People pleasing? check. Dissociation from my own needs and wants? Check. Pathetic relationship to authority figures? Check. Hypervigilant anxiety? Check. Difficulty holding boundaries? Check.
But it's okay because my parents broke me into a perfect robot to make their own lives easier.
On paper my mom is fantastic, I’m sure people with asshole parents would love to have a mother like mine. Maybe I’m being spoiled in complaining but I feel like she has issues that completely fly under the radar.
She’s constantly trying to spare other people’s feelings, sometimes at the expense of me and my siblings. Like if someone wronged us some way, she would rather avoid either of us speaking up and avoid confrontation altogether. She sets no boundaries with people and lets things go on for far too long until it’s too late.
My mom has had nothing but loveless relationships. This will sound ridiculous but she basically gets adopted into relationships. A man will approach her and ask her out, she would oblige because she has a problem saying no. She’s been in different relationships for years without feeling anything for the other person but gets stuck in them because she’s afraid of breaking up and causing them heartbreak. The tipping point in me making this post is because I’m at a family party and I’m finding out she has a new boyfriend. This dude was giving me the ick, he was just nonstop kissing her on the cheek and she wasn’t reciprocating at all. It gives me vibes of her relationship of my father where he was physically abusive. You would think she would be self aware atp but apparently not.
I want to reiterate that she loves all of my siblings to pieces, she would die for us, she’s sacrificed so much of her life so we live comfortably which is why I hate that she does this.
There’s also some resentment I have over her trying to spare our feelings too. I grew up an anxious child but rather than help me learn and grow out it, she coddled/protected me from things that made me anxious. This has lead to a harsh early adulthood, especially for me and my younger sister. She was afraid to push us too hard in any direction so she kinda left us to figure things out for ourselves while she quietly cheered us on in the background.
We all have mental health problems that none of are equipped to handle. I feel resentful because I feel that I inherited a lot of her bad qualities, that I was taught all the wrong lessons. I’m expected to be stronger as the oldest sibling but I don’t know how. I’m in therapy now but it’s such an uphill battle.
My therapist didn't understand why I wanted to see or talk to my dad. My dad was pretty shitty in my youth. He's not as "bad" older, but he still expects some type of perfection. It's very draining. My mom just always loved me, no conditions.
I've been no contact with him since my mom's passing last year. He was no support. He promised to come up to help with sorting all her stuff. Then canceled the next day. Just made me realize he couldn't even be a parent, couldn't dare go over and beyond.
I am still just depressed with grief. I also remember how mean he was to my mom. He also married a wife that treat me nothing but shitty. Never stood up for me when she would tear apart anything I said. I learned to be completely silent when near her.
I am just dealing with whether I ever want to talk to him again. I do feel like an orphan. I have no other family, so it's extremely isolating.
I need you, please. I really need you. I’ve been trying to learn how to love myself for months and months and I just can't do it. I hate myself. I find myself horrible (I'm a woman). When I go out, I wear sunglasses because I’m so ashamed of myself; I disgust myself. I’ve developed social anxiety because of this. I hate myself internally and externally,I think that i'm horrible and a monster. I have a deep inner suffering.
For almost a year, I’ve been repeating positive affirmations in the mirror like 'I'm worthy,' 'I deserve to be loved,' 'I'm beautiful,' etc. It doesn’t work. My brain creates cognitive dissonance; it rejects these affirmations because I don’t believe them. I do other exercises too: I journal, I write down 3 things I’m grateful for every day, 3 beautiful things about myself (inside and out) that I truly believe to train my brain to focus on the positive, 3 successes in my life, 3 good deeds I’ve done, and 3 things my body allows me to do (e.g., my eyes let me see, my nose lets me breathe, my legs let me walk).
I walk for an hour every day, I’ve fixed my sleep schedule, and I write love letters to myself. I’ve been doing this for almost a year and I still don’t love myself. I want to cry. I don’t want to suffer anymore. I just want to love myself unconditionally, the way I am , i want to become magnetic.
