r/Breakupadvice

TL;DR: Dated a guy for 6 months who was emotionally intense but inconsistent, possibly hiding parts of his life, and often talked about marriage as a way to stay in the U.S. Now he’s engaged after only a few months. I’m worried he may not have good intentions but unsure if it’s my place to say anything.

About 2 years ago, I (29F) had a short but intense relationship (around 6 months) with a guy I’ll call “H.” When I met him in December 2022, he was 29 (he just turned 33 now). We broke up in May 2023.

He’s originally from Turkey and was in the U.S. on a work visa. He told me he had been a history teacher back home, but while I knew him, he was doing more irregular handyman-type work around the LI, NY and NJ.

The relationship was complicated. On one hand, we had great physical intimacy. I lived an hour north of NYC and he lived in LI, so to spend time together, we would often stay in Airbnbs for a weekend either near my home or his. At the time it felt romantic, like we were “playing house.” He was funny, very romantic, and was a big guy so I felt safe when we would walk around sketchy areas of the city together.

But there were also things that didn’t fully add up. He never let me come to his actual home. Later I realized he was living in a pretty unfinished/unstable situation and may have been hiding parts of his life. There were also inconsistencies, like him saying he didn’t smoke when we met (we met on a dating app), but that turned out not to be true.

Another thing that made me uncomfortable at the time was how often he expressed frustration with immigration and his visa situation. He would repeatedly say that the only guaranteed way to stay in the U.S. long-term was through marriage. I never agreed to it and would often ask him to not mention it because neither of us were financially ready for it. Plus I only met him a short time ago, so it felt very “90 Day Fiancé” to me.

Toward the end, his parents passed away within a short time of each other back in Turkey. He couldn’t go home due to his visa situation, and after that he changed a lot. He became more distant and emotionally inconsistent.

When things ended, it was abrupt. One of the last things he said to me was that he regretted “making me happy,” which really stuck with me.

Fast forward to now: I recently found out he got engaged on his birthday this year to a girl I’ll call “L”. From what I can tell, they’ve only known each other a few months. I don’t know her exact age, but she appears younger than me.

I’m currently in a healthy relationship with someone else and I don’t want my ex back. But I still feel unsettled about what was real and what wasn’t. Part of me is worried that his fiancée may not be aware of the things he said about marriage and immigration, and I’m afraid he could be using her for a green card.

At the same time, I’m very aware that I could be wrong, and I don’t want to insert myself into something inappropriately or cause unnecessary harm.

So I guess my question is:

Would it be wrong to reach out to her and share my experience, or is this something I need to let go of and move on from completely?

I genuinely don’t want to cause drama or hurt anyone, but I also don’t want to ignore something if it could matter.

Anyone else feel like there could be hope of getting back together with their ex? This is so hard especially when kids are involved. I cannot for the life of me stop thinking about what could of been and it’s eating me alive.

So recently i broke up w my gf, almost a year together. we were constantly arguing and it was nvr going anywhere, i dont regret the breakup, BUT 3 days after the breakup shes seen with another guy already, thing is when i was with her, she had nvr had any guy friends that i knew of. and since im in the same school as them, i see them tgt alot, and it hurts me so bad, i wanna know if u guys think whether she was cheating when i was w her or nah, bcs it seems so, and idk how to feel abt it. pls help me guys

I'm feeling extremely devastated right now. I feel like the love of my life could be gone and that absolutely breaks my heart more than anything. I was in a relationship with someone for two years. This is our 4th breakup. For more context, we were in a long distance relationship. We live five and a half hours away from each other. I'm 28 and she's 38. We've met many times in person throughout the years. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it and I'm gonna be real about this. I initially broke up with her the first two times, because it felt like there were things she was doing that felt manipulative and like she was gaslighting me. The other times it was her. And she came back after the 3rd breakup and said she missed me. There's a lot to our story and extra things that I won't add to make this too long. I'm going to try to make it as short as I can. And please, before anyone says, "just move on bro" or something. I have heard that, and I would appreciate other advice. I hope someone can hear me out

This time she says that she's breaking up with me because we both have disabilities. She has BPD, Chrons, other medical things. And I have autism. And because of that we can't accommodate each other compatibly. During our last visit we had an amazing time together. But the last 2 days she was in pain due to something related to her Chrons. And she said that driving for me led her to have pain and 2 surgeries. And that she needs someone who can make her life easier. Like I said I have autism so that's why I don't drive, but there has to be a way we could make this work. I literally don't want to be with anyone else and I do truly care for her.

