u/mateypeeps123

I'm hoping my ostracising experiences will resonate with some- basically both parents were narcissistic. Mother covert but highly toxic. Father, just textbook narc - you could give his character study to students as a beginners guide to NPD. Mother scapegoated me all her life, but it came on strong when I was about 10 yrs old, as I totally rejected her insistence - she was a crusading religious nut- that I become a devout catholic. Religion was just not for me - scruffy dudes with beards and robes and sandals performing random miracles? Sorry, but pull the other one. Diagram of the solar system, or an aircraft? Now you've got my attention. I was science and tech all the way from day one. So I was written off as a dead loss, with plenty of hatred thrown in as punishment. If she got to anyone first, then it was a given I'd get character assassinated by her before they even met me. My so-called dad was mainly only interested in himself. But he was happy to be her attack dog if anything threatened his comfy dinner in front of the TV on any given evening.

Anyway, the first time he got left in charge by himself of my brother and I, he basically beat the s*** out of me, because I misunderstood some command or another of his. As you might when you're 4 or 5 years old. So although I remember some of the assault ( being thrown bodily against the bathroom basin pedestal remains a choice memory) I don't recall how I ended up acting around him afterwards. But from that point our dynamic kind of changed, and I'd guess I became kind of wary around him from then on. My guess is, my (fairly understandable) jumpy reactions to his presence must've made him look bad ( and appearances are everything to narcs), so he chose to cover up what he'd done by blaming me. He'd tell folks that I was 'a bit strange', 'not quite right in the head' and that sort of thing. And it worked! He kept his social life and friends etc. And I became the weirdo, too stupid to be trusted with anything, and so on. He was pretty careful with his physical and verbal abuses, hiding the worst ones. And there were plenty of those over the years. Being trapped in the car with him was not a good place to be. He also gave his friends and family permission to slap me around if they saw fit. And plenty availed themselves of this privilege. Not to mention 'Uncle Arthur' who enjoyed himself as a 'babysitter' giving me a bath one night....ever see Keith Moon as Uncle Ernie in Tommy ? F me, but Moon must've had Arthur's phone number.

Fast forward 50-odd years, and there's me in long term therapy, trying to make sense of the past. Funny how kids who are blamed for the way adults treat them when they're young, kind of carry their 'guilt' into adulthood. It's all our fault, after all, for being so dreadful. Slowly you get it - maybe this garbage is actually on the adults in power at the time? All these years later, I'm still the freak who wouldn't get with the programme. Still largely ostracised. Still haven't discovered god, still haven't realised what absolutely splendid people my lovely parents and extended family are. Trouble is, I've actually done reasonably well in life, once I got away from them all. Got a good degree, had a reasonable career. Got a nice home, and am looking forward to a comfortable self-financed retirement. You know those letters that the abused get encouraged to write, so long as they don't actually send them? The ones where you say everything you wanted to say to the abuser, no holds barred? Well I wrote myself one of those to the S.O.B's, who are still busy stealing oxygen from planet Earth's diminishing supply. And I sent it. And guess who's busy crying and wailing about how terrible I am, after all the sacrifices they made for me, and the opportunities they gave me ?