r/AnorexiaRecovery

I just feel like when i did php back in december i got treated so differently than everyone else who were underweight. Like on my first day when i walked into the therapists office and he looked at me and said “it seems like you’re actually doing pretty well sooo… why are you here?” I also only saw the doctor on my first day and on my last day when everyone else saw her 1-2 times a week. The dietitians didn’t talk to me unless they needed me to fix something on my menu when they were having what seemed like full on therapy sessions with everyone else. There was also 2 weeks where we didn’t even do my team. I also had a much lower meal plan than the people around me even though i got the same extreme hunger as everyone else, but when i give into it its considered over eating/ binging but when other people who are/ were underweight eat that much it’s a good thing and its just following their meal plan. Other than not being underweight idk what about my specific situation is so different and why nobody gives a shit about me but there’s gotta be something.

i was hospitalised last summer and after i got discharged i’ve relapsed cuz of stress and stuff but ive appear always wanted to recover and fully get rid of this stupid illness

one thing i realised recently is that i’m not “scared” of weight gain but i’m scared of losing myself? if i recover??

it’s like anorexia is me and i am anorexia? it’s like if i get better who am i?? what will ppl see me as? will they still treat me as this anorexic skinny person who is rigid and angry all the time

does anyone feel like this too 😭

I have had a couple people in my life ask how they can help and support me, and I feel like I do not know the answer at all. What are some ways people have been supportive that have actually helped? I feel horrible not having an answer for them.

I got home from watching a movie, after a rough week of slipping back into relapse, and had somewhat of a breakthrough while looking at old discord messages. Ones from late last year, that I never replied to because I was so deep in my disorder. It's been so long since those messages were sent, except it hasn't felt like that with how all the days have been blending together from how focused I've been on this one, meaningless goal. I've neglected friendships. Hobbies. Fandoms. I have to apologize to an online friend for the third time for ghosting her because of how distant I've become. Fixing what I've broken is going to be hard, and it's going to take a long time.

But I'm never going to be able to even start if I don't first fix this. So I ate a chocolate egg, and then another, and then a muffin. And I texted my friend that I need to talk to them tomorrow, like I've been meaning to for weeks, but have constantly chickened out of. Except now I can't chicken out. Even though every part of me wants to. Almost every atom in my body in screaming to delete those messages, to retreat, to go back to where I was. But I'm going to fight. Kicking and screaming. Because if anorexia is going to act like a fuck ass toddler than I'm going to beat it at it's own game. I am going to fight it, and I'm not going to let it take anything else from me, because I am alive. And being alive, and living, and experiencing life, is so much more important then some stupid fucking number and stupid fucking fear and goddamn stupid fucking societal pressures.

This is probably really rambly, so I apologize, but I needed to get it out. And if anyone else needs a sign- well, I can't force you to take this as one, but I can say this.

You are alive. There are books to read, and movies to watch, and mountains to climb, and so, so much more. And you can still technically do those while being disordered, but it will never be as fufilling as it will be in a healthy, happy, nourished body.

I’ve been forced to eat about 6000-7000 cal if not more today by my parents cause they didn’t think I was trying hard enough just because I had one little stumble at breakfast. I literally was made to down two ensures in front of them. I’ve ate so much I made myself sick and they didn’t even care and tried to blame it on me because i walked for a little bit

This post is more of a rant but I’ve been off work for about 6 weeks due to an injury. I figured that the time away from work would be a great opportunity to take my health seriously and go all in with recovery. I dropped some weight at first but steadily restored about >!6 lbs!< since the beginning of my leave. My job is very physically demanding and the work environment is extremely toxic. Passing comments about weight are very common and a lot of my coworkers also struggle with eating disorders. The closer I get to my return date, the more terrified I am to come back looking more filled out. I’m terrified the nasty comments or comparing myself to other coworkers and have hit a major backslide. Lost the weight and am back where I started before leave.

I know I need to take care of myself and my health always comes first, but I can’t shake this fear of the nasty comments. It felt nice to put myself first for a bit 🤷‍♀️

so I recently dislocated my knee and am finding it really painful to walk so am just stuck on bed rest for now. I'm really struggling to manage it with recovery as I'm used to doing lots of excersize and walking but since I can't I feel really bad about it and am feeling even more scared of eating as I'm scared of my weight going up alot due to the lack of excersize. Does anyone have any tips on how to manage this?