I also suspect that I am neurodivergent, that i'm Audhd, I have ocd and cptsd. I’m not diagnosed, but I believe I have all of them. How am I supposed to love myself if I am neurodivergent? People take me for a crazy or a weird person. No one wants to be my friend, I’ve never really had friends. I have no social skills.
I have cognitive difficulties due to my neurodivergence, sometimes I don’t understand what people are saying and I don’t know what to answer to what they're saying. My brain is too slow and has trouble understanding. I don’t know how to express myself, I stutter, I hate my voice, I hate everything about myself. I am disgusting, I'm dumb, I'm trash.
I've lived in an abusive and toxic household my whole life. I was beaten, insulted, mocked, belittled, etc. I’m not telling you this to play the victim, but to make you understand one of the reasons why I don’t love myself. I want to change, and that' why I'm asking for your help. Please, if you were in my situation, tell me how you learned to love yourself. Tell me about your experience so I can have some hope, and please give me advice. I need it. Sorry for my English.
no seriously, what is in life without it? how do people live without? My days and my life feels so incomplete without escapism (mostly daydreaming, scrolling). even if I have to go a day without being able to indulge in escapism almost all day, my entire system is disrupted and I don’t even feel like myself.
does anyone else experience this? why does this happen? is there a theory in psychology or trauma related stuff for this? how do I slowly try and stop being so dependent on this?
Does anyone else get weirdly triggered by the thought of being part of a (biological) family again because you associate it with having to ignore your needs and being unable to escape? I've always been hugely into found family stories in which characters choose to spend time together on their own terms, but without the forced commitment implied by biological families. At least, that forced commitment is what comes to my mind when I think of family: being stuck with people who don't care about you but for whom you're responsible in some form, and because you're part of that group, you cannot escape to be alone or get your needs met elsewhere. I want people in my life but I want it to be purely voluntary on both sides. Everything else seems terrifying to me, including the concept of having kids.
Growing up, my mom disliked/complained about almost everything. And that's no exaggeration. Her comments about others were often negative, mean, or rude. Especially when it came to women. And there was never any convincing or discussing your own opinion or perspective to see another side. That just resulted in doubling down on her own complaints.
I remember being young and in our car listening to the radio. She'd either control the music or let me and anytime a new song came on and I said I liked it, she'd complain about how much she hates that artist. Sometimes I'd still try and keep it on there and listen a bit longer, but she'd continue complaining. Then, I'd feel really tense and nervous, and I'd just switch it to something she likes.
That became a common habit of mine. Giving in to whatever she wants. I developed the ability to sense her feelings. I can always tell when she's bothered or when she's about to be bothered. I sense it and start feeling tense or anxious. Now being older, I try to be extra positive and enthusiastic about the things I like. I become very passionate and personally attached to things I like now. But still, I sometimes can't shake off her feelings and I give in to whatever I know will prevent complaints.
I can't help but feel I missed out on things other people in my generation got to be a part of. It might sound silly, but certains singers or popular shows I missed out on just to avoid complaints from my mom. While others my age got to love things, I feel like I spent my life burying the things I loved whenever I knew it'd bother my mom.
25F.
I saw a post on TikTok recently about this, and the comments were my parents to a tee. One person commented ‘my mom told the optometrist I break my glasses a lot, the last time I broke my glasses it was 12 years ago and I was 8.’ And that is exactly my parents. They seem to have this version of me that hasn’t applied since I was a child, and often traits that were annoying/lazy, but ultimately, were from when I was a child and not applicable now. I recently started horseback riding lessons, and my mom in front of everyone was like ‘LOL remember when you were soooo scared to ride the horse on that trail ride and it kept going over to the grass and you couldn’t get it to stop and the guide got mad at you?’
