r/RelationshipsOver35

I (36F) just saw my ex (35F) on Hinge after only being broken up for 12 days. I know, I know, well I was on Hinge too. It's not the Hinge part that upset me, it's the fact that all of her prompts were perfect for me. The way that she described what she's looking for and what partnership means to her are all things that she couldn't give me in our relationship. She said she's looking for a life partner. Throughout our 3 year relationship she told me she couldn't give me more time. Plus, her pictures were all ones I took of her, which I know happens. But it was still a gut punch.

I felt so sad and jealous when I saw her profile. I felt my heart drop. If I didn't know her and just came across this profile I'd be psyched to swipe right. Based on her profile we seem so aligned in what we are looking for, our interests, and sense of humor. But in real life that's not true.

It doesn't help that we've been in constant communication since breaking up. We talk on the phone every night for hours. We both seem to be in the stage of not wanting to let go, but also wanting to see what else is out there. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed to be going through a break up at this age when all of my friends are married.

I need some reminders that just because someone writes that they want a life partner in their Hinge profile doesn't actually mean that they are going to put in the work to be one themselves.

I’ve (40F) been with my boyfriend (40M) about 6 months.

There’s so many things I love about him but one thing I don’t like is he doesn’t ask enough questions.

For example, I am part of a religion and he has never asked me much about it. So I tried just bringing it up and he listened but didn’t ask anything.

Additionally I will ask him questions and he often doesn’t reciprocate. So for example I ask him if he finds it hard staying friends with his mates who live a long way away. He answers the question but doesn’t ask about me. So I’ll be like ‘I have friends who live far away’ but this doesn’t prompt him to ask.

It’s only a small thing but the longer we are together the more it kind of bothers me. I feel like we don’t have very in depth conversations because I ask him about his life but he doesn’t ask much about mine.

I know everyone is going to say just tell him that this bothers me. But…I want him to ask me questions about me and my life because he is genuinely interested. I don’t want him to do it because I told him to.

Should I tell him I feel this way anyhow?

I just…don’t get it. He’s not the type who wants things to all be about him. I’m not sure if it just doesn’t occur to him to ask or what?

60 year old here.

I broke up with a woman two years ago after being together 10 years. About three weeks ago, I bumped into her while I was on a walk. We talked for less than five minutes. All the feelings cam back by the time I got home.

I texted her a few times and got a response a couple of times. The last time I texted her she did not respond. It's been two weeks now.

I now live with my current girlfriend and wish I was with my ex. Every moment of the day. I wonder if she thinks about me. I wonder if she's found someone else.

I know where she lives but I make it a point to stay away even though errands sometimes have me drive near there.

I deleted her contact information from all my devices so I can't text or call her.

And yet, after two years, I am hurting and I made the

I was the one who broke up with her. Now, I wonder if she went through what I am going through now. And, if she did, I am truly sorry I put her through that. I am tearing up just writing this.

I was on the verge of breaking up with my current girlfriend last weekend because the feelings are so strong. I am going to give it another six months to see if they go away.

Not really looking for advice but please share if you have any.

Ok I might just need a swift kick in the ass here, but I need a third party honest perspective on my relationship because I don't know what to do. Apologies for the length.

First, the facts: Me (37F) and my fiance (41M), together 7 years, living together 6.5 years, got together right before covid. I have been wfh since at my mid-range admin job and he lost his job in the film industry. During covid, we agreed to move out of the city and settle down somewhere cheaper, so he quit looking for jobs while we looked for housing. In June 2022 we moved to where we are now and he has been looking for work ever since. He has had 1 job that was seasonal and 1 that he quit because it was basically a religious cult that was taking advantage of its workers. He has applied to a lot but between scams, fake jobs, AI, and the sheer state of the economy, he has barely gotten responses. I do see him trying, but he has no secondary education and only old experience in retail jobs from his 20s, everything else was in film (the industry here is not as good and getting back into film doesnt seem an option). We do not have the money to send him back to school, not that school is helping anyone much in this economy.

