r/EDAnonymous

I really don't get how a lot of people with restrictive disorders, or disorder eating are so fatphobic. And it just bothers me.

From my perspective, I can't understand why people are like that.

like for a lot of us, the reason we wanna lose weight is because we want more positive interactions with people, that we think we can get from altering our appearance.

And maybe this is just my personal experience, but also being scared that people would find you undesirable for your weight or what you would look like naked.

So then why don't we see other fat people and at the very least pity or sympathize with them. like they probably deal with a lot of the shame we have, and doesn't that make you want to protect them?

the same way how girls will ask for advice on not so healthy ways to lose weight and a lot of us might try to advize them "hey that's not gonna help you dont wanna go that route" (although a lot of y'all need to be nicer with how you say it.) How come in the same way we don't try to protect fat people from hating themselves because of some subjective standard. Why do we encourage it When we know the same things would literally tear us apart? Why would we want someone to hurt the way we do, and be the cause of the insecurities we have.

I really hate the beauty standard, and maybe that's just me, and still I'm going to reach for it. And it *does* make me competitive, but it's just so messed up how a lot of people with literally push their own demons onto others. A lot of us are just bad people.

"It'll build muscle & burn calories so you feel hungrier!!!"

Mom I'm literally anorexic 😭😭

(Meanwhile I went from eating one meal a day of whatever made me happy to tracking everything I eat to maximise my protein-calorie intake.) Not to play the blame game here—I know this is all my fault—but like c'mon you REALLY couldn't see this coming?

Everything hurts all I eat are egg whites and protein powder (that I custom-made to maximise protein and give me minerals and electrolytes etc so I can eat <x cals a day and maybe not die.) Like who does that?? I'm insane. This is insane. I'm so mad at myself right now.

Im so tired all the time and I’m failing all my classes because all I do is sleep and I can’t even think straight because my brain is literally running off of nothing. All I think about is being smaller now—but hey, I finally listened after all these years, I'm being "healthy" about it now.

It literally does😭 I love the feeling of being able to control. So i become better at controlling other things too...

I just feel like when i did php back in december i got treated so differently than everyone else who were underweight. Like on my first day when i walked into the therapists office and he looked at me and said "it seems like you're actually doing pretty well sooo... why are you here?" I also only saw the doctor on my first day and on my last day when everyone else saw her 1-2 times a week. The dietitians didn't talk to me unless they needed me to fix something on my menu when they were having what seemed like full on therapy sessions with everyone else. There was also 2 weeks where we didn't even do my team. I also had a much lower meal plan than the people around me even though i got the same extreme hunger as everyone else, but when i give into it its considered over eating/ binging but when other people who are/ were underweight eat that much it’s a good thing and its just following their meal plan.

Other than not being underweight idk what about my specific situation is so different and why nobody gives a shit about me but there's gotta be something.

I see soooo many stories where moms are the instigator of eds with triggering comments starting from a young age, but for me it’s always been my dad

Commenting on how easy it is to take weight, comments about how I’ve let myself go, comments about the women he’s dating « >!looking like 100 lbs in pics but actually 140 ir!<l », how it’s problematic that in between grades in high school he had to buy me a bigger uniform, how the only time he complimented me on my body (never prompted) was with a >!bmi below 18!<, etc…

Mom was perfect. I wanna know your daddy issues story!!

I mean don't get me wrong I FULLY get why it was, it was a matter of time and I knew that. Still just- yk it sucks it was my main place I just posted all my thoughts. I'm not gonna have a breakdown over it but it sucks, and on top of it I just can't look at Tumblr in general now without making a new email.

I just needed to post about it somewhere and obviously I can't do that on Tumblr anymore

Whenever my watch doesn’t warn me it’s in the danger zone I feel so invalidated. Like. Is it not lower because I didn’t restrict or exercise enough. I know this is terrible to say and it makes me feel sick that I think this way. But I can’t stop 😭

Is it just me or is it thanks to my OCD and anorexic mindset that I’m able to eat the same planned stuff for the past 14 months?

