u/SafeConstant6405

I didn’t know cross posting wasn’t allowed in this sub so I’m reposting!

M F 26 and my husband M 26 have a one year-old son together. My BIL is 28, let’s call him dick.

Dick has always rubbed me the wrong way. He gives me pedophile vibes and is a violent person. MIL and FIL have enabled him and made excuses for him, his whole life. My husband was even made to enable his insane behavior.

I was cutting his hair for about a year at my salon. Most of the comments he’s made to me have been during haircuts. For example, he told me he watches videos of men being set on fire and told me they were real, emphasis on the real. He brought up my finances and told me he doesn’t need free handouts to pay bills (MIL lent my husband, some money to pay an unexpectedly high heat bill, it was paid back to her within the week)

At a family Christmas party, he said he wanted to slice open a customers throat for not opening the door fast enough (he delivers pizza) and he’s made many sexual comments about the minors who work with him.

During weekly family dinners, he would rarely converse with the other adults and hyper focus on the step nieces and nephews. For context, there are three boys ages 6, 8, and 11. And one girl, who is 18 months. He’d always be the first one to finish eating so he could go in the basement with the children, but he’d always shut the door behind him. I don’t know, I feel like most men wouldn’t shut the door behind them with young children, unless they have ulterior motives. Him doing these things is always brushed off with the comment that “he just loves kids” by my MIL.

When we called Dick to tell him I was pregnant. His response was “I hope you have a girl so I can take her away and give her back after she flowers.” that seems to be a very sexual innuendo. To me that’s red flag, and pedo vibes.

When my son was born, we had a no kissing rule due to RSV. Dick kissed him multiple times, seconds after my husband, and I reminded him about the rule. At our family outing to the pumpkin patch he even went as far as to kiss my son while I was carrying him on my chest and brushed up against my breasts. This made me extremely visibly uncomfortable, both MIL and FIL saw this, and turned their heads to the other way. My husband was the only one to defend me. During the same outing, he pulled out a big knife with brass knuckles attached and was waving and around. Brass knuckles are illegal in my state.

After all of this, my husband and I decided we needed stronger boundaries in place for Dick. So, my husband texted him before Thanksgiving to let him know the new rule was that he was no longer allowed the privilege to hold our son since he couldn’t respect our boundaries. Dick’s response was “OK lol” Thanksgiving rolls around and we are completely ignored. We had no contact with him until Christmas, when he texted us asking if he could come to our home on Christmas Day. My husband asked him if he had any problems with us, and Dick said he had multiple issues with me and accused me of taking my husband’s phone and texting him about losing the privilege to holding our son. When we asked what problems he had with me we got ignored. I had then realized enough was enough, for my mental health and the safety of my son, the two of us would be going no contact with Dick. I told my husband I would not stop him from having a relationship with his brother and we agreed that was a good choice.

After making our decision, my husband and I both had a phone conversation with my MIL and FIL. We filled them in on everything that happened, and told them my son and I would be cutting Dick off. I know that sounds hilarious, but it’s pretty fitting for his personality so I can’t change the name ha ha. I made it a point to explain that I would never keep them from having a relationship with my son and the only person who is getting cut off is dick. MIL responded with “ok bye”

It turns out, MIL has been talking a lot of shit behind my back. She’s been making comments about my parenting choices, saying what’s best for my son is that he be around his uncle. She’s been trying to manipulate my husband into going against the choice we made. MIL will stop at nothing to make sure Dick never has hurt feelings or consequences for his actions. We were also told it’s our job to communicate this with Dick. But isn’t the whole point of going no contact, to do it cold turkey? That’s how Google says to handle a narcissist.

Side note: I have had many conversations in the past with MIL about, including me in conversations that affect my home, marriage, or my child. She has continued to talk behind my back and disrespect me.

Also to clarify… I don’t have a daughter the pregnancy I mentioned was our son. And I wasn’t attending the family dinners, just told what he’s been doing.