Second, the good: He is smart, very loyal, very open minded, we agree morally and politically, he's handsome, etc. He is sweet and extremely good with acts of service (he does a lot around the house, cleans, fixes small things, runs errands, laundry, etc. the only thing he doesn't do is cook much, but he will help me with it). He is a good dad to our 2 cats. He has supported me through many physical issues I've had, including recent surgery. We have a lot in common. You get the picture.

Third, the problem: He has anger issues and they sometimes get directed at me. He yells a lot when we fight, despite me saying I cant handle it. He is Audhd (we both are) and he shuts down whenever we cross the line into a fight (it should be noted I never yell, but he says I play the victim and seems to interpret my tears and my soft tone as manipulative when really I am just doing everything I can to self-regulate). These shut downs can last hours to days where we will barely speak. I've learned I have to wait it out, even though that's been difficult for me. When he finally does approach me he usually either says "Sorry i still cant talk about this yet" or he brings up something I did that frustrated him.

Most recent example: There was a good job opportunity at a local bookstore. Hiring in person, and my partner has worked at a few bookstores, so a real shot at a good job, finally. The website said to bring a cover letter and references (didnt specify professional or personal). He prints the resume and cover letter but the second last day they are accepting applications he tells me he didnt print references because he has no professional references after so long and asks me to come help him look good when he applies the next day (the last day to apply). He tells me he will just say we havent lived here that long and thats why he has no references (which doesnt make sense bc references dont have to be local). I think about it and before we leave the next day I say I think he should bring personal references bc this is a good opportunity and whats the point in applying if you dont do it right? It will look like you cant read instructions. I say he can put down his friends and he says no and when I ask why he says bc he thinks they wont say good things about him (he has known these men 30+ years, I've met both, they would absolutely support him). I say okay well I have people in my life who know you who will be your references and he pretty much shuts down and wont say why. I tell him Im so confused why he is so opposed to this and that I really need him to do his best to get this job. This is the first time I've in any way been pushy about jobs. I have trusted for 4 years that he's been applying and doing what he could, even accepted that bc of AuDHD and osteporosis he wont be able to apply to a large number of jobs. This was Saturday morning.

Sunday around 4pm he comes to talk and says I frustrated him by not trusting he had a plan. I said what plan? He said he doesnt always want to explain everything to me and I should just have trusted him to do it right. I said you asked me to come with you and made me a part of this but you didnt want to tell me there was a plan? He said he was going to say to them while applying that he didnt know if they wanted professional or personal references but he can write them down for them if they like.

So... why not just tell me you were going to give them references? Why imply your references would be different if they were personal vs professional when you have no professional references? Why say his friends wouldnt say anything good when he planned to write their names down anyway? If this was the plan all along, why tell me he planned to say we hadnt lived here long?

He told me I ruined it bc he was already nervous and I took away his confidence.. I maintain he ruined it by not communicating with me and giving me contradictory information.

He obviously didnt apply for the job.

Is it over? He blames me when he has no answer for my very logical questions, yells at me, says I ruined his opportunity... he has blamed me for his anger in the past. He even said to stop making it about me and it was my job to just support him... which I said Ive been doing for 6 years, both financially and by not pressuring him. He had the gall to roll his eyes at me when I mentioned Ive never been properly thanked for supporting us either... which is true, he has never outright said thank you to me for supporting us, even though Ive asked him to and I thank and compliment him all the time for his contributions.

If you made it this far, thank you. All opinions welcome, though neurodivergent ones especially. Im at a loss.

To make a long story short - I (37M) got back into dating a couple of months ago, after a couple years alone following a bad breakup and severe injury. A month ago I met two girls a couple days apart that I really hit it off with. We have been on roughly the same number of dates, although things have moved faster physically with one (only recently). There is a lot of intellectual, emotional and physical compatibility with both of these girls, which is making this very difficult.

