u/Total_Hippo3349

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I’m a '40/M' and my fiancée is a '39/F' we have been together almost 8 years years so far but engaged for almost 2 years. We’ve been going back and forth since yesterday over a receipt I found in her purse while looking for the keys to the car. The receipt showed a different card number and even a different brand of card than the ones we use. This was for a few items she bought before going to the movies with her sister and her ex‑husband’s son which I had absolutely no issue with.

As her partner of almost 8 years damn near, and especially since we recently agreed that I would start handling the finances because she’s overwhelmed, I felt I had every right to ask about a receipt that didn’t match any card we use. I asked politely and simply wanted clarity.

She explained that Instacart uses their own card that gets loaded from the original payment method. I’ve never used Instacart, so when I looked it up and saw she was right, I immediately apologized and told her it made sense. I thanked her for clearing it up.

At no point did I accuse her of anything. I even explained why I looked at the receipt in the first place. It was an honest question about something that was clearly out of place. Yet somehow she got upset and said I don’t trust her. That confused me, because this was a straightforward question — nothing more.

She even canceled her out‑of‑town trip because she was worried about something I never felt to begin with. Honestly, her reaction was a turn‑off because, especially because we’re in couples counseling trying to work through her insecurities and her habit of misreading my intentions.

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened.

For example:

\- I once found her ex‑husband’s rings in the car the day after she saw him on a walk and didn’t mention it.

\- Another time, I was charging her Apple Watch for her after she came back from a trip. A message popped up because the watch vibrated in my hand. It was something harmless from her friend about a nail polish link. I told her I saw it, and she immediately accused me of being insecure.

\- When I had a medication mishap and went through a rough mental health moment, all I asked for was reassurance that we were okay. Somehow that turned into me being “insecure” again, even though it had nothing to do with jealousy or suspicion.

Meanwhile, we’ve only had sex twice in the past year and a half. So yes, I was anxious and needed reassurance — not because I thought she was cheating, but because our intimacy has been almost nonexistent.

For context: the first year or two of our relationship, I was on drugs and lying a lot. But for the last six years, I haven’t given her any reason to doubt me. The only time I felt genuinely uncomfortable was the ring situation and even then, it wasn’t about cheating.

Fast forward to last night:

I asked her to put her phone between us because I do Amazon Flex and sometimes need to compare rates. I’ve done this for months. Out of nowhere she says, “Only go through that app because I don’t want you going through my phone.”

This was all because I asked about a receipt with a different card number ...a card tied to our finances.

I never declined to use a person's phone so fast in my life in my life 🤣. Instant turn off. She's placing her fears and misplacing my intentions purposely I feel at this point. That's the whole reason why we are in therapy to begin with because SHE doesn't trust me. I thought we were making progress as to clearing and explaining my intention from our previous fights this past year. This last one kind hit me hard though because I was told by our therapist to give context before asking any questions about something that may be uncomfortable to her. Which I agreed. I do it this time and she STILL acts like I don't trust her and thinks I'm insecure. I'm not insecure in the sense that I believe she would cheat because I never thought that way or else I'd call off our wedding. But I WILL admit that I am insecure in the state of our relationship and where it's going after being ignored for so damn long.

Is this relationship cooked???? I'm trying my hardest to be understanding but I finally lost it yesterday. The whole " dont go through her phone and only use the app" through me for a loop so hard I had to get up and leave the room. It's wild that I would give zero shits if the roles were reversed, because I'd do anything in my power and to try to clear up the situation, because her feelings matter so much to me. but now I'm beyond humiliated because I feel there's ZERO respect for my feelings this entire year. Now I feel like I'm neglecting my own.

So am I trippin?!

EDIT* it's a 1 car household, Sorry I didn't mention that earlier. Also the night before she told me how much she spent in the amex, I wasn't even looking for a receipt to begin with but since I use Stride app to collect all my receipts for tax purposes and write offs once a week, as I do gig economy work plus the have the price wasn't the same as she told me, so I found that odd, hence me looking at the bottom of the receipt.

