u/Brilliant-Shake-2808

Those possessed by nothing possess everything. A saying I learned years ago through the studies of Morihei U.

Some peace sounds like thunder and you have no enemies — for your enemy is only an extension of oneself. Seek to redirect not harm.

I lost someone I loved dearly. Someone whom I could have loved better. She left. The rest is history. Our story.

I realize running away from acceptance, accountability or letting go is just like running into chaos. Chaos within, without right now, familiar chaos and finding or making chaos in the future.

When I accepted and let go with love I realized despite everything I am beginning to feel peace. Understanding that almost all is vanity or meaningless.

There are few and simple things that give our lives meaning then there’s free will.

What we choose to give meaning.

Most people here, including myself came here on a quest. A quest of what is the treasure of your knowledge.

For me, I believe my quest has ended & now embarking on a journey ends when every grain of sand touches the bottom.

Peace.

Peace cannot not be given and difficult to find because we all carry the seed of peace within but that journey is different for us all.

Look around and do nothing for one minute.

What do you have within, what do you have without?

Would you just call me tonight? I am not upset. I miss you, I forgive you. I want to hear your voice again. I know things seems too far gone. But is it too far from forgiveness?

If I’m being honest I still love you. I haven’t been with anybody. It’s only been a little over two months so maybe what I feel is normal.

Give me a chance to bear my soul. I’ll wait tonight but tomorrow I just have to move on.

I’m starting to believe you never gave a fuck about me. Not in a true way — it seems to you it was all transactional and conditional.

Every time I showed up emotionally for you it was never good enough and would lead to another indiscretion every time I needed emotional support well not every single time but most times you wouldn’t show up and treat me like I was weak.

I loved you girl — very deeply. I was either too good or not good enough for you. I have so much within myself I’m working on and need to work on. How didn’t you see that I am the type of man to improve.

I hear everything you say to me from people like everything almost all of them have came to me.

I never bashed you but I told the truth about you and me.

Why couldn’t we just talk? You get so angry in ways about me or others that is viscous. I called you, I took the step and broke contact to apologize, to maybe tell you how I feel andmore than anything listen. You started recording the call so I had to end it. I wanted a family I wanted to grow into the man needed to honor that role but I wasn’t good enough.

You listened to your friends and put them first and I can empathize with that but to discard me and say nothing put me in a position to move on.

You have no idea. You’d always say I’d move on fast and have sex with one of the many girls you believe I can get.

But that’s you. You’re moving on. People tell me stuff.

I wish you just called me why go on about life with such resentment or hurt. Why didn’t we just talk. Handle things more amicable. You never gave a fuck and now I’m the villain? I was going to ask you a big question the day I flew back in but you choose to put others first again.

I’m no longer RJ to you I’m just some guy I was always just some guy to you. I’m done with relationships. The owner told me everything you said by the way. But if you called today I would still apologize because I’m responsible for my own actions and behavior not yours. If you called I would wish you good things. If you called I would tell you I am hurt but capable of love and forgiveness but you’re not used to that. You want this you choose this and I have no choice but to honor that now.

You’ll never see this. So it doesn’t matter. Reddit is very strange and what it can do to the mind. Giving the hopeless hope & giving the hopeful reality.

Like most, I’ve spent too much time here after a break up. Going between the extremes of hoping she sees this and hoping she doesn’t.

It’s strange what love can do to the mind.

I miss you. I don’t want to miss you. I don’t want to think about you. I don’t want to forgive you. I don’t want to hope you’ll call.

I am working on myself, making true progress and planning my future again.

I just wished we had another chance to talk about everything because it is inevitable we will see each other again and I don’t want the energy to be hateful.

N, if you called I would answer and I would listen. But you’ll never see this.

Dear N,

Everything happened so fast. We see other next month maybe for the final time..

Letting you go, facing all this is one of the most difficult times in my life. I will get through and finding my way back to the path — for me.

Truth is, I loved you. More than I’ve loved someone for a long time.

Nonetheless I have much to learn about love— I think we both do.

I spend a lot of time in reflecting these and re structuring my mind.

Sometimes I wonder if you really did love me? I think about the hurtful things we both said and wonder if you meant it. I wonder if you believed I was serious about having a future together.

You are probably over it at this point but I still think about you.

I tried to reach out to tell you I love you last weekend but ended up understanding because you are gone the final act of love is letting go.

Despite the wrath of your anger I never talked bad about you I just told the truth and to people I’ve trusted for years.

Nevertheless I’ll always appreciate what we shared I wish we could’ve seen more life together.

Best

RJ