I am having serious issues deciding between the two, and want to make that decision sooner than later, to avoid hurting them needlessly. I legitemately never thought that this kind of situation was possible, as it was always very clear to me who to pursue. I am having pretty severe panic over the thought of having to hurt one of them like this, because I can tell that they are falling for me. I am not a player-type that wants to date multiple girls at once, and am looking for a meaingful long term relationship.

Any tips on how to move forward would be much appreciated. How have you handled this in the past? How did it work out? How long is it acceptable to date both before going exclusive?Most importantly - how did you decide? The advice I have gotten from my personal network is ALL OVER THE PLACE - ranging from "it's OK to date nonexclusively for 2-3 months before deciding" to "you need to pick as soon as things start getting physical." I am trending towards the latter. Going to make a decision in the next week, depending on how things go over the weekend, although I'd like to gauge sexual compatibility with the other because that could tip the scales.

Yeah, I know, steak too juicy... lobster too buttery lol. I get it, but I am very mentally unwell over this and would love some support if you can.

I met my boyfriend seven months ago, and at the beginning it really felt like we were going to have an incredibly passionate and intense sex life, both because of the way we talked and how he acted. But then he started having severe back pain and we found out he had a herniated disc. He had surgery, and we haven’t had sex for four months.

At first it was understandable because of the pain. But later, during recovery, we tried a few times and he couldn’t get an erection. He said that after such a long time without physical intimacy, he was struggling and needed time. I understand that, but I started wondering if the problem was me. A few times I couldn’t hold it in anymore and told him, maybe a bit resentfully, that the whole situation felt strange and I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. He told me he hasn’t even watched porn in a long time and that sex just hasn’t been a priority for him lately.

Normally he’s a man with a very high libido. I honestly don’t know what to do. It’s now been a month since the surgery, and he still talks about moving in together, makes sweet plans for our future, and brings up these topics himself. But there’s basically no sex. He doesn’t touch me with passion anymore. There’s affection, hugs, kind words — yes — but no sexual energy. I’ve never experienced something like this before and I can’t tell if I’m being insensitive or not.

Hi everyone! As the title says, I am in the healthiest relationship of my life. We’ve been medium-distance for a year, and it’s truly wonderful. We both have our baggage, but I’ve recently discovered a personal struggle: when he shares his feelings or critiques a situation, I shut down instead of communicating in the moment.
The most recent incident happened after a family event. An encounter with a notoriously harsh relative left me feeling small and upset. When my boyfriend checked in, I told him I was sad but didn't want to elaborate..partly because I was still processing the "blur" of the event. The next day, when I tried to brush it off as "no big deal," he got upset. He feels there is a wall between us and that, after a year, I should be more open.
I’m confused because I feel like I tell him everything. Now, a small voice in my head is telling me to run before this becomes a deal-breaker. I love him deeply, but I’m worried I’m not "right" for him if I can't break this habit. How do I stop shutting down when things get heavy?
* I am in therapy but it’s inconsistent

Ahh please help me. I am a female in a long term heterosexual relationship, we’re both in our 30s and the sex life has totally died. I have tried to revive it multiple times over the span of 6 months and nothing is working! I have initiated it every single time, I had done the full body massages, the oral, the flirty touching, it’s all received well but he is doing nothing about it and it’s frustrating and also scaring me. We have done it twice extremely quickly because I started it, in the last 6 months. He never initiates first but he gives me physical reassurances in non sexual ways. I’m confused because he says he likes me, he gets boners, he flirts back.

We have had our normal couples ups and downs and we used to have a regular sex life, I don’t understand why he has stopped caring about it. I have told him what I want and need multiple times and 0 effort is made. I have tried being serious, tried joking casually about missing it. I have asked what I am doing wrong and he tells me he cares and is into it BUT SHOWS 0 effort. IDK what to do anymore, I am happy in every other part of the relationship and don’t want it to end.

I am stating to feel like he must just not be attracted to me anymore or must be more attracted to someone else. I know he occasionally is checking out porn (he doesn’t know I know 😂).

