25F, breakup + job search burnout + loss of control — I feel stuck and don’t know how to reset
I’m 25, graduated ~7 months ago from a top 10 university with a distinction (MSc in Design). I wanted to go into UI/UX, but I still don’t have a job.
Around the time my course was ending, I started dating someone (22). We clicked really well (at least from my perspective). Things moved fast—we started living together about a month in. It was my first time living with a partner.
We never had major fights. We disagreed sometimes, but it never escalated. I felt safe with him, and honestly his presence helped a lot with my job anxiety.
A couple of months in, he told me I’d have to move out at some point (he had a valid reason, I didn’t argue). Around the same time, I went on a 3-week vacation. Everything seemed fine initially, but then out of nowhere he told me he wanted to break up. Not immediately though but after 5 months. His reasons were that he wanted to be single, focus on other things, and that me moving out would make the relationship hard to sustain. He said he still loved me.
That completely shattered me. I spent most of the trip ruminating. I also started sertraline to manage my anxiety. I decided to end things immediately rather than waiting for 5 months.
The relationship wasn’t very public, and I couldn’t really talk to friends at the time, so I was mostly dealing with this alone (apart from therapy twice a month).
When I came back, I still had to live with him briefly until I found a new place. Those 2 weeks were extremely confusing—we were technically breaking up, but still kind and close. We even delayed the “official” breakup until I moved out, which in hindsight made it harder.
During that time, I found out he had ended a long-term live in relationship just a month before we started dating. He said he had already processed it because the last 6 months were long-distance and he had initiated the breakup. Also he wasn't really into his ex.
It made me feel like I was just… the next person in line, and that he might move on quickly again.
Eventually, I moved out (about 1.5 months ago). He helped me shift my things. I now live 5 minutes away from him, which makes things harder because I pass his place often.
He also blocked me on Instagram (he never blocked his ex, which I know shouldn’t matter, but it still stings).
Since the breakup, I feel like I’ve lost all structure and control:
- I spend most of my time in bed, doomscrolling
- I binge eat and spend money impulsively (I’m living off savings)
- I watch a lot of self-help content but don’t act on it
- I’ve completely dropped my routines (I used to be disciplined)
- I’m applying to jobs, but rejections/ghosting/hiring freezes are exhausting
Emotionally, I swing between:
- intense longing (missing him physically hurts sometimes)
- rumination (“what ifs” constantly playing)
- numbness (since starting sertraline 50mg, anxiety is lower but I feel flat)
He wasn’t a bad person. He was kind, caring, and emotionally decent. I think he just didn’t want to commit. That almost makes it harder because there’s nothing clear to be angry at. I know he wasn’t perfect, but neither was i. He was always very clear and never mislead me. I was delusional of this relationship being long term.
It’s been:
- ~2.5 months since he first said he wanted to break up
- ~1.5 months since I moved out
- ~1 month no contact
And I honestly don’t feel like I’ve made progress.
I also feel a lot of guilt:
- I don’t have a job yet
- I’m living on my parents’ money
- I feel like I’m wasting time in a city I worked hard to be in
At the same time, I feel completely burnt out and unable to act.
I know what I “should” be doing (apply more, upskill, fix habits), but I just… don’t.
I feel lonely, confused, and honestly a bit ashamed of where I am right now.
If anyone has been through something similar—breakup + career uncertainty + loss of discipline—how did you actually get out of this loop? I don’t want to hate on him or disrespect what we had. But I genuinely need to just move on.
I don’t need generic advice. I need something that actually helped you move again.