How do I (22F) break up with my boyfriend (27M)?
Hi Reddit! I am new here, so please bear with me. I have been with my boyfriend (27M) for just around 7 months. To give some background, this is my first relationship, we met online, and when I met him, I genuinely thought that I had met my soulmate. After hanging out a few times, he pretty much moved in immediately. I recognize now that that shouldn’t have been what should have happened, but it felt natural and right at the time. I have not made him help with rent, nor does he pay the bills or really help clean/make food. For the first four months or so, everything was smooth sailing, we even got a dog together. I noticed he started to get protective about his phone, specifically being extra private about Snapchat, never opening it when I was around. So one night I went through his phone when he was asleep. Now yes, I recognize this isn’t healthy and wasn’t okay, but I needed to see for myself. My suspicion was right. There were three girls on his snap that he was receiving nudes from and saving them in the chat, as well as having conversations with at least one of them about wanting to sleep together. I confronted him and we had a long conversation about why, he claimed he wasn’t instigating or sending anything (I know he was, I’m not dumb) but I also had found out that for the entire relationship, he was FaceTiming them when I wasn’t around every once and a while. He cried in my arms and I genuinely thought it would be okay. I was wrong.
This cycle has happened three more times, I go on his phone because of a suspicion, find the girls and nudes, confront him, and then we fight and move on. One of the hardest parts is that I am a very anxious person. But every time I want to talk about it and how I’m feeling, it gets dismissed and usually turns into a yelling match. His argument most of the time is that I shouldn’t have gone through his phone, that it was an invasion of privacy. Now yes, i shouldn’t be doing that, and i recognize that, but i did and that’s the only way I would be able to find out if something was going on, because he intentionally turned off notifications and would clear the chat feed so they wouldn’t pop up. He knew what he was doing. I have pretty bad anxiety and recently it has been so bad that I have a hard time sleeping and eating. I go to work and it’s one of the only things I can think about. The time spent with him is great, I love him more than I ever knew I could, but the time away from him I’m anxious and I feel like a sense of dread, which ruins my day.
So Reddit, here I am. I have come to the conclusion that I think it’s time to break up, it’s going to be this constant cycle and I don’t want to be treated like this forever. If we took time away during the breakup and he really did the work to genuinely change, I would consider going back because I feel like this man is the one I want to spend my life with. But at the same time, I know I have blinders on. I need to break up with him, even just for my own mental health. It kills me to admit that, because all I want is him, but I don’t want to feel this pain for the rest of my life. I want to do it tomorrow after work. How do I break up with him? I don’t want to fight with him, but he will have to move out and I’m sure he will yell. What is the best way to address this?