And I was like um… you’re acting like this happened yesterday to get a laugh out of everyone else, because that was when I was 13, so over 10 years ago…
they are always obsessed with bringing things up that happened 10+ years ago and acting like I’m doing them now, or acting like it’s the funniest thing ever, and always when I’m telling other people about something that’s good or an accomplishment in my life, it’s probably not a coincidence that they always try to change the subject to something embarrassing about me, or acting like I’m still a child.
And they have so little interest in my life or anyone else’s lives who are not their own, that I mentioned I was doing something with country music and they were like ‘but… you don’t like country music…’, when country music has been a passion for a couple years now, and anyone who actually talks to me and knows me would know country is really important to me.
N ot like saying you’re 15 when your 16, I mean like when I was 13 my mum booked me into my schools after school program for 3-10 year olds and I got called to go there even tho I was literally 3 years older than the cutoff. or just on forms putting my age like so much younger. also idk if this is related but until I was 14 my mum would in the holidays book me into clubs that were way too young for me, so I’d be spending it with like 7-9 year olds as a teenager. Idk if this is bc she forgot though or because she just wanted me to be at a camp and just ignored the age thing 😅
Sorry in advance if this is long but I really could use some advice. I feel extremely stuck and don’t know where to turn. I will try to be as concise as possible. I don’t know for a fact that my mom is a narcissist but she has always been a very difficult person for everyone in her life so this felt like the right place to post this.
Important context:
My parents were divorced from age 7 to 14. At 14 my dad passed away in a snowboarding accident. At the time he was dating a woman let’s call her Bea. 10 years have passed and my sister and I are ready to sell his house (which we inherited after the death). Bea happens to be a real estate agent. My mom always had issues with the women my father dated after the divorce (even though she cheated on him and caused the divorce but I won’t get into that).
My mom is someone that often takes over situations. For example she took over and planned my father’s funeral even though they had a hostile relationship and everyone in his family disliked her. Then when I (14 at the time) expressed my discomfort with that I was told by her that I was ungrateful and that if she didn’t do it it wasn’t going to get done. I wasn’t the only one uncomfortable with it but the only one who spoke up.
Another important piece of context is that I (24F) live with my mom and have for the past two years because I have a pretty debilitating chronic illness that severely limits my energy.
The current dilemma:
My mom’s boyfriend works in construction and is doing a lot of work at the house for a good price which I really appreciate and have no issue with him. My mom made it clear she wanted to do the staging for the house. My sister and I expressed slight reservations about this because it sounded like a lot of work for her and I said that I wanted to discuss with my dad’s ex Bea (our realtor). Immediately my mom blew up and made me feel terrible calling me ungrateful and saying she wouldn’t help with anything going forward. I ended up agreeing to let her stage it because due to my illness (and my sister living across the country) I knew I needed some support from her throughout the process. I gave her $12,000 to do the staging.
Throughout the process she has complained that I’m not showing enough gratitude and excitement about how everything is looking. I have made a point of trying to be extra positive and expressing gratitude, but it feels like it is never enough for her. It’s also hard to pretend to be excited about selling my dad’s house. It’s very difficult and emotional for me. She also has asked for my opinions but if I have anything to say besides 100% praise she gets upset. As the weeks have gone on she has become more hostile towards Bea and was even very rude to her in person. She is now at the point where she said she is refusing to listen to anything Bea has to say. Bea is very successful at her job and I really trust her judgement. It is Bea’s job to give feedback because she knows what buyers are responding best to. I am paying her to be my realtor and want to utilize her expertise.
I carefully planned out how to talk to my mom about this without upsetting her. I tried to explain my feelings to my mom gently and she refused to budge. I told her that Bea had requested to meet with us and walk through the house and make some suggestions. She immediately got very defensive and angry. I ended up reaching my breaking point when she accidentally referred to the house as “my house” and I yelled at her. I’m not much of a yeller but it just came out and I screamed “it’s my fucking house it’s not yours!” After years of this kind of behavior from her the words just streamed out of me. I told her that this is why I was hesitant about the staging. I said it’s not that hard to be nice and she’s making a difficult situation way more difficult for me and putting me in the middle and she always has problems with everybody. Honestly I don’t remember everything in detail because I was so anxious about confronting her but I meant everything I said. I know I threw in some swear words (which I literally never use) but I was just furious.
