Little background…we’ve been together for three years…a year & a half ago I lost my job and have been looking for one since. It was about the same time that we decided we wanted to be committed…there was ring involved. The caveats that we had were we cannot move forward until #1 I found a job and #2 they get their drinking in check (which was a huge issue). We still live separately and have not combined our finances. I have largely been living of savings this entire time, which is now severely depleted.
Due to a horrible job market, as well as the level of job I was looking for, it took a very very long time to find a job (1.5 years) which I was just offered this week! We are beyond happy!!! My partner also really got their act together with their drinking, was 100% sober for about a month…but still has drinks which I’m not thrilled with…they have not gotten violent or pass-out drunk but there have been a few close calls and tbh, I think I may have ptsd from all of their drunken blow-ups. As fate would have it, my partner just lost their job a month ago.
I found out my start date would be a bit longer in the future than I or my partner anticipated…so yesterday, without gauging my feelings or desire, they just decided to book plane tickets for a 10 day European holiday and surprised me with them. It really is sweet gesture and it came from a place of love, but a trip is the last thing on my mind right now. I need to get everything in order with my finances, my home, I’m working on a 2nd masters degree and need to see what I can do. I also need to see if I need to buy a whole new wardrobe. I am chomping at the bit to work, and there are a few technical things I need to brush up on before I start…I want to hit the ground running. This last year and a half has been so stressful and when I was offered the job, I burst into tears and was exhausted for 2 days…the release was profound.
The crazy thing is, they just lost their job too…European trips are not cheap!!! They are the type of person who admonishes me when I buy coffee out. I told them I’m not really enthused about this and that I’m not really in a position for it - to say they are furious is an understatement. I asked why didn’t they check in with me first and they said it was a really good deal and wanted to surprise me. To clarify, this is not a trip they were treating me - we’d be splitting it. The tickets were several hundred each and we have not factored in any lodging or food yet.
They are pulling out every criticism of me they can think of…not interested anything, not wanting to travel (it has not been a priority since I’ve been out of work…see Maslow’s Hierarchy of need)…’what have you been doing this whole time you’ve been out of work…why isn’t everything border already?!?!?’
I feel like a complete A-hole as this was a really nice gesture but at the same time think it was very inconsiderate. Am I missing something?
EDIT: Partner just informed me that because I will be so busy getting things in order that we will hardly be spending time together before I start my new job because I will be ‘too busy’. Also told me they are going to go by themselves. Nice.
EDIT 2: Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. The tickets have been cancelled. I have also communicated that we need to talk about our future looks like. If the cannot stick to their promise I don’t think we have a future.