She said we can remain friends and I told her I love her more than that and said I'm gonna work on my own independence so we can hopefully grow back stronger together. And she said to keep her updated on my journey. Idk if she means to update her as a friend or to see if we could try again when I have everything together. She's also been sending selfies of her smiling and Idk how to react to that as I'm heartbroken and she's smiling so I just send her neutral responses through text.

I keep missing her and this just feels unreal. We planned a life together and I cherish every moment with her. Even though I don't drive I know I took care of her in every other way and we shared such a passionate and beautiful bond with each other and I can't fathom a life without her and with another person. I don't want her and I just to be in the past. I want to move forward with her. Is there anything I can do to save this? I know I can work towards my goals but could I tell her something? Could I tell her what she means to me, how I'm not making empty promises anymore and how I see that at times I could see how she felt like she had to feel responsible at times and I never wanted that for her. And all I want is to keep her safe in this life and how I'm going to take actions to better myself so I can take care of her more. Because when there were times she said she felt the most safe and happy with me that meant everything to me. That's all I wanted for you and I truly love you more than you know. I do want to grow old with you and I don't want that with another person. I love every moment we shared laughing, loving and connecting with each other in a deep level. And I still want to learn and grow with her? What do you guys think? She has a lot of trauma, needs stability, but I worry that while I work on those things she might date someone else.

This is sort of a niche category of breakup, but it feels very lonely if anyone relates. I dated someone for about 8 months and we had a great relationship. We ended up having to part ways due to him going on an LDS mission. I am not LDS however I was very sad when the breakup ended. It’s been a year now and I still think about him sometimes and feel sad. It sucks more because I’m not sure if he still feels the same. Do guys think about their exes at all if you ended on good terms?

so me and my ex was together for 6 months and honestly he live bombed the fuck out of me fell pregnant twice second time I miscarried 😔 and throughout the relationship I was always the problem he never wanted me to talk to anyone about anything and anytime I did it was “why can’t you keep out business between us” then when things went badly he put hands on the earlier this month and he previously acted out like he was gunna SA me but he didn’t he was angry because I asked for affection and comfort from him and because I wasn’t understanding at that moment he did that…he also bit me and we wrestled…it’s been really traumatic…he never asked about me never asked how I was doing and when things got bad the day I was miscarrying we had an argument and he put his hands over my nose and mouth for a little then stopped and said he would slap me if I didn’t shut up…he also put his housemates girlfriends toothbrush up his ass and I tried to tell her that he’s nasty but she didn’t believe me and blocked me on everything the day we had the bad argument (day I was miscarrying) he kicked me out his flat an said I was lying about the miscarriage ( he got the pads…) because he didn’t want his housemate to hear me he also told me the day I miscarried I had a hostile womb and he didn’t see me as marriage material… it’s all so messed up but I keep remembering the times I was happy and knowing I’m blocked just kills me ….weirdly his best friend/housemate still follows me on Instagram

Am I crazy? Was I just in a really abusive relationship? Why do I miss him?

