phone call with parents is more draining than school and work
I am beyond exhausted from constantly and passively performing for my parents, and they're still smh, always are disappointed.
My parents, who live in a different country, are completely indifferent to what I do. They hear just enough on the phone call. Only the information that is needed. And what's needed is for them to boast to their friends and colleagues. Idk if this is normal, but constantly explaining the most basic things about my work, which they should have known by now, is exhausting. Dad just told me, "I don't have to learn because you'll explain them to me," like a million times? No, I don't want to. They call me at midnight because they don't fckn learn about time zones, and it's not even like they can't use the internet. They can comprehend everything else, but when it comes to me, they make little to no effort to learn about me or make things easier for me.
The sheer unwillingness to participate in the process of my becoming is clear and confident. I don't understand that, but I've accepted that. But their enthusiasm for criticizing the results of my work, which I did completely alone, is what I don't understand. I don't intend to understand or dissect. It's making me sick. It seems v basic and stupid, but its so freaking exhausting.
So- I won a really massive thing a couple of weeks ago, and I worked for it for the last five months. I created opportunities for myself that I wouldn't have otherwise if I hadn't actively sought them out. Ppl in my field, or at least where I work, don't care for things other than academics/work. But I'm actively seeking out things beyond what I normally do, and I'm happy to say I'm doing extremely well in them.
The evening I won, I called my parents to tell them. They didn't know much about it before, except for my participation. The day before the competition, my dad said, "Call me once you win," and then on the day, "So what did you get for that?" "Who knows about you winning?" That remark wasn't as surprising, since it's been like this, and the constant dismissal or discouragement when I fail is what kept me from disclosing things to them. Good or bad. Because they smh make it about me not getting good things sooner. I convinced myself not to call them very often coz it drains tf out of me. But I got excited right after the competition and called them like an idiot, and I was disappointed but not surprised by their reaction. They automatically expect me to be exceptional at sth I just mentioned to them about. It's like: You applied for a scholarship, ofc you'll get it. If you didn't win, tell us what all went wrong, and who actually won it, and what they did that you didn't.
I'm just rambling, but idk how to deal with them. Or not deal with them at all. The physical distance between us significantly helped me in getting the mental space to work on myself. But ig, I sometimes forget not to rely on them (I get excited, ig). I learn about them again and again, only to go back to further steps away from them. I'm usually busy with school and work so I naturally juggling things and am tired, but nothing comes closer to the 10 min phone call with my parents.