r/fuckeatingdisorders

For a while it’s been hard for me to like the way i look, and it’s something I’ve struggled with for years, even after i “recovered”. But I’ve noticed that i still struggle with self image and eating, so because of that I’m trying to like how i am currently. Even though it’s hard to accept who i am or how i look i don’t want to ever go back to how i was, and i think that’s good motivation to start. Recovery is different for everyone and no matter how long it takes i hope that one day ill be able like the way I am.

I hope anyone else who is struggling with accepting themselves are able to see past the fear and negativity and learn to love themselves and appreciate the people who made it possible :)

I got home from watching a movie, after a rough week of slipping back into relapse, and had somewhat of a breakthrough while looking at old discord messages. Ones from late last year, that I never replied to because I was so deep in my disorder. It's been so long since those messages were sent, except it hasn't felt like that with how all the days have been blending together from how focused I've been on this one, meaningless goal. I've neglected friendships. Hobbies. Fandoms. I have to apologize to an online friend for the third time for ghosting her because of how distant I've become. Fixing what I've broken is going to be hard, and it's going to take a long time.

But I'm never going to be able to even start if I don't first fix this. So I ate a chocolate egg, and then another, and then a muffin. And I texted my friend that I need to talk to them tomorrow, like I've been meaning to for weeks, but have constantly chickened out of. Except now I can't chicken out. Even though every part of me wants to. Almost every atom in my body in screaming to delete those messages, to retreat, to go back to where I was. But I'm going to fight. Kicking and screaming. Because if anorexia is going to act like a fuck ass toddler than I'm going to beat it at it's own game. I am going to fight it, and I'm not going to let it take anything else from me, because I am alive. And being alive, and living, and experiencing life, is so much more important then some stupid fucking number and stupid fucking fear and goddamn stupid fucking societal pressures.

This is probably really rambly, so I apologize, but I needed to get it out. And if anyone else needs a sign- well, I can't force you to take this as one, but I can say this.

You are alive. There are books to read, and movies to watch, and mountains to climb, and so, so much more. And you can still technically do those while being disordered, but it will never be as fufilling as it will be in a healthy, happy, nourished body.

hello. i'm in recovery and have been for around a year now.

i struggle a LOT. to summarize, my intake fluctuates drastically from day to day and it's exhausting.

my issue is that when i eat more than usual, i feel absolutely terrible. i get so sleepy, brain foggy, i get dizzy AS I LAY DOWN and my heart rate skyrockets whenever i get up. i feel completely out of energy.. why does this happen? does anyone have any advice?

hii I have never posted on Reddit before, let alone in this group. but I am in recovery. I never went to treatment and I don’t have a team or really anyone I can speak to about this. I have a therapist but she isn’t specialized in ED’s and most of the time I feel like she really doesn’t understand. I am scared to tell her about how much I am eating because I know she would say something that makes me feel guilty.

anywaysss I was in quasi-recovery for a few months and have recently been trying to go “all-in” and honor all my mental hunger. some days I feel like I just can’t stop eating. I’m not underweight but am still missing my period.

the thing is I eat until I am so full that I feel sick and then I immediately start feeling super anxious and guilty. this happened today and I ended up cancelling plans to go out with friends because I just feel so anxious and bloated. I can’t imagine dressing up or trying to socialize.

I guess my question here is how helpful is it to honor extreme mental hunger if it ends up making me feel sick and want to isolate?

just the thought of food makes me feel nauseous.

I think im just looking for some reassurance. is this normal? what’s been helpful for you?

Hello. This is my first ever Reddit post, just trying to look for some advice and maybe some people who understand while in the messy parts of recovery.

How do I cope and combat with the ideas my brain tries to give me that im not “sick enough“? Sometimes I feel like others have it so much worse than I do, and it’s making recovery so insanely exhausting.

i think one of the main contributors and reasons my disorder tries to give me for this is the simple fact I’ve never weighed myself, not in my disorder or in my recovery and I never plan to. My brain uses this as a way to try argue that maybe I never was really sick, which I know objectively isn’t true, but it’s hard to try push those thoughts to the back of my mind sometimes. especially now that I’ve also been experiencing extreme hunger, I feel like sometimes I’m bargaining with myself almost on if this actually is my body asking for food and if I’m on the right path, or if I’m just making it up somehow and using it as an excuse for binging?

at the end of the day, I know deep down none of it is true, that my struggling and my hurt is real and I don’t need to tick off a list of made up strict criteria boxes to prove to myself that, but I guess it’s funny how sick this disorder actually is, that it preys on those vulnerable insecurities you have to try set you back once you start fighting against it. But obviously I know I can’t give up so heres to another day tomorrow of pushing through it, hoping things will start to make more sense soon and feel better.

has anyone else had the experience where they have absolutely no capacity to feel full, it’s just either mentally/physically hungry or so full you feel your gonna puke, but there’s no inbetween. never feeling satiated after eating. I’ve also struggled with EH but it’s recently dulled down which is relieving but it’s genuinely so infuriating that I never feel fine after consuming massive amounts of food. does anyone know how long these take to come back or if they come back. or what the science behind it is?