EDIT* we also agreed that I would handle finances because she was overwhelmed, to which I agreed to help with out with and to help budget for our future. So checking a receipt that's now in front of me on the floor, that came from a small ass purse that had tons of papers in it. Not that uncommon to happen lol 😅

​

I’m a '40/M' and my fiancée is a '39/F' we have been together almost 8 years years so far but engaged for almost 2 years. We’ve been going back and forth since yesterday over a receipt that fell out of her purse while looking for the keys to the car. The receipt showed a different card number and even a different brand of card than the ones we use. This was for a few items she bought before going to the movies with her sister and her ex‑husband’s son which I had absolutely no issue with.

As her partner of almost 8 years damn near, and especially since we recently agreed that I would start handling the finances because she’s overwhelmed, I felt I had every right to ask about a receipt that didn’t match any card we use. I asked politely and simply wanted clarity.

She explained that Instacart uses their own card that gets loaded from the original payment method. I’ve never used Instacart, so when I looked it up and saw she was right, I immediately apologized and told her it made sense. I thanked her for clearing it up.

At no point did I accuse her of anything. I even explained why I looked at the receipt in the first place. It was an honest question about something that was clearly out of place. Yet somehow she got upset and said I don’t trust her. That confused me, because this was a straightforward question — nothing more.

She even canceled her out‑of‑town trip because she was worried about something I never felt to begin with. Honestly, her reaction was a turn‑off because, especially because we’re in couples counseling trying to work through her insecurities and her habit of misreading my intentions.

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened.

For example:

\- I once found her ex‑husband’s rings in the car the day after she saw him on a walk and didn’t mention it.

\- Another time, I was charging her Apple Watch for her after she came back from a trip. A message popped up because the watch vibrated in my hand. It was something harmless from her friend about a nail polish link. I told her I saw it, and she immediately accused me of being insecure.

\- When I had a medication mishap and went through a rough mental health moment, all I asked for was reassurance that we were okay. Somehow that turned into me being “insecure” again, even though it had nothing to do with jealousy or suspicion.

Meanwhile, we’ve only had sex twice in the past year and a half. So yes, I was anxious and needed reassurance — not because I thought she was cheating, but because our intimacy has been almost nonexistent.

For context: the first year or two of our relationship, I was on drugs and lying a lot. But for the last six years, I haven’t given her any reason to doubt me. The only time I felt genuinely uncomfortable was the ring situation and even then, it wasn’t about cheating.

Fast forward to last night:

I asked her to put her phone between us because I do Amazon Flex and sometimes need to compare rates. I’ve done this for months. Out of nowhere she says, “Only go through that app because I don’t want you going through my phone.”

This was all because I asked about a receipt with a different card number ...a card tied to our finances.

I never declined to use a person's phone so fast in my life in my life 🤣. Instant turn off. She's placing her fears and misplacing my intentions purposely I feel at this point. That's the whole reason why we are in therapy to begin with because SHE doesn't trust me. I thought we were making progress as to clearing and explaining my intention from our previous fights this past year. This last one kind hit me hard though because I was told by our therapist to give context before asking any questions about something that may be uncomfortable to her. Which I agreed. I do it this time and she STILL acts like I don't trust her and thinks I'm insecure. I'm not insecure in the sense that I believe she would cheat because I never thought that way or else I'd call off our wedding. But I WILL admit that I am insecure in the state of our relationship and where it's going after being ignored for so damn long.

Is this relationship cooked???? I'm trying my hardest to be understanding but I finally lost it yesterday. The whole " dont go through her phone and only use the app" through me for a loop so hard I had to get up and leave the room. It's wild that I would give zero shits if the roles were reversed, because I'd do anything in my power and to try to clear up the situation, because her feelings matter so much to me. but now I'm beyond humiliated because I feel there's ZERO respect for my feelings this entire year. Now I feel like I'm neglecting my own.

So am I trippin?!

EDIT* it's a 1 car household, Sorry I didn't mention that earlier. Also the night before she told me how much she spent in the amex, I wasn't even looking for a receipt to begin with but since I use Stride app to collect all my receipts for tax purposes and write offs once a week, as I do gig economy work plus the have the price wasn't the same as she told me, so I found that odd, hence me looking at the bottom of the receipt.

EDIT* we also agreed that I would handle finances because she was overwhelmed, to which I agreed to help with out with and to help budget for our future. So checking a receipt that's now in front of me on the floor, that came from a small ass purse that had tons of papers in it. Not that uncommon to happen lol 😅

Btw y'all should try that app Stride, it's super easy to use and you save so much at the end of the year, I. On track to deduct 749 in just gas alone.

