honestly his presence helped a lot with my job anxiety.

A couple of months in, he told me I’d have to move out at some point (he had a valid reason, I didn’t argue). Around the same time, I went on a 3-week vacation. Everything seemed fine initially, but then out of nowhere he told me he wanted to break up. Not immediately though but after 5 months. His reasons were that he wanted to be single, focus on other things, and that me moving out would make the relationship hard to sustain. He said he still loved me.

That completely shattered me. I spent most of the trip ruminating. I also started sertraline to manage my anxiety. I decided to end things immediately rather than waiting for 5 months.

The relationship wasn’t very public, and I couldn’t really talk to friends at the time, so I was mostly dealing with this alone (apart from therapy twice a month).

When I came back, I still had to live with him briefly until I found a new place. Those 2 weeks were extremely confusing—we were technically breaking up, but still kind and close. We even delayed the “official” breakup until I moved out, which in hindsight made it harder.

During that time, I found out he had ended a long-term live in relationship just a month before we started dating. He said he had already processed it because the last 6 months were long-distance and he had initiated the breakup. Also he wasn't really into his ex.

 It made me feel like I was just… the next person in line, and that he might move on quickly again. 

Eventually, I moved out (about 1.5 months ago). He helped me shift my things. I now live 5 minutes away from him, which makes things harder because I pass his place often.

He also blocked me on Instagram (he never blocked his ex, which I know shouldn’t matter, but it still stings).

Since the breakup, I feel like I’ve lost all structure and control:

- I spend most of my time in bed, doomscrolling

- I binge eat and spend money impulsively (I’m living off savings)

- I watch a lot of self-help content but don’t act on it

- I’ve completely dropped my routines (I used to be disciplined)

- I’m applying to jobs, but rejections/ghosting/hiring freezes are exhausting

Emotionally, I swing between:

- intense longing (missing him physically hurts sometimes)

- rumination (“what ifs” constantly playing)

- numbness (since starting sertraline 50mg, anxiety is lower but I feel flat)

He wasn’t a bad person. He was kind, caring, and emotionally decent. I think he just didn’t want to commit. That almost makes it harder because there’s nothing clear to be angry at. I know he wasn’t perfect, but neither was i. He was always very clear and never mislead me. I was delusional of this relationship being long term.

It’s been:

- ~2.5 months since he first said he wanted to break up

- ~1.5 months since I moved out

- ~1 month no contact

And I honestly don’t feel like I’ve made progress.

I also feel a lot of guilt:

- I don’t have a job yet

- I’m living on my parents’ money

- I feel like I’m wasting time in a city I worked hard to be in

At the same time, I feel completely burnt out and unable to act.

I know what I “should” be doing (apply more, upskill, fix habits), but I just… don’t.

I feel lonely, confused, and honestly a bit ashamed of where I am right now.

If anyone has been through something similar—breakup + career uncertainty + loss of discipline—how did you actually get out of this loop? I don’t want to hate on him or disrespect what we had. But I genuinely need to just move on.

I don’t need generic advice. I need something that actually helped you move again.

Would you just call me tonight? I am not upset. I miss you, I forgive you. I want to hear your voice again. I know things seems too far gone. But is it too far from forgiveness?

If I’m being honest I still love you. I haven’t been with anybody. It’s only been a little over two months so maybe what I feel is normal.

Give me a chance to bear my soul. I’ll wait tonight but tomorrow I just have to move on.

I’m starting to believe you never gave a fuck about me. Not in a true way — it seems to you it was all transactional and conditional.

Every time I showed up emotionally for you it was never good enough and would lead to another indiscretion every time I needed emotional support well not every single time but most times you wouldn’t show up and treat me like I was weak.

I loved you girl — very deeply. I was either too good or not good enough for you. I have so much within myself I’m working on and need to work on. How didn’t you see that I am the type of man to improve.

I hear everything you say to me from people like everything almost all of them have came to me.

I never bashed you but I told the truth about you and me.

Why couldn’t we just talk? You get so angry in ways about me or others that is viscous. I called you, I took the step and broke contact to apologize, to maybe tell you how I feel andmore than anything listen. You started recording the call so I had to end it. I wanted a family I wanted to grow into the man needed to honor that role but I wasn’t good enough.