I(F) broke up with my ex bf a couple months ago. If anyone one would ask what happened, id tell people it ended mutually because I didn't want to talk about it. A week ago, me and my friends were out drinking, they were all sharing break up stories, I got a little emotional, and decided to tell them about my ex. First off he was a nice loving caring partner, we were together for about 2 years. But over time I just started to get annoyed at the little things. We would argue every now and then, and I told him I dont like to be in conflicts and that my parents always fought. He was overly affectionate which was ok in the beginning of the relationship, but then it started to get on my nerves. So I told him to stop doing it so much, and I could tell he was sad, but to me the honeymoon phase was over. I started to notice that he would drink alone at home after work when we didnt hang out. I could always tell because he didnt sound sober when we talked on the phone. For a couple of months we were ok, but we would still fight every so often. I was thinking about breaking and having mixed feelings, but he put so much effort into getting me the most amazing gift ever! He even planned it with all my friends. I felt bad about wanting to break up with him so I decided I would give him another chance. A week before his birthday, he randomly texted me at night asking why I couldnt say I love you anymore and demanding an answer. I told him he was drunk as a joke. He didnt think it was funny and asked if we could talk but I was too exhausted from work that I just told him to go to bed. The next couple of days, idk why but I felt off and the thoughts of breaking up with him came back up again. The night before his bday, we had his party, i was still feeling off but wanted him to enjoy it. At dinner, I arrived late, and saw he was sitting with his friends, when he asked me to sit next to him, I said its ok everybody is already seated so why switch it up? Then we all went bowling and I felt sick to my stomach. My bf kept trying to talk to me but at this point I was just annoyed and not feeling well. So we decided to end bowling early, and go home. My bf was supposed to stay with me but I felt too sick and asked if I could just sleep alone. I kissed him and wished him a happy birthday. The next day was his actual birthday, but I was still feeling unwell and asked to cancel our plans and If i could just come over and give him his gift and hangout for a couple hours. He agreed, and I gave him his gifts, afterwards he asked if we could talk, and I told him I didnt want to, and now wasnt the time. He kept persisting, and so I just told him I think we should break up. He asked why, and I told him that we were toxic together and that we fight too much, but that I still loved him. This was my first time ever breaking up with someone. I bawled my eyes out while he cried in my arms and we cuddled for awhile. When I finally had to go, he begged me to stay but I couldnt. The next couple of weeks when Id ran into him, he was such a different person, cold and distant. I know it sucks to break up with someone and that there is never a good time. My friends were all mixed opinions, but one called me a b word. Another friend then told me it makes sense why I started recently dating (exs friend) and said I was a bad person.

AITA?sorry for long post but i put in more details then what I told my friends, and I felt embarrassed after I told my friends but you have to trust your gut feelings

My ex bf and I are over since about a month. We have had no contact since, just the first days after I did a check up with him how he was processing it.

But… I recently discovered he has a rebound. A friend of mine sent me the picture of his new boyfriend and my heart was destroyed in seconds. He said that he is almost every night with his new boyfriend since the day after the break up. So he cheated, right? You don’t go sleeping immediately with someone after just a day. So probably he had dated him during OUR relationship.

Well the hard part is that he said to me, in the first days, that this was just a girl friends house he was sleeping at. He lied that, just like he lied to me dozens of times as I discovered after the break up. Friend of mine confirmed that it really is his new bf house…

I don’t know how to handle this. I feel like trash, he saw someone at his work and thought “oh he cute I just dump my current bf suddenly and in a few days” because literally 5 days before we enjoyed each others presence and he bought me tickets for a musical that day.

Don’t know what to ask you but maybe something like advice to get through this and to not feel like trash set aside…

Hi! I’m running a study on how relationship experiences (including breakups) relate to training behavior, motivation, and performance.

I’m especially interested in whether people actually change their exercise habits after a breakup, whether that’s training more, less, or not at all. You don’t need to have experienced a breakup to participate.

• Takes ~10–15 minutes
• Anonymous

I’d really appreciate your help!

I recently about a month ago broke up with my long term partner of 6 years. The relationship was great in many ways healthy and nice. However I had my doubts plus he lived in Australia we were in long distance for 4 years or so of the relationship. I got tired of long distance we both study so we can’t just move/leave everything behind. The expectation was that I moved. I broke up with him because of some things I felt were missing due to the nature of our relationship. I also noticed because these things were missing, I felt pulled to someone else who was near me. This was unacceptable to me and I broke up with him because I don’t want to be a cheater or dishonest. After the breakup I’m dating a new partner, he’s lovely and I’m ashamed to share this part. We were friends for a while so it makes sense.