Is he just so comfortable that he has lost all interest in that part of our relationship? I don’t understand how this man doesn’t show me at all that he has needs. I know he is not cheating because we spend a lot of time together. So what gives? I need help to figure out why, I have asked and he brushes it off. I need help to figure out how I can fix his interest. TYIA!

Do you regret ending a long term relationship in your 40’s?

I would like to hear from people who have ended a long term relationship in their 40’s

I’m 40f and my partner is 42m and we’ve been together for almost 5 years. I feel like our relationship has run its course. I care for him and he’s my best friend but I don’t think I want to be in this relationship anymore or any relationship at this time in my life. I’m driving myself crazy going back and forth in my head on if I should end this or not and honestly I’m terrified. I’m terrified to lose that comfort and to lose my person. I’m terrified to be single in my 40’s!

I guess I’m hoping to hear from people who have been in a similar situation. Do you regret ending a relationship in your 40’s?

More detail on why I think this relationship has run its course:

-We don’t live together, he is under the impression that we will eventually be getting a place together (im waiting on my office potentially moving locations next year and I want to live close to my work) I’ve always lived alone and had my own place and I love it. The more I’ve been thinking about it, I don’t think I want to live with him, I haven’t communicated this with yet, I’ve told him that I have reservations about us living together.

-since we don’t live together, I will usually spend the weekends at his apartment. I’ll pack a bag Friday night and spend entire weekend with him at his place, return back to my place Sunday evening. This has been our schedule for almost 5 years and it’s starting to get to me. Even with this schedule, he still thinks we don’t see each other enough. I told him I’m starting to miss my independence (not that I want to date other people) but just my own time to socialize, pursue new hobbies, I literally have no friends! he told me that I get my independence during the week, but during the week I work full time, go to the gym, go to bed early, it’s not enough time for me. I recently told him that I joined a women’s walking group and we are going to meet up on Saturday and do a walk, instead of showing support, his main concern was if it’s every weekend and how much time is this going to take away from him.

-we don’t have sex anymore, this is my longest relationship I’ve ever been in , so I understand that sex isn’t always as exciting when you’ve been together for awhile, but I have no desire to have sex with him anymore. I’m not sure if it’s hormone related or maybe I’m starting to resent him but the desire is gone but he doesn’t even seem to care, he doesn’t ask for it ever or bring it up. I think we maybe had sex twice last year, but I feel like I’m too young to be settling for a sexless relationship.

- communication is not great between us. He grew up in family that didn’t talk about stuff and has even told me that he hates communicating and makes him too uncomfortable. When I try and talk to him about stuff, he just gets really quiet and shuts down, doesn’t really absorb anything I’m saying.

Little background…we’ve been together for three years…a year & a half ago I lost my job and have been looking for one since. It was about the same time that we decided we wanted to be committed…there was ring involved. The caveats that we had were we cannot move forward until #1 I found a job and #2 they get their drinking in check (which was a huge issue). We still live separately and have not combined our finances. I have largely been living of savings this entire time, which is now severely depleted.

Due to a horrible job market, as well as the level of job I was looking for, it took a very very long time to find a job (1.5 years) which I was just offered this week! We are beyond happy!!! My partner also really got their act together with their drinking, was 100% sober for about a month…but still has drinks which I’m not thrilled with…they have not gotten violent or pass-out drunk but there have been a few close calls and tbh, I think I may have ptsd from all of their drunken blow-ups. As fate would have it, my partner just lost their job a month ago.

I found out my start date would be a bit longer in the future than I or my partner anticipated…so yesterday, without gauging my feelings or desire, they just decided to book plane tickets for a 10 day European holiday and surprised me with them. It really is sweet gesture and it came from a place of love, but a trip is the last thing on my mind right now. I need to get everything in order with my finances, my home, I’m working on a 2nd masters degree and need to see what I can do. I also need to see if I need to buy a whole new wardrobe. I am chomping at the bit to work, and there are a few technical things I need to brush up on before I start…I want to hit the ground running. This last year and a half has been so stressful and when I was offered the job, I burst into tears and was exhausted for 2 days…the release was profound.

