How do you handle contact with the enabler parent?
My mom has bpd and npd and after 41 years of abuse I finally sent her an email last week with conditions that if she did x on a call I’d hang up. Her email reply is attached.
The issue is my enabler dad is 80 and has early Alzheimer’s and is sooo enmeshed and trauma bonded to her and he’s always thrown me to the wolves. As the family scapegoat it’s always been my job to sooth mom and try to calm her down and manage the peace for the entire system and I simply cannot do it anymore. My health is suffering my mental health is suffering. I just can’t.
But I really need help—I have no idea what I’m doing. I live 3k miles away from them and they’ve already lost my (local to them) brother to NC and they have no one else. And I mean no one. I was the caregiving plan.
I’m wondering what I do about my dad? He’s going to do whatever he can to get me to reconnect with her. He’s never protected me. And now with Alzheimer’s he’s even less equipped to do anything. I’m curious what you would do? I’m lost and scared and confused. It’s only been a month and I truly don’t know how to navigate this. Thank you all in advance.