You listened to your friends and put them first and I can empathize with that but to discard me and say nothing put me in a position to move on.

You have no idea. You’d always say I’d move on fast and have sex with one of the many girls you believe I can get.

But that’s you. You’re moving on. People tell me stuff.

I wish you just called me why go on about life with such resentment or hurt. Why didn’t we just talk. Handle things more amicable. You never gave a fuck and now I’m the villain? I was going to ask you a big question the day I flew back in but you choose to put others first again.

I’m no longer RJ to you I’m just some guy I was always just some guy to you. I’m done with relationships. The owner told me everything you said by the way. But if you called today I would still apologize because I’m responsible for my own actions and behavior not yours. If you called I would wish you good things. If you called I would tell you I am hurt but capable of love and forgiveness but you’re not used to that. You want this you choose this and I have no choice but to honor that now.

Did you ever sabotaged a good relationship because you were afraid?

Like you felt so deep for the person it made you afraid it could break your heart one day?

i got dumped then 1 day after i told her i needed some time for myself to think and didnt text her for 2 weeks. during this time i went to therapy and figured some stuff out like for example a big part of why we broke up. i also understood her better and her mental illnesses+mental exhaustion. we have broken up before and always gotten back together. ive never went no contact but this break up felt different from her side, so i decided no contact would be better for a while. we have been together for 5 years, and she really wanted to remain friends after the break up and its obvious me still mean alot to eachother.

It has been two weeks since I last heard from her. The last thing I got was a declaration of love how she loves me and only wants me. I haven't heard from her since.

I stayed strong for 2 weeks, no chasing, no questions, begging, emotional reactions. But now the devil on my shoulder is trying to get me to send a message to open the bridge again. Devil;

• Maybe she got overwhelmed, retreated due to fear of getting hurt.
• The longer the silence, the harder it became for her to reach out to me.
• Maybe she did want me to follow up more/chase for her validation, counter fear of abandonment.
• Her exes were toxic and she thinks chasing/begging is love.

Angel on my shoulder:

• Keep your dignity and self respect.
• If she really wanted to, she would reach out herself.
• By ghosting, she was disrespectful to my feelings.
• She may ghost again and you start the cycle from day 0.

I am in between. I know the best would most likely be to keep NC going. On the other hand, I know how she is and what she likely thinks (I could be wrong). Maybe she got scared after saying she loved me, scared of her feelings and I would hurt her in the future so she chose the safe option. Maybe she does want contact but doesn't know how to reconcile if she thinks I might be angry.

I have been strong so far, actually really proud of myself but I do miss her and believe there is still something there to work with, as we have never even had a fight or anything. Never any accusations, hurling insults etc.

Thanks.

Hi everyone

The Backstory:

I (M) was in a 2-year relationship with a girl (19). She recently called me her "compensation from God". I am more anxious-expressive; she is a textbook Fearful Avoidant. Things collapsed a month ago because she felt "suffocated" by my requests for 5-minute calls and closeness.

The "Remove":

After a final fight where I refused the "friend zone," she removed me on Snapchat. She said she "hated herself" when with me and felt "rested" during our break. She even screenshotted our last chat where I called her a princess.

The Morning: Visual Contact

• I arrived at university and saw her sitting with a female friend.

• They appeared to be having a normal, happy conversation, but the moment I passed by, her facial expression shifted completely to one of disgust and unhappiness.

• She was so distracted by the encounter that she initially forgot her phone on the couch when they left for class, having to return a few minutes later to retrieve it.

The Second Floor: High Tension

• About 15 minutes later, our classes were located next to each other on the second floor.

• While I was sitting and talking with my friend, she came to the floor, went to the restroom, and upon exiting, saw me again.

• She immediately distanced herself from her friend and walked to class while intensely texting on her phone.

• I tried to force myself not to look at her, but I did catch sight of her.

The 3:00 PM Class: Heavy Silence

• She is usually early like me, but today she arrived 5 minutes late to our shared class.

