r/EstrangedAdultKids

Yeah, it's pretty much the title. (And for very obvious reasons, please do not attempt to find the videos and doxx me or my dad.) I stopped talking to my parents cold turkey over 2 years ago. I found this channel after looking up one of their other businesses one day and stumbled upon this new page where he makes videos doling out "wisdom" and life stories.

He has a few videos where he talks about "every parent wants to do better than their parents before them" and "every parent wants you to be the best version of yourself."

I don't think these videos are indirect messages to me. I think my parents are just that delusional that our estrangement is just me being young and dumb, and that they any legit advice and wisdom to give.

These videos used to embarrass me, piss me off, spark huge mental rabbit holes of trying to understand my parents' psychology and why they do they things they do. Now, I feel just...nothing towards them, and it's confusing why. The videos are so hypocritical and the estrangement sparked absolutely no reflection in them. But, thankfully, they feel like water rolling off my back lately.

Though, I still fantasize about one day dropping a comment like, "Hey, Dad's Name daughter here. All of my dad's children have been or are estranged from him. Please do not follow this delusional charlatan", along with dropping some other tea, but...I digress.

I was scrolling through this subreddit and found a thought-provoking thread called "In a hypothetical universe, what would you need to do to return to your family?" A lot of the answers were about pretending nothing is wrong, being lobotomised etc.

I'm curious about this question from the other side of the coin and what your stories are. What would your estranged family member need to do to earn a place back in your life?

For me, my list is quite lengthy. It would mainly be to take accountability and acknowledge how much pain they have caused me which they refuse to. Of course, this will never happen. But this exercise made me realise "Oh s***, I'm definitely better off without them in my life."

This Easter (orthodox, our Easter is a week later than the catholic one this year) will be my first major holiday NC, and the first major holiday I will not be spending with "family." Yet, in spite of my newfound freedom, I feel the exact same waves of anxiety that would suffocate me if the "status quo" still applied.

The weeks leading up to holidays have always been filled with my mother's drama. Ever since I can remember, she would act as if she had to prepare for the armageddon, not for a celebration with the family she claimed to cherish so much. She imparted endless chores, deadlines, expectations; every interaction was so stressful and punitive that I never got to enjoy a single second. Any time off work that I could have spent resting, or at least doing things in my own home, for my own adult life, was hijacked by her and her endless list of tasks and visits and spending. So. Much. Useless. Spending. She is the kind who loves lording over people with gifts, some of you might now the type.

On the actual day, she would be incredibly unpleasant, rude, and passive aggressive to everyone present, while everyone - including people she straight-up offended to their face (last year she nonchalantly told my cousin that she was fat and ugly in front of the entire family, including her teenage son) - would smile and pretend they weren't out-of-their-skin uncomfortable about the whole thing. This has been every single holiday of my life, and I'm really keeping it short here.

A few days ago, the thought of no longer having to be part of this charade for the first time in decades made me giddy. But, now that it's approaching, my body is going through the exact trauma that has always been set to unravel around this time. It's both fascinating from a "body keeps the score" kind of perspective, as well as unnerving and disappointing; I really wish I could enjoy my first ever peaceful holiday.

If anyone has gone through this and has any personal experience to share, I would very much appreciate not feeling so alone in this. Thank you.

Hello XXXXX,

happy Easter to you and the kids. I’m hopin’ you guys are all doing well. That being said, I received your letter a couple of days ago and sorta went into a little bit of a tailspin and couldn’t bear to open it. It seemed like it might be kind of severe and I just can’t take it. I don’t want to participate in that game anymore. Everyone has a particular temperament, as well as a good and a bad side. It’s very difficult for me to be portrayed as a monster who has only bad aspects and nothing to offer. I think more important is being positive, and working towards overcoming issues and moving forward. We are both adults and I pray that we can somehow get together and both be accountable as well as responsible for our mistakes and recognized for the good things that we both offer. If that letter is anything positive, let me know, I would love to read that. Otherwise just hold off on what I perceive as hateful mudslinging. It hurts too much. Believe me, you’ve won. This last third of my life has been very painful and full of loss. Regardless, I love you more than I can say and would appreciate any opportunity to give, and redeem myself in your eyes. Whether you like it or not, we are family and that is what is most important to me. Take it easy honey, I love you!

My wife (29F) and I (30F) are expecting our first child! We are beyond excited to become parents.

