u/Legitimate-Past-6262

I’ve struggled with eds pretty much my whole life. As a kid I was heavily restricted (very “clean” household), which led to behaviours like stealing food or overeating when I could.

As I got older, that turned into binge eating, anxiety, and depression. Then at 17, I developed severe anorexia. After about 3 years, I physically recovered (got my period back), but mentally things still feel like not normal.

Now at 20, I’m stuck in this weird middle ground. I follow and agree with the “no bad foods” mindset, but it’s very controlled (like everything has to fit into a mental budget). My actual diet is honestly shit, as in I truthfully live off barely any real foods, but maintain a normal weight by just living off junk food. And no, im not talking about fast food, i literally mean I eat a normal amount of calories, but it is made out of disorderly portioned, weird rule 'meals' + lollies, chocolates, coffee etc. It often feels like I have to choose between eating “real” food, or junk . like I decided early on i can’t have both and chose the wrong freaking door.

now im recovered but stuck in this, and the biggest issue is that I honestly can’t eat a normal, balanced meal without it triggering a binge cycle. So I avoid meals and just snack instead, which means i have low energy and so many deficiencies.

Has anyone been through something similar? How do you actually relearn how to eat normally without triggering binges?

Hi everyone,

I need advice, and where better place to go at rock bottom. for background, I have been dealing with ed's my whole life. As a kid I was severely restricted by a 'organic' mom which led to me stealing food form kids bags (sorry, i was in elementary school) and eating from rubbish bins. As I grew up, and could buy food, I developed binge eating, anxiety and depression. Then, when I was 17, in my first year of college, I developed severe anorexia. After 4 years of fighting and pain, I recovered my period, but I dont think my relationship with food will ever be the same, and its killing me.

See, I really took and ran with the "no bad foods" thing, but in the way where it was only allowed in my 'budget.'

Now at 21, what this has led to is pretty much no real diet, as in half boiled chicken breasts and protein shakes, combined with insane junk to maintain a healthy weight. It has gotten to the point where I actually cannot eat a normal meal, as it will send me into a binge cycle. my life is just snacks, coffee and bird food at this point, and i never have energy. the reality is, i never did get to experience a normal relationship with food, and i dont even know where to start. please if anyone has experienced this, what do i do?