• I entered the room calmly, made eye contact with the professor, said "Assalamu Alaikum," and went to my seat in the top right corner.

• She sat in her usual spot in the top left corner.

• Throughout the class, I noticed through my peripheral vision that she stayed busy on her phone, texting frequently.

• She was chatting with another classmate, but she had to look in my direction to engage in that conversation.

The Exit & The Highway War

• When class ended, we left at the same time.

• At the door, she saw I was behind her but didn't hold the door fully, only opening it enough for herself to pass through.

• As she walked to her car, she was on a call; she even looked back once while walking.

• We both started our cars and waited about 5 minutes before moving.

• Once she started driving, she was speeding and driving fast.

• At a traffic light, when I was in the third lane and she was in the second, she suddenly swerved hard into the first lane to get away from me.

• At another point, I crossed a fork in the road and ended up directly in front of her car by accident, which made it look like I was intentionally following her.

• Throughout the drive, whenever we ended up near each other at a light, she would make aggressive moves to go to the opposite lane or speed away.

What do u think about her , I know I did a lot of things bad … but ur opinions help

I feel completely lost right now. My ex and I had a devastating breakup five months ago and have been in no contact since. At the time, he blocked me everywhere, told me he hated me, and insisted we weren't meant to be. Even though I begged him for a month to reconsider, he wouldn't budge and told me to move on. He even claimed he wasn't going to look for anyone else because he wasn't ready. Yesterday, I had a gut feeling he was back on the dating app where we first met. I created a fake profile to check, and I found him, he had just joined today. We actually matched, and when I asked what he was looking for, he said he was tired of 'unserious people' wasting his time. I feel so betrayed. It hurts that he views our entire history as a waste of time. I never imagined he’d be looking for someone so soon while I’m still struggling to move on. I’ve considered making a real profile just to show him I’ve moved on too, even though I know I don't want him back after how he’s treated me. Should I make one and show “I’ve moved on”? I kind of hoped he’d reach out by now because he did say he might regret it but now I don’t ever think he will…

Me and my boyfriend have been on and off since september, just for context he wasnt in a state to love anyone around him properly, and because i had no self respect i couldn't leave so i ended up enduring a lot of disrespect and i resent him a lot for it, so its honestly my own fault i didnt leave sooner. I have left him multiple times but obviously he ended up coming back and begging. I finally broke up with him in beginning of march, because i needed to be away. That was really a wake up call for him. and since then we've decided to keep in touch only once a month until hes finally ready to treat everyone around him better including himself.

I know i cant make a man magically fall inlove or respect me, but is there anything i can do during no contact for him to respect me and treat me the way i deserve? i have no doubt that he doesnt love me, its just the way he shows it and that his mental health gets in the way. Hes the kind of person who cant show up for anyone if he isnt showing up for himself, but he has changed a lot since then I see he's prioritizing himself more but that doesnt mean he'll prioritize me either.

We've checked up on eachother today, and we wont be speaking for the next month. i would really appreciate any advice on what to do with my life, how to get over the resentment and how to actually decide if this is what i want or not. I really want this to work. Im trying to think positively about this.

We ve been together for 12 years, I met him when I was 21. He was my first boyfriend, first love.

The last 2 years i was in depression+ocd ( had no jobs, so I was staying at home , crying everyday, no intimacy and he cooked meals for me when he came home after his work.. I couldn’t do anything😢. But now I healed.

He left me on Valentine’s Day last year in 2025. With 0 👶🏻0💍0💒. It was horrible, I wasted my best years with him. I thought that I was an old lady and that I will end up alone.

He came back this summer, and left me again after 3 months during Halloween. For the second break up, he was not sure, and wanted some time to think about what he wants because he was lost blabla..

I told him that I will not give him more time to think and he should know ,we are are not in our early twenties to be like that, that he comes back and doesn’t know what he wants. So after the second break up, I blocked him on social media but not iMessage, because maybe he will call me in a few days and regret his decision, But he didn’t call me… He didn’t even try to know if he was blocked everywhere. And he wasn’t blocked everywhere.

