It makes me sad that it feels more socially acceptable to eat more when you're in a smaller body.
I was thin for years and I didn't realize how much loving to eat was part of my identity. I still love to eat, but when I started gaining weight I didn't notice how self conscious I was becoming eating around other people or just in public. It was weird how much anxiety I felt, like "oh if I eat too much I will be judged". But if I eat too little it felt like I was being fake and needed an excuse to justify it as always "trying to eat healthier, " even though I could eat a brownie at the same party I was just eating a salad at.
A little over a year later on ozempic and working out 3-4 times a week, I was especially hungry at a get together with some friends yesterday. I had done a heavier workout earlier in the day and was especially hungry by the time dinner came. I ate cookies and chips, and drank soda at the party. I ate two bacon cheeseburgers with tons of sauce on them and they were lovely, but then this same feeling came over me. Something I felt years before I gained the weight.
It was a feeling of freedom that it was now "socially acceptable" again for me to eat so much. That I had "earned" the ability to publicly enjoy food again. Like someone took my "pig out* license and I just got it back years later.
But also there was more a resentment of how much fatphobia/hating my body I internalized and became self conscious about. It was now "cute and quirky" again for me to be in a smaller body and eat like a bottomless pit. But if I was still bigger I would feel like others would see me and think "oh that explains a lot" despite no one talking to me about my weight or eating like that. Maybe a lot of judgement was in my own head.
I don't know if I'm looking for answers to solve this necessarily, I guess I'm more just sharing this feeling as a fragment in time on my journey and seeing if others could relate. It makes me wonder if most people notice this shift, or if it takes self reflection. I know a lot of this change requires inner work about my body image and how I present myself. On a conscious level I know I can eat whatever I want without giving af, but this will take time to fully adjust.