So Reddit, I have to know. Am I the asshole for cutting off my brother-in-law from seeing my son and I?!

M F 26 and my husband M 26 have a one year-old son together. My BIL is 28, let’s call him dick.

Dick has always rubbed me the wrong way. He gives me pedophile vibes and is a violent person. MIL and FIL have enabled him and made excuses for him, his whole life. My husband was even made to enable his insane behavior.

I was cutting his hair for about a year at my salon. Most of the comments he’s made to me have been during haircuts. For example, he told me he watches videos of men being set on fire and told me they were real, emphasis on the real. He brought up my finances and told me he doesn’t need free handouts to pay bills (MIL lent my husband, some money to pay an unexpectedly high heat bill, it was paid back to her within the week)

At a family Christmas party, he said he wanted to slice open a customers throat for not opening the door fast enough (he delivers pizza) and he’s made many sexual comments about the minors who work with him.

During weekly family dinners, he would rarely converse with the other adults and hyper focus on the step nieces and nephews. For context, there are three boys ages 6, 8, and 11. And one girl, who is 18 months. He’d always be the first one to finish eating so he could go in the basement with the children, but he’d always shut the door behind him. I don’t know, I feel like most men wouldn’t shut the door behind them with young children, unless they have ulterior motives. Him doing these things is always brushed off with the comment that “he just loves kids” by my MIL.

When we called Dick to tell him I was pregnant. His response was “I hope you have a girl so I can take her away and give her back after she flowers.” that seems to be a very sexual innuendo. To me that’s red flag, and pedo vibes.

When my son was born, we had a no kissing rule due to RSV. Dick kissed him multiple times, seconds after my husband, and I reminded him about the rule. At our family outing to the pumpkin patch he even went as far as to kiss my son while I was carrying him on my chest and brushed up against my breasts. This made me extremely visibly uncomfortable, both MIL and FIL saw this, and turned their heads to the other way. My husband was the only one to defend me. During the same outing, he pulled out a big knife with brass knuckles attached and was waving and around. Brass knuckles are illegal in my state.

After all of this, my husband and I decided we needed stronger boundaries in place for Dick. So, my husband texted him before Thanksgiving to let him know the new rule was that he was no longer allowed the privilege to hold our son since he couldn’t respect our boundaries. Dick’s response was “OK lol” Thanksgiving rolls around and we are completely ignored. We had no contact with him until Christmas, when he texted us asking if he could come to our home on Christmas Day. My husband asked him if he had any problems with us, and Dick said he had multiple issues with me and accused me of taking my husband’s phone and texting him about losing the privilege to holding our son. When we asked what problems he had with me we got ignored. I had then realized enough was enough, for my mental health and the safety of my son, the two of us would be going no contact with Dick. I told my husband I would not stop him from having a relationship with his brother and we agreed that was a good choice.

After making our decision, my husband and I both had a phone conversation with my MIL and FIL. We filled them in on everything that happened, and told them my son and I would be cutting Dick off. I know that sounds hilarious, but it’s pretty fitting for his personality so I can’t change the name ha ha. I made it a point to explain that I would never keep them from having a relationship with my son and the only person who is getting cut off is dick. MIL responded with “ok bye”

It turns out, MIL has been talking a lot of shit behind my back. She’s been making comments about my parenting choices, saying what’s best for my son is that he be around his uncle. She’s been trying to manipulate my husband into going against the choice we made. MIL will stop at nothing to make sure Dick never has hurt feelings or consequences for his actions. We were also told it’s our job to communicate this with Dick. But isn’t the whole point of going no contact, to do it cold turkey? That’s how Google says to handle a narcissist.

Side note: I have had many conversations in the past with MIL about, including me in conversations that affect my home, marriage, or my child. She has continued to talk behind my back and disrespect me.

So Reddit, I have to know. Am I the asshole for cutting off my brother-in-law from seeing my son and I?!