And after 4 month, he said on iMessage in the end of February that he waited to be unblocked but it never happend, and told me that he was sorry and he misses me more than ever…

I didn’t answer and 3 weeks after his first message, he texted me again telling me « Eid Mubarak » because part of my family is Muslim, it’s like saying merry Christmas but I didn’t answer.. I didn’t know what to say..

I feel like these 2 messages are not enough for me to answer.. it’s to lazy…with what he did.. I need something more powerful..

Don’t know what do ? Does it mean that he wants us to be together, or he just said that without wanting us to be together and it’s  more like a random message, or just an apology message because he has some regrets or feels guilty ? Thanks a lot

It is my fault? Because of lack of intimacy ? Maybe if I didn’t become sick.. he wouldn’t left me the first time.. I felt guilty that’s why I gave him a second chance.. when we came back together I was not sick anymore..

Should I have given him time to think about what he wants at the second break up and not blocked him of insta and WhatsApp? But at the same time I didn’t block his phone number so he never tried to call me and waited 4 month just to write an easy message?

Many men told me it’s my fault that he left the first time because I was sick and depressed and cooked meals for me with no intimacy and it’s me that I should chase him even if he left me twice. Some men told me that I should have accepted the break the second time and that it was not a real break up because he was no sure if that’s what he wanted..

So it’s my fault because there were no intimacy and that I was sick?🥺

So What should I do , thanks a lot and sorry for my English

Tl ;dr he texted me back after leaving me twice

i thought i got over you the way you got over me. although, the way you made it a point you moved on to me makes me think it was to get back at me but who knows. i hope you are happy regardless. we never dated. you are my best connection till this day tho, i swear you know it too. i’m not sure if you know it but you’ve changed my life, how i see everything. i can not settle for anything anymore. you are the realest, rawest person i’ve met, i felt like i could be my true self and you’d never judge me. i no longer can see things so naively anymore because you’ve opened my mind to a whole new perspective. thank you. maybe we didn’t end up together but the lessons i’ve learned from you have touched me in a way no one else has made me feel before. i hope we can meet again one day, if not i hope you know i care for you always and thank you for being there for me through some tough times in my life 🤍

You’ll never see this. So it doesn’t matter. Reddit is very strange and what it can do to the mind. Giving the hopeless hope & giving the hopeful reality.

Like most, I’ve spent too much time here after a break up. Going between the extremes of hoping she sees this and hoping she doesn’t.

It’s strange what love can do to the mind.

I miss you. I don’t want to miss you. I don’t want to think about you. I don’t want to forgive you. I don’t want to hope you’ll call.

I am working on myself, making true progress and planning my future again.

I just wished we had another chance to talk about everything because it is inevitable we will see each other again and I don’t want the energy to be hateful.

N, if you called I would answer and I would listen. But you’ll never see this.

Girlfriend and I broke up about 3 & half months ago. I love her so fkn much. I’m not making any progress in moving on. It’s starting to really affect me mentally and causing me to feel really depressed.

She can go do whatever she wants, I miss her insanely every single day. I think about her 24/7. but don’t want her back. Ever since breaking up I’ve been robbed of everything.

I barely eat, low drive, no motivation. The things that used to bring me peace and joy I just constantly cry while doing them.

I’ve been so isolated and alone, not having much friends either.

I just miss her and loved her so much. I wanted to marry her and live a life with her.

I have been messy myself after the break up, losing character and saying nasty things to her as a reaction to hearing things she is doing.

I don’t know why I’m like this or acting like this, but this one definitely has hit the hardest. I find it very difficult to live a normal life. And this pain has been the exact same for the whole 3 & half months.

It’s actually getting harder cuz it feels like it’s never going away.

I want to truly heal. I’ve been trying and doing everything we see and read about post break ups.

Just curious if anybody knows or has some ways to help heal more effectively.

I don’t want to feel like my life is pointless just because I don’t have the love/validation from the one person I loved the most.

And for context… me and this girl developed a very deep- soul tie kind of bond. Dated for a year but knew eachother for much longer. Some people may just say this for the sakes of saying it but I genuinely scarified my whole world for her.