I do not plan for my child to have a relationship with my parents. I am on the fence about whether or not to announce to my parents when my child is born. Regardless, my child will eventually be old enough to understand what grandparents are. I will need to explain to my child why they do not have a relationship with my parents, but do have a relationship with my in-laws. In my adult conversations, I primarily refer to my parents by their first names because I find that to be less upsetting than parental titles like "mom and dad".

When discussing your parents with your own children, do you use terms like "your grandma"? Everyone else in our child's life has a title ("Uncle [Name]") rather than just being referred to by their first name. It churns my stomach to imagine using any kind of affectionate title to describe someone that I plan to protect my child from, but I also am struggling to think of language that a child could understand. Do you have any terms that have been helpful with your own kids?

Background/Context:

We have a close relationship with my wife's parents and live in the same city. We plan for our child to visit with them about once or twice per week and to refer to them as "papi and gran," per their preference. We plan to both use "mommy" and "mama" interchangeably while the child is young and graduate to "mom" once they're a bit older.

My parents live in a different state (flying distance) and we are functionally estranged. I last saw my parents in person about 5 years ago and have no plans to see them in person anytime in the future. I call them a few times per year, mostly around major holidays (10 minutes of surface-level conversation every 3ish months where they mostly talk at me about how great they are). I am comfortable with that level of contact and find that it creates less conflict than attempting complete no-contact.

My parents do not know that my wife is pregnant. I am on the fence about announcing our child's birth to them. Because we're a gay family, we plan to do second-parent adoption after birth to protect both of our parental rights. I may just announce "we adopted!" when the child is about 3 months old....which is technically true, but misleading.

My parents were both abusive during my childhood. I moved away to another state at age 18 and never returned. They know my current city, but not my current address.

TW discussion of the troubled teen industry (TTI) + child abuse + conversion therapy + discussion of suicidal thoughts

This is a heavy post of mine so proceed with caution. Your mental health is important! 🫂🩷

-

So I survived a troubled teen industry camp but honestly I saw and still see it more as a conversion camp. Why?

My “parents” sent me there specifically for being queer and not exactly cis. And the camp heads really did embrace that.

I was told again and again that being a lesbian was a sin and I was bad for just existing. I was hurt and kicked more times than I can count which to this day? I have a spinal cord injury that has me in a power chair.

I was specifically targeted for just….being me. I was told that my parents wouldn’t save me and that I’d end up straight when I returned home. They were determined to just… “fix” me. Whether it be through humiliation or intense physical punishment. (That again harmed my spine mainly. Ugh)

I was very vocal about how wrong they were treating me. But I ended up becoming quieter, patching myself up and prioritizing….survival. I needed to make it home. I had three years before I turned 18 and damnit I was determined to live!!! Even when sometimes I didn’t want to!

I wasnt the same when I returned home but…I was still gay! Like this did NOTHING to change my sexuality really. But my mind was not the same. I was prone to what I now know as flashbacks. I couldnt sleep in the dark due to a specific punishment they had. I couldnt eat oatmeal since that was a huge thing served at that awful place.

I have really severe PTSD from this entire time of my life and it’s a HUGE reason why I went no contact in the end. No parent should ever justify sending their kid away to be “fixed.” Nor should any child have to endure that.

….I was 15 when I was sent off. And at 26, I still carry those scars. They weigh on me so heavily. But I’m stronger than the hurt I endured. (And the camp I went to actually got shut down so this is a win truly!)

It just hurts on days like today. It’s Easter and most are seeing relatives and having fun. All I can remember is being told that I was being sent away that summer and that I needed to not get so comfortable being at home soon. It…hurts a lot.

... not a difference of opinion. not varied points of view. an extreme self-centeredness by my parents, coupled with them not caring enough to find resolution that works for everyone. they feel and act entitled to be the center of their adult childrens' reality, and they are so for two of them. me, however, i stopped submitting to this. and frankly, they aren't banging down my door as to why. periodically my mother will text me to do a favor for her, or vaguely that she needs help on something important. i don't respond. i've never gotten a how are you from anything, because they don't care and don't want to know. so there ya go

I'm hoping my ostracising experiences will resonate with some- basically both parents were narcissistic. Mother covert but highly toxic. Father, just textbook narc - you could give his character study to students as a beginners guide to NPD. Mother scapegoated me all her life, but it came on strong when I was about 10 yrs old, as I totally rejected her insistence - she was a crusading religious nut- that I become a devout catholic. Religion was just not for me - scruffy dudes with beards and robes and sandals performing random miracles? Sorry, but pull the other one. Diagram of the solar system, or an aircraft? Now you've got my attention. I was science and tech all the way from day one. So I was written off as a dead loss, with plenty of hatred thrown in as punishment. If she got to anyone first, then it was a given I'd get character assassinated by her before they even met me. My so-called dad was mainly only interested in himself. But he was happy to be her attack dog if anything threatened his comfy dinner in front of the TV on any given evening.