However, it’s been a month now and I miss my ex deeply I miss our shared interests the most not many people around me have them with me. I miss our conversations. I find myself wanting to call him or text him quite often now. Given I’m also less busy now than during the breakup and I am sick, and feeling depressed/low. I just want some help, tips, advice maybe? It’s hard to get over a “good” relationship and for the sake of my partner and myself I want to move on emotionally. Please be gentle in the thread, thank you.

Hey I wanted some input on anyone who might have OCD, or is/was with someone who does. Is it possible that rumination can cause sudden, seemingly impulsive breakups?

An ex and I broke up a year ago after and extremely toxic relationship. I (40,f) ended it with him (52,m). He was extremely controlling , violent, jealous, manipulative, you name it. Since our breakup he has posted about our relationship, or me, or whomever I am dating on his social media everyday. Multiple times a day. I’ve told myself ignore it and it will go away. It’s been a year and he’s still at it. What can be done ? I really just want him to move on with his life. He’s been violent in the past and his obsessive behavior is causing my to have serious anxiety.

Tl;dr

How do I (22F) break up with my boyfriend (27M)?

Hi Reddit! I am new here, so please bear with me. I have been with my boyfriend (27M) for just around 7 months. To give some background, this is my first relationship, we met online, and when I met him, I genuinely thought that I had met my soulmate. After hanging out a few times, he pretty much moved in immediately. I recognize now that that shouldn’t have been what should have happened, but it felt natural and right at the time. I have not made him help with rent, nor does he pay the bills or really help clean/make food. For the first four months or so, everything was smooth sailing, we even got a dog together. I noticed he started to get protective about his phone, specifically being extra private about Snapchat, never opening it when I was around. So one night I went through his phone when he was asleep. Now yes, I recognize this isn’t healthy and wasn’t okay, but I needed to see for myself. My suspicion was right. There were three girls on his snap that he was receiving nudes from and saving them in the chat, as well as having conversations with at least one of them about wanting to sleep together. I confronted him and we had a long conversation about why, he claimed he wasn’t instigating or sending anything (I know he was, I’m not dumb) but I also had found out that for the entire relationship, he was FaceTiming them when I wasn’t around every once and a while. He cried in my arms and I genuinely thought it would be okay. I was wrong.

This cycle has happened three more times, I go on his phone because of a suspicion, find the girls and nudes, confront him, and then we fight and move on. One of the hardest parts is that I am a very anxious person. But every time I want to talk about it and how I’m feeling, it gets dismissed and usually turns into a yelling match. His argument most of the time is that I shouldn’t have gone through his phone, that it was an invasion of privacy. Now yes, i shouldn’t be doing that, and i recognize that, but i did and that’s the only way I would be able to find out if something was going on, because he intentionally turned off notifications and would clear the chat feed so they wouldn’t pop up. He knew what he was doing. I have pretty bad anxiety and recently it has been so bad that I have a hard time sleeping and eating. I go to work and it’s one of the only things I can think about. The time spent with him is great, I love him more than I ever knew I could, but the time away from him I’m anxious and I feel like a sense of dread, which ruins my day.

So Reddit, here I am. I have come to the conclusion that I think it’s time to break up, it’s going to be this constant cycle and I don’t want to be treated like this forever. If we took time away during the breakup and he really did the work to genuinely change, I would consider going back because I feel like this man is the one I want to spend my life with. But at the same time, I know I have blinders on. I need to break up with him, even just for my own mental health. It kills me to admit that, because all I want is him, but I don’t want to feel this pain for the rest of my life. I want to do it tomorrow after work. How do I break up with him? I don’t want to fight with him, but he will have to move out and I’m sure he will yell. What is the best way to address this?

I’m 25M, and my ex and I broke up about 8 months ago after being together for 3 years. The first couple of years were honestly amazing. I really thought she was the one. Even though it was long distance, we made real effort meeting often, staying connected, doing everything we could.

But in the last year, things started falling apart. We had differences, kept going on and off, and couldn’t find stability. The love was still there, but it just wasn’t working.