The crazy thing is, they just lost their job too…European trips are not cheap!!! They are the type of person who admonishes me when I buy coffee out. I told them I’m not really enthused about this and that I’m not really in a position for it - to say they are furious is an understatement. I asked why didn’t they check in with me first and they said it was a really good deal and wanted to surprise me. To clarify, this is not a trip they were treating me - we’d be splitting it. The tickets were several hundred each and we have not factored in any lodging or food yet.

They are pulling out every criticism of me they can think of…not interested anything, not wanting to travel (it has not been a priority since I’ve been out of work…see Maslow’s Hierarchy of need)…’what have you been doing this whole time you’ve been out of work…why isn’t everything border already?!?!?’

I feel like a complete A-hole as this was a really nice gesture but at the same time think it was very inconsiderate. Am I missing something?

EDIT: Partner just informed me that because I will be so busy getting things in order that we will hardly be spending time together before I start my new job because I will be ‘too busy’. Also told me they are going to go by themselves. Nice.

EDIT 2: Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. The tickets have been cancelled. I have also communicated that we need to talk about our future looks like. If the cannot stick to their promise I don’t think we have a future.

My partner (41M) doesn't ever want to be around me (38F) anymore. He tells me that's not true and that he loves me, but every single time I suggest doing ANYTHING together, he says he doesn't want to.

I don't want to force him to do something together that is supposed to be a way to genuinely reconnect, I just don't have answers.

For any of you out there that was like he was, is there any way to get us out of this funk? Being with someone who is completely okay with not saying anything to you for an entire day (zero speaking, if I don't start a conversation) is so emotionally exhausting. Any advice will be appreciated.

Hello everyone. I’ve been posting in here a lot. Thank you for all your help with the previous posts but I’m the 37F with a 36M partner and he finally ended our 6 year toxic relationship last week. I know it was toxic I don’t need to hear don’t be upset but the reality is i am still heartbroken after ending it with someone I love so dearly.

I don’t know if this is the right word… but… luckily…. I have been never been divorced or had kids so I don’t have those extra to carry as I try to move on. (But ngl sometimes a part of me is sad I don’t have those things at a woman this age).

Anyways, I guess my desperate ask is how do you stop the thinking and wondering what they’re doing (I want to know so bad if he’s not doing great like myself) and ladies, how did you feel better and live your life when all your friends are married and how did you spend your time? Honestly the nights to morning are the worst, and thinking about future weekends alone makes me sick.

Thank you in advance.

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I’m 40 (M) and my fiancée is 39 (F). We’ve been going back and forth since yesterday over a receipt I found in her purse. The receipt showed a different card number and even a different brand of card than the ones we use. This was for a few items she bought before going to the movies with her sister and her ex‑husband’s son.

As her partner of almost 8 years, and especially since we recently agreed that I would start handling the finances because she’s overwhelmed, I felt I had every right to ask about a receipt that didn’t match any card we use. I asked politely and simply wanted clarity.

She explained that Instacart uses their own card that gets loaded from the original payment method. I’ve never used Instacart, so when I looked it up and saw she was right, I immediately apologized immediately and told her it made sense. I thanked her for clearing it up.

At no point did I accuse her of anything. I even explained why I looked at the receipt in the first place. It was an honest question about something that was clearly out of place. Yet somehow she got upset and said I don’t trust her. That confused me, because this was a straightforward question .. nothing more.

She even canceled her out‑of‑town trip because she was worried about something I never felt to begin with. Honestly, her reaction was a turn‑off, especially because we’re in couples counseling trying to work through her insecurities and her habit of misreading my intentions.

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened.

For example:

\- I once found her ex‑husband’s rings in the car the day after she saw him on a walk and didn’t mention it. (Her wantingnti pawn the ring, we had had the discussion that she ran into him the day before.