Anyway, the first time he got left in charge by himself of my brother and I, he basically beat the s*** out of me, because I misunderstood some command or another of his. As you might when you're 4 or 5 years old. So although I remember some of the assault ( being thrown bodily against the bathroom basin pedestal remains a choice memory) I don't recall how I ended up acting around him afterwards. But from that point our dynamic kind of changed, and I'd guess I became kind of wary around him from then on. My guess is, my (fairly understandable) jumpy reactions to his presence must've made him look bad ( and appearances are everything to narcs), so he chose to cover up what he'd done by blaming me. He'd tell folks that I was 'a bit strange', 'not quite right in the head' and that sort of thing. And it worked! He kept his social life and friends etc. And I became the weirdo, too stupid to be trusted with anything, and so on. He was pretty careful with his physical and verbal abuses, hiding the worst ones. And there were plenty of those over the years. Being trapped in the car with him was not a good place to be. He also gave his friends and family permission to slap me around if they saw fit. And plenty availed themselves of this privilege. Not to mention 'Uncle Arthur' who enjoyed himself as a 'babysitter' giving me a bath one night....ever see Keith Moon as Uncle Ernie in Tommy ? F me, but Moon must've had Arthur's phone number.

Fast forward 50-odd years, and there's me in long term therapy, trying to make sense of the past. Funny how kids who are blamed for the way adults treat them when they're young, kind of carry their 'guilt' into adulthood. It's all our fault, after all, for being so dreadful. Slowly you get it - maybe this garbage is actually on the adults in power at the time? All these years later, I'm still the freak who wouldn't get with the programme. Still largely ostracised. Still haven't discovered god, still haven't realised what absolutely splendid people my lovely parents and extended family are. Trouble is, I've actually done reasonably well in life, once I got away from them all. Got a good degree, had a reasonable career. Got a nice home, and am looking forward to a comfortable self-financed retirement. You know those letters that the abused get encouraged to write, so long as they don't actually send them? The ones where you say everything you wanted to say to the abuser, no holds barred? Well I wrote myself one of those to the S.O.B's, who are still busy stealing oxygen from planet Earth's diminishing supply. And I sent it. And guess who's busy crying and wailing about how terrible I am, after all the sacrifices they made for me, and the opportunities they gave me ?

I'm gonna get help to move out of my mom and planned to cut contact pretty young at 21. I don't want her to be in my life anymore. I'm not in a mood to explain but I can say I'm not emotionally safe around her. I know it's gonna hurt to not see my brothers but it's gonna be worth it.

Haven’t spoken to my mother in almost seven years. She doesn’t live remotely close to me either. It’s been pretty great not having her in my life. She was incredibly violent to myself and my sibling growing up. She was not a motherly figure at all.

When I was born my parents contributed a small amount of money to an education fund for my sibling and I. The money came from my father. My mother never really worked in life and all the money she made she spent. But my father and her had joined finances and she is the second signatory on the education fund.

When my mother and father divorced one of the conditions was that mother got to take the amount of money left in my name (roughly half). There was no reason for this other than anger towards me. When you remove finances from that account you lose all of the matched and compounded amount and only get the principle. It was small.

I am not in university which I have entirely paid for myself. My family is very poor. I live in a rough area in a mouse infested old house, penny pinch and barely afford to live. I am almost done my school.

All she has to do is sign off on this money. It doesn’t come out of her pocket. I asked her because I am in a bad place financially and my sibling also wants to go to school. My sibling is more broke than I am.

I am just so angry. She wants me to apologize to her because I haven’t spoken with her in 7 years. When I asked she wanted “long standing improvement” meaning she wants me to kiss her ass for it essentially. Which I will not due. She has severe mental health issues and believes that I’m trying to sabotage her and am an agent of my “evil” father. lol

A few days ago, I made this post, where I explained all of the reasons why I wanted to go no contact with my mother. After that, I started by sending fewer "good morning" messages, and in the middle of thinking about this decision and when or how to do it, I got sick.