New account because I felt embarrassed writing on my main… I (22F) have been broken up with (22M) since 2022, but he’s been on my mind every day recently. He’s been in my dreams every night this week and he lingers in my mind in the morning. We’ve been no contact the entire time (and I think he’s blocked me on everything), but every 9 months or so I feel this dire need to talk to him again. Usually after about 2 weeks the feeling goes away, but for some reason it’s been over a month this time. By no means do I want to get back together with him, I just really want to talk to him again. I feel like he got a part of me that no one else has ever understood, and I really could use his understanding and companionship now. I miss him as a person, not so much as my boyfriend. I really hope he’s doing okay, neither of us were in great places mentally back then I really just want to know if he’s doing well. I miss you fig boy, wherever you may be.

I broke no contact after 9 months and last time we spoke, he told me to leave him alone and he had a girlfriend. I gave him space but I do miss him, we never dated hence why I’m posting in situationship. My life has been insane the past 2 1/2 years and he is a very busy person which is why it never worked out however we stayed in contact besides the last 9 months. I hope he is happy and I hope it doesn’t come off disrespectful that I broke no contact and maybe I care way more but it’s too late to take back and I’m pretty sure I’m blocked. We’ll see what happens, all I said was hi I hope you’re doing well :). Ugh. Some feelings just never truly fade.

so fast forward last week I went to my ex’s house cause she didn’t answer my text mesages . I saw her leaving and I ended up following her and messaged her 44 times calling her all types of nasty stuff. I know I acted crazy I was drinking and kind of stalked her . I messed up badly I do miss her a lot and hope she forgives me so we can be back together but I doubt she will. what do I do ? I’m completely loosing it and I feel so lonely without her we had a deep connection .i know my only choice is to move on since she has a restraining order on me and her family hates me now.

I am having a great difficulty letting go of my ex partner. Everything about the relationship was so intense. It felt like we were made for each other. We had so many similarities. I’ve never known someone like that, or have someone know me like that. I know people have loved like this before and it’s nothing new, but it felt like we truly knew each other on such a different level of understanding. We forgave each other for so many things. Crossed boundaries and loved intensely. The connection was so deep, but so was the betrayal. I lost myself through it. I worry that I will never find anything like that again. I worry that I will always compare new partners to my last. How do I move on? How do you let go of what feels like your soulmate? It’s so difficult. I’m afraid that I will end up married someday and wondering where in the world he is. I worry that I will be married and he will come back into my life, and I worry above all, that I would do anything to be back in his arms again.

This is either for if you have had it done to you or if you did it to someone.

i hate this stupid disorder, i lost my best friend because of my manic episodes. it’s been 3 months since we had no contact. she got triggered by my episodes and also my family causing her to suffer mentally as well and i hate it. i can’t explain the depth of our friendship. she was the only one who showed me what love is. i learned what love is because of her.

i am so ashamed of what i’ve done and this hurts more than a relationship break up. it hurts so bad.

my other friends also distanced themselves but none of this hurt that much. but my best friend leaving hurts like pure hell.

my life came crashing down then after, i’ve been in and out of hospitals, got diagnosed with bipolar, got confined in a mental institution.

the only reason why i survived the past months was bc my family took me to a mental institution. and it was pure hell, but i fought for my life for my best friend despite.

i saw her instagram just recently after 3 months of no contact (i am blocked everywhere) and saw she had this new highlight where she included pictures of us, so i’m not sure if that’s hope.

i also blocked her on spotify with the intentions of showing her i want to respect her space. she noticed i blocked her which probably means she still accesses the playlists i made for her, and she blocked me as well in return (i couldn’t access the playlists she made for me as well after she did).

she also has sent me an email last time with a first one saying that this is not repairable anymore and she does not want contact with me anymore. but in a more recent email, she said “let’s talk when i’m more stable” and “i hope i can hear about everything soon in june/july”

now that i’m out of the institution and i’m feeling quite better and im getting all the professional help i need to be a better person for her, i still don’t know if she’s coming back. there’s so much mixed signals. will she come back? :(

its their birthday tomorrow. do you think they’re expecting me to say happy birthday?