Do you use "grandparent" titles with your own children?
My wife (29F) and I (30F) are expecting our first child! We are beyond excited to become parents.
I do not plan for my child to have a relationship with my parents. I am on the fence about whether or not to announce to my parents when my child is born. Regardless, my child will eventually be old enough to understand what grandparents are. I will need to explain to my child why they do not have a relationship with my parents, but do have a relationship with my in-laws. In my adult conversations, I primarily refer to my parents by their first names because I find that to be less upsetting than parental titles like "mom and dad".
When discussing your parents with your own children, do you use terms like "your grandma"? Everyone else in our child's life has a title ("Uncle [Name]") rather than just being referred to by their first name. It churns my stomach to imagine using any kind of affectionate title to describe someone that I plan to protect my child from, but I also am struggling to think of language that a child could understand. Do you have any terms that have been helpful with your own kids?
Background/Context:
We have a close relationship with my wife's parents and live in the same city. We plan for our child to visit with them about once or twice per week and to refer to them as "papi and gran," per their preference. We plan to both use "mommy" and "mama" interchangeably while the child is young and graduate to "mom" once they're a bit older.
My parents live in a different state (flying distance) and we are functionally estranged. I last saw my parents in person about 5 years ago and have no plans to see them in person anytime in the future. I call them a few times per year, mostly around major holidays (10 minutes of surface-level conversation every 3ish months where they mostly talk at me about how great they are). I am comfortable with that level of contact and find that it creates less conflict than attempting complete no-contact.
My parents do not know that my wife is pregnant. I am on the fence about announcing our child's birth to them. Because we're a gay family, we plan to do second-parent adoption after birth to protect both of our parental rights. I may just announce "we adopted!" when the child is about 3 months old....which is technically true, but misleading.
My parents were both abusive during my childhood. I moved away to another state at age 18 and never returned. They know my current city, but not my current address.