My diet has been literally cabbage, apple and potato that has been weighed and steamed or boiled.

I don’t have any protein in my diet, and for the macro nutrients I take multivitamins.

Obviously, this has a major negative effect on my baseline metabolism as I lose muscle but knowing specific portions and weights of my safe fit I don’t know how but I’ve just been maintaining this three input for the past few months somehow.

Does anyone else also have the ability to just eat the same things? I don’t know how, but I don’t get hold of it since whenever I eat I’m always so hungry anything tastes amazing.

The last thing they wrote was from 4 years ago. I thought maybe someone knew her or was in touch with her and had some sort of information. They seem like a beautiful person. Thank you in advance.

And I don’t know how to get myself to do it. I want to live. I can live, my body isn’t too far damaged yet but I need to get out of this shit like so fast. And as weird as it sounds my ED playlists are so bad for me. And I have multiple. But I want to sob. Thinking about destroying them hurts me so bad. I don’t know how to get rid of them but I engage in ED behaviors while listening to them and also find them generally so triggering. I don’t know why this motivation to destroy them all is so hard for me but it is. I feel like it’s denying a part of my life but I don’t think I can recover when I know they actively make me more disordered, it’s not good for me to keep them. I shouldn’t listen to them anymore. But it feels like loss to give them up so I don’t know what to do.. I wish I had somebody to delete them for me but that’s not a thing for me, it sounds stupid but getting the willpower to destroy them is going to take everything from me..

Can somebody please give me advice so it doesn’t feel so bad..? I feel like I’m grieving them as dumb as it sounds and it genuinely makes me want to cry even though they’re just supposed to be playlists..

i miss eating food freely without thinking about how many calories there are i miss going out with people and suggesting we go eat mcdonalds because i Wanted to. i miss being able to ask if we can eat pizza without having to tell myself theres way too many calories and fats and ill gain weight. i miss getting 7-11 slurpees just because i was thirsty. i miss sitting in front of food and just eating it, no strings attached.

AHHHHH IM SO STRESSED

My safe meal I buy from the shops turns out to be double the calories it says!!!

I’ve eaten it and I’m freaking out!!

im not really the exercising type and i cant will myself to go outside to go on walks unless the weather is good (which is very rare in britian) so sometimes i just stay up all night to exhaust myself in a different way if i go over the calorie limit my brain decided was bad. its probably a gateway to messing up my metabolism even more but i either sleep too little or too much without meaning to anyway.

in 2022 i developed anorexia and lost a ton of weight in 4-5 months. with this my body went through a ton of stress which caused pots and the constant misery i was putting my stomach and digestive system through basically killed any chance of my stomach working right again. i feel sick every day i’m fatigued i’m queasy i can’t finish meals i can’t digest food properly i haven’t been able to go to the bathroom right in at least a year or two.. i really wish i hadn’t had done this to myself going from being overweight to averagely skinny was NOT worth what my body has to go through for the rest of my life. i regret doing this to myself every day

I've struggled with a restrictive eating disorder since I was 14, I'm 21. I like to think I'm recovered for the most part, I don't really restrict anymore, but I still have a serious issue with my body image.

I've gained weight since I'm no longer restricting, I used to be very underweight, and now I'm overweight. For a few years, I didn't really care, but it's starting to affect me again.

I can't do anything without thinking about my weight. Driving, running, even just laying in bed and watching something I enjoy. all I can think about is how much I weigh and how I don't deserve to be happy and to enjoy anything because of how big I am.

This is not something I struggled with previously, when this first started it was a competition to me with a friend who also starved herself, and eventually I just enjoyed the feeling of hunger. I didn't realize how sickly I was until years later. I still do crave to feel sick and starved, but I ignore it for the most part.

I just don't know how to exist anymore, how can I function when I feel so undeserving of joy because of my weight. There isn't even a logical conclusion between the two, I just feel so lost.

