u/Complex-Bit8953

Hello everyone. I’ve been posting in here a lot. Thank you for all your help with the previous posts but I’m the 37F with a 36M partner and he finally ended our 6 year toxic relationship last week. I know it was toxic I don’t need to hear don’t be upset but the reality is i am still heartbroken after ending it with someone I love so dearly.

I don’t know if this is the right word… but… luckily…. I have been never been divorced or had kids so I don’t have those extra to carry as I try to move on. (But ngl sometimes a part of me is sad I don’t have those things at a woman this age).

Anyways, I guess my desperate ask is how do you stop the thinking and wondering what they’re doing (I want to know so bad if he’s not doing great like myself) and ladies, how did you feel better and live your life when all your friends are married and how did you spend your time? Honestly the nights to morning are the worst, and thinking about future weekends alone makes me sick.

Thank you in advance.

37f here. My 6 year toxic cycle anxious/avoidant relationship I think finally ended with my partner 36M. It was very sudden and unexpected. I knew he didn’t want to do it but it is the right thing to do now. A common pattern in our relationship was I would get anxious and want reassurance for our relationship, but as I reflect for a classic avoidant I think he perceived me as making him feel like he was failing me and that he couldn’t please me. It was unfortunate there were other times he thought I was being narcissistic bc he mistook my intentions - he would think i only wanted him to re assure me. Like the thought “I’m responsible for managing your emotions”. All I wanted was to get close to him and reassure our relationship, not just me. I know he loved me and still does. But he would get so overwhelmed with my need for reassurance. Men… when all your anxious partner is trying to do is love you… how does your brain go that way? And have any of you came to light of these misunderstandings with your anxious partner ? All I want for him is to understand my intentions, i only ever wanted closeness. I hope he did/does.

37f here. My 6 year toxic cycle anxious/avoidant relationship I think finally ended with my partner 36M. It was very sudden and unexpected. I knew he didn’t want to do it but it is the right thing to do now. A common pattern in our relationship was I would get anxious and want reassurance for our relationship, but as I reflect for a classic avoidant I think he perceived me as making him feel like he was failing me and that he couldn’t please me. It was unfortunate there were other times he thought I was being narcissistic bc he mistook my intentions - he would think i only wanted him to re assure me. Like the thought “I’m responsible for managing your emotions”. All I wanted was to get close to him and reassure our relationship, not just me. I know he loved me and still does. But he would get so overwhelmed with my need for reassurance. Men… when all your anxious partner is trying to do is love you… how does your brain go that way? And have any of you came to light of these misunderstandings with your anxious partner ? All I want for him is to understand my intentions, i only ever wanted closeness. I hope he did/does.

TLDR: men, when your partner is anxious, do you interpret that anxiety as you’re failing them or do you realize that all your partner wants is to feel closer to you?

37f here. My 6 year toxic cycle anxious/avoidant relationship I think finally ended with my partner 36M. It was very sudden and unexpected. I knew he didn’t want to do it but it is the right thing to do now. A common pattern in our relationship was I would get anxious and want reassurance for our relationship, but as I reflect for a classic avoidant I think he perceived me as making him feel like he was failing me and that he couldn’t please me. It was unfortunate there were other times he thought I was being narcissistic bc he mistook my intentions - he would think i only wanted him to re assure me. Like the thought “I’m responsible for managing your emotions”. All I wanted was to get close to him and reassure our relationship, not just me. I know he loved me and still does. But he would get so overwhelmed with my need for reassurance. Men… when all your anxious partner is trying to do is love you… how does your brain go that way? And have any of you came to light of these misunderstandings with your anxious partner ? All I want for him is to understand my intentions, i only ever wanted closeness. I hope he did/does.

F here. Breakup between me and my partner, M. Later 30s. 6 year relationship. Classic anxious avoidant lifestyle with the breakup - makeup - normalcy - rinse repeat cycle. Avoidant partner finally ended it in a sudden matter. Trying not to read too much into his last message to me saying “maybe one day we’ll cross paths”. Brought me to think about has anyone ever successfully gotten back with an ex?

Hey. For context I am a 37F and my partner was a 36M. So my story is we had that relationship where there was always dysfunction from the start. Even when we were together I started to realize this was bc each of our trauma’s were triggering each other. He triggered my insecurities (anxious attachment), and I triggered his anger and temper issues (avoidant attachment). Our story is the type cycle of how those relationships go.

We tried to figure this out for 6 years. The misunderstanding, to the fighting, to the break up , to the reconciliation and then rinse repeat. In the beginning I would try to end things but as it got to the middle and end it was him who always wanted to separate then come back.

He finally pulled the plug last night. It’s funny bc the breakup came so fast from a misunderstanding… but that was our problem… always misunderstanding each other. Anyways we were fine minutes before until you’re not. He wrote me saying that there needed to be some consequences bc we clearly can’t change with what we are doing. He said to me “maybe one day we’ll meet in the future, but at this juncture I cannot continue” that killed me and I’m trying to not read too much into it. I painfully accepted the breakup bc he was right. Nothing was changing the way it was.

I guess what I’m asking is how do you navigate life post a breakup where two people love each other so much but also realize that they are not improving while being together? And also… to those of you who have reconnected with an ex after time apart… how did that even happen? I don’t want to hope on us reconnecting , but I’m just curious also on how that happens with some couples.

This kills me bc I knew he didn’t want to do this but it was the “right choice” as he said. And it really kills me bc I know he loves me so much. And I love him. Thanks in advance.

Hi! Yesterday was 3 months from my unhappy triad surgery. Patellar tendon graph for ACL, MCL repair (partially torn), and meniscus repair (it was an almost bucket handle tear).

Recovery is coming along and as my PT says I am not behind but he would like me doing better. I have my 3 month follow up with my surgeon on Thursday.

I am still walking with a slight limp, assisted rom is 140s… unassisted I can do like 125-130ish degrees. Still uncomfortable but doable to walk up stairs.

What I want to ask is where are you at after this Unhappy Triad surgery and where were you at 3 months ?