How do I get back with her? I really miss her
I'm feeling extremely devastated right now. I feel like the love of my life could be gone and that absolutely breaks my heart more than anything. I was in a relationship with someone for two years. This is our 4th breakup. For more context, we were in a long distance relationship. We live five and a half hours away from each other. I'm 28 and she's 38. We've met many times in person throughout the years. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it and I'm gonna be real about this. I initially broke up with her the first two times, because it felt like there were things she was doing that felt manipulative and like she was gaslighting me. The other times it was her. And she came back after the 3rd breakup and said she missed me. There's a lot to our story and extra things that I won't add to make this too long. I'm going to try to make it as short as I can. And please, before anyone says, "just move on bro" or something. I have heard that, and I would appreciate other advice. I hope someone can hear me out
This time she says that she's breaking up with me because we both have disabilities. She has BPD, Chrons, other medical things. And I have autism. And because of that we can't accommodate each other compatibly. During our last visit we had an amazing time together. But the last 2 days she was in pain due to something related to her Chrons. And she said that driving for me led her to have pain and 2 surgeries. And that she needs someone who can make her life easier. Like I said I have autism so that's why I don't drive, but there has to be a way we could make this work. I literally don't want to be with anyone else and I do truly care for her.
She said we can remain friends and I told her I love her more than that and said I'm gonna work on my own independence so we can hopefully grow back stronger together. And she said to keep her updated on my journey. Idk if she means to update her as a friend or to see if we could try again when I have everything together. She's also been sending selfies of her smiling and Idk how to react to that as I'm heartbroken and she's smiling so I just send her neutral responses through text.
I keep missing her and this just feels unreal. We planned a life together and I cherish every moment with her. Even though I don't drive I know I took care of her in every other way and we shared such a passionate and beautiful bond with each other and I can't fathom a life without her and with another person. I don't want her and I just to be in the past. I want to move forward with her. Is there anything I can do to save this? I know I can work towards my goals but could I tell her something? Could I tell her what she means to me, how I'm not making empty promises anymore and how I see that at times I could see how she felt like she had to feel responsible at times and I never wanted that for her. And all I want is to keep her safe in this life and how I'm going to take actions to better myself so I can take care of her more. Because when there were times she said she felt the most safe and happy with me that meant everything to me. That's all I wanted for you and I truly love you more than you know. I do want to grow old with you and I don't want that with another person. I love every moment we shared laughing, loving and connecting with each other in a deep level. And I still want to learn and grow with her? What do you guys think? She has a lot of trauma, needs stability, but I worry that while I work on those things she might date someone else.