(I have a therapy appointment scheduled for next week, first one since I was a teen, and I'm hoping the therapist can help me through this.)

I’m frustrated I cannot restrict anymore.

My life is better and I’m succeeding and doing what I need to do to keep succeeding but the weight I had to gain after restricting more than a decade is haunting me.

I’m back to hating being in my own skin constantly. I want to go back to not having to eat for days at a time.

I literally don’t have time or energy to restrict anymore.

I hate having skin so gd much

I'm obsessed with high protein foods, such as protein waffles/pancakes, halo top ice cream, protein bars and shakes, it's the only things i'll eat.

Trigger warning for weight loss/restriction/food intake for this whole post.

I have a high starting weight (obese BMI) and was diagnosed with EDNOS in the past. I’ve been working on my health and realized I shed some weight, so I randomly locked into restricting a lot more this past week. I guess I want to see how much I can speed it up.

I’m not counting calories but realistically I’m probably hitting 800 to 1,000 a day. I am hungry a lot but also very locked into it in a way I haven’t been before, so I’m just intentionally continuing to restrict each day. Seeing the scale move has been extremely motivating. I figure if I can keep it up for even a few months, I can get make significant progress towards my GW.

The only thing I’m worried about is losing hair. 😔 Especially with my poor self image, hair is one of the only things I feel like I have going for me. Does hair loss tend to be a struggle during high restriction? How can I help minimize it as much as possible?

i am severely underweight and i never really work out (besides walking when i can, here and there) and it makes me feel really invalid. i’m talking about exercise mat type of workouts for like abs etc - i see fellow anorexics with low bmis talking about how they still manage to do these, i don’t get how. whenever i do try, my bones are protruding so much that it is physically nearly impossible to actually do the workout, quite literally pointless, it does not hold up the form or whatever, im not even gonna get started on the excruciating pain, i could honestly somewhat suck it up when it comes to that part? i dont know if this makes sense. is it a me problem? i hate how my tummy still has fat or whatever on it i really hate it so much i feel disgusting like horribly gross, i don’t even look my bmi and i want to work out to get rid of fat and tone it but oh my god How. i do still think major part of this is in fact that i am not sucking it up enough and if i wanted it badly enough i would, but im still wondering if i am alone in this, because i never really see anyone talking about struggling with this. god i hate this so much

So I’ve [26F] never described myself as having an ED. I just don’t feel hungry, and admittedly I used to smoke cigs, then vaped, now I’ve quit everything but that’s definitely a hunger suppressant.

But recently, multiple friends have said they think I show signs of anorexia. I struggle immensely to wake up in the mornings, constant exhaustion and brain fog, white hair on my body and thicker white than usual, and just generally having really really bad self esteem and self image issues.

I don’t like what I see when I look in the mirror. I do find areas of myself ‘fat’, from my thighs to my stomach to my face- it always seems so round and slightly chubby to me- and I DO often skip dinner and breakfasts, I’ll eat lunch but that I can do light- a sandwich, and an orange or something.

I weighed myself recently and I’m >!49!< kg As a 26F who’s 5’3 that’s really not classed as underweight in terms of BMI. But I’m worried because whilst I’m never restrictive on purpose….. clearly I’m not chubby so why do I see that on my body?

Similarly, I’ve started to really enjoy the feeling of weakness that I get when I don’t eat dinner a few days in a row. You do revert back to a childlike state- the exhaustion, the crying for no reason, I find life very surreal especially walking through a busy train station for example - and music sounds cool- it’s honestly sort of like a high for me now, both like being high (stoned / euphoric) and also a high in terms of I love feeling that way but I know I shouldn’t aim for it.

I want to be healthy and happy but restricting makes me feel so good. And i would never class myself as having an ED but my friends say otherwise?

Would be interested to hear anyone else’s thoughts- does anyone here genuinely just skip meals bc they’re not feeling hungry? But do it multiple times a day etc?