She went completely silent and hasn’t spoken to me in days. She is no longer getting food for me at the store, helping with my dog, or any of the things she used to help me with due to my illness. My sister came into town yesterday (to see the house for the last time) and my sister told me our mom was uninviting me from the family dinner we had planned. So I sat home alone and wrote this post.
Growing up she often utilized “the silent treatment” as punishment. I would always end up apologizing to diffuse the tension (she could never apologize). I pretty strongly feel like I don’t want to apologize and validate her behavior any more. But am I in the wrong? She has done a lot to help with the house (even though she has made the process miserable). And she has helped take care of me and let me live with her while I am struggling with my health. I am worried that if I don’t apologize she will not help me anymore. But it is also really emotionally taxing being around her. I’m in a difficult position relying on her.
I am in therapy which helps but I want to make sure I’m not completely out of line here. I have a tendency to doubt myself when it comes to conflict with my mom. Am I in the wrong? What should I do moving forward? If she decides to start speaking to me again how should I respond? If you read all of this I am so so grateful. Any advice and opinions are welcome.🩷
I was a very typical invisible child and the youngest of 4. The oldest is a typical hero child, very high functioning and successful but also very controlling to the rest of the family.
My 2nd sibling is harder to pinpoint, I'd also say invisible child.
3rd one was the mascot, made fun of everyone and everything but unfortunately took his own life.
And then there's me, also an invisible child.
The older I get, the more my eldest sister bothers me, the way she wants to control everyone and everything, even if it comes from genuine concern. I find myself withdrawing from her because I feel she still ignores my feelings.
How's your sibling dynamic?
Rn i would, because i am filled with rage and i cant imagine them going unscathed without feeling the pain they caused me.
I’m F27 and my mom still brings up something I supposedly did before I even went to school. She claims I “lied” to my dad for sympathy, that I told him she slapped me before going to work (I was about 6yo at this time, she says)
The problem is… I don’t remember that at all.
And I’m the type of person who remembers everything from my childhood--what we ate, places we went, random little moments. So it’s hard for me to believe I’d forget something that serious, something that would’ve actually affected me.
But she keeps bringing it up like it’s a fact.
Fast forward to now.
Earlier, my parents argued again. It started over something small--my dad cooked breakfast. I woke up “late” because I was studying for a long quiz and I also had work at 8AM. I usually don’t eat breakfast, and I have my own routine.
My mom insisted I get up and eat. I get she's concerned that I should eat but I really am not the type of person who eats breakfast early and I still wanted to sleep lol. But since she's my mom, I gave in to her requests and her constant nagging.
Moving on, when I finally got up around 7, I went straight to my computer to check emails in case anything urgent came up. My dad called me for breakfast, I didn’t respond right away, and he said he’d just put the food away for later.
Both him and mom didn't eat yet, dad was washing the dog dishes and mom was watching some random chinese ceo video on yt.
That’s when my mom got mad.
She said things like: “Oh so you only think about your daughter? What about me? Just because she won’t eat, you’ll remove the food?”
For context, she doesn’t even eat right away--she just wants the food sitting on the table while she does other things like watching videos or folding laundry.
They argued. And somehow… it became my fault.
When I came out, she told me:
“It’s always because of you why your dad and I fight. Ever since you were little, even before school. You’ve always been the cause of my problems. You ruin everything.”
I wish I was immune to it by now, but it’s exhausting hearing that over and over again, especially when it’s over things I didn’t even do.