\- Another time, I was charging her Apple Watch for her after she came back from a trip. A message popped up because the watch vibrated in my hand. It was something harmless from her friend about a nail polish link. I told her I saw it when she asked me, and she immediately accused me of being insecurenirninvading her privacy.

\- When I had a medication mishap and went through a rough mental health moment, all I asked for was reassurance that we were okay. Somehow that turned into me being “insecure” again, even though it had nothing to do with jealousy or suspicion.as I never concocted a story to begin with 🤯

Meanwhile, we’ve only had sex twice in the past year and a half. So yes, I was anxious and needed reassurance not because I thought she was cheating, but because our intimacy has been almost nonexistent.

For context: the first year or two of our relationship, I was on drugs and lying a lot. But for the last six years, I haven’t given her any reason to doubt me. The only time I felt genuinely uncomfortable was the ring situation and even then, it wasn’t about cheating.

Fast forward to last night:

I asked her to put her phone between us because I do Amazon Flex and sometimes need to compare rates. I’ve done this for months. Out of nowhere she says, “Only go through that app because I don’t want you going through my phone.”

This was all because I asked about a receipt with a different card number ...a card tied to our finances.

I never declined to use a person's phone so fast in my life in my life 🤣. Instant turn off. She's placing her fears and misplacing my intentions purposely I feel at this point. That's the whole reason why we are in therapy to begin with because SHE doesn't trust me. I thought we were making progress as to clearing and explaining my intention from our previous fights this past year. This last one kind hit me hard though because I was told by our therapist to give context before asking any questions about something that may be uncomfortable to her. Which I agreed. I do it this time and she STILL acts like I don't trust her and thinks I'm insecure. I'm not insecure in the sense that I believe she would cheat because I never thought that way or else I'd call off our wedding. But I WILL admit that I am insecure in the state of our relationship and where it's going after being ignored for so damn long. NOW I feel like wait, am I missing something?! And am in full oanick mode. I never seen her get so defensive over a phone since we've been together and I've used her phone countless times years before and it's been routing for me to use it before my shift to check rates.

Is this relationship cooked???? I'm trying my hardest to be understanding but I finally lost it yesterday. The whole " dont go through her phone and only use the app" through me for a loop so hard I had to get up and leave the room and sleep elsewhere. I was completely baffled and honestly surprised in her reaction because she's trying a receipt in her purse to me going through her things when it's technically my job anyways to check in finances make it make sense!!! . It's wild that I would give zero shits if the roles were reversed, because I'd do anything in my power and to try to clear up the situation, because her feelings matter so much to me. but now I'm beyond humiliated because I feel there's ZERO respect for my feelings this entire year. Now I feel like I'm neglecting my own.

So am I trippin?!

I feel so drained all the time, like we never agree on anything & I’m so over it. Holidays drain me, so many events, valentines, birthdays, anniversaries, Father’s Day blah blah blah, I feel the reason I feel like this is because I’m always the only one putting 110% I’m always thinking out of the box & I have to multitask 24/7 & literally have to tell a grown man what to do 😵‍💫😤 & at the end of the fucking day, I don’t get what I want nor deserve. Plus!!!! I’m not appreciated!!!!! I’m done getting only a tiny bit of bare minimum. I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this. Men feel so fucking entitled & important. I’m over it! Anyone else on the same boat? Please tell me I’m not the only one here 😅

37f here. My 6 year toxic cycle anxious/avoidant relationship I think finally ended with my partner 36M. It was very sudden and unexpected. I knew he didn’t want to do it but it is the right thing to do now. A common pattern in our relationship was I would get anxious and want reassurance for our relationship, but as I reflect for a classic avoidant I think he perceived me as making him feel like he was failing me and that he couldn’t please me. It was unfortunate there were other times he thought I was being narcissistic bc he mistook my intentions - he would think i only wanted him to re assure me. Like the thought “I’m responsible for managing your emotions”. All I wanted was to get close to him and reassure our relationship, not just me. I know he loved me and still does. But he would get so overwhelmed with my need for reassurance. Men… when all your anxious partner is trying to do is love you… how does your brain go that way? And have any of you came to light of these misunderstandings with your anxious partner ? All I want for him is to understand my intentions, i only ever wanted closeness. I hope he did/does.

