u/anatomwithininfinity

i hate this stupid mood disorder, i lost my best friend because of my manic episodes. it’s been 3 months since we had no contact. she got triggered by my episodes and also my family causing her to suffer mentally as well and i hate it. i can’t explain the depth of our friendship. she was the only one who showed me what love is. i learned what love is because of her.

i am so ashamed of what i’ve done and this hurts more than a relationship break up. it hurts so bad.

my other friends also distanced themselves but none of this hurt that much. but my best friend leaving hurts like pure hell.

my life came crashing down then after, i’ve been in and out of hospitals, got diagnosed with bipolar, got confined in a mental institution.

the only reason why i survived the past months was bc my family took me to a mental institution. and it was pure hell, but i fought for my life for my best friend despite.

i saw her instagram just recently after 3 months of no contact (i am blocked everywhere) and saw she had this new highlight where she included pictures of us, so i’m not sure if that’s hope.

i also blocked her on spotify with the intentions of showing her i want to respect her space. she noticed i blocked her which probably means she still accesses the playlists i made for her, and she blocked me as well in return (i couldn’t access the playlists she made for me as well after she did).

she also has sent me an email last time with a first one saying that this is not repairable anymore and she does not want contact with me anymore. but in a more recent email, she said “let’s talk when i’m more stable” and “i hope i can hear about everything soon in june/july”

now that i’m out of the institution and i’m feeling quite better and im getting all the professional help i need to be a better person for her, i still don’t know if she’s coming back. there’s so much mixed signals. will she come back? :(

i hate this stupid disorder, i lost my best friend because of my manic episodes. it’s been 3 months since we had no contact. she got triggered by my episodes and also my family causing her to suffer mentally as well and i hate it. i can’t explain the depth of our friendship. she was the only one who showed me what love is. i learned what love is because of her.

i am so ashamed of what i’ve done and this hurts more than a relationship break up. it hurts so bad.

my other friends also distanced themselves but none of this hurt that much. but my best friend leaving hurts like pure hell.

my life came crashing down then after, i’ve been in and out of hospitals, got diagnosed with bipolar, got confined in a mental institution.

the only reason why i survived the past months was bc my family took me to a mental institution. and it was pure hell, but i fought for my life for my best friend despite.

i saw her instagram just recently after 3 months of no contact (i am blocked everywhere) and saw she had this new highlight where she included pictures of us, so i’m not sure if that’s hope.

i also blocked her on spotify with the intentions of showing her i want to respect her space. she noticed i blocked her which probably means she still accesses the playlists i made for her, and she blocked me as well in return (i couldn’t access the playlists she made for me as well after she did).

she also has sent me an email last time with a first one saying that this is not repairable anymore and she does not want contact with me anymore. but in a more recent email, she said “let’s talk when i’m more stable” and “i hope i can hear about everything soon in june/july”

now that i’m out of the institution and i’m feeling quite better and im getting all the professional help i need to be a better person for her, i still don’t know if she’s coming back. there’s so much mixed signals. will she come back? :(