I had a psychiatrist's appointment a few days ago and was prescribed medications that can influence appetite and weight gain. I'm very frightened. I know I have to recover fully and that increasing my appetite could be awesome, but I still feel so much distress. Has anyone else gone through this?

how to not feel absolutely worthless after increasing my calories!!!

it’s hard because some days it just works out, and i have certain things that add up to my new amount. but the days i need to eat extra by choice at the end to get to this certain number, i feel like a failure. i feel like i chose to be unhealthy and eat too much because i COULD have had a tiny low cal meal and still be satisfied, but i chose the higher calorie option in order to meet my minimum goal. ive been out of my routine lately and i just feel absolutely disgusting, and it’s even harder because I struggle with ocd.

i just wish i could feel proud of myself in these moments instead of disappointed

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Got a scary challenging day tomorrow and I’m so nervous! I’m going out for brunch with my mum (who has been on my case about recovery very hard) and then I’m going out dinner and drinking in the evening with friends.

Every part of me wanted to restrict today in preparation, but I didn’t!!!! But now I’m freaking out more as a result. I know realistically one day of more food won’t make a huge difference physically, but will mentally. I just don’t know how to deal with the anxiety

Hi everyone,

I need advice, and where better place to go at rock bottom. for background, I have been dealing with ed's my whole life. As a kid I was severely restricted by a 'organic' mom which led to me stealing food form kids bags (sorry, i was in elementary school) and eating from rubbish bins. As I grew up, and could buy food, I developed binge eating, anxiety and depression. Then, when I was 17, in my first year of college, I developed severe anorexia. After 4 years of fighting and pain, I recovered my period, but I dont think my relationship with food will ever be the same, and its killing me.

See, I really took and ran with the "no bad foods" thing, but in the way where it was only allowed in my 'budget.'

Now at 21, what this has led to is pretty much no real diet, as in half boiled chicken breasts and protein shakes, combined with insane junk to maintain a healthy weight. It has gotten to the point where I actually cannot eat a normal meal, as it will send me into a binge cycle. my life is just snacks, coffee and bird food at this point, and i never have energy. the reality is, i never did get to experience a normal relationship with food, and i dont even know where to start. please if anyone has experienced this, what do i do?

Hey everyone,

I’ve been in inpatient treatment for my eating disorder since the end of February. To be honest, I’ve kind of only ever wanted partial recovery. Fully committing to recovery — or even really starting — didn’t feel possible for me in outpatient treatment.

Right now, I also feel like I’m not trying my best, and a part of me doesn’t really want to recover. I’ve gained a little bit of weight, but some weeks it’s been very little or nothing. I’m still engaging in disordered behaviors, like secretly over-exercising or eating very slowly.

The treatment team says I’ve made small steps, but to me those steps don’t feel real. I even lie about my weight sometimes by drinking a lot of water beforehand so it looks “right.” I feel really guilty about my behavior and about not having the motivation to get better. Some days and situations, my ED feels extremely strong.

I’ve tried setting myself small challenges and boundaries, like limiting my steps or eating faster so I can finish meals on time, but it doesn’t feel like enough. My ED is even planning relapse for when I leave.

I’m supposed to be discharged at the end of April after 8 weeks, but there’s an option to stay for 10 or 12 weeks. I don’t know what to do. The treatment team will probably encourage me to stay longer, but I’m not sure if a few more weeks will really make a difference.

I also find it really hard not to compare myself to other patients. Mealtimes are especially stressful — having nurses and therapists watch me makes it even harder.

I feel stuck. I don’t want to spend 8 weeks here just to leave in the same place, but letting go of my ED feels really scary.

I've had a restrictive eating disorder for 15 years. I'm 29. I'm trying to recover, but today I ate about >!500!<g of vegetables and it's not even lunchtime yet.

Is this a binge? I'm terrified because I know disorders can change, and this fear is holding me back. I feel bloated and have negative feelings.

If it helps, I weigh >!41kg!< and I’m >!166cm!< tall.

what to eat (as safe foods) while experiencing diarrhea for couple of days?

What to definitely avoid?

thank youuu xx