My mother's negativity still triggers me
Growing up, my mom disliked/complained about almost everything. And that's no exaggeration. Her comments about others were often negative, mean, or rude. Especially when it came to women. And there was never any convincing or discussing your own opinion or perspective to see another side. That just resulted in doubling down on her own complaints.
I remember being young and in our car listening to the radio. She'd either control the music or let me and anytime a new song came on and I said I liked it, she'd complain about how much she hates that artist. Sometimes I'd still try and keep it on there and listen a bit longer, but she'd continue complaining. Then, I'd feel really tense and nervous, and I'd just switch it to something she likes.
That became a common habit of mine. Giving in to whatever she wants. I developed the ability to sense her feelings. I can always tell when she's bothered or when she's about to be bothered. I sense it and start feeling tense or anxious. Now being older, I try to be extra positive and enthusiastic about the things I like. I become very passionate and personally attached to things I like now. But still, I sometimes can't shake off her feelings and I give in to whatever I know will prevent complaints.
I can't help but feel I missed out on things other people in my generation got to be a part of. It might sound silly, but certains singers or popular shows I missed out on just to avoid complaints from my mom. While others my age got to love things, I feel like I spent my life burying the things I loved whenever I knew it'd bother my mom.