She also constantly talks about how Gen Z has the wrong mindset, that children shouldn’t question parents expecting financial support, or giving their entire salary to the family, in short: being an investment after schooling and shit.
I didn’t even argue. I just mentioned that some of my peers’ parents don’t think that way.
Last year, we had a huge fight. She compared me to my friends, cousins, neighbors, heck even random people online saying they’ve achieved so much while I’m doing the bare minimum.
But I’ve been giving my salary to help the household. I do what they ask. I put aside my own goals and happiness because my mom lost her job due to an eye condition, and my dad had to stop working because of his age and health.
I didn’t have a choice but to step up.
And somehow, I’m still the bad one.
I even snapped back once and compared her to other parents, those families that are stable, supportive, and not constantly blaming their kids. I said I didn’t have the same options in life because I had to carry responsibilities early.
She got angry but got quiet when I opened up my sentiments. I know that hurt her, but honestly, I was just tired.
And hurt.
I don’t understand where all this anger toward me is coming from.
My dad cheated, and I know that affected her deeply but why am I the one constantly being put in line for it? Why do I keep getting told I’m “just like him,” that I’m “good for nothing”?
All I ever wanted was a normal family.
I thought I had already healed from all this, but it just keeps happening, almost every day, over every inconvenience.
I’m just really tired. I just want to end it all. I'm sorry for not being the good daughter or being good enough.
Don't worry, Mom. I wish I’d never been born either.
I am beyond exhausted from constantly and passively performing for my parents, and they're still smh, always are disappointed.
My parents, who live in a different country, are completely indifferent to what I do. They hear just enough on the phone call. Only the information that is needed. And what's needed is for them to boast to their friends and colleagues. Idk if this is normal, but constantly explaining the most basic things about my work, which they should have known by now, is exhausting. Dad just told me, "I don't have to learn because you'll explain them to me," like a million times? No, I don't want to. They call me at midnight because they don't fckn learn about time zones, and it's not even like they can't use the internet. They can comprehend everything else, but when it comes to me, they make little to no effort to learn about me or make things easier for me.
The sheer unwillingness to participate in the process of my becoming is clear and confident. I don't understand that, but I've accepted that. But their enthusiasm for criticizing the results of my work, which I did completely alone, is what I don't understand. I don't intend to understand or dissect. It's making me sick. It seems v basic and stupid, but its so freaking exhausting.
So- I won a really massive thing a couple of weeks ago, and I worked for it for the last five months. I created opportunities for myself that I wouldn't have otherwise if I hadn't actively sought them out. Ppl in my field, or at least where I work, don't care for things other than academics/work. But I'm actively seeking out things beyond what I normally do, and I'm happy to say I'm doing extremely well in them.
The evening I won, I called my parents to tell them. They didn't know much about it before, except for my participation. The day before the competition, my dad said, "Call me once you win," and then on the day, "So what did you get for that?" "Who knows about you winning?" That remark wasn't as surprising, since it's been like this, and the constant dismissal or discouragement when I fail is what kept me from disclosing things to them. Good or bad. Because they smh make it about me not getting good things sooner. I convinced myself not to call them very often coz it drains tf out of me. But I got excited right after the competition and called them like an idiot, and I was disappointed but not surprised by their reaction. They automatically expect me to be exceptional at sth I just mentioned to them about. It's like: You applied for a scholarship, ofc you'll get it. If you didn't win, tell us what all went wrong, and who actually won it, and what they did that you didn't.
I'm just rambling, but idk how to deal with them. Or not deal with them at all. The physical distance between us significantly helped me in getting the mental space to work on myself. But ig, I sometimes forget not to rely on them (I get excited, ig). I learn about them again and again, only to go back to further steps away from them. I'm usually busy with school and work so I naturally juggling things and am tired, but nothing comes closer to the 10 min phone call with my parents.
I was raised with emotional and other kinds of neglect. I have a toddler and I'm completely different to him. I hear him, I allow him to show feelings, I don't force him to kiss or hug relatives, I show a lot of affection.
