u/sjittymom

I’ve fairly recently gone completely “scorched earth” with both of my parents, after having tried to get them to respond emotionally to anything since October 2025. Nothing has of course happened other than them being “seriously worried about Sjittymom. She must be having mental issues, maybe we should get her medicated.” My own mother wrote this message “at me” (because she couldn’t even be bothered speaking directly to me, she copy-pasted a message she wrote someone else about me).

So far only one of my aunts has spoken to me about the estrangement. She wished me a happy birthday and said that she was saddened to hear about the “bad vibrations” in my parents’ and I’s relationship. I have myself reached out to my last living grandparent whom I have had LC with for a few years because of a rift between her and my father (which, you know, of course meant I had to have a conflict with her on his behalf, otherwise I would be viewed as disloyal and backstabbing).

Besides thanking both my aunt and my grandmother for their well-wishes, in both instances I decided to be honest and wrote them that I valued them and our relationship and that they meant a lot to me. I also wrote to both of them that I understand that they have their own relationship with my parents, which is likely a computer different experience than mine so I’m not asking them to pick a side and they can choose to “ignore our conflict” if they wish to. I also said that if they, however, do have questions I’m willing to answer them to the best of my abilities. Specifically for my grandmother I also apologised for my behaviour and I wrote her how ashamed I have been of my decisions. In general both my messages were, in my eyes, very heartfelt, vulnerable and emotional.

My aunt hasn’t replied and my grandmother wrote “you’re right, I don’t want to hear about it. I don’t like when anyone in our family fights.” and then proceeded to small-talk. She didn’t even write that she didn’t want to talk about it, no, she wanted to hear absolutely nothing about the subject.

I really don’t know what to do anymore, it’s like speaking to my parents all over again. Whenever I show anyone else the messages I wrote, they all see the same thing that I do; that there’s no ill-intent, that I’m being honest, vulnerable and that I’m trying to just remind my family that they’re important to me. And yet every time I get dismissed if not just ignored. These events has me really feeling sad and frustrated, because even “the good people” in my family won’t even show me the slightest bit of empathy or compassion. I feel like I am going mad, because everyone treats their relationship with me that way. That the minute I get vulnerable with them, they don’t want anything to do with me.

How would the rest of you approach it? I have other family members that I have spoken to in the mean time (two aunts and one younger cousin whom I would have considered myself close-ish to, but we don’t live in the same country), but I haven’t spoken to them about the “drama” because I don’t want to spook them or, honestly, be vulnerable again only to be reminded that apparently my whole family don’t really care about having a continuing relationship with me. Should I open up and be honest again if they ask about it, or just not speak to anyone again?

Any advice?