I just put an online form In to see a doctor, and it’s done and I feel so relieved. I don’t know how the appointment will go (nhs) but I wish I did this sooner. I’m really scared because I’ve gained 90% of the weight back and I would classify myself as just bulimic now, and I’m just worried they won’t take me seriously. I wish I got help for my anorexia before it got to this. I’ve had such a bad day and in a fit of tears, I typed out the form and I was always so scared to but I just want to get better. Bulimia is affecting my mental health so much more than anorexia and I’m in a spiral of thinking ‘what if I got help earlier?’. It’s probably gonna take ages to even see someone but still, I’m glad I got the courage to do it.

Back again, and I am so grateful for this community here on Reddit. I am truly in awe of all of you, battling every day with this awful illness.

Since my last post (here), I reached out to a private therapist and have had three sessions - boy has it been confronting. The biggest realisation I've had is just how close to not coping I have been for the last year or so, because now that therapy is forcing me to actually think and feel, well it has been overwhelming to say the least. Living in a disordered default-setting without thinking about the reality of my situation, and keeping emotions suppressed has enabled me to keep up a pretence of somewhat being in the world, whilst in actuality, I'm barely existing. I've been working part-time (as a therapist ironically - NOT with EDs I should specify), but for the first time since I started this job last October, I had to call in sick one day this week - I knew I couldn't give my clients the focus and care they deserve.

But now it has left me in a state of great fear and uncertainty - if simply being confronted with thoughts and feelings is this overwhelming, will I realistically be able to manage work alongside doing the actual recovery actions and changes that are required?

I sent an email to the manager of my local ED service who I used to work with (as a patient- not a job) to ask if it would be worth me being re-referred. I feel that when I was discharged last year, it was from a place of kind of being given up on. Which I understand. I work in the NHS - resources are stretched, and I had been stagnant in progress for a while. It sucked though because I knew I was being discharged in a still unhealthy place. I've done a huge amount of reflection on all my past experiences of recovery attempts / falling backwards, and know that whatever happens this time around - consistency, persistence, and tolerating discomfort are all going to be essential.

So I suppose I'm wondering, what do people do when it comes to navigating a job and recovery? I'm 29 and have encountered this situation several times now - working up until a point that this illness becomes too much and having to leave. I fear the impact of not having some routine/purpose, as well as being a liability for any future employment if I have to leave this role that I do generally love. Yet I also am afraid I won't be able to manage with all recovery entails whilst also working as a therapist in the NHS - even though it is only 3 days a week. I'm fortunate to have a hugely supportive family who have always said they will do anything to help me (I live with my Dad, and my Mum is closeby too). They have both said they would ideally want me to go inpatient again - something that is obviously not up to me. Part of me wants to make recovery work and keep this job that has so many positives to it, but a part of me is desperate for a break from it all, and regrets self-discharging from inpatient last year and not making the most of having no job or additional responsibilities.

Any thoughts or advice (as blunt or gentle as you like!) would be greatly appreciated ♥️

Hi everyone,

I need advice, and where better place to go at rock bottom. for background, I have been dealing with ed's my whole life. As a kid I was severely restricted by a 'organic' mom which led to me stealing food form kids bags (sorry, i was in elementary school) and eating from rubbish bins. As I grew up, and could buy food, I developed binge eating, anxiety and depression. Then, when I was 17, in my first year of college, I developed severe anorexia. After 4 years of fighting and pain, I recovered my period, but I dont think my relationship with food will ever be the same, and its killing me.

See, I really took and ran with the "no bad foods" thing, but in the way where it was only allowed in my 'budget.'

Now at 21, what this has led to is pretty much no real diet, as in half boiled chicken breasts and protein shakes, combined with insane junk to maintain a healthy weight. It has gotten to the point where I actually cannot eat a normal meal, as it will send me into a binge cycle. my life is just snacks, coffee and bird food at this point, and i never have energy. the reality is, i never did get to experience a normal relationship with food, and i dont even know where to start. please if anyone has experienced this, what do i do?

I see allllll the time people saying that the more often you eat, the more hungry you'll be until you're constantly hungry. Therefore, you should fast!! skip breakfast, skip lunch, heck skip everything and water fast for three days!! you'll never be hungry again!!!

It seems like everyone is either intermittent fasting now or going keto. Makes me feel so dirty or bad that I'm hungry so much. Can you guys comment some reassurance for me in amidst a sea of this talk?