I plan on teaching him all the things my parents did't: how to cook, handle money and personal finances, sexuality, relationships, personal hygiene, basic life skills like tie shoes,small home repairs
I'm socially awkward so I plan on helping him finding another resources other than me to handle this part.
What more would you teach?
Whenever I'm on the phone with my mom or when I visit my parents, my mom always asks me a bunch of questions, and recently, it started to irritate me a lot. She asks me about school, about my friends, and I give her short answers, but I just don't feel like going into detail. Sometimes, we do have nice conversations and we can laugh together, too. But in the last few weeks it has just been annoying to talk to her. It feels like I'm obligated to share things about my life and I feel guilty when I don't partake in this silly routine. She also wants to talk on the phone almost everyday and I've been trying to communicate that I don't want that.
I can't really explain why I feel this way. Does anyone else get this feeling?
I(17F) had a realisation today, no matter what I do, I am never gonna be enough for them. I just finished school, and am done with both of my major exams,so I wanted to take slow. I had been studying like crazy and while I have some exams next month, wanted to have some fun with friends in this month. So first I went out with my friend a day after we were done with our exams, we had planned for it to be from 3pm-6pm, but since we both ran a bit late, I ended up staying till 7. My mom was SO mad at me for this, she said stuff like "Do you not have any work, is this all you wanna do?" and "You are just wasting ur time" and so much more mean stuff that I don't remember. Mind you this was a DAY after my major exam, and my next exam was a month away. Fast forward to yesterday, I went out with another friend(this is 10 days later) and hung out with her, the plan was for 3pm to 6pm, but we both ran late so it went on till 7pm. She lashed out on me, in front of my friend on the phone btw saying stuff like "I told you to come home by 6, but u never listen to me". But I was late because of her, as I was leaving she told be to do the laundry, fold EVERYONE's clothes(I do mine but idk why she wanted me to do everyones), iron some clothes. I did try to say in the most polite tone possible, because I knew she would blow up on me, that I would be late if I did this, and she started saying how ungrateful I am, and how I don't help around the house for anything. So I did all that and ended up delaying the plan(thank god my friend hadn't left for the place yet). So that was that. Today I woke at 6, helped my siblings get ready for school and then walked them to their bus(this was at around 7:15), then went to the gym and came back at around 9. Then I rested for a bit and had a bath, then got my breakfast and sat down to eat. This is when my mom decides to come and scold me for everything I did wrong today, as little as dropping something on the floor, everything. This ruined my breakfast, then in the end she says "You don't wanna study anymore, I woke u up as 6 today and it's 10 and u still haven't gotten to studying yet. You just go out with friends now and have stopped working all together". I cried after she left. Trust me it was 10 times harsher than what I wrote here, I just choose to forget it cuz otherwise I will be mad at her and as soon as I show any sign of being mad, she will start saying stuff like "Don't you dare be mad at me, the more freedom I give you the more you start acting spoilt". I literally went out with 2 friends, that too at a 10 day interval. I study the entire day, like after my breakfast to lunch, then have my lunch and rest for 30 mins and then again till mid night(I don't have dinner)...like what more should I do? I used to not have friends till middle school. I made friends in high school and it still took an year for me to go out with them, I went out with them like 4 times in the past year, and my mom would become extremely angry after each one of the hang outs for some or the other reason. I get nagged constantly, like once an hour, for something I did hours before, which wasn't even a big deal. I am just soo tired of listening to blah blah blah all day it's literally eating me inside. I try to zone out during the nagging sessions, but then she starts screaming even louder and starts saying mean stuff which which genuinely hurts me. It's like she wants to hurt me. Like am I a spoilt brat or is this really too much?