I suggested taking proper space like no contact to figure things out individually. But we never stuck to it. We’d end up talking again, patch things temporarily, and then break again. It became a cycle. Eventually, we ended it for good. After the breakup, she didn’t take it well. She got into heavy drinking and went through a depressive phase. I couldn’t be there in person because of work, and I still feel guilty about that. I really wanted her never to go into that bad habits.

Later, we met and got some closure. But then about a month later, I found out she was already seeing someone else. She literally kissed him on their first meet while being drunk.They started dating. That completely broke me. I couldn’t understand how it could happen so fast.

She used to tell me it would be impossible for her to even kiss someone else. Let alone having a thoughts of dating would be impossible. That those things mattered deeply to her. How can these words said from the heart are so HOLLOW. It didn’t even lasted for a month. Within 4–5 months, she was already physical with the guy.

That’s the part I can’t get out of my head. It makes me question everything was what we had even real?

What confuses me even more is that when I spoke to her 2 months ago, she said she hasn’t moved on. But her actions don’t match that at all. When I told her it seemed like she had moved on, she got upset and said I was taking her feelings for granted.

I just feel stuck with all these thoughts.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? How did you deal with it?

Hi, I’m 18M and I’ve been dating my girlfriend (19F) for about three years. We started dating in our sophomore year of high school, and we even ended up going to the same university. We also went through about 11 months of long distance, which we managed to get through.

Lately, though, I’ve been struggling a lot in the relationship. I feel like I’m constantly changing or suppressing parts of myself just to make her happy, and it’s starting to make me feel inauthentic. On top of that, since starting university and pursuing a double major, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and want to focus more on my future. I know that might sound like an excuse, but I genuinely feel like I don’t have the capacity to balance everything the way I used to.

Recently, she’s also been more negative toward me, making critical comments and often comparing me to how I was earlier in our relationship, back when I had more free time in high school. The problem is, I’ve grown and changed since then, and I can’t realistically go back to being that same person. She's also very controlling in a way where whenever I want to have some alone time shes like "why wouldn't you use that time for me?" And nowadays I just don't have any time for myself and I have to go behind her back and lie to her just to make some time which I'm super guilty about.

Our families are also very close, which makes everything feel even more complicated.

At this point, I feel like I might be staying in the relationship more to meet her expectations than because it’s right for me. I also find myself thinking that she might deserve someone better, which makes me feel guilty and conflicted.

I’m not really sure where to go from here or how to approach this situation. Any advice would be appreciated.

I’m 19 and recently reconnected with my ex after a pretty intense breakup a while ago.

In our first relationship, I’ll be honest — I had some controlling behaviours early on, and that contributed to the breakup. Since then, I’ve genuinely worked on myself and changed, and I’m confident I’m not that same person anymore.

We hadn’t been talking for a while, but recently we reconnected and things moved really fast. Within about a week:

we were talking every day like we were in a relationship

we saw each other multiple times

spent full days together (coffee, lunch, gym, etc.)

got physical again and ended up sleeping together

she even accidentally said “I love you” after sex

We also had deep conversations about doing things properly this time, even talking about possibly going to couples therapy and making it work.

We had a really open conversation about her fears as well — she said she’s scared of repeating the past and hurting me again, and I reassured her that I’ve changed and we could take things slower.

The next morning, everything still felt normal and good.

But then she went to a psychologist appointment, and afterwards everything changed. She told me:

she wants to break the cycle

she’s scared of relationships because her past ones have been bad

she doesn’t want to be in a relationship for a long time

she needs to explore and figure out what she wants

she doesn’t think it will work right now

We had a really emotional call where we were both crying, and she said she feels this is the best thing for both of us.

I sent a final message saying I respect her decision and I’ll give her space.

I’m really struggling because:

everything felt completely real and mutual

she clearly still has feelings

we literally talked about making it work

and then it just ended straight after that appointment

I genuinely feel like that appointment changed everything, and I don’t know how to process that.

I just need honest advice because I don’t know what happens now.