​

I’m 40 (M) and my fiancée is 39 (F). We’ve been going back and forth since yesterday over a receipt I found in her purse. The receipt showed a different card number and even a different brand of card than the ones we use. This was for a few items she bought before going to the movies with her sister and her ex‑husband’s son.

As her partner of almost 8 years, and especially since we recently agreed that I would start handling the finances because she’s overwhelmed, I felt I had every right to ask about a receipt that didn’t match any card we use. I asked politely and simply wanted clarity.

She explained that Instacart uses their own card that gets loaded from the original payment method. I’ve never used Instacart, so when I looked it up and saw she was right, I immediately apologized immediately and told her it made sense. I thanked her for clearing it up.

At no point did I accuse her of anything. I even explained why I looked at the receipt in the first place. It was an honest question about something that was clearly out of place. Yet somehow she got upset and said I don’t trust her. That confused me, because this was a straightforward question .. nothing more.

She even canceled her out‑of‑town trip because she was worried about something I never felt to begin with. Honestly, her reaction was a turn‑off, especially because we’re in couples counseling trying to work through her insecurities and her habit of misreading my intentions.

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened.

For example:

\- I once found her ex‑husband’s rings in the car the day after she saw him on a walk and didn’t mention it. (Her wantingnti pawn the ring, we had had the discussion that she ran into him the day before.

\- Another time, I was charging her Apple Watch for her after she came back from a trip. A message popped up because the watch vibrated in my hand. It was something harmless from her friend about a nail polish link. I told her I saw it when she asked me, and she immediately accused me of being insecurenirninvading her privacy.

\- When I had a medication mishap and went through a rough mental health moment, all I asked for was reassurance that we were okay. Somehow that turned into me being “insecure” again, even though it had nothing to do with jealousy or suspicion.as I never concocted a story to begin with 🤯

Meanwhile, we’ve only had sex twice in the past year and a half. So yes, I was anxious and needed reassurance not because I thought she was cheating, but because our intimacy has been almost nonexistent.

For context: the first year or two of our relationship, I was on drugs and lying a lot. But for the last six years, I haven’t given her any reason to doubt me. The only time I felt genuinely uncomfortable was the ring situation and even then, it wasn’t about cheating.

Fast forward to last night:

I asked her to put her phone between us because I do Amazon Flex and sometimes need to compare rates. I’ve done this for months. Out of nowhere she says, “Only go through that app because I don’t want you going through my phone.”

This was all because I asked about a receipt with a different card number ...a card tied to our finances.

I never declined to use a person's phone so fast in my life in my life 🤣. Instant turn off. She's placing her fears and misplacing my intentions purposely I feel at this point. That's the whole reason why we are in therapy to begin with because SHE doesn't trust me. I thought we were making progress as to clearing and explaining my intention from our previous fights this past year. This last one kind hit me hard though because I was told by our therapist to give context before asking any questions about something that may be uncomfortable to her. Which I agreed. I do it this time and she STILL acts like I don't trust her and thinks I'm insecure. I'm not insecure in the sense that I believe she would cheat because I never thought that way or else I'd call off our wedding. But I WILL admit that I am insecure in the state of our relationship and where it's going after being ignored for so damn long. NOW I feel like wait, am I missing something?! And am in full oanick mode. I never seen her get so defensive over a phone since we've been together and I've used her phone countless times years before and it's been routing for me to use it before my shift to check rates.

Is this relationship cooked???? I'm trying my hardest to be understanding but I finally lost it yesterday. The whole " dont go through her phone and only use the app" through me for a loop so hard I had to get up and leave the room and sleep elsewhere. I was completely baffled and honestly surprised in her reaction because she's trying a receipt in her purse to me going through her things when it's technically my job anyways to check in finances make it make sense!!! . It's wild that I would give zero shits if the roles were reversed, because I'd do anything in my power and to try to clear up the situation, because her feelings matter so much to me. but now I'm beyond humiliated because I feel there's ZERO respect for my feelings this entire year. Now I feel like I'm neglecting my own.

So am I trippin?!