I’m a 38 yr old woman, engaged to a 42 yr old man & we’ve been together for almost 7 yrs. His 3 kids don’t ever acknowledge me for Mother’s Day, I have that my fiancé makes them tell me & when he doesn’t m, they just don’t say anything. Both things bother me & hurt me because I’ve gone above & beyond. I’m almost 40 yrs old & I feel like I don’t want to live like this this anymore. At the end of the day, dating a man with kids, you always come last. I feel that I’ve become less & less patient and I feel like it’s not fair for me to put myself last for a man that doesn’t go above and beyond for me. He started off being amazing, then got too comfortable and now does the bare minimum. I’m a great person with a huge heart & my love language is taking care of you & cooking for you & doing things for you, literally anything from chores to satisfying cravings or anything, I’m a giver and in return I’d like to get the same treatment. The truth is I don’t get the same treatment, I always have to ask for stuff and demand. Nothing just comes out of his heart to do little things for me or if I’m complaining of back pain, he won’t just rub my back because that’s how thoughtful he is, no. I just feel so done with giving all my time and energy to ungrateful ppl like him & his kids. They don’t deserve me. I deserve better.

I (40s F) am a divorced mom with school-aged kids and dating someone for a few months. (Not first relationship post-divorce, have had 2 multi year relationships since.) I’m trying to figure out a reasonable ballpark on timing to bring him around my kids. I’m beyond the minimum in my divorce decree (3 mos, don’t recall how we landed on that) and I think my significant other may feel more assured if I can provide some estimate on when I may feel ready for that step. He hasn’t pressured me at all but it just feels like something we should talk about soon. Curious for how others have approached, what factors you considered, how long you waited, and how your kids responded. Mine were pretty little when they last met a partner of mine…several years ago, pretty easily framed as a playdate as we both had kids around the same age. My current bf doesn’t have kids but seems happy to meet mine when I’m ready.

F here. Breakup between me and my partner, M. Later 30s. 6 year relationship. Classic anxious avoidant lifestyle with the breakup - makeup - normalcy - rinse repeat cycle. Avoidant partner finally ended it in a sudden matter. Trying not to read too much into his last message to me saying “maybe one day we’ll cross paths”. Brought me to think about has anyone ever successfully gotten back with an ex?

Hey. For context I am a 37F and my partner was a 36M. So my story is we had that relationship where there was always dysfunction from the start. Even when we were together I started to realize this was bc each of our trauma’s were triggering each other. He triggered my insecurities (anxious attachment), and I triggered his anger and temper issues (avoidant attachment). Our story is the type cycle of how those relationships go.

We tried to figure this out for 6 years. The misunderstanding, to the fighting, to the break up , to the reconciliation and then rinse repeat. In the beginning I would try to end things but as it got to the middle and end it was him who always wanted to separate then come back.

He finally pulled the plug last night. It’s funny bc the breakup came so fast from a misunderstanding… but that was our problem… always misunderstanding each other. Anyways we were fine minutes before until you’re not. He wrote me saying that there needed to be some consequences bc we clearly can’t change with what we are doing. He said to me “maybe one day we’ll meet in the future, but at this juncture I cannot continue” that killed me and I’m trying to not read too much into it. I painfully accepted the breakup bc he was right. Nothing was changing the way it was.

I guess what I’m asking is how do you navigate life post a breakup where two people love each other so much but also realize that they are not improving while being together? And also… to those of you who have reconnected with an ex after time apart… how did that even happen? I don’t want to hope on us reconnecting , but I’m just curious also on how that happens with some couples.

This kills me bc I knew he didn’t want to do this but it was the “right choice” as he said. And it really kills me bc I know he loves me so much. And I love him. Thanks in advance.