Do I:

Give her space and move on

Hope she comes back later

Accept that it’s over for good

My (F26) boyfriend (M27) of over 5 years cheated on me with sex workers. I found out 2 months ago, where he put me on a “friendship trial” to try to gain attraction to me again over the course of 3 months. We have one month left. Somehow he’d convinced me that it was my fault that it happened so I agreed to the trial to right whatever wrongs and make myself more likable for him again. I was convinced for about a week and then the truth started to hit and it started to really sink in: I have to get out of here.

I got a full STD panel and came back clean, so no worries there, but I will never trust him enough to touch him again and I’m starting to become scared of him.

I have no family support. my mom tries but our relationship is strained (and she’s on disability benefits so living with her is not an option) because up until 2 months ago his family was my family. I’ve lived with his entire family as one of them for 4 years now.

His mom even agreed to lie to me about one of his “massages” recently and I saw in their texts that she was concerned he’d get “diseases”. This means that a woman I’ve loved and respected for over 5 years was willing to lie to me about something as serious as my health to protect her lying son. It also means he told his MOM about his happy ending massages?????

All of this because he says he wasn’t attracted to me anymore. From September to now, I’ve forgiven so much more than I should.

I caught him on cam girl sites on my birthday in October. I caught him watching adult videos after I’d tried to initiate and was turned down and looking up Craigslist ads for hookups in November and I caught him going to bikini baristas even though he DOESNT EVEN LIKE COFFEE in January.

I used to consider him the safest man I’ve ever known. I guess I should have considered the men I’d known up until I knew him. I don’t know a single man from my childhood that wasn’t a convicted criminal. To me the mark of a good man was simple: has a job, doesn’t hit you, sober. He checked all of those boxes.

Recently, since the weird trial began, he’s started hitting things, telling me he hated me and saying things that are extremely unkind to me.

Last August he punched a hole in my bedroom door when I told him I didn’t know a login to some streaming service. I wrote it off as a one time thing but in the past week now it’s happened again twice.

The first time I was on the couch next to him and he answered a question I’d asked him by yelling at me and slamming both of his fists into the coffee table in front of us.

The second time he was working on a creative project for me and he thought he’d messed part of it up. As I was reassuring him and brainstorming solutions standing to his left, he wound up his fist and punched the closet door directly to his left. He was sitting in a rolling gaming chair and the momentum rocked the chair and his shoulder back into me. In the moment it felt like I was about to be hit because I had “caused” the problem since the project he was working on was something he was doing for me. I didn’t ask him to, but I still found myself apologizing profusely before the tears came.

It’s like some filter has come undone and the way he’s speaking to me is becoming worse and worse. If it’s a good day, I get absolutely nothing from him. Part of me regrets ever catching him with the sex workers because he wasn’t this cold to me before. He wasn’t warm, but more neutral. Now there’s constantly this horrible chill between us. I don’t initiate conversations so we do not talk. I don’t text him first so we don’t text. I no longer reach for his hand so we don’t hold hands. We are barely roommates.

This is where I think I may suck.

When the trial began, he spent about 3 hours telling me all of the reasons he found me unattractive now. He spent hours convincing me that it was my fault he had to get a sex worker because he just hated me so much. It made me feel so bad for myself that for the first time in 5 years, I decided to fluff my own ego the same way he had been doing for years. He had broken up with me and then unbroken up with me and put me into a “friendship trial” until around June and the audacity and disrespect is absolutely insane…. But in the moment I had no choice but to agree because without him I don’t have a place to live.

I had Tinder for 48 hours and then deleted it in shame… just not before I met Grayson. I gave him my number a few hours after we first matched and he texted me a few days later. I was immediately transparent about everything with him. He listened and confided in me about his own personal life- he’s divorced with full custody of his almost 2 year old daughter.

A few days ago when my soon to be ex punched our closet door right next to me I left to cry in my car and called a few friends but nobody answered but Grayson. He had me laughing in minutes. The further I drove from home and the longer I spoke to him the more my body relaxed. I spent the night at my moms.

When I had tinder I mostly just liked whoever had a little tab that said that they liked me. I hardly considered the person behind the account, I just wanted someone to tell me I was pretty after being hurt so badly. Hence why I deleted the account after 48 hours. I know it’s not fair or healthy to behave like that and it doesn’t align with my values so I stopped.