For the first time in one year and three months after I moved from her house, I had to say no to a visit, explaining I was sick. She started, like always when I am, questioning my symptoms, illness, or how long I needed to rest for, even suggesting I was lying. If I didn't respond to her "Hello" morning message in less than an hour, she started calling me or messaging my husband.

But then, yesterday, she asked me, "I sense that you're weird lately. What's going on, do you need something?". My husband, who went no contact with his mother for 7 years and wants to resume it (so he understands and doesn't judge), suggested I could try to open up, and if she reacts badly, then that's my opportunity to never talk to her again.

So I told her I feel uncomfortable with her questioning my illness or my need of rest because of it, symptoms, and so on, and how she invalidates me and tells me dentists are trying to scam me because my teeth are so bad at 24 (since she barely took me to doctors or dentists as a child) that now I need to make a lot of repairs on them and are destroyed. Also, because I never received any treatment for allergies or my asthma, now I have some consequences as an adult.

Just clarifying: although I am an adult, until I moved from there, she always manipulated me into not going to doctors or that I had nothing. Until I moved with my boyfriend, now husband, I was able to freely make decisions without being coerced by her.

I also confronted her about how she let her now ex-husband abuse me, threaten, hit me, and so on for around 6 years (5-11), which she denied and said "she kicked him out of the house", only that she did it when her new child was in danger, not when I was. She accused me of saying bullshit and told me she wishes me that I would be a better mother than her, if she were such a bad mother, when she knows I don't want to have children.

I ended up blocking her, but I expected her to go all crazy and start sending SMS, calls, or even come here. I just deleted her from Facebook, and she didn't even try there. I read experiences here (and also from my husband) where people like her turn very invasive after you block them. Honestly, I prefer quiet; that's all I want, and I told her I wanted to live the rest of my life in peace, but I didn't expect her to respect it so easily.

Now I also have to block my grandmother, who beat, threatened, and did awful things to my now passed grandpather, and I haven't visited her in months because of that. And now, I'm basically familyless, as I don't have contact with my father's family (he's a harasser, didn't live in my country, so it's not like they were a family before), and I must admit it feels weird.

Is this common as well? Do you think she will just refuse to ever contact me again and respect my wishes, or will she start to harass me sooner or later?

Hello, this is my first time posting about this so please bear with me. I am a 24 year old female. I graduated last year and have been at home since, I have siblings but they are abroad or live in a different city so I have been alone with my parents. It’s important to note that my parents are extremely religious and have been enforcing religion and patriarchal norms on us since we were kids. Such as forcing me to cook at 14 because “I will need to cook for a husband one day” and such. Despite the way I was raised, I am not as religious as my parents. For example I don’t wear the hijab and never wanted to, wearing it was a mistake that I made at 11 years old that I didn’t realize would force me into a lifetime of it. I pretend to at home but always take it off when I am out or away. I lived abroad for a summer 2 years ago and I wasn’t wearing it then. I was living with my aunt who is a lot more liberal and I went to visit my other aunt who is also (my parents are the worst of all of their siblings) and one of my cousins took a picture and posted it without my knowledge. Despite being dressed so modestly, I wasn’t wearing the hijab and my mom found out and gave me hell about it. She couldn’t do anything about it since I was away and I told her it improves my relationship with my religion, of course she didn’t try to understand but left it at that and thought I was back to wearing it when I came back home. In my 13 years of wearing the hijab I have never been hijabi.

Growing up I had to fight my parents for so many things that came so easily for others such as wearing jeans in middle school, going out with friends in high school and what not. The only hobbies I had were playing the keyboard which my dad made me throw away when I was a kid and karate which he made me quit at 12 because I was “too old” to be in a mixed class.

My mom did not use to be as bad as my dad. She only wore the hijab when she got married at 30 which is a huge trigger for me as her parents never enforced anything on her but she did on me. For that I find her a hypocrite. Unfortunately during covid something traumatic happened to her which caused her to be extra religious as a coping mechanism. I was also the only one at home then so I did my best to help her through her depression. I myself have struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts for the past 4 years and I have tried to tell her that and how much I need therapy but she would just tell me I am not religious enough and need to pray more because what in my life is there for me to be depressed about.