(Btw I am not a native english speaker, so I converse with my mom in another language, so the stuff she says can't be literally translated, I wrote something similar. Just know that it is genuinely 10 times worse in out native language)
I swear once I start talking with someone I get along with and have started to get comfortable around, I talk. Really talk. Which is odd, because I’m often a very quiet person. I’m either extremely quiet or extremely talkative and have trouble stopping or slowing down. When I’m by myself, I’m thinking non stop (intellectualizing my feelings, emotions, and behaviors) and I’ve been doing this almost all the time since at least age 13 (I’m 19 now.) And when I’m not thinking, I’m watching something (often things like celebrity interviews or more interactive YouTube videos) and pretending I’m in it and interacting with those people and I’m talking to myself non stop while simultaneously daydreaming about being in that piece of media or discussing that media with someone and giving commentary on every moment of it while also watching the media (wow, my brain is really good at multitasking.)
Does anyone else do this? What does this mean? Why is it happening and What function is it serving (I have theories, but I’m not certain and I’d like to hear other perspectives)? And how do I slowly try to reduce this and be more present?
My entire life starting in childhood I struggled to make friends and then struggled to keep them, and this is still a pattern I'm trying to break to this day. And it's entirely my fault every single time, because I myself am a neglectful person. I am not a good person to befriend, period.
And I just realized my entire life I was told "it's just a phase" but guess what? No it wasn't. I'm halfway through my twenties now and I just pushed away yet another potential friendship and I'm fucking mad.
I remember teachers talking to me to discuss this, maybe they wanted to take a better look at me but this never went anywhere. I can only assume they went to my parents and got promptly dismissed about it. There was this one episode where these two kids approached me and in hindsight I believe they were asked to by the staff, but. Again. I am not a good person to be friends with. Womp wooooomp.
Even if I did manage to maintain a bond it wouldn't matter, because I moved a lot anyway and it's not like my disfuntional little teenage brain would have gone the extra mile to keep it. Especially not without guidance but lol. Lmao, even.
If anything they liked having a little cave gremlin because I couldn't cause trouble or go out to parties or god forbid date someone. I was just holed up all day and they could trust me never to do anything that might require a little more brainpower to handle.
can I actually escape my abusive/controlling parents in a foreign country with low funds, no work visa, and no jobs yet without ending up homeless?
I (27F) feel like a failure though I know this isn’t my fault. I am a U.S. citizen stuck in a foreign country with my parents who have abused and controlled me my entire life. They’ve stunted me so badly — they had eight children and parentified me from a very young age while pretending I was stupid and too young to know anything. They never taught me anything practical about life; I had to figure out almost everything myself. Every time I tried to have a job or stay in school they made it impossible to finish by berating me, selling my car, and sabotaging me. Independence was always used as a threat — they would threaten to kick me out, but when I actually tried to leave they would suddenly pretend they loved me and act like it was ridiculous for me to want to leave them. My father took my phone away from me even when I was 21, and the last time he tried it I was 25. I’m very, very stunted because of all this. This is only a small part of the things they’ve done.
I’ve done a good bit of substitute teaching, but because of their control and abuse I still have almost no real work experience and I don’t have a degree. I’m on a no-work visa here, so I can’t even legally get a job to save more money while I try to plan my escape. They are now talking about going to China as the next crazy place, and I don’t want to live in this foreign country or China. I only have low funds in the bank and no other family or support anywhere in the world.
I’m desperate to return to the U.S. independently in the next 1-2 months, but I feel so overwhelmed, angry, and stressed that this feels impossible with so little money. I just want to start over somewhere safe without ending up on the street. I feel trapped.
Has anyone here actually done something like this? Left abusive or extremely controlling/toxic parents later in life with almost nothing and actually made it work without becoming homeless?
I really need advice on how to make money quickly with almost no experience and no degree — or how others in similar situations did it and what I should do. Any success stories, warnings, or real advice from people who felt exactly this angry, stressed, and trapped during their escape and/or a donation would mean everything to me right now.
Thank you.