When I met up with Grayson I expected to meet my new friend who I wasn’t attracted to at all.

I was completely wrong. When I saw him step out of his truck, I had to take a minute to compose myself and adjust to this new reality. Somehow I had emotionally connected with and agreed to spend the afternoon with one of the most handsome men I’ve ever met. Everything about him is attractive.

He later told me that seeing me made him instantly nervous and giddy, but I couldn’t tell. The shift was palpable between us. We simply couldn’t stop just staring at each other. He has the bluest, most expressive eyes I’ve ever seen.

He sat across from me at the table and we laughed together… when he slid his drink he’d been sipping on across the able and I drank from it he said

“Uh Oh, gorgeous, I think I like you”

I don’t know how I kept my cool, but I took another drink and giggled

“you think?”

And he immediately shook his head and said

“you’ve got me wrapped around your finger already”

Like AGHHHH WHY IN THE YA NOVEL KINDOF SHIT IS THAT???

And then, to make matters worse My fortune cookie read “a passionate new romance will soon come into your life” and it shocked the hell out of me. He obviously got curious about my reaction…when he read it, he grinned and said

“We can’t go questioning the fates now, can we?”

After we’d walked through the entirety of the mall he walked me to my car where we stood and spoke for longer than we should have. It was raining and cold but neither of us wanted to leave. Aside from the obvious physical tension I’m writing about, the conversation flowed just as smoothly.

I wasn’t looking forward to going home. The trial started to sneak back into my head, making me feel small. I became reminded of the horrible things he’s been saying to me. How he said he wasn’t attracted to me at all anymore, how he hated me…

When Grayson said

“I feel like I want to kiss you”

I hardly let him finish the sentence before I kissed him. For the last 5 years, I haven’t had more than a peck. My soon to be ex wasn’t a big fan of kissing. This was not a peck. Not mincing words, this was the best kiss of my life. His lips were just like the eye contact… we just simply couldn’t pull away. We kept parting ways and then just turning back around and sinking back into each other

I left immediately after. My heart sunk the closer I got home. I acted perfectly pleasant and kept my head down and avoided my soon to be ex entirely. I slept in my daybed in my own room and haven’t returned since.

The next day I met Grayson again. This time, I knew it was a date and I went headfirst into it if only just to spend one last hour with his eyes on me like that again. We both partake in the devils lettuce, myself quite heavily as it’s a CPTSD medication for me. He had a babysitter for the night because he had an early morning, so I went to his house to try some of his favorite herbs and watch a movie together. Both stating we are NOT going any further intimately but wanted to spend some quality one on one time together.

His home was clean. No signs of a secret wife that wasn’t actually out of the picture or any red flags. He made me a hadcrafted blended tea that was incredible. He had paid attention to our conversations and guessed the kind of tea I would like to a T. He collects beautiful antique furniture and let me nerd out about the history behind them.

We didn’t have sex but part of me wishes we did because we both wanted to. I knew that before we were drinking and smoking herb that we’d promised we wouldn’t, so when the opportunity presented itself, I said as much and declined. He wasn’t mad at all and didn’t push me to change my mind, he just nodded and gave me a kiss on the cheek and continued our night for another 5 hours.

How sexy is that?

I know that this is just me coping. That this passion and excitement will die out and that someone I meet in these circumstances is unlikely to be “my person” or whatever it is I should be looking for but it just feels so good to be liked by someone who I think is WAY out of my league.

I have 3 meetings with potential roommates this week and I’ve already removed about 1/3rd of my belongings into a secret storage unit over the last two months, nothing that anyone would notice being gone.

I’m holding a lot of shame and guilt about all of this.

So am I the worst person for stepping into this thing with Grayson? Is there something I’m missing?

Two weeks after ripping my world apart, he came back asking for another chance. Showed so much promise and said that he would not be the one to leave me this time.

What he didn’t know was during the first week of the breakup I contacted some mutual friends and the girl he cheated on me with during the beginning of our relationship. I hardly remember what I said or what was going on during that week.