That was all some information to give you some background. Since I have been back home I have been battling both the terrible job market and my depression. In effort to improve my mental health I have been going to the gym and meeting up with friends as much as possible. I have also taken on the hobby of baking which I really enjoy, most likely because it was not enforced on me like cooking was. I bake for my friends at every chance I get and I try to spend as much time outside as I can because when I am at home I am alone in my room.

Because of that, I have been getting nonsensical lectures from my dad about how “ I need to calm down and stay at home and pray and make duaa to get employed and focus on my life”. My dad loves the sound of his own voice and lecturing so its nothing I am not used to but this lecture he repeated three times. Most recently was when I told them I am starting martial arts, something I always wanted to do since I was forced out as a kid. Instead of encouraging me I was surprised to be told that. Mind you I am the one paying and driving myself. I was simply informing them. I still went and registered anyways because I am fighting for my life to improve my mental health and I am not going to allow them to dictate my actions.

Now to the reason I am posting:

Today I found out that my mom threw away something of mine while I was away and of course she did not apologize when confronted and instead threw money at my face to get another. To this I gave her the silent treatment. So she came to lecture me about it and part of this lecture was how I don’t help around much and I never cook to lessen her load and whenever she asks anything of me I either don’t do it or it takes me ages to. On the other hand, I spend hours baking for my friends and I recently cooked for my friend’s family because their mom was out of surgery. Now all of what she said is true, I genuinely hate cooking for my family and I find it demeaning. I do the bare minimum at home except some designated chores. I think that it’s because I hold contempt in my heart because my mom was never the person I wanted her to be. For so many years I tried to be close to her, to go out with her but her over religiousness always got in the way. I cannot hum a song without getting a lecture, I cannot play a cards game with them or watch a movie or mention and album or an artist they loved. Nor can I wear what I want or talk about my life comfortably or have public social media. I have always accepted my dad’s religiousness because he has been like that since I was born (not in the eighties though, he lived his life) but my mom’s felt like a betrayal. I genuinely have no relationship with my parents despite living in the same house as them.

I think I find it so much easier to make things for my friends because their love for me is unconditional. These people have been here for me through thick and thin. Meanwhile, my parents finding on thing about me could lead to physical abuse or emotional at the very least. I believe that their love is the most conditional ever. I still remember when my dad hit my sister because of one thing he found out.

So am I the asshole for doing the bare minimum at home but going all out for my friends?

Trigger warning for emotional abuse, animal neglect, family death, and elderly neglect.

I (19F) have been estranged from my family for about four months now.

My mother used to tell me how she never wanted a child but when she found out she was pregnant with me, "I was made for her." She used to joke about how I was her "slave" and constantly relied on me for emotional support since a young age. She repeatedly told me how I was the only person in her life that she could depend on. This was made clear to me with how often she vented about everything in her life. She would sob to me constantly and eventually, I tuned it all out, which she got upset at me for.

When I didn't finish chores or acted in a way that my mother didn't find acceptable, I would be screamed at. She cussed me out, yelled "fuck you" at me in the car, and sometimes I feared she would out act physically, though she never did. During some periods of time, she went days without talking to me, then blew up and screamed at me for several hours. She was very unstable. She told me how I made her mental health worse, constantly gaslighting me and manipulating me into feeling sympathetic for her struggles.

My grandmother was even worse, but she was easier to navigate because she didn't talk with me as much. A couple of years ago, she took in a stray cat who began to develop nose cancer. His nose was eroding and I was 15-16 years old, trying to get him to a hospital. My mother did nothing and my grandmother refused to take him in. After I was finally able to take the cat to the hospital, the veterinarian told us that it was almost certain he had nasal cancer and the most humane action would be to put him down (my grandmother showing up several hours later to this meeting). My grandmother said she would euthanize him after one weekend, which then turned into several months. After many fights with her, she finally put him down. I wasn't even able to be with him since I had to take an AP test when he was euthanized, which still upsets me to this day. My family currently has two cats, who my grandmother will kick around and yell at (about a few times every month). She also overfeeds them, refusing to take one of the cats with a bump on her back to the vet and refusing to take the other cat to the dentist, even though the tooth might need to be removed.