The ex girlfriend reached out to him and shared what I wrote to her. Essentially I said we broke up, be careful, he’s a liar, everyone knows he did her dirty, and we both deserve better.

He was so angry when he found out exactly what I had said. I kept telling him how I was having a hard time forgiving myself for what I said but he never wanted to know what, until she shared it with him.

Before he ended it for good we saw each other two weeks earlier and he used me physically to help with him emotionally.

I’m a wreck. He framed the end all on me and the fact that I spoke to his people (who had become our mutual friends), and said horrible things about him. Little did he remember the day he ended things for the 4th time, he did it over a 7 minute conversation after talking about how we were going to get married earlier in the week.

I know I was wrong for what I said. I know I was wrong for contacting his friends but I forgave him for so much, including infidelity. He refused to understand that my reaction didn’t come out of a vacuum. How when he bought a g*n with the engagement ring money I might have been pushed over the edge. Yet in the end it was all my fault.

I’m broken. There was so much hope and now the floor was moved out over again.

i have no idea if this the right place but this is relationship advice and i guess this is a relationship? for some backstory i (21m) had met my now ex boyfriend (23m) through an rp online (its cringey, i know) in november 2023. before we dated, i had just gotten out of a relationship with a girl who completely ghosted me by blocking me on every social she knew i had. my ex boyfriend knew of this and we didnt start dating until a year after we met.

everything was fine until maybe november 2025 where he also started to ghost me, which i was extremely upset about seeing as he KNEW how much i didnt like being ghosted and it took me until early january of this year for me to break things off with him because of how hurt i was, especially since he was there when my ex girlfriend ghosted me and saw how badly it affected me mentally. come to find out through a friend of mine that he already has a new partner and is even planning to move in with them through TIKTOK of all places. this has made me extremely upset because while we were together, he wouldn't even entertain the idea of us moving in together, only for him to turn around and decide to move in with someone he only just recently started dating. my friend did some digging and apparently my ex and his new boyfriend had been planning on moving in together for months which just made me even more upset because WHY was he moving in with someone while we were dating??? and again he wouldnt even entertain the idea of moving in with me throughout the almost 2 years we were dating. but ultimately that led to me meeting someone who had said that my ex was trying to get with their friend in august of 2025, and they ended up setting me up with the friend in question.

after talking to their friend for a while, i got the confirmation that my ex had indeed cheated on me. while nothing physically had happened, he was still in a poly relationship with two other people WHILE we were dating in march of 2025. i had already gotten the idea that he cheated on me but something about getting confirmation that he actually did cheat on me just broke me. ive thought about dmming him on an alt account to tell him how horrible of a person he is or telling his new boyfriend that my ex is a cheating bastard who doesnt deserve to be in a relationship but ultimately i know that none of that would make me feel better. i wanted to be friends with the people my ex cheated on me with but i just couldn't deal with the fact they dated my ex boyfriend while i was dating him. i dont blame them for anything that happened as my ex lied to them about my existence and only told them he was dating someone until after the three broke up.

i am in therapy but i havent really talked to my therapist about it in full detail and i dont have my next therapy for a while due to issues with my insurance, so i dont really have anyone to talk to this about besides strangers on the internet. i just dont know what to do or how to move on. i WANT to move on but he's ruined so many things i like because all i can do is think about how he cheated on me every time i see something he liked. its gone as far as that he ruined a POKEMON for me. im sorry if this is rambly but i dont like bringing this issues to my friends as i hate feeling like a burden. i just really want advice on how its possible for me to move on. i know im young and i have plenty of life ahead of me but i dont know how to get better NOW. ive done everything i could do to distract myself from it but i just dont know how to permanently move on. any advice would be very nice, i just want to get over him and get rid of this image of him hanging over my head.

I want a fresh start where I leave everything about my old life behind. I prefer places by the water, somewhere with a mild winter, somewhat of an active nightlife, and one where I can start a new career, which will probably be in logistics.

I'm just looking for random city ideas. I feel like I'm so overwhelmed researching cities and I know all of them don't appear in Google searches.

Any suggestions will be helpful. I want to move asap.

Thank you!