I have met with a lawyer, who told me there is nothing I can do. I then met with an animal advocacy veterinarian, who said that the only thing I can do is file a civil dispute of property ownership. On the day I moved out, I asked my grandmother for ownership of the cats, which she refused. I don't think I could win a case for the cats, but I wish I could. I miss them everyday. Those two cats were my safe space during all of this, and I feel as if I can't keep them safe. I feel like I abandoned them. Sometimes I contemplate returning to my family so I can look after them. I'm looking for any hope that I can see them again.

Similarly, my grandfather became sick with a severe form of cancer several years ago. While my mother and grandmother were on top of most of his medical care, my grandmother constantly berated and insulted him, which I tried to defend him from. My grandfather was the closest person to me, as he raised me and loved me unconditionally. He told me how he didn't want to be left alone with my grandmother, which I didn't know how to fix. When he was nearing the end of his life, my grandmother and mother didn't want to put him on hospice. So, at 17 years old I had to plead with them, call hospice services, and research all of these things online. My mother even told me "if you believe he needs to be in hospice, then you should call them," which she later told me she had done to "empower me." He suffered needlessly at the end of his life, with my mom remarking that "this was a learning experience." I was 17 and I knew he needed hospice, I find it so absurd to call his suffering a learning experience. He begged me to die.

When I moved out, I left most of his belongings in the house because I didn't want to take it away from my mother and grandmother. It feels like one of my biggest regrets. I want more of his things. I worried it would be selfish to take more, but god I wish I had. I wish I had more of him with me.

My cat's third death anniversary in May 4th, and my grandfather's second death anniversary is May 3rd, so maybe that's why I've been thinking about all of this so much. I wish I could be with my cats and have more of my grandfather's belongings, but I know that is unattainable. I am trying to cope with that.

Thank you for reading my thoughts :)) sorry it's so long!!

I’ve fairly recently gone completely “scorched earth” with both of my parents, after having tried to get them to respond emotionally to anything since October 2025. Nothing has of course happened other than them being “seriously worried about Sjittymom. She must be having mental issues, maybe we should get her medicated.” My own mother wrote this message “at me” (because she couldn’t even be bothered speaking directly to me, she copy-pasted a message she wrote someone else about me).

So far only one of my aunts has spoken to me about the estrangement. She wished me a happy birthday and said that she was saddened to hear about the “bad vibrations” in my parents’ and I’s relationship. I have myself reached out to my last living grandparent whom I have had LC with for a few years because of a rift between her and my father (which, you know, of course meant I had to have a conflict with her on his behalf, otherwise I would be viewed as disloyal and backstabbing).

Besides thanking both my aunt and my grandmother for their well-wishes, in both instances I decided to be honest and wrote them that I valued them and our relationship and that they meant a lot to me. I also wrote to both of them that I understand that they have their own relationship with my parents, which is likely a computer different experience than mine so I’m not asking them to pick a side and they can choose to “ignore our conflict” if they wish to. I also said that if they, however, do have questions I’m willing to answer them to the best of my abilities. Specifically for my grandmother I also apologised for my behaviour and I wrote her how ashamed I have been of my decisions. In general both my messages were, in my eyes, very heartfelt, vulnerable and emotional.

My aunt hasn’t replied and my grandmother wrote “you’re right, I don’t want to hear about it. I don’t like when anyone in our family fights.” and then proceeded to small-talk. She didn’t even write that she didn’t want to talk about it, no, she wanted to hear absolutely nothing about the subject.

I really don’t know what to do anymore, it’s like speaking to my parents all over again. Whenever I show anyone else the messages I wrote, they all see the same thing that I do; that there’s no ill-intent, that I’m being honest, vulnerable and that I’m trying to just remind my family that they’re important to me. And yet every time I get dismissed if not just ignored. These events has me really feeling sad and frustrated, because even “the good people” in my family won’t even show me the slightest bit of empathy or compassion. I feel like I am going mad, because everyone treats their relationship with me that way. That the minute I get vulnerable with them, they don’t want anything to do with me.

How would the rest of you approach it? I have other family members that I have spoken to in the mean time (two aunts and one younger cousin whom I would have considered myself close-ish to, but we don’t live in the same country), but I haven’t spoken to them about the “drama” because I don’t want to spook them or, honestly, be vulnerable again only to be reminded that apparently my whole family don’t really care about having a continuing relationship with me. Should I open up and be honest again if they ask about it